To my hair

To the 2 spiky white hairs I pulled this morning from the front center of my hairline:
We regret to inform you that you have been relieved of your duties in the front center position of the scalp.
Your inability to maintain a seated position reflected poorly upon the organization’s image, giving an impression of disorder and carelessness. Your flamboyant white mode of dress made this problem too apparent to ignore, forcing your termination.
You are invited to apply for a new position at any time, however we believe that you will be better suited to the sides or back of the organization rather than the front center.

To the rest of my hair:
In light of recent issues, we have instituted two new policies affecting employees in the front center department:
a) Employees are required to remain seated at all times. We will gladly work with those whose age or other physical limitations make this a challenge and will provide styling gel upon request, but will require that they adhere to the standard as far as they are physically able.
b) Front center employees are strongly encouraged to wear the standard dark brown uniform. Employees wearing white will be held strictly to the policy above.

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For those who are wondering, I have no objection to the white hairs that are beginning to appear here and there – I’m delighted that they are white, since I always admired beautiful silvery hair in older ladies.
But I can’t stand the ones that insist on standing straight up. In front.
Prideful hairs, beware.

Comments

  1. You’re too funny. Me…well, I admit that “Excellence” hair color has been my best friend about uhm…25 years now?

  2. Loved this post! 😀 On another subject: when are your girls posting the next chapter? I love what they have written so far! And another one of your girls – I’m lousy at remembering names – writes cute poems too… a family of writers?

  3. 6littlelambs says:

    Oh I am ROFLOLOLOLOL Since mine won’t wear the proper uniform they get boxed 😉 I started getting gray hairs at 28(I’m 38 now). I wouldn’t mind if they weren’t right in front!!! The first gray hair I noticed though was on the side of my head. I had very straight very dark brown hair. This rascal looked like it had been crimped. One hair! Sticking out the side of my head(rolling eyes)

    Thanks for the laugh 😀

    Renee

  4. Alexandra says:

    I’ve gotten grays with each pregnancy, actually after the deliveries!

    I have curly hair, so the textured grays just fit right in. I do deal more with the frizzies(hair drier now), and I use a homemade mixture of 2 TB. liquid glycerin and water. I use this in a spray bottle on wet hair, or just anytime I need to get the hairs to behave.

    I also have to cut my shampoo with 50% water because my hair is drier now.

  5. Great post Hunney

    I just want to go on the record stating you are more beautiful today than when I married you and that the color of your hair will never change that!

    I love ya just the way God made ya.

  6. Hofwoman says:

    Pretty funny there – really now though, you look so youthful all the time, you shouldn’t worry 😉

  7. Mrs. Pear says:

    hee, hee, hee,

    Hang on, I will comment when I finish laughing…

    Oh, too funny, thank you, I needed that so much this morning!

    I recently quit, umm, supplementing my hair color, so we are now back to the light brown, and after all the stress we have had I am very afraid that I might be sporting another color, which shall remain nameless, as well. So far so good.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  8. Copper's Wife says:

    Ummm…..Kim? Honey? Those white hairs don’t just grow in unpigmented. They will also grow in with textures and features very foreign to anything ever seen on your head before. Trust me. I know these things! 😉 When I married I had very long, very straight, very blond hair. My more than half gray hair now is…well, I’d like to say wavy, but frizzy is probably more the deal. Know what? I wouldn’t trade in a single one. 🙂

  9. That was quite an inventive post.
    Adorable. Now I wonder if I will ever be able to stop thinking of my hair as employees?

  10. Myfriendconnie says:

    “Pride goeth before destruction.” sigh.. It had to be done.

  11. Oh you poor dear…listen, there are brown uniforms that come in little boxes at Target. They won’t make those bad hairs lie down but they will help them dress more like their peers.

    I had about decided I would never cover my gray until my last pregnancy in ’99 and the stares I got at the OB clinic were just too much to bear. So I started coloring and now haven’t wanted to give it up 🙂

  12. PortraitofPeter says:

    Your posting has left me speechless – with laughter!!!

  13. Kim, you’re a riot! Thanks for a good chuckle this morning!

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