To the 2 spiky white hairs I pulled this morning from the front center of my hairline:
We regret to inform you that you have been relieved of your duties in the front center position of the scalp.
Your inability to maintain a seated position reflected poorly upon the organization’s image, giving an impression of disorder and carelessness. Your flamboyant white mode of dress made this problem too apparent to ignore, forcing your termination.
You are invited to apply for a new position at any time, however we believe that you will be better suited to the sides or back of the organization rather than the front center.
To the rest of my hair:
In light of recent issues, we have instituted two new policies affecting employees in the front center department:
a) Employees are required to remain seated at all times. We will gladly work with those whose age or other physical limitations make this a challenge and will provide styling gel upon request, but will require that they adhere to the standard as far as they are physically able.
b) Front center employees are strongly encouraged to wear the standard dark brown uniform. Employees wearing white will be held strictly to the policy above.
For those who are wondering, I have no objection to the white hairs that are beginning to appear here and there – I’m delighted that they are white, since I always admired beautiful silvery hair in older ladies.
But I can’t stand the ones that insist on standing straight up. In front.
Prideful hairs, beware.