I have a question for you.
If you could ask the children of a mega-family anything you wanted, what would your question be?
Just one question, mind you, answered from the individual perspective of each child.
Indulge me and assume that unlike my own children, these children range from established adults with families and worldviews of their own, down to preteens and young adults still under their parents’ roof.
What would you want to know?
No related posts.
To Children:
In a large family, how do you maintain a personal identity, particularly when sharing time, posessions, education etc. with so many others?
To Parents:
As a teacher of high school students in class sizes ranging from 14-30, I sometimes catch myself forgetting about one student or another. Did I see him, or her during that 50 minute block…
How do you make sure you connect with each child daily?
Question would be phrased differently depending on age of the sons and daughters, and asumes that they know some of the comments that are made.
What would you like to tell us – the unlucky ones who aren’t part of a big family – either having a larger number of siblings or having a larger number of children – who are curious and have questions or even assumptions about being a part of a large family.
What is the one (?) thing that you would really like us to know?
What would your life be like if your parents had less children?
For the children whatever age did/do you ever long for solitude (being alone for the littlies
I’m interested to know who does or does not feel satisfied with the amount of one-on-one time they get with mom or dad and also solitude time.
I have six children so I wonder….
If we just step away from how amazing your Mom must be to stay on top of things…..What is your favorite fun big family activity? Your best way to have fun?
I would love to have a bigger family but God, in His wisdom, just blessed me with 2. I love to read the blog and I cannot wait to read your answers! God bless!
How do you get along with each other?
Do you ever resent having so much responsibility? Since the children of large families seem to take on many chores.
How many kids do you want to have when you grow up?
I was an only child and always wanted a big family. My best friends was one of 8 and she always wanted an only child! Guess what? I have 5, almost 6, and she has 4.
Celee
Do you feel like you missed out on anything as part of a large family. If so, what?
Do you have sleep overs with friends?
I have 6 children, my 9 and 10 year old girls seem to think that it is necessary to have sleepovers, and we don’t allow them.
Did (or do) you ever feel lost in the “crowd”
Have you accepted that God has given you as many or as little siblings as He wills, and do you think that you are a more well rounded, individual who can serve Him because of this?
( I am the oldest of 8, and the things I learned growing up have helped me as a young wife and mother )
My question after having grown up as an only child, and having 3 children of my own, would be for each child:
Do you think you would choose to have a large family with as many kids as your parents did? Would you want to, why or why not?
(I would have personally had many more than 3 but that was not in the plans…I am told often I wanted such a large family because I was raised and only child)
I have 6, soon to be 7 so my question comes from wondering about my own children.
Do you feel that you share at least one special hobby interest, personality trait, etc with your parents regularly that is yours only and the other kids do not have or share?
I believe/hope my kids would answer yes to the question as they each have different interests that we enjoy one on one with them and pretty regularly. I grew up in a house of 3 kids and shared nothing interest-wise with my parents. They never even came to one dance team competition I was in in jr high.
How did your parents teach you (the siblings) to be friends with each other, to help and support eachother and enjoy each others’ company (assuming that you do)?
KIDS:
what is your favorite part of the large family? and least favorite/would like to change?
Parents:
what has been the biggest surprise to a large number of kids? and what do you regret..wish you could have done differently?
thanks for this, i’m sure it’ll be super interesting and might answer lots of questions nay sayers would have…
Sorry everyone but all the questions seem like kids in big family have a hard life…I liked the question about the parents teaching the children to be best friends with eachother…something I tell my 7 children that is very important ….So that would be my question too…
How do your parents encourage great relationships with your siblings????
I would probably ask the same question I would ask any child–what’s your biggest dream/what are you passionate about? Not necessarily the dream that you think your parents/teachers/church/friends would like you to have, but what do YOU as an individual feel so passionate about, what are you so into, so good at or so interested in that you would feel very sad if you couldn’t do it?
I would ask the children if they hope to have a large family themselves.
I grew up an only child, and I think that has a lot to do with me wanting to give my own children many siblings. I wonder if children from large families ever have the opposite feeling.
Wow, I posted my comment before I read the others. It looks like a lot of us only children want to have large families ourself. Very interesting!
Lauren, I can’t speak for all large families, but my husband is one of 8 (all very very close together) and feels very strongly that he only wants a small family (although he wanted a large one when he was a kid). To him though, spacing is more important than actual number. He’s said he would be fine with 2, or even 3 as long as they were spaced at least 4 years apart.
I would ask you, “What do you do when you are so overwhelmed with the garbage not taken out, dishes not done, stuff everywhere, poopy diaper, toddler wants attention, all at once and when you first wake up?” Ha, can you tell what kind of morning I’ve had???
I see some others have mentioned this as well… I want to know (from the older kids anyway)…
How many kids do you want to have when you have a family of your own?
[I only had one sister and have six children so far. I just wonder if my own kids will want fewer or more than we have since they will have the experience of living as children in a large family and have a different perspective than we do as parents.]
What is you all time favorite memory?
To the older/younger children: How do your relationships differ with the siblings closer to your age and those siblings who are much younger/older than you? What blessings and struggles come with each?
To the children somewhere in the middle: I am the second of three children. Growing up I had a definite case of the middle-child syndrome, and I see that a lot in families of 3 or 4. Was this true in your family, or is that not the case? I am curious if the large family dynamic makes it easier for a middle child to be comfortable with their role in family life.
How do your parents make you feel special/included?
I personally feel that having lots of siblings can be a great blessing. If I was an only child, I would seriously hate it. Even though I really can’t stand some of my siblings sometimes, I wouldn’t know what to do if I was all alone. And I simply LOVE babies!!!
My question would probably be:
What is your vision for the future??? What kind of dreams to you have? What are you passionate about???
What have you learned from your “God-given” place in your family? and from any of your siblings?
I always tell my 7 children that God chose their birth order AND their siblings (and parents). They had no choice in the matter…BUT thankfully God makes no mistakes. He perfectly ordained it all. : )
It’s always interesting to hear my own children’s responses. My oldest and third born want large families…the rest are undecided.
Ok, since I only had one brother there are lots of moments where I wish I had a large family.
For example, at Holiday Dinners when its just my family, my parents, an uncle and my grandad. Boring!
When I see my friends doing chatting, shopping, hanging out with their sisters.
When I see my friends` pictures of their kids with their millions of cousins and my kids dont have any
So my question is – do siblings in large families have times like these when they wish they were an only child?
do you ever feel you miss out on anything because of the sacrifices of living within a large family- whether it be individual time or attention, material possessions, or do you feel you miss out on anything that “normal” children get to do because of your families faith and convictions.
Thanks!
(these are questions I wonder if my children will say to themselves as God blesses us with more children and our family grows.)
I guess now I realized I asked two questions…sorry, they are just the ones that are always on my mind!
Oh, and how many gallons of milk do you go through a week? We only have 2 kids so far and we go through at least 3 a week, so I`m very curious…
Did you feel that your parents really knew you and had time for you?
I would ask if the children agree with/share their parents vision/worldview. If so, I’d really like to know how that was instilled; if not, why?
Kinda like mama olive asked above: Do you feel like you have personally adopted the worldview of your parents? Why or why not? Do you ever feel pressured to conform to their standards and ideas without really wanting to?
Corrie great question!!
I would ask if the older ones if they ever feel they need to be alone and how hard it is. I would ask the younger ones “What’s it like to be so many years old in a big family?” and let them talk their heart out!
I would check out ages and see if there are any playmates in there for us!
Where do the kids store their treasures and is there a limit? We only have five kids and the “treasures” are driving me crazy!!! Guess who spent to much time organizing the “stuff” today!
Can I ask for one question to Mr and Mrs and the kids????
My first question is to Mr. and Mrs. C.
” when you got married, how many have children did you expect to have?”
I know that this is a kind of obvious question, and I Should know this, having known you for three years, but I don’t know this one.
Now to the kids:
HOW do you get any alone time?
Delaney
One question? Hmmm….
To each child: how many kids is just the right number for the family you are in? (not the family you hope to have)
I am the eldest 8 children. The youngest is almost 2 and I am 23. We have 6 girls and 2 boys. I couldn’t help but want to answer a few of the questions (from my perspective) that were asked. I hope it is okay…
There was several questions asking if children in large family’s want a big family when they grow up. After reading the questions above, my mom asked all of my siblings (age appropriate and individually) if they would let God plan their family when they get married and each one said, without a hesitation, that they definitely would. They all said they love belonging to a big family. I am “grown up” and when I marry, Lord willing, I will have as many children as He wants to bless me with and I hope to have lots! I love each of my brothers and sisters and my life would be so boring without them.
I also would say to the moms who were curious about how to hand off their Christian world views to their kids–live it before them. More is “caught”, than “taught”.
But balance it out by practicing Deut. 6 everyday.
Don’t make your convictions just rules to be kept. Instead, use God’s word as your ultimate standard. A world view is a matter of the heart and the knowledge of right and wrong, truth vs. false. Every answer is found in God’s Word.
As far as individuality goes, each of my siblings are definitely unique in their own way and have their own interests. One thing to keep in mind toward big families is that the children weren’t born in a litter, they were added one by one, (most of the time) and so families adapt gradually. As for me, I am an individual person with my own likes and dislikes.
When you look at a big family, you may see a number, but we see each person separately. I remember that when we had only 6 children, I thought that a family we knew with 9 was huge! I chuckle to myself when I think of that.
My parents love spending quality time with all of us and each one of us feel like we are their favorite. And we are! One way that our parents spend quality time with us is: TV and movies do NOT dominate our family time, we have regular daily devotions, we talk, play together, don’t take other people with us everywhere we go, and all of us kids take turns going with each of our parents when they go places such as dr. appts, grocery shopping, and small errands.
A couple of people asked about how/if all of us kids get along. Our parents don’t allow us to fight. When there has been spirts of fighting, they have gotten to the root, taken us to God’s Word and showed us that it is sin. Seeing things from God’s view point helps us to try harder to conquer our flesh.
Oh, one more question I must answer from my family’s perspective…we only use/drink 2-3 gallons of milk a week. We try to limit milk drinking only to breakfast and encourage fresh water or iced tea at other times. We don’t eat cold cereal but once every 4-6 weeks as a treat the day after we go grocery shopping, so that stretches the life of a milk carton.
I hope that it is okay that I shared all of this!
May God bless you all!
P.S.
My question to all the children of the In A Shoe blog is:
How can you guys live in Texas with all the heat, bugs, and snakes?! Just kidding!
Ashley,
Thanks for sharing – I love your answers. I especially like the bit about the children in big families not arriving in a litter like a bunch of pups or kittens. I think you’re right; sometimes people really do seem to forget that!
My two oldest, especially my daughter, (I have five kids) seem burdened by having three younger siblings so I would ask, “Do you regret all the work that it takes/took to care for a large family?”
My family isn’t even all that large and it seems overwhelming to ME sometimes and I feel badly asking the older ones to help since this family size wasn’t THEIR idea….
Children: What do you do (how do you express the need)when you feel unloved, left out, or like there is nothing left for you?
AND/OR
Do you feel like you and your parents have a good relationship, so that you can freely express needs easily and clearly with out fear?
Parents: How do you determine who needs attention, extra love or a different/same activity as another sibling?
AND/OR
How do you develop a close relationship with each child so that you can easily determine how they are feeling to deal with the about question?
I currently have 7 and am hoping for more, but am feeling concerned that I am not really developing the right kind of relationship with each one, mostly because of a struggle I am having with one of them.
This question wouldn’t be geared toward the majority of large families, but to the family’s like yours that homeschool and are very conservative Christians (Please forgive me if that description is inaccurate–it’s the impression I’ve gotten from your blog, but I may not have perceived you in the way you intended to be perceived).
My question would be, how diverse is your group of friends?
I’m especially interested in religious diversity–do you have friends that are different religions than you are?
But also diversity in terms of ethnicity, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, political leanings–even family size and family makeup (i.e., do you have friends that are only children or that come from non-nuclear families? for example).
My Question:
What did your parents do that won your hearts?
Do you dream of having your own bathroom?
Parents: What scripture helps you in your daily lives as parents to many children?
Children: What scripture has helped you in your daily lives as you live with your family?
Are any of these questions going to get answered by the Life in a Shoe family in the next post? I was curious.
I only have one brother, but I always wanted my mom to have more children. I especially wanted a sister but ofcourse am grateful to at least have one sibling. I still want a sister at 37 as I see other adult sisters spending time together and sharing their family experiences.
Sheila,
The questions aren’t for our family, but I do think it would be fun to hear my children’s varying answers so we just might do that!
I’m the oldest of 7, so I can certainly understand where all of these questions are coming from!
My nosy question for the Coghlan family: How are you going to pay for all the marryin’ that’s going to be happening in the next few years?
How do you handle critisism from family members who may not agree or strangers who makes their opinion known, when they think that having all these children is somehow wrong? Seriously… I just had my fifth and people think I’m crazy or they feel sorry for me.
What is your birthorder position (out of total number), and what is the birth order position of your closest-in-friendship sibling.
XOXO
Joce
My question(s): Do you ever feel like you will scream if you don’t get some time alone? How or where do you take time for yourself?
Ashley, the eldest of 8, and her answers were interesting. She spoke exactly what I was thinking. We have a small family and our cold cereal habits are just like theirs. Time shared with parents is spent the same way. Everything was just the same.
So, really, does size matter?
I thought her question was exactly what I would have wanted to ask! But then it really has nothing to do with how many children! How does anyone deal with the heat and creepy crawlers?
Kim, respectfully asked, I would love to know what each of your children’s feelings were on the subject of the heat and bugs!
Not to incite rebellion because I myself am a believer in not complaining and stiff upper lips. You blogged about the bugs and how you handle the heat. But I would ask don’t you all feel hot sometimes or get tired of those frog-eating-creatures showing up in your boxers and brassiers?!?!?
Sheila, that is something I can identify with too, I was an only child until my mom got remarried and now I have one sister.
I always wanted a big brother and a little brother. I am 25 and I still have to force away feelings of jealousy when I see others with their brothers!
Do you hear rude comments from strangers/acquaintances about the size of your family, and if so, what would you like to say to them in response/how does it affect you?
Cindee – about the oldest children doing all the work – I try to follow the advice one wise mother gave me. She said, “I always ask the youngest child available to do the job. It takes extra training, but is worth it in the end.” Also, I think if YOU are feeling bad, your children will pick that up and take the excuse to complain – which child wouldn’t like an excuse to complain!
We take the attitude that GOD gave us this family and He has a purpose for it. We are a team that works together for God’s glory. Every team player has a role. I didn’t ‘choose’ my family size – God called us to it and God calls WHOLE FAMILIES, not individuals. We are all obeying Him in our calling together.
Do you feel like you were pushed into being secondary parents instead of having a full childhood of your own?
Hey Kim,
I was actually wondering how much income it takes to run a very large family. I’m not trying to be nosy, but we have four, and my grocery budget seems to be growing, and we are behind on some medical bills, and our checking/savings are dwindling. And we DON’T live extravegant lives–We shop bulk when we can, we shop at Goodwill/Thrift store, and I cook almost entirely from scratch(I have a wheat intolerance that drives up our grocery budget), and use cloth diapers…I don’t know how to stretch anything else. We only have a mortgage, and rarely use our credit card, and drive only one van(that is paid off).
Currently, we net about $1600-$2000 a month, depending on whether or not my hubby gets a lot of overtime.
What can a family live off of that has several children??
(and they are 6,4, 2, and 12 weeks).
Love you input!
Laura