Was I being cranky?
Today I took the big van and the little red-headed 3yo on a minor grocery outing. We only made 2 stops and spent ~$150, but I was pretty wiped out by the end.
It’s hot today, I’m 33 weeks pregnant, and I didn’t bring any big helpers. For each stop, I loaded the cart alone; I unloaded it onto the conveyor belt alone; I loaded the bags into the cart; I loaded the bags into the van; I lifted the 3yo in and out of the cart and van 40 or 50 times. I’m not whining and I don’t mind the exercise, but I was beat by the time I headed for the driver seat the final time.
Did I mention that the temperature today was somewhere in the high 90’s and that the a/c in the van has completely quit?
I loaded the last of the groceries into the side doors of the van since the back was full, and strapped the 3yo into her place. But when I walked around to the driver side of the van, I found a big red truck parked so close that I could hardly sidle along the side of the van, let alone open the door and wedge my pregnant self through the opening. I doubt that I could have done it even without the belly. It just wasn’t happening.
Poor little Rachael was baking in the van, waiting for me to find a way to my seat so I could at least get the van moving in a homeward direction and end her torment soon, so what did I do?
What would you have done?
I pulled a notepad out of my purse and began writing. Really, I did.
“Thanks a lot for parking so close. I couldn’t even open my door. Now my kid is baking, and it’s all your fault.”
Nope. That’s what I was thinking, but it wasn’t quite honest. It was mostly my fault that my kid was baking at this point. Anyway, I would feel like a hypocrite if I left a rude letter rebuking another driver for parking rudely. I decided to keep it short and sweet. Just remind them to think of others.
“Please don’t park so close. I’m 8 months pregnant and can’t get into the driver seat of my van.”
That’s all I said. I was out of room on the little page from my memo pad and Poor Rachael’s cheeks were already red, so I tucked it under the offender’s wiper blade and went around to the other side of my van. I crawled into the side doors and hauled myself unceremoniously over the heaps of groceries, trying not to mash the bread and produce or knock 6 gallons of milk out into the parking lot.
But all the way home, I was really wishing I had gone into just a bit more detail:
“…do you really want to see a preposterously pregnant woman haul herself over heaps of groceries to get to the driver seat of her vehicle? Please, park kindly next time.”
I’ve got to start keeping a bigger notepad in my purse.
If you're new here, please take a moment to introduce yourself! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
You loved it, right? Here's more like it:
Did you enjoy this post? Subscribe so you'll never miss a new post!
Filed under: humor, pregnancy/labor
Yep, did the same thing in the the same circumstances. I was as polite as I could be although the preggo hormones were begging for me to “accidently” break one of her car windows.
Love your blog. I myself am a mom of 5 that home schools. I’m only 28, so most people act odd. It’s so nice to see other large families.
At least you can tell all of us what you wanted to say but didn’t. That way you could do the right thing and not be rude but we can still commiserate with you. So sorry it had to happen. Hauling a pregnant body anywhere in any position at 8 months is uncomfortable and tiring.
Laughed out loud! (So did my hubby when I read it!) Been there- so frustrating. I was actually nursing my little very late at night on a few months ago in a Walmart parking lot and I saw a women who was so mad at someone for parking close, that she slammed her door into their car several times. Ugh. I was shocked! I didn’t know what I should do- should I go tell on her???
So, you can be proud that you didn’t resort to that behavior!
A week before Christmas last year we took a very rare trip to the mall. I parked next to a vehicle and DID notice we were very close, but did my best not to get too close and after all THEY had parked RIGHT on the line. I parked as far to the right as I could. When I returned I had a note:
Something like…”Hmm…when are y ou DUE?!?”
“Next time don’t park your van (might as well have said piece of junk) next to my $60,000 vehicle! Merry Christmas!”
Yeah, nice one. Guess us old mini van drivers don’t really even deserve to park. Oh I was SO wanting to write a note back…but of course they were GONE.
Another time, there is a “preggo mommy” parking space at a favorite grocery store…I came up to park in it (because I was VERY pregnant!) and a car zipped into it before I got there. As I parked, I watched a very oldish and not preggo lady get out. I wrote her a note!
You know, I was on the receiving end of a note like this and I have a few things to say to you. First of, you may not realize that the reason I parked so close was that that one spot was the only one left, and that the car on the left (now gone) was parked over the line, and crooked, so that I physically could not pull straight in. You may not also have considered that I myself have had a tiring day and may have challenges you didn’t know about. It’s just possible that I am a caregiver to a mother suffering from cancer and mental illness, and that I am overwhelmed nearly to the point of nervous breakdown by all of MY obligations and responsibilities. In fact, you might even be a little ashamed to know that I suffer from infertility, and have for over a decade, having only one living child and one deceased, and that I would give anything to trade places with you–90 degree heat and all.
Bottom line, when you leave a note, you don’t know who you are talking to and what is going on with them. I don’t care how it’s worded, it’s rude. (Albeit the note I received was *very* rudely phrased.) You should think about that next time you’re tempted to leave a note. Or at least have the decency to leave your name and phone number so the recipient can have a chance to defend herself. Anonymous notes are the tools of control freaks. Don’t be one. As a Christian, I don’t think that is god-honoring behavior at all.
Jana,
There are two of those spaces at the store where this incident took place, and both were taken by very unpregnant-looking people while I was circling for a space. That just added insult to injury today.
Hey Kim,
Can I have Catherine’s e-mail address, I’d like to respond.
Mother Hen,
I don’t give out commentors’ private information, but ironically enough she didn’t fill in the email address field or give her blog url when she left her comment, so I can’t even contact her myself.
She does raise a reasonable point: I didn’t think to leave any contact info of my own, but it also didn’t seem necessary since I didn’t feel I was rude and didn’t accuse the driver of anything other than parking close - which he/she quite obviously did.
And just for the record, there were plenty of other spaces. This is a small town where the lot is never full. Sometimes we just have to walk farther than others.
I had something very similar happen to me when I had a 2 week old baby. I pulled into a parking space in a relatively empty lot. I did park up closer than I usually do, since the baby was only 2 weeks and I wasn’t quite feeling like myself yet. While I was getting the kids out of both back doors of the station wagon a woman was waiting for me to move. As soon as we walked away, she pulled into a spot right next to me. I finished in the store before her and when I came back out her car was parked so close to mine, that there was no way I could get to the driver’s side, let alone get the infant car seat/ carrier (that she had seen me get out of that side of the car) in that door. So I waited a little bit, then gave up and took the baby out of the carrier(waking her up) lifted the carrier upside down over the other 2 car seats with the baby lying on the floor of the car to get it into place. The whole time I’m trying to keep my older two(21 months and 3 1/2) sitting nicely in the cart. Then I lean over everything to buckle in the baby, then buckle the other two in their seats. I should mention that I’d had 3rd degree tears with this birth. I was so mad. She had seen me get out of the car with the carrier, and there were plenty of other spots.
LoL! Kim that was hilarious! True that!
Oh, I just love the irony of the fact that someone chided you for leaving an anonymous note without leaving their contact information!
As for some of “Catherine’s” other comments, let me share what my infertility has taught me: everyone is suffering or has suffered in some way, and your pain and hardship does not diminish that of others. Just because I can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean that a pregnant mother of 8 can’t have a rough day and feel frustrated.
I thought you were amazingly polite given the circumstances! I’m a pretty bad parker myself (just am REALLY bad at it!) and if I’d received that note I would have been so embarrassed I’d have called you to apologize!
It’s done, now. I wanted to comment to suggest that you might want to check with a vo-tech school about vehicle repairs you need. We just had the a/c fixed on our very large SUV and the total is around $150. It would likely have been around $500 (or more) if we had used a garage. They didn’t charge for labor at the one we use. It is something to consider. Unless the instructor uses your vehicle as a demonstration, the work will probably be done by students, but they are supervised.
oh my Catherine was way out of line.
I have done the same thing , on ocassion I have had to make a sign to stick in my car window so hoping it would reminde people.
1000 parking spaces and they have to park 6 inches from me….
I was at store once when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with baby when a I walked out to my car and there was a lady standing there scowling at my Tahoe. When she saw me loading Claire into the car, she came at me and asked me to please open my drivers side door because she believes I left a dent in her car because she “had a brand new minivan and now that my older Tahoe was next to hers she had a dent.”
I was HIGHLY irritated and felt insulted that just because my car was not brand new I was the culprit. I didn’t remember having trouble getting out of the car when I parked, so I honestly don’t remember if she was previously there or not.
I walked to the drivers side to see her parked over the line into my spot, so I turned to her and told her no. Was it Christian probably not, but my self took over and I walked back to my daughters door on the other side crawled in, crawled over the console and she was yelling at me…..I was upset yet amused.
In hindsight what would it have hurt to open the door and show her that I didn’t put the ding in her door? I chalk it up to me being pregnant and it was in April when Texas heat was less than desireable.
I am a big fan of notes though, regardless or whether or not you leave your info.
As a mom who doesn’t have “helpers” yet because hers are too little I get cranky loading and unloading kiddos out of the car, I’m sure as this pregnancy draws to a close I will be far less loveable in public. ;).
Hubs was going to class one day in college and slammed into someone. He didn’t have time to wait so he left all his contact info. The guy was very much appreciative and thanked him a zillion times. (Different case and story, I know).
Kim, I thought your note was worded fine and was hopefully very eye-opening to the recipient. I think we can be reminded by Catherine that *everyone* has something they are dealing with and I disagree with her that your note was rude.
Anyway, your story was hilarious and reminded me of the time my son was a toddler in his carseat in the back of our two-door Ford Escort. We went to Sonic Drive-In for lunch and when it was time to leave the car wouldn’t crank! I couldn’t get out of the driver side because we were parked right next to the menu/speaker. I had to struggle to find out how to pop the hood, crawled over the console, got out the passenger side and wiggled the wires on the car battery that my husband had told me to wiggle if that happened. Um, he fixed those wires later that day!
I was going to write…..Welcome to motherhood! But that doesn’y really fit you! You have been there one that!
I think what you did was fine. Hopefully the recipeant didn’t take it the wrong way. Hopefully it just reminded them.
This last summer I was pregnant and had to others to haul around. I know what you mean! It is very tireing! Have a great restful weekend.
I was parked next to an empty spot one time at the commissary, (grocery store on a military base) because I needed the extra room on the side to get my double stroller in and out. When I came out I couldn’t get the stroller back in because a huge F-350 with dulies was parked beside me, crooked in the space and over the line.
Thankfully, I had an older child with me, who held the stroller while I backed out of the spot far enough so that I could get the kids in the side door and then the stroller.
Believe me, I felt like writing that guy a nasty note! I refrained from writing because I couldn’t think of anything nice to say.
I don’t think your note was rude at all, but maybe made the other person think, and hoepfully be a little more compassionate in the future.
I do know that when companies make parking lots now days they usually make the spaces for smaller cars and those of us who drive large vans, suburbans, or even some minivans often get the raw deal when trying to park.
I am thankful that I now live in a small town where there are plenty of spaces, (usually) I park next to the cart-corral so that I can easily unload and then get the kids in the car and park the cart without having to hike across the lot to return it to the store.
Actually, I was pretty sure I did leave an email address (it says “required” so I assume the comment doesn’t publish if the field isn’t filled in). And there is an email addy on this one, too. And no, I am not going to publish it here. Feel free to say what you have to say in comments. My point is that phrasing your note “nicely” does not make it polite, not anymore than using the word “Ma’am” makes it okay to criticize someone. Or how about “just kidding” or “bless your heart?” Deep down, you know that you cannot make an uncharitable sentiment into a charitable one simply by trying to use polite words. So on what grounds exactly was this action justified?
Here’s another way to look at it. What possible good in the world could it have done to leave that note? Do you really feel that was an inconsiderate person, or is it possible he/she just made a small mistake such as we all do every single day. Were you truly motivated by the desire to help another human being, or were you just trying to vent your own anger and frustration? Did you forgive him/her in your heart, and if so, why was it necessary to leave a note?
Also, how much time did your child spend “baking” in the back seat of the car while you took the extra time to find a piece of paper and pencil? Or how about this: in your own life, do you exactly and always follow every traffic law and properly observe the convenience and space of every single human being around you? Do you never, ever, ever inconvenience anyone for one second? Are you sure that no one has ever had to clean up a mess you made, or been left waiting because you were running late, or been hurt because you forgot something important? Haven’t you ever backed up into an object, or had a fender bender? Would you like a note pointing out your mistake, ever so politely? Have you ever received an anonymous note from a stranger? If so, did it enrich and inform your life, or was it just another piece of psychic rubbish to add to an already stressful life.
Catherine,
You seem to be motivated by bitterness over the rude note you received, but you raise good questions and I’d like to answer them:
Although I started out irritated and frustrated, I *did* quell those feelings and forgive the driver before leaving my note. That’s why I initially wanted to say something rude but instead left a short and carefully worded note to simply remind the driver of how his/her actions impacted others.
This was a lesson that I learned myself the same day, because when I faced that red truck parked 12″ from my van, I was immediately convicted of having done the same thing on occasion. This knowledge helped cool my own irritation quickly, and I would not have been offended to receive a similar note under similar circumstances.
To answer the battery of questions that follow in your comment: When I thoughtlessly inconvenience or offend somebody, I certainly want to know so that I can be more mindful of my actions in the future. I don’t recall ever receiving an anonymous note from a stranger but it could be that I just learned from it and then forgot about it - the way I have forgotten nearly every spanking I ever received in my childhood. The only ones I remember are the ones that I felt were unwarranted: those left me with a lingering feeling of offense and injustice.
Maybe you can sympathize?