It’s the 4th Thursday of the month, and that’s the one where we 4 Moms bare our souls and our linen closets as we answer your questions about what really goes on in our heads, our hearts, and our homes. Because I can’t seem to keep track of questions from month to month or even week to week, I’ve been asking what you want to know on Facebook the day before our Q&A posts. Here are the questions I received.
Brianah Dodson asks, “What did your day look like when you had all littles? I have a one year old & two year old and I can’t seem to get much done during the day.”
Brianah, they were definitely busy times. I have a dim recollection of the days blending together into one endless laundry/cooking/diaper-changing session. My children remember far more about that time period than I do, probably because I lived in a constant state of sleep deprivation. But they remember fun times, good times, loving family times and crazy sister times, and I’m glad to rely on their memories to replace what I have forgotten!
I wrote a little about what our days looked like back then in For Tired Young Mothers of Many. Life With Littles was written to help and encourage those who are still in the trenches. Maybe you’ll find some encouragement in them during this busy season of your life!
Savannah Perkins-Berniquez wonders, ”in what ways do your husbands help with homeschooling?”
Over the years, the way that Perry is involved in homeschooling has changed many times. Sometimes he actually sat at the table and taught a subject. Other times, he provided accountability outside of me by inquiring directly with the children or asking to see their work – “Did you do your math today? Let’s see your writing.” His love of history and grasp of the big picture has played a heavy part in developing theirs. He often assigns books on various topics for the older girls to read, usually requiring a written report with each one.
I think the point isn’t really the specifics of what he does, but the fact that he is an interested, involved party in the process. He realizes that he has a stake in what happens and is ultimately responsible for the education of the children even if the greatest portion of the daily job is delegated to me – or directly to the children as they get older.
More important than which subject(s) he teaches is the fact that he keeps our collective eye on the goal: he helps us remember the ultimate goal of Christian education so we all know what direction we’re heading.
Lori Dunn Browning says, “I have one that has come up recently at our house: what do you do [if] the bigs are burnt out on being happy helpers? I can see how this situation gets easier the more bigs you have, but right now I only have 2, & I feel like I ask a lot of them. They are always helpful but I also want them to have time to just be kids.”
Lori, I think this is a tricky question with two very important parts.
First, I think we moms need to let go of the guilt. We all agree that it’s wonderful to play together as a family, but we feel guilty about requiring our children to work. Society tells us that we are robbing our little ones of their childhood if we don’t let them spend their days in play, but what is society producing? 30 year old children who live in their parents’ basement, filling their days with video games. There’s something horribly wrong with this picture. That doesn’t mean our children’s lives should be full of never-ending chores with no time to play, but we are supposed to be training our children for adulthood, and it’s a big job. They don’t need to practice at childishness; that part comes naturally. We need to help them grow up and out of that childishness. Work is an indispensable tool in that process.
Second, I think it’s important to use that tool properly. Just making children work more will not create a good attitude or work ethic in them. We want to teach our children that work is a good thing, not a drudgery. We may not always enjoy it, but the Bible teaches us that in all labor there is profit. Our children are more likely to be happy helpers if we are working along with them rather than watching from the sidelines (guilty!). They also need to see us working joyfully. In short, we need to set the sort of example we want them to follow: diligent work with a good attitude. And a little reward for a job well done isn’t a bad idea…
Maryjo Jones Miller wants to know, “now that you have older girls how do you and your husband handle them dating?”
Maryjo, Perry and I only recently started dating. ;)
Seriously, we don’t plan for our children to participate in “normal” dating because God holds us responsible for our daughter’s purity. But don’t jump to the conclusion that our children are doomed to a lonely and celibate existence. Our children – including our teen daughters – have healthy friendships with people of all ages, including more than a few members of the opposite sex. They interact frequently in various group settings, never far from adults who know them.
When it comes to one-on-one dating, we think this should be reserved for engaged couples, and even then it’s hardly “normal”: they will do 99% of their interacting in a church or family setting, i.e. in and among people who know them. On the rare occasion when they go somewhere else, they will take a chaperon with them.
I love Voddie Baucham’s thoughts on dating.
Elizabeth took a chance and emailed her question: I was wondering what you are planning on doing as far as a high school diploma? Our state allows Home Schoolers to make out their own diploma and we seem to have had no trouble with that being accepted. Is that what you plan on doing as well?
Elizabeth, we’ll make our own. There are plenty of ways to print out a diploma, and as a homeschool graduate I have *never* been asked to present my diploma anyway, nor have any of our friends run into problems – even when enrolling their children in various colleges and universities. The more widespread homeschooling becomes, the less these questions matter as others become accustomed to working with homeschoolers.
The other moms are trying to satisfy your curiosity too:
Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:
- February 2 - Scriptures and/or stories we rely on for comfort/encouragement as a homeschooling family
Recent topics:
- January 12 – 4 Moms: snacks and appetizers for a crowd {linky}
- January 7 - 4 Moms: Teaching grammar
- December 15 - 4 Moms: Gift shopping for a crowd
- December 8 - 4 Moms’ favorite holiday recipes {linky}
About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics
that I want my older children to read.
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