In the course of tiling and grouting in the bathroom, it has become necessary for me to remove the tank of the toilet. Our only toilet. Hubby was willing to do this for me, but he assured me it was easy and since it didn’t involve looking at or touching a wax ring (the single most disgusting thing in the world, worse than urinals and possum poop combined), I was game.
Today he took 4 of the older children to work with him, so I took my chance as naptime was beginning. Remember, this is the only toilet in the house.
Just in case you’ve never yet had to remove a toilet tank, here’s how it’s done:
- Use the toilet. Invite everyone else in the house to do so as well.
- Turn off the water supply to the toilet. Usually, you’ll find a little handle on a little hose running from the floor to the bottom of the tank. Turn it clockwise.
- Flush the toilet to empty the tank. Hold down the handle until the tank is entirely empty.
- Remove the lid and set it somewhere safe. Peer down inside and quiver with repulsion at the mineral deposits. Just think: this is the clean end of the toilet.
- Unscrew the water supply line from the bottom of the tank. Have a towel handy to catch the bit of water that will come from the hose. Relax. This is not toilet water. The floor behind your toilet is now actually cleaner than when you started.
- Put your hair in a ponytail. Lean down with your face under the back of the toilet and locate a small bolt on each side of the tank, which fastens the tank to the toilet base. Did your hair touch the floor behind the toilet?
- Carefully remove the nut from the bolt on the first side. You may need a pair of pliers, though these shouldn’t be very tight. You will definitely need that towel again because even though the tank looked empty, it wasn’t. You’ll have to work a little harder to keep your cool about this water: technically, it is toilet water, but relax. It’s not coming from the business end of the toilet. This is clean toilet water running down your arm as you unscrew the nut. Are you buying this?
- Carefully remove the nut from the bolt on the other side. This might be a good time to reach for a second towel, because defying all logic, you will probably find that the tank is still not empty. Clean toilet water…clean toilet water…
- Now, take a deep breath. Gently lift the toilet tank and try to ignore the sloshing water inside (how is there still water in there???). Set it carefully in the tub, making sure the little bolts protruding from the bottom slide up into the tank so you don’t end up with 2 new holes in the bottom of your tub.
- Wash your hands. Twice. In bleach.
There. Wasn’t that easy? Now hurry up, do whatever you needed to do back there, and get the thing back on!