How to eat a baby in 10 easy steps

  1. Announce your intentions to the victim.
  2. Give a nuzzly kiss on the neck. Growl a little when you do this.
  3. Bite the neck on each side, right under the ears.
  4. Bite the tummy, but spit out the belly button.
  5. Count fingers to be sure your order didn’t get shorted.
  6. Starting at the fingers, eat each arm up to the armpit.
  7. Play “This Little Went to Market” with each foot. This verifies the toe count. Feel free to use a modified house version.
  8. Sniff the feet and exclaim in horror. You’re not eating those, are you?
  9. Eat them anyway. You can use mouthwash when you’re done.
  10. Gobble down all the rest as quickly as you can!


  1. we are reilly says:

    Why is it that babies and toddlers are just so yummy? I know my daughter is just DELICIOUS!! I can never get full of her!

  2. Too, too sweet!!

  3. Michelle Finsand-Peacock says:

    Oh my, that is soooo cute! And true! Now I just need a baby…..

  4. Stephanie says:

    Very very fun!!! We have an Ellie Belly Jelly Bean. We also have a Daddy Monster who enjoys snacking on little boys from time to time.

  5. Happy Mom says:

    I read these steps to our children this morning over breakfast as “things they must know in order to grow into mature adults.” Best part? Our own baby boy (7 days older than yours) began grinning and slinging his head side to side in a huge “NO” in his high chair…..As if he could fend it off that easily! (evil laugh)

    Our children actually all have “food names,” we eat them so frequently. The oldest is “Becca back ribs” Sung like the old Chili’s commercial “I want my…” You must smother these in Andrew Q Sauce, wash them down with some Lydia-nade, have some Bethany baked beans on the side, and then for snack, put a Slim Tim into your knapsack for later.

    Off to build my candy cottage in the forest…..

  6. meNmykids says:

    I tried the first part on my ten year old just to see how long babyhood lasts. She still laughed. I do draw the line at eating her feet though. Yuck! Many, many times I have enjoyed just such a lovely meal.

  7. Maine Mama says:

    I’m copying th ten steps to use in my new baby cards. It’s so sweet!

  8. LOL — this soooo reminds me of our sweet baby. She giggles and grins so much when we eat her hands and feet — and squeals with delight at soppy wet kisses on the neck. You have made me smile and I know what I will do when she wakes from her nap!

  9. Stephanie says:

    THANK YOU!!! I often have this problem, and usually call the grandparents as I salivate, to ask them to rescue their grandbabies, or else…

    But now that you’ve made it seem so simple–taking only 10 easy steps!–I’m sure my sweet one is doomed. (drooling and slurping)

Don't just think it: say it!

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