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I recently had the privilege of spending some time with Stacy McDonald and Jennie Chancey, authors of Passionate Housewives Desperate for God, and when I talked to them about doing an online interview, they were both happy to participate.

Here are Stacy’s answers to my questions.

Your book is already getting quite a bit of favorable attention from a wide variety of sources. Did you expect this kind of reception?

We weren’t really sure what to expect, but I don’t think either of us were prepared for all the press it’s been getting. We’re thrilled though – our prayer has been that God would use it to His glory—encouraging Christian wives and mothers “in the trenches”

Are you saying Passionate Housewives was written only for wives and mothers?

When we wrote Passionate Housewives we had in mind the weary or discouraged homemaker who needed that extra boost to remind her of the importance of her calling. The book could have easily been called, “Why am I doing this again?” I noticed one reviewer called our book a “why-to book for moms rather than a how-to book.” I thought that was a good description.

Interestingly enough, we’ve received emails and letters from all sorts of other women as well. Single women, grandmothers whose children are all grown, working women; and we’ve even heard from women who had been sucked into feminism and were now ready to repent and turn their hearts to their families.

What motivated you to write this book?

The “me-first” ideas and teachings out there today are overwhelming. We were so tired of seeing new books and teachings coming out that told women they needed to focus more on themselves – not only because it’s unbiblical, but because it doesn’t work! It may be a quick fix, but it won’t give women what they’re truly after—peace, satisfaction, and a fulfilled life. Where is “satisfying self” in Scripture? There seems to be a growing trend toward focusing on self-esteem and more me-time than on preferring others and dying to self, like Jesus taught.

Also, we wanted to do more than dispel the myths and stereotypes surrounding the role of the housewife. We wanted every woman to know that being a helper to her husband, raising godly children, and properly managing her home is well worth the effort. We wanted to impart a vision—to communicate the beauty of living out Christ in the day to day life of a housewife.

Who did you write this book for? Do you think it will go beyond your intended audience?

We were primarily writing to Christian homemakers. We knew there were “desperate” women out there who needed encouragement by hearing the truths of Scripture. They needed to know about God’s wonderful solution to their desperation—and that it wouldn’t be met by chasing after more me-time.

Is the average Christian woman ready for this message?

We’re excited and humbled to see how God is using Passionate Housewives. We weren’t sure how our book would be received; it’s not your typical feel-good woman’s book. Some of it is challenging. But from the reception we’ve gotten so far, I think more women than we realized are tired of having their ears tickled; they’re ready for some meat—they’re ready to be stretched..

Did you learn anything new in the process of writing and researching Passionate Housewives?

Oh yes; we learned a ton. Some things we didn’t necessarily want to learn. Jennie already knew a lot about feminism, but we both learned how much the movement is growing among evangelical Christians—it’s absolutely startling!

Ironically, God also revealed to us a lot about our own hearts. I, for one, learned that I still deal with a lot of selfishness and feministic baggage in my own life. The whole white-washed feminism idea came from my realizing I had so much “renewing of the mind” to do in my own life. As I recognized it in me, I started to recognize it in books, blogs, websites, and teachers. It’s funny, but when God calls us to teach others, He typically begins by pruning our own hearts first!

I love how you refer to “the fanatical sock-matching wonder woman” in chapter 3. In our house, if 2 socks are the same color, they match. If they fit you, they’re yours. Do you think some housewives discourage themselves by maintaining unnecessarily high standards in the wrong areas?

Definitely! I used to be one of those women – I still am on occasion. I remember one night, early in my marriage, lying awake while my husband slept, fighting the urge to rearrange his underwear drawer. I had noticed earlier that he had “messed it up” while rummaging in his drawer and I had planned to “fix it” while he wasn’t looking. I had forgotten. I couldn’t sleep until I got up and had everything the way I wanted it. I remember thinking I was being really obsessive, but I didn’t care.

Children eventually cured me, but it took a long time to let go of some of those self-pleasing obsessions. I realized it made ME happy to have everything in perfect order. Nobody else even noticed most of the time—except when it caused me to be grumpy! Order is important, but not more important than your family—or your sanity!

We have to remember that there are times when having everything in order means that we have to sacrifice something or someone who is more important to make it happen. This is when we have to take a step back and reevaluate our thinking.

So now the socks go into a tall plastic laundry basket and when I catch someone with nothing to do, it becomes their job to match socks. We still “lose” some of them somehow, but it’s ok. I’ve learned not to make everyone miserable while I tear the house apart and blame everyone for “not caring.” I keep telling myself that one of these days I’m going to get rid of all our socks and buy everyone the exact same brand and color and then matching socks will be a breeze! But I’ll probably have to wait until everyone is wearing (near) the same size—which won’t be for a while.

In chapter 4, you indicate that quiet time is not necessary. I know you are talking about quiet, personal one-on-one time with God, but you have me worried. What about afternoon quiet time, when all the children rest quietly whether or not they need a nap? I know a lot of moms feel a need for some peaceful time to recharge during the day; are we being selfish?

No, we’re not being selfish to desire rest and a time to recharge. On top of that, studying the Bible and spending time with the Lord every day is crucial to our walk with Him. The problem comes when we think we must have a time of absolute peace and quiet without our children to accomplish this. We’re often told that we have to “take care of ourselves” or no one else will. There are days during the season of babies and toddlers when this type of “quiet time” may be nearly impossible. The season when a woman has grown or older children is going to look very different than the season when a woman has babies and toddlers.

I found that for me it was very frustrating for people to tell me that I “had” to have a time of solitude to keep my sanity or to have a good relationship with the Lord. Most days I could barely go to the bathroom without an audience, so how was I supposed to have a thirty minute “quiet time” of spiritual bliss with the Lord? I wound up resenting my husband and children and being full of self pity because, it seemed to me, God didn’t care how much I wanted to be with Him.

Then the Lord showed me I could have a “quiet time” with Him while the children played at my feet, or read quietly on the couch; it was so freeing to me. I didn’t need to shut myself away from them – in fact sometimes I would pull them into my study (or prayer time), depending on their age. Or I’d get them a snack and read my Bible at the counter.

And if you’re like me and you’re easily distracted, you can take advantage of nap time (or early bed time for the little ones) to do the deeper studying. Just remember that sometimes moms need naps too. Don’t sacrifice sleep trying to fit your “quiet time” into someone else’s mold. Get your sleep and learn to shape your quiet time the way God ordains for this season of your life!

Trust God to provide you with moments with Him throughout the day. In the book, I describe these times as “prayer droplets.” Put Scripture or small Bibles around your house in places where you’re likely to be sitting (the bathroom or the spot where you nurse the baby. By the way, my little ones are in bed by 7:30 p.m., so that gives me recharge time, as well as time alone with hubby.

Are you working on any other books right now?

Yes, I am helping my husband with a book that is yet to be announced.

Do you consider it a sin to disagree with your husband and voice that disagreement?

Absolutely not! We were not created to be robots. However, my husband knows that while I may disagree, and present all sorts of respectful arguments during a discussion, I am ultimately going to submit to his final decision in a matter. Sometimes those “disagreements” are just the helps our husbands need, when they’re done respectfully and with a spirit to help, not to “control” or simply be “right.” A helper isn’t a yes-(wo)man; a helper may challenge, research, and present various concepts that the husband hasn’t thought of.

Do you ever deal with “whitewashed feminism” in your own heart?

Yes, I do! I’m sure Jennie would agree she has to crucify her flesh in this area on a daily basis as well. We don’t picture some league of whitewashed feminists marching in to destroy the world; we need not look further than our own hearts.

Suffragist Elizabeth Cady Stanton was an example of a discontented housewife who was ruled by her flesh. In a letter to her close friend and fellow suffragist, Susan B. Anthony, Mrs. Stanton complained:

I pace up and down these two chambers of mine like a caged lion, longing to bring to a close childrearing and housekeeping cares. I have other work at hand…Oh how I long for a few hours of leisure each day. How rebellious it makes me feel when I see Henry going about where and how he pleases. He can walk at will through the whole wide world or shut himself up alone, if he pleases, within four walls. As I contrast his freedom with my bondage, and feel that because of the false position of women I have been compelled to hold all my noblest aspirations in abeyance in order to be a wife, a mother, a nurse, a cook, a household drudge, I am fired anew and long to pour fourth from my own experience the whole long story of women’s wrongs.

Mary Kelley, Woman’s Being, Woman’s Place. (Boston: G.K. Hall, 1979), pp. 240- 241.

Most women reading this book would not consider themselves feminists. Nonetheless, many of us still struggle with some of the same attitudes described by Mrs. Stanton. As much as we hate to admit it, as women, we all have feministic tendencies. It is part of our sin nature—the flesh we battle on a daily basis. (Passionate Housewives p. 132)

What if I decide to leave my child in a Mother’s Day Out program for a few hours every few weeks—does that mean I’m in sin?

No – that wasn’t the message I was conveying at all. I was admitting my own selfish motives when I had my son enrolled in a local mother’s day out program several times a week—and how God didn’t allow me to stay deceived. Not only was I looking for a “break” from my busy toddler, I was picturing all the time I would have for “real” ministry at my church. I wasn’t viewing my ministry to my family biblically—I saw it as a lesser ministry than “church ministry.”

I think for me, I knew “church ministry” would be easier—less stressful. I also wanted to do something that gave immediate satisfaction—I wanted to be recognized for doing a good job. Motherhood isn’t always like that. Sometimes there are no thank yous and no pats on the back. You have to be motivated by obedience and a desire to glorify God. Jesus has to be the reason you’re doing what you’re doing—He has to give you the strength you need—the passion—or you’ll run out of steam.

See Jennie Chancey’s interview here.