It never happened

Words that I never want to hear again:
“Mom!” in a voice of shrieking horror. “The baby just ate – “
Never mind. I can’t even type the words. I’ll just keep repeating to myself, “It never happened. It never happened.”
Does anyone want to try to make me feel better by sharing stories of what your baby ate? Don’t worry. I won’t think worse of you, because it won’t be worse than what mine ate it didn’t happen.

Comments

  1. Theresa says:

    Anyone whose child ate a Band-Aid of unknown origin or from someone not known very well might look into testing for HIV, hepatitis, etc.

  2. I remember my 1 1/2 year old daughter had somehow made it into my inner sanctum of a room and had been rooting around in my drawer of beauty.

    But it wasn’t until the next day that I found teeth marks in my deodorant.

  3. Qtpies7 says:

    I’m guessing you want the stuff they do without knowing better? My oldest drank a bottle of Windex, a bottle of infant tylenol (worse than the windex), my dd’s albuterol. And we DID keep things put up!
    My third child eats anything for money. He’s 14. He recently ate a disgusting beetle of some sort that he said was kind of hairy. And he ate a tomato slice that had been on the ground outside for who knows how long.
    One of the kids, I don’t remember who, and this one “didn’t happen”, took toilette paper out of the toilette and put it in their mouth. It was used.

  4. {{shan}} says:

    My oldest ate a daddy long legs. Found her with the legs wriggling outside her mouth. Gross.

  5. So, ya gonna tell us or what? :-D

    Come ooon. Pplleeeassse!?!

    (just thought maybe a little begging might do it…well, you never know.)

  6. PastorMac's Ann says:

    My niece ate a slug.

  7. Christine says:

    My oldest ate a roach.

    My middle child got ahold of a medicine dropper and was squirting toilet water (BEFORE he bothered to flush) into his mouth. He also once swallowed a quarter.

    My youngest sat in time out one day digging in her diaper and licking her poo off her fingers.

    And I’m SURE I’m forgetting something! Feeling better??

  8. Sanders says:

    My parents have horror stories of the things I ate – yup, everything I think. Poisonis berries outside, the commode was a favorite, a quarter, marbles; that’s just a start. I shudder to think what mine will do (she is due is Sept) and pray she takes after daddy and not me!

  9. robynbowes says:

    Hi Kim! New reader here to your blog, and I love it! Just had to chime in on this, as I’m all for encouraging my dear sisters in the Lord:)

    Hmmm, with which story should I start?:)

    Somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my “it really didn’t happen” compartment of my brain, I vaguely remember brown “paint” (conveniently carried in a diaper)all over my kids and my great room. Ahh, you wonder how that could happen before I noticed what was going on? Well, you see, we have four times the fun in any given situation. . . as we have quadruplets! All four (probably around a year old or so at the time) decided it was great fun to finger paint the house as well as themselves in a very short amount of time! As I recall, I think they also thought it was edible finger paint!

    Then there was the penny incident. The doctor said no problem that she swallowed it, just need to look for it over the next few days to make sure it finds its way to the “exit”. Hmmm, brown penny in brown . . . . never mind, “it really didn’t happen!”

    Well, I’m sure there were many other stories I could tell between then and now, but I can’t remember them because so many of them “didn’t really happen!” So I’ll fast forward to this Christmas! When in a hurry to take a cute picture of my kids by the gingerbread house they constructed before we tossed it out, I grabbed the “Gorilla Glue” (not wanting to spend the time to make more frosting cement) to re-glue a few miniature Recess cups to the house. Not thinking, of course, about my two-year old and the time that was passing between taking the picture, and disposing of the gingerbread house. A couple hours later, I happened to notice that some of these Recess cups were missing along with much of the ooey, gooey gorilla glue that had briefly held them in place. After reading the Gorilla Glue bottle that says “can be fatal if swallowed” it was quite a frantic (and embarrassing) call to Poison Control:(

  10. Vikki Grieshaber says:

    One of my babies put a scab he found under the chair at the doctor’s office into his mouth before I could grab it. YUCK!

    Vikki

  11. dccdmom says:

    A used band aid! But, of course, it NEVER happened.

  12. When my son was 10 months old, he used to fight the cat to get cat treats… he LOVED them! lol… and the cat was terrified!

  13. Once when we were driving from Houston to Dallas I turned around to check on the kids and said, “Scott! Did you give the baby chocolate?”

    “No.”

    “Well he has chocolate all over his face!”

    Then we smelled that familiar “time for a new Pamper” smell.

    It wasn’t chocolate.

  14. A brother of mine ate flies when he was little.

    Around here……so far, we have been fortunate. Nothing too gross, yet. I’m still waiting…….

  15. Beads. The kind that girls love to string to make bracelets and necklaces. The thing is, though, that we never knew that the little one ate these beads. That is, until we changed a dirty diaper. I’ve never seen such lovely… well… poop. It was beautifully adorned with pastel beads. It was just lovely.

  16. The Homeschool and Etc. Blog says:

    Our local health center offered speech therapy for one of my older sons. My younger son was crawling about happily on the floor… and then I realized, he was chasing after a ROACH and trying to grab it and EAT it! I screamed so loud people came running from all over. I scooped the baby up and rinsed everything in the bathroom. I still *shudder* when I think of those chubby little fingers pinching the roach.. and the roach wriggling away…

    Mrs. C

  17. Oh, I almost forgot (because it “never happened”). My husband’s mother is dutch and if you know any dutch, they eat a lot of sweet stuff on their bread. They put sprinkles on bread, for example, coloured ones or chocolate ones. So we sometimes have a supply here. Anyway, my kids know about sprinkles and bread.
    One summer we had a mouse in the house (what a hoot that was), and we discovered it like this:
    At various odd places in the house (definitly not under the kitchen or dining room table) my then toddler was bending down, picking up little brown things, puttting them to his mouth and saying “hhhmmm sprinkles”…

  18. a suburban housewife says:

    Okay, here goes…when we moved into our new home in northern California, the previous owner had left a few odds and ends. One particualarly ODD thing was a packet of rat poison- the kind that looks like little green candies in a convenient snack pack. My oldest (4 years old at the time) picked it up, opened it and ate 5 pellets. That was an interesting call to Poison Control…

  19. Oh, but once they are on to toddlerhood… then my start to help with chores. My second youngest, once he turned 2 he was allowed to help clean the bathroom. He loved to grab anyones toothbrush and give it a whirl in the toilet…
    “It never happened” and I certainly did not mention it to you!

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