the methods and madness of one family of 12
Vision Forum Deal of the Day: save 40-90%!
I just tried this myself and it’s a good ‘un!
Christian Book Distributor coupon code: 251440AA
That will get you 10% off any order of $35 or more, good through Tuesday, September 4, 2007. You’d better hurry, before you forget. Or am I the only one who does that?
Vision Forum Deal of the Day: save 40-90%!
edited to announce the winner of Red Rooney below!
Free is as frugal as it gets, right?
Here are a few freebies to take advantage of:
Don’t forget #1. Quick!
And the winner of the drawing is Mommy. Hmmm…that’s a common name around here…
If that link goes to your profile, email me your shipping address for your new copy of Red Rooney!
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Here’s a quick little tip that my hubby came up with.
When we eat out, we always snip the end of the straw for little people whose heads don’t reach far above the table. The shorter straw keeps them from tipping the cup too far as they try to wrap their lips around the top of the straw.
We have been doing this for many years now and it really works for us. We have also found that it also makes it easier to keep the children’s cups straight – big kids have taller straws and the littlest have the shortest.
I use the scissors in my Swiss Army knife to do the snipping. Can we have a show of hands? Do you carry a Swiss Army knife or other multi-tool? Which tool do you use the most? What implement do you wish you had?
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Shelby asked a question long, long ago, and Great Big Procrastinator that I am, it is still in my file of things to do, so I’ll take a stab at answering her now.
…How do you handle “fairness” with so many children? I was raised by a mother on the force of the fairness police. She counted our M&M’s…down to the color
. She relaxed a bit as we got older but I don’t know how to handle certain things at this point. Take bread making for instance. All of my children want to help me and make their own little loaf but there is only so much dough
Any thoughts? ~Shelby
I posted a while back on the issue of fairness in 7 Kids, 1 Sucker. Now What? but the subjects bears revisiting. What mother has not heard her children cry, at some point, “No fair!”?
My canned response (which the other children know, and often say before I can) is, “Life isn’t fair. If it were, we would all go to hell.”
That’s the short easy answer.
The longer answer is that fair is not the same as equal. Our children are not all the same and we do not treat them the same. The older ones have privileges and responsibilities that the younger ones do not. They each have differing strengths and weaknesses, besetting faults and special virtues. To treat them all the same would be…dare I say it?…unfair.
Having said that, there are certain areas where we strive for equality and others where we don’t. It is, in my mind, a delicate balance. On the one hand, we want some sense of equity so that our children don’t think that we have favorites. On the other hand, we don’t want them to feel as if going on the next outing is a right to be demanded.
This will work out differently in every family, and it works out differently week by week in our house. The point is to strive to treat our children justly.
When we make bread or pizza crust, the kids love to have a lump of dough for themselves. If I plan ahead, I might have enough for everyone. If not, I might only say yes to the first one or two who ask. If the same child always asks first, I might tell her no, we’ll let another sister do it this time.
When I go to town, I often take a child or two with me. Sometimes I need help and take bigger ones; sometimes I don’t need help and take a smaller one purely for fun. It would be impractical to take strict turns, because I wouldn’t always have the best companion for each particular trip, but I do try to see that each child gets a turn now and then.
As for counting M&M’s, I don’t sweat the details. If they grumble, I remind them not to covet, because this is coveting: the grumbling child is not unhappy that she has 10 M&M’s, but that her sibling has 12. If the sibling had 10 a coveting spirit would be satisfied. I ask ever-so-sweetly, “Are you unhappy with the M&M’s you have? Would you like to give them back?”
They may grumble occasionally but they understand that this is the way things work. Life is not fair, and nobody really wants it to be.
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Patriarchy describes the structuring of society on the basis of family units, in which fathers have primary responsibility for the welfare of these units. In some cultures slaves were included as part of such households. The concept of patriarchy is often used, by extension, to refer to the expectation that men take primary responsibility for the welfare of the community as a whole, acting as representatives via public office (in anthropology and feminism, for example).
Patriarchy has been dubbed a movement, primarily by opponents within the Church. I’m not sure why they object to the idea that a wife ought to submit to her husband, since the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. The idea is not exactly a new one and Paul, being inspired, said some pretty smart stuff.
Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, being himself the saviour of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. (Eph. 5:22-24)
Apparently they see dangers in Paul’s position. Do they think God took a break from inspiration here and Paul kept right on talking? Do they think it was a temporary plan, until we were ready for a more egalitarian system?
At any rate, many say that obeying God in this case obeying one’s husband is a bad idea because a husband might abuse his authority, taking it as an excuse to act like a jerk.
But wives are clearly commanded several times in Scripture to obey their husbands (Eph. 5:22, Col. 3:18, Tit. 2:4,5, I Pet. 3:1). There is no doubt as to the meaning of the Greek word. It is used many times in reference to angels and demons under Christ, Christians under civil magistrates, and servants under their masters.
hupotasso: hoop-ot-as’-so
be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto.
In her excellent post, Patriarchs, Feminists, Complementarians, Oh My! Stacy McDonald debunks several common myths about patriarchy. I think that much of the misunderstanding comes back to three basic issues: personal responsibility in light of the failure of others, the servanthood of leadership, and the origin of authority.
Personal responsibility in light of the failure of others
The first is easily dealt with: the failure of another person to discharge their duty does not relieve us of our own duty. I tell my children frequently not to blame their sins on the sins of others. “I didn’t clean the bedroom because she wouldn’t help” is not a valid excuse for a 7yo, nor is it for an adult. “I’m not obeying him; he’ll take advantage of my obedience and act like a selfish jerk.” Wives are commanded to obey even unbelieving husbands.
1Pe 3:1 In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives;
If a Christian wife must obey even an unbelieving husband, how much more should a wife obey a Christian husband, imperfect though he may be?
The servanthood of leadership
The husband is not the unquestioned and all powerful despot in the Christian home.
From above:
…For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church…
and again:
Let the husband render unto the wife her due: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. 1Co 7:3-4
Christ came as a humble servant, working and sacrificing for the Church, and this too is the duty of the husband to his wife. He is commanded to love his wife as his own body; to cleave to her; to honor her;
Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as Christ also the church; because we are members of his body. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. Eph 5:28-31Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered. 1Pe 3:7
A husband’s authority over his wife is not license to act as an absolute dictator; his authority has limits, guidelines, and a purpose. But the fear that he might abuse that authority is not license for Christians to disregard a husband’s God-given authority.
The origin of authority
All authority comes from God. We do not obey those in authority because they demand or deserve our obedience or respect. We obey them to honor God, the source of all authority.
Our children should not obey us because we are bigger and stronger, but because God has commanded it. Our authority over our children comes from God’s command for them to obey us and from His command for us to raise them in His fear and admonition.
Likewise, we obey the civil magistrates not because we’ll get jail time if we don’t, but because God has set them in authority over us.
And a wife must obey her husband not because he is really smart and strong; not because he brings home the bacon; not because he helps with dishes and diapers. She must obey him because God has set him in a position of authority over her. She honors God by obeying her husband, regardless of whether or not her husband helps with dishes and diapers. (A little tip for the guys: helping with dishes and diapers makes it much easier and more pleasant for your wife to obey you.)
Conclusion:
The husband and wife relationship presents a beautiful image of Christ and the Church. Many want to pity the wife and criticize the pattern that God has laid out, but to do so questions His own goodness and reduces Him to a petty tyrannical god fashioned after our own fallen nature.
Rather than judging God’s plan based upon our own shortcomings, we need to see the relationship for what it is designed to reflect, however imperfect that reflection may be. We must strive for perfection, not give up without trying because others are imperfect.
We are created in God’s image, and we must obey God. Rather than fretting or arguing about what might go wrong with His plan, we should obey Him in faith, trusting Him for the outcome.
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If you’re following the Ballantyne giveaways here, you might also like to know about the scads of free stuff that people are winning on Shannon’s Bloggy Giveaways. Yes, the woman has a blog dedicated to giveaways. The competition is stiff, but with a new giveaway almost every day I have to believe that persistence will pay off.
If you’re a little intimidated at being the 234th entrant in a drawing, you might warm up at Frugal Hacks, where I am giving away – what else? – 2 used copies of The Tightwad Gazette. Because brand new just wouldn’t be right, you know?
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The Botkins are a lovely family and we are very like-minded in many ways. As a result, I quickly skimmed So Much More and decided that I already knew and agreed with what I would find inside.
I set it back on the shelf and recommended it heartily without even having read the entire book. I recommend it primarily to young daughters in their fathers’ homes and to families who are newly interested in the idea that daughters ought to stay under their father’s authority until marriage.
I’m afraid I sold this book short.
I had the privilege of spending some time with the Botkins this weekend, and today I found myself idly paging through the book, trying to remember which bits I had skimmed. I have now decided that I need to read this book from cover to cover now, including the appendices. Thanks to their father’s influence (and their lovely mother, whom I am glad to count a friend), young Anna Sophia and Elizabeth are wise beyond their years. It’s no wonder So Much More has been #5 among top sellers at Vision Forum since it was released.
I found this insightful quote on pg.21-22:
Every woman’s life is built around men and men’s role and leadership in some way…
Women who don’t know this usually – unwittingly – spend their lives helping the wrong men…
Take a look back in history for a moment, at all the women we think of as being “independent” of men. You will discover something fascinating. Take Betty Friedan, America’s premier feminist. Even she couldn’t escape from her own inherent nature as a helpmeet. She spent her whole professional life advancing the agenda of Karl Marx and his disciples.
I’ve never thought of the issue in these terms. What do you think?
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The winner of this week’s giveaway, the proud owner of a shiny new copy of The Pirate City is Jennie Chancey.
Thanks for joining the fun, Jennie! Email me your shipping address and I’ll pass it along to this really hunky guy I know in the Vision Forum shipping department.
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I added a neat and nifty “subscribe by email” button for Life in a Shoe. See?
It’s in the sidebar too, right under my profile. Who knew getting updates could be so easy? I’ve tried it out and found that subscribers receive a single message each day so even if I go crazy and post 7 times your inbox won’t fill up. Well, it won’t be my fault if your inbox is full.
You like?
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OK, quick now! Leave a comment to enter this week’s giveaway for a new copy of The Pirate City.
From the Vision Forum website:
The Pirate City is the story of the Algerian pirates who were the scourge of the Mediterranean sea during the early to mid-1800s. They would plunder the ships of other sovereign nations, and as a result were a wealthy little city-state, until their demise in the Barbary War.
In this story, set during the heyday of the pirates, a merchant and his sons Mariano and Lucien are captured aboard their trading vessel, and taken as prisoners to the pirate capital of Algiers.
A rousing tale, the reader will follow their adventures to rescue other prisoners, experience life in the pirate city, and join in their attempts to escape.
Forced to endure slavery as ?Christian dogs before their Muslim captors,? the heroes rely on Providence to bring deliverance, and ultimately win their freedom through their friendship with the Dey ? the ruler of the city.
R.M. Ballantyne actually spent time in Algiers and dressed himself as an Arabian to research this book, and its historical accuracy is amazing as the reader learns about life with the Algerian pirates.
yesterday (yes, the entire book…sigh…) and loved every page! We’ll be giving away that one next week, so y’all come back.
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Apparently emboldened by the children’s outdoor bathing, a grackle has made friends with us.
He landed on the deck rail last night and thrilled the kids by letting them get within feet of him. “Look!” they said. “He’s so tame!”
They had no idea just how tame he was. Ten minutes later, he was eating from their hands and perching on them.
He is entirely fearless and must have been somebody’s pet. He hangs about the deck just waiting for his friends to come out and play.
Who says homeschooled kids don’t have friends?
Update:
The kids’ new friend is just like one of those neighborhood kids. He peeks in all the doors and windows, calling and begging them to come out and play with him. He wants to eat whatever we eat. He invites himself in when we leave the door open. He bathes in a trash can lid.
Unlike most of the neighborhood kids that I’ve heard about, he poops on the floor.
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Who wants to know:
Why did I find 5 of my children bathing outside today…in a 32 gallon trash can? And a wheelbarrow?
Maybe you all would have fun guessing the answer?
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I had to shop for shoes for the children last week without the children present. Usually I just take down their sizes and hope the new shoes fit somebody, but this time it was important for me to come home with wearable shoes for the right people.
Reaching back into the dark recesses of my memory, I tried a tip I had heard once. I took a sheet of paper and quickly traced each child’s left foot. I wasn’t fastidious – I just started each heel at the same place and did a quick sketch of the general shape and size of the foot. Then I labeled the toe end of each foot with the child’s name. Using different colors for each child might have made sense, but I had no trouble telling them apart when I got to the store.
I prayed a quick prayer as I neared the store, and Wonder-of-Wonders! Payless Shoes was having a BOGO sale: Buy One, Get One half off. I always manage to show up right after that sale ends, and the salesgirl always casually mentions that I just missed it.
This was just what I had prayed for. And He granted me success beyond my prayer: all the sandles were on clearance!
Now the important part:
I had the salesgirl measure the girls’ foot outlines and wrote down the sizes she gave me for each, but I had misgivings. In the end, I simply laid a prospective shoe over the outline and peeked underneath to see that there was a bit of wiggle room for the heel and toe to move and grow.
The sizes I took home were significantly larger than what the salesgirl had suggested, and they were right on.
So here’s how it’s done:
This worked for me: 6 out of 6 pairs of Clearance Priced Buy One Get One at Half Price Sandles were a perfect fit!
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My hands are shaking so that I can hardly sip my coffee. Yes, I’m back on coffee right now. I need it.
We came home from the Plano homeschool conference to find our bathroom and laundry room infested with an obscene number of daddy longlegs. Tis the season, and the alternating heat and rain seemed to drive them indoors by the horde.
It was so bad that I was finally motivated to take the 5 gallon Shop Vac under the house and suck the writhing masses of legs from under the floor joists. Hairballs, we call them. They like company, so they cozy together by the hundreds into a dark mass that looks deceptively like moss. Touch it, and you’ll find yourself transported into a nightmare or a horror movie. The ball will dissolve into thousands of legs, dropping by small clumps of 20 or 50 and shattering into individual crawling creatures that instinctively spread out as quickly as possible, blanketing the ground beneath them and crawling up anything they reach – usually my legs.
Feeling like Sigourney Weaver in the movie Aliens, I dragged the heavy machine around, trying not to alert them to my presence, seeking out nests and hives one by one. At one point, I thought I was done, and sank to the ground in exhausted relief.
Then I heard something hit the ground with a soft thump. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw another dark mass dripping as small clumps broke off and fell. My heart fell. As the clumps hit the ground, I saw them find their legs and disperse in all directions, climbing up the foundation and covering the very areas I had just cleared.
I set back to work.
Gradually, I perfected my technique:
Maintain the precious element of surprise. They are sensitive to vibration, so don’t bump the foundation or the joists. Keep the Shop Vac running so they will be accustomed to the sound. When you find a hairball, start slowly, around the edges. Get the loners and the watchful ones before they raise the alarm. Pick them off one by one until there is nothing left but a compact bunch, relying upon the sentries that you have disabled. Now you are ready to make your move.
Bring the mouth of the vacuum hose in quickly but carefully. Don’t let it hit the floor joist or the hairball itself, or they will drop as a body just before you hit them. Suspend the vacuum hose just in front of the hairball and suck them up by layers, sweeping smoothly from side to side. Speed and precision are key to victory. That, and nerves of steel.
Don’t panic when the inevitable happens. Sooner or later, a hairball will see you before you see them, and they will fall in a clump on you. They are not spiders, and they don’t bite. Be an adult. Don’t panic just because there a 498 arachnids with breakaway legs on you, legs that continue to squirm long after they are detached.
Don’t panic. Yeah, right. That’s why I’m sipping coffee with shaking hands. But they are gone from under the house. I won. When I was finally finished, I shut off the Shop Vac and rested my ear against the body of it. Inside, I heard the sound of tens of thousands of legs, wriggling and tapping out messages in morse code. Believe it or not, it was a soothing sound. It sounded just like the gentle rush of water, a babbling brook running over thousands of smooth rocks. Like the sound of the ocean in a conch shell.
Now, where’s the Sevin Dust?
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Today I read Ruth. It was just 4 chapters, so I read the whole book. It was a familiar story, but one thing struck me as never before: The Lord (YWHW) receives credit for everything. He brought food to His people after the famine (1:6), He afflicted Naomi (1:13), He gave conception to Ruth (4:13), and He gave Naomi an heir (4:14).
Our God is sovereign. The New Testament tells us that not a sparrow falls without Him, and all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, but these are not New Testament ideas. Ruth and Naomi worshiped the same unchanging God more than 3,000 years ago.
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