I think we all have this list tucked away somewhere, and everyone’s list looks different. Here’s the Headmistress’s list. I would love to know what’s on yours.
First, a few basics:
- If you learned it from Calvin and Hobbes, it’s probably not allowed.
- Emulate The Three Stooges and Little Rascals with great caution.
- Don’t be stupid on purpose.
And some specifics:
- Do not play in the dryer. Do not turn on the dryer while somebody else plays inside.
- Don’t hold a 5 lb. bag of elbow macaroni upside down and shake it to test the zipper seal.
- If you must play Catholics-and-Protestants-at-the-Inquisition, please do it quietly. For the neighbors’ sake.
- Don’t drink up the leftover communion wine at church.
- Rough-housing does not mean it’s ok to push your friend down the basement stairs and lock the door. Even if you’re already remorseful, you will be punished.
- Don’t color on puppies. Especially not Golden Retriever pups. Especially not with a black permanent marker.
- Don’t pour water inside plaster walls on the second floor. I don’t care if you think there’s a rat in there.
- Don’t hold down little boys and punch them, even if somebody just finished explaining that little boys like to play rough.
- If you find old gum stuck to the bottom of a chair, it will not be funny when you stick in your dad’s hair.
- I know it’s cool that the tree branch makes snapping noises when you stand on it, but that doesn’t mean you should jump up and down.
- Don’t try to cut holes in the floor with a butcher knife. I don’t care how realistic your dream was. You will not find a secret tunnel leading to your grandma’s house in Tennessee.
- Don’t cut holes in your sister’s underwear and put them on the dog. Even if I laughed when you did it, don’t do it again.
- Do not rifle through your uncle’s pockets while he is sleeping.
- Do not dig 4 ft. deep pits in a city yard and threaten to bury your little sister.
- Do not hide on the roof. I don’t care if you’re playing hide-and-seek and can’t find a better place.
- Sliding down the stairs in a sleeping bag might be fun, but I don’t approve.
- Don’t have mud fights with the neighbor boy. I don’t care who started it unless it was you. Then you’re in even more trouble.
- If you eat bugs in any form – including fried walking stick bugs with cheese – don’t tell me about it. Again. Yes, it’s very cool that the rocks were hot enough to cook them outside, but I still don’t want to know.
- Just believe the TV for once when they tell you not to lick a frozen telephone pole. Extend this to include the side of the ice cream maker, the ice tray, and the inside of the freezer door.
- Don’t play in the laundry chute, even if you saw your uncle doing it first. Nor should the cat be encouraged to do so.
- Ask before you decide to walk to the library. Especially if you’re 4yo.