I’ve had a few inquiries on this topic, and my 2yo will be ready soon. I’m no fountain of wisdom here, but I have managed to potty train 6 daughters so far. We’re not “method people,” but we have gleaned from others’ methods and figured out a few things along the way.
I’ll share what I’ve learned so far and hope everyone will chime in with their own tips.
First, let me tell you I was very nervous about potty training. This was something I never really participated in with my younger sibs – somehow it just always happened.
My experiences with dogs didn’t help:
Before hubby and I had our first daughter, we had our first dog. She was a beautiful little black lab pup. We couldn’t fully housebreak her. Eventually she was dognapped.
Then we had our second dog. We couldn’t housebreak her, and a neighbor who wanted an outdoor dog just exactly like ours adopted her.
Then we had our third dog. We almost managed to housebreak him before he suddenly got sick and died.
Can you see why I was worried? What if my kid still piddled on the floor when she was 15?
But it really does just happen. Believe it or not, we are 6 for 6 with our children. That’s much better than our dog stats.
First we watch for signs of readiness. In our house, these signs show up around the 2nd birthday. In our house, these signs all have feminine pronouns. That should change in about 2 years, but for now just bear with me.
SIGNS:
- asking to be changed immediately when her diaper is dirty
- wanting to help with the changing. Our 2yo wants to hold her own feet in the air for me (“I do it, Mommy?”)
- trying to change herself. After she has pooped. Not good, and not tolerated, but it’s normal to try.
- showing true, heartfelt disgust at her own poop
- wanting to sit on the potty
These are all signs that she will be ready soon. I take the toddler in the bathroom when I go so she can see what the toilet is for. I explain what we’re doing, step by step. I let her look in the potty when I’m done, and let her flush.
I ask her regularly if she wants to go potty. I don’t expect her to really go while she’s up there; we’re just practicing. If she’s interested, I set her up there and stall. We talk girl-talk, chat about potty topics, read a magazine, etc. After a few minutes, she’s ready to get down and I put her diaper back on.
Eventually – oh, happy day! – she will tinkle while she’s on the potty. She will get candy and praise and applause and a parade in her honor. Or whatever we have on hand: chocolate chips sometimes become known as “potty candy.” It will be made crystal clear to her that her life will be beautiful and joyful and full of sweet things if she can do that again.
She probably won’t do it again right away, but it will happen soon. Once she “gets it,” it comes quickly. We don’t push to start early for a reason: if the child is really and truly ready, potty training comes easily with few accidents. We find that training takes just a day or two, with an occasional accident for the first couple of weeks.
Once she understands the goal and recognizes the urge to go, we’re within sight of the finish line. We settle down to the training process, which varies a little with each child.
PROCESS:
- We like to use the heavy cloth training pants. They catch more than panties, but still let the child feel wetness if she has an accident.
- I spend a day or two pouring liquids into her so we’ll have plenty of opportunity to practice and reward.
- I keep her near me.
- I enlist the help of her sisters, and Daddy when he is home.
- We stay near the potty, and encourage her to try very frequently.
- We praise her for sitting on the potty even if she doesn’t do anything.
- We reward lavishly, with fanfare and treats. We gather round the potty to ooh and ahhh at what she has done. Sometimes we all eat potty candy to celebrate success.
- Depending on the child and the season, we sometimes put her in a long t-shirt and let her go bottomless for a few days.
MORE TIPS:
- When you are toilet training a toddler, don’t get worked up over accidents. Think like a doctor: urine is sterile, and if she’s drinking plenty it probably doesn’t even have an odor. Just let her help clean it up and move on.
- Be especially careful of TV – it’s engrossing, and she will forget to go potty.
- Don’t let her wear anything that keeps her feeling dry. She needs to feel wet if she has an accident.
- If she has too many accidents, reconsider the timing. Maybe she’s not ready. Maybe you are too busy this week. Maybe somebody is too tired or stressed.
- Don’t push and turn it into a battle of wills; parents must win battles of will, and this is a hard one to win. Stay on the same side as your child.
Now it’s your turn – what did I miss? What works for you? I know the Headmistress had a post on this topic, but I couldn’t find it. Perhaps she would grace us with a link?
I read a very recent post on this topic which recommended a New Toothbrush as a necessary accessory. I thought it was by Mary, but couldn’t find it.
If you have posted on the subject, please leave a link in the comments – I would love to hear how others have done it, as every child is different.
It was Chris At In the Trenches http://www.inthetrenchesofmotherhood.com/
It turned into a battle of wills with my son – and WAS.NOT.PRETTY.
Boys do take longer than girls to train (I taught preschool for 6 years before my kids were born) and do yourself a favor, train them to sit down to tinkle!! They get distraced REALLY easily and then they paint the bathroom.
We don’t revel the magic of standing up until they can clear the potty without a stool.
I have potty trained 6 so far, and with the last 3, I bought a giant jug of swedish fish from Sams Club, set it on the kitchen counter and told everyone that each time the learning child makes it to the potty, everyone gets a fish. They want to please their sibs as much as they want to please mom and dad, and the sibs are eager to help so they get a little sweet also. I will probably do the same with the 2 I have to potty train yet.
~Lisa, mama of 8, 5 boys 3 girls, 6 potty trained!
Good luck with your boy! Mine is pretty good, but he love to give us attitude sometimes, and even after being almost completely dry during the day for over 6 months, he still refuses to do a number 2 on the potty… even if it means to be in cloth diaper/cloth training pants/underwear… Any tips?
My friends and I had a little discussion on potty training a while back
http://www.chrisandjenni.com/2005/09/12/mommy-tips-on-potty-training/
Just getting ready to train my almost two year old son, hoping he trains as easy as his big brother. Waiting until my life settles down a bit.
Have any suggestions on getting rid of a binkie? My almost two year old is dearly attached to his. Thanks!
Jenni, The way we broke the binkie with the child that was very attached to it was my husband lost his last binkie (this of course was by accident) we simply didn’t have the money till the end of the week to get another one by the time we were able to buy one he didn’t want it anymore. IT was a week of one cranky boy but by the end the addiction was broken.
As far as potty training our pediatrition has always told us don’t worry there is no adults walking around un potty trained. We have 5 boys and a girl. We have potty trained 4 boys. The youngest boy will be 3 soon, but just isn’t quite there yet. He want to go potty just like Daddy and brothers but will stand there in front of the potty and tell me that it is stuck. We let him come with us to the potty and he will go with his brothers he likes the idea just hasn’t gotten how it all works. The last two that were potty trained were fairly easy. Especially number 4 he just went potty like his brothers, with little effort from me. It just happened of course it took another 6 months to poop in the potty on a regular basis and without accidents. He just didn’t want to poop in that potty.
It sounds like you’ve got this potty training thing down quite well! You seem to approach the whole thing with good humor and patience, which are two very, very important factors. I love the praise and rewards you give. Just a little friendly warning, though, for the future: boys usually train much later than girls. But one bridge at a time, right? My boys all took 3 1/2 years and when they were done, they were DONE. My daughter was out of diapers by 2 1/2 but had accidents for a years. So I guess we all have to remember this: no healthy child ever walked on the kindergarten bus in diapers!
One quick tip for training a boy to go #2 in the potty. My brother (I won’t reveal which brother for privacy sake) was a sucker for rewards in the form of visible, substantial items. So what did my mom do? She bought him a trophy, yes his very own trophy he received after he had learned to poop consistently in the potty. It worked. After gaining his trophy he was trained for good. Up until that time he would refuse to go in the potty for the longest time. He wasn’t fully pooped trained until he was near age four.
I think you have to look for what motivates your own child the most. He happened to think trophies and medals and such were very cool things at the time. Football cards are good incentives too. Hope this helps someone.
BTW, it wasn’t a fancy, silver trophy or anything. Just a cheap, plastic small trophy with his name stuck to it.
I can honestly say I can’t remember how I did my boys. All I can say none went to school in a diaper. Two are grandpa now so it has been awhile. I remember the less stress worked best. You can do it with love.
Thank you Kim, for the helpful blog! I have just started potty training my daughter this week, and have already been doing most of what you said you do. She seems very willing to use the toilet, and has gone quite a few times this week. Thank you for addressing this subject.
Your experience with girls sounds a bit different from my experience with boys. I won’t go into the details of what worked for us, except to say instead of 2, we potty trained our boys at three and that having boys sit on the seat facing the tank provides for a lot more stability and accuracy in urine going where it needs to go. (And they’ll eventually get the hang of standing, like they see Daddy and brothers. . .)
Oh, and Rebecca has some of the best potty training advice I’ve read online.
I was just looking at Laylee and thinking, “Potty training was such a big deal and so hard. Now I can’t remember how we actually did it. I don’t know what we’re gonna do with Magoo.” I think what made it the hardest with Laylee was pushing her before she was ready. She showed none of those signs and we did it anyway becasue we wanted her trained before the new baby came. Not a route I’d suggest to anyone.
I don’t think I did have a post on toilet-training. I think I left a half funny comment somewhere (maybe here?) about how my favorite method is to wait until the child is hold enough to respond immediately and favorably in a discussion that goes something like this, “Honey, you’re old enough to use the toilet now. There it is.”
My son wasn’t as hard to train as two of his sisters, fwiw.
I am potty training my 4 year old and 2 year old sons right now, and have been in this process for 1 1/2 years. We tried the slow and go approach, where if the child wasn’t responding we would wait a month or two and try again. Did that for about a year, which got the 2 year old starting to potty. The 4 year old son is adamantly against pottying. And I am sure that if we left him to his own ideas, he would be the very first kid to enter kindergarten not potty trained… Oh, wait, he would not be in kindergarten because he doesn’t want to be potty trained. So, really that saying that kids don’t go to kindergarten not potty trained is kind of telling itself. We’ve gotten to the point as parents with the 4 year old that it is do or die. If he can’t figure out that he MUST be potty trained ASAP, then he won’t go to kindergarten and will continue to be deficient and behind the rest of his life. I think today experts are not seeing potty training as critical as it really is for kids. Our 4 year old should have been potty trained 2 years ago!! And it torques me off to read that it is okay to let your child decide the right time to potty train.
Just my frustrated thoughts.