My time of fasting
My agreement with my stomach has provided plenty of time for introspection. I am basically fasting each morning and into the afternoon, and the way I see it, I am doing it for the Lord. I am also throwing up for Him each afternoon and evening [smile]. Our children are blessings directly from God’s hand, but our decision to willingly surrender to His will is our act of service for Him. And so it follows (or it should follow) that my resulting morning sickness is a joyful sacrifice I make in His service.
This presents me with a small dilemma when friends ask how I am feeling. I want to give an honest answer because I covet their prayers. I want to feel better!
But I don’t want to be like the fasting Pharisees who walked about making their sad fasting faces so everybody would know just exactly how much they were suffering in their service to the Lord. I don’t want to complain about my offerings to the Lord, and I certainly don’t want to complain about my blessings, even if they are a bit uncomfortable at times.
And so I’m a little unsure as to how I should reply. My usual response is a wan smile, a hint of hesitation, and “Oh, pretty well!” But this still feels like complaining - even if it’s an honest answer.
Maybe Paul has a better answer in his epistles. He suffered much and spoke of his sufferings without sinking into pleas for pity or fishing for compliments on his own stoicism. Maybe I need to look more to his example in speaking of and dealing with my own inconsequential discomforts.
I also want to set a good example for my children. I’m concerned that if I try too hard to suffer silently, they will never know and so the example will be invisible and unheeded. At the same time, I don’t want them to hear me constantly complain or announce all of my ills and ailments. This is less of a problem since my children live with me and have learned to recognize the purpose in my step when I head for the bathroom. They know when to clear the way.
I’m sure many of you have ills, ailments and chronic conditions. How do you answer inquiries without sinking into complaining?
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Filed under: Christian living, pregnancy/labor
Man Kim I was just thinking this very thing today but of course not about pregnancy. I was having a hard day and then I went to read Lots of Scotts blog because those babies can always cheer me up and smile. But then I saw where she asked for prayer for a young father of new triplets this week and the mother died of complications with her heart, which is rare in multiple births.
reading blogs has been hard for me lately as there are so many hurting familes out here. It makes me turn my focus somewhat like you did in suffering for the Lord. My problems fail in comparison to so many I read about.
I pray your sickness fades soon so you can begin to enjoy this rich blessing you are given. It is fun to come here and watch another life forming, God is so good.
I meant it is common in multiple births, not rare sorry.
I have a perfect answer for you to give people if you want prayer, but don’t want to complain. Just say “Please pray for me” or “Please pray that God will give me more grace to bear the sickness”
(from a former chronic complainer, who is trying to learn to give thanks in everything.:):)
I think the fact that you are even thinking about NOT wanting to sound like you are complaining is a great sign! Being honest is always the right answer, just include the part about being joyful still through the sickness because you know it’s part of the blessing of having more children. I have read your blog and didn’t feel like you were complaining, just stating the facts. But you also seemed resolute in the fact that it’s only short term and that the end is definitely worth the means. :O) Good combination of feelings if you ask me, and I still felt compelled to pray for you because most of us can empathize. I think you’re doing a great job!
I always say that I’m not feeling so great, but I am very thankful because that means (in my case) that I have a “keeper”! We have had 2 miscarriages, and I had no sickness with either one, so I know that when I’m sick, I’ll be holding this baby in my arms soon! I know that when I DO complain, it is to other like-minded moms who understand; not to moms who will tell me, “Well, you know what causes that!” Thanks for your blog!
I don’t think it’s complaining if you are honest with people about how you are feeling and upfront in asking for prayer. I complained a LOT with my first two pregnancies (mainly to my hubby and friends), but with my third I tried very hard not to. I would admit that I was feeling tired and sick though, but in a positive manner. If someone asks how you are, tell them you’re tired or sick, but oh-so-blessed to be carrying a sweet baby! Ask them if they would remember you in prayer, then move on to a new topic so they will know that you are not wallowing in self-pity.
My mom had a friend (another cancer survivor but still having issues) who would say “Peachy”. And I guess she’d grin like she meant it or have a I’m barely making it face.
I think it’s fine to ask for prayer that the morning sickness will pass soon so that you can care for your family more fully.
Hi, I’m Jacci - I’m a lurker, but, tonight, I’ll be a commenter
I haven’t had nearly as much experience with morning sickness as you have - we have four children so far. With the most recent pregnancy, I finally just started answering that I was “better than I deserve”. Then I’d smile and, if I knew the person reasonably well, I mention that prayer is always a good thing and I’d sure appreciate it.
I personally have a dilemma with the complaining part, too. I really, really don’t want to be a whiner. The problem is that I’m too good at covering it up *whatever it is at the moment* and everyone thinks I have it all covered and I’m good to go… including my husband. Not good. Somehow, I need to let others care for me and love me without whining and complaining.
Oh, Kim. I was always so happy when I got to the third trimester and was only throwing up once a week.
I wonder if it would work to just say, “I don’t want to complain, s can I just ask for prayers, because I really do feel physically awful?” and then you could quickly change the subject to something more cheerful - ask the other person a question, compliment them on something, talk about the funny thing the baby said.
the only time I never did get sick was the baby we lost at 16 weeks, and that did give me a different perspective on all that porcelain throne hugging I was doing.
I came over to congratulate you- y’all are pulling up in the family awards. The HG wants you to know she wishes you the best, but can she have the tote bag if you don’t want it? She loves tote bags. I told her you might want it for a diaper bag..;-)
You are great Mommy. Big hug to you for not wanting to complain. I have to remind myself of that often as well. I was sick so much with my 5th pregnancy that people asked, “Are you still throwing up?”. Ha! It’ll get better.
Kim,
You will be much more in my prayers after reading your post. I think that one way to respond is “By God’s grace, I am persevering through the morning sickness I am experiencing.” or “The nausea has been worse/better this week, but God is faithful to show His perfect mercy through my weakness.” or “The nausea helps to keep me focused on the promises given, like Isaiah 40:11 that promises that He will gently lead those that are with young.” Responses like these let the person know that you are having a problem, yet without complaining, your focus is upon God and His faithfulness.
Kim, I think honesty is the best thing. I hope I did not make you feel guilty by what I wrote as a comment earlier. I am barren to this point. I just turned 49 and God may still have a blessing in store for me. He did bless me with a beautiful adopted son. I am grateful for that. I would never want someone to feel they could not be honest with me about their pregnancy. It is the complaining that gets to me. This same person when in a group where large families are the thing almost pops buttons bragging on their 10 soon to be 11. However, on a regular basis, complaining is the norm. I have fussed at them about complaining. I would do most anything to be in their shoes. I was going to get married and have 12 babies. God had other plans. I have been barren for almost 29 years. God has used it as my refining fire. If I were to ask how you were and you told me the truth, I would have no problems with that. One of my dear friends shared her pregnancy as much as she could with me. I even got to be there for the birth and assist (I was in midwifery training). I treasure that time. I helped her with the other children and household things when she had bad morning sickness. Be real, just know how greatly you are blessed. I will hush now and I will try not to make people feel bad anymore. Sorry.
It is hard to know how much to share with people. It seems to me that it partly depends who you’re telling. Close friends may actually want to know the gory details, whereas casual aquaintances may just need to know, “Well, it comes and goes, but fine now, thanks.” (Assuming, of course, that you are not at that moment in the throes of nausea and eyeing the area for trash cans/bathrooms/other receptacles.)
We have an ER physician in our church, and at one point during this pregnancy he came over to me after service and said, “Girl, you’re so green its reflecting on the walls.” I was actually hoping that week that I didn’t look as sick as I felt. But there is proof that whether or not you tell them… some people can just look at you and know.
Marci,
You didn’t make me feel guilty - you just offered a timely reminder of what I already knew very well! Thanks for making me think of God’s blessings and how to glorify Him.
Natalie,
I’m glad you’re past the worst of your sickness. I had breakfast in bed for a couple of weeks until it stopped working for me. It was fun while it lasted.
I’m feeling much better these days, though I’m not sure if the morning sickness is easing up or if I’ve just learned to work within my limitations. Either way, I’m thankful to be keeping down what little food I eat and maintaining my weight - I had lost 5 lbs, like you.
When are you due?
(I noticed in browsing that another Natalie comments here, so I added my middle name to avoid confusion!)
I’m glad that worked for a while… if smells really bother you, like they did me, I found that really heavily scented candles helped.
I’m due (with my first) in March!
Oh, Girl… I so feel for you!
I’m glad someone else struggles with this question, too, though.
It’s tough, because you don’t want folks to assume that no news is good news and that you’re doing great ~ .no need to pray, no need to ask or care…
But on the other hand, I know what you mean about sounding like or feeling like a whiner.
The best I have come up with is to smile *real* big and say, “I feel terrible, but just your asking helps *a lot*… thank you!”
Hang in there! Not. Long. Now. (We hope, huh?)
I am a little late in responding to this but I always respond to this question with a smiling, “Well, I feel very, very pregnant.” Being honest is certainly not complaining. I also am careful with who I say anything to as some people will take any hint of discomfort as a reason to nay-say having more children. I never mention any unpleasantness to my mother but only smile and relay how blessed I am to have so many precious gifts from the Lord.