Tell me if I’m weird. I hate to make phone calls. I don’t mean “hate” as in dislike. I mean it gives me butterflies in my stomach, like when I arrived at the dentist to have my wisdom teeth pulled. Like when I got pulled over that time I was speeding, and knew it. Like when the excitement of a new pregnancy has worn off and I realize that I have to go through labor again before I get to meet the kid.
I hate to make phone calls. My kids hate leaving voicemail, but I breathe a sigh of relief if I make it past the 4th ring. It’s my Get Out Of Jail Free card. I made the call and didn’t have to do the conversation. Now the ball is in their court, and when we talk it will be because they called me instead of vice versa. I’m fine with that, and I have no idea why.
Well, maybe I do have an idea. I’m just guessing, but I think it’s because I’m naturally a quiet person. I don’t do well at keeping up my half of a conversation, and if I’m the one who made the call I feel that the burden is on me to manage the entire call: the introduction (how have you been lately? how did that thing work out?), the business (why did I really call you today?), the post-business chit chat (now what do I say???), the graceful exit (umm…I see blood, smell smoke, and hear screams. gotta go.)
If I call you, I have to do all this, don’t I? Isn’t that how it works? Do other quiet people understand what I’m feeling? Do talkative people think I’m off my rocker?
I am a talkative person, yet I also hate making phone calls. I think it´s because I don´t get to see the other person´s face, so i never know how the other person reacts. Can you imagine the looks at school I got because I didn´t spend afternoons chatting on the phone??
happily, my friends know, and I usually get text messages
I´m very happy to read that some else doesn´t like that, either.
Yes, yes, yes – I am exactly the same. It bothers my hubby so much because he is the talker out of us, but I just can’t help it. So pleased I’m not the only one!
Have a wonderful mothers day
Renata:)
I am COMPLETELY with you! My husband always has to make the calls for me. I don’t know if I could qualify as antisocial or what, but unless I’m with REALLY good friends I sometimes feel flustered when having face-to-face conversations, too. But, yeah, phone conversations always make me nervous. I’m one of those sad individuals who would much rather send a hand written note or an email.
Allow me to comfort you Kim. I’m worse than you
I just don’t like being on the phone period. Although making the call is definitely worse. But for me it’s not only that, I avoid most new social situations like the plague, especially if my husband isn’t going to be with me.
Apparently the name for it I’ve recently learned is social anxiety disorder. Like Renata said, my husband is really bothered by it too. Blogging has helped me tremendously to be more comfortable socially, you’re confession helps too
-It’s always nice to know you’re not the only one!
Absolutely. I was a lawyer in the days ‘bc’ (before children), and I was always very confident talking to people because I knew that I had something intelligent to say.
Now, my natural shyness comes to the fore and I hate making phone calls – I sometimes feel like I have nothing to talk about other than how many nappies I changed today, and why would any normal self-respecting business person be interested in that???
And that is despite the fact that I am now a work at home business person myself! I am feeling your pain, Kim.
I dislike making calls too. My husband makes the call for pizza. If I want to carpool driving the kids to a church youth activity, I often ask my oldest daughter to make the call. Some calls are unavoidable, but I tend to procrastinate making them.
This is so me! You are not alone!
I feel the same way! I have no idea why though I suppose the quiet person being afraid to keep up the conversation thing certainly applies to me. I also feel a moment of nervousness when church ends and I all of a sudden have to socialize with people. It is a small church and I know everyone and yet I still feel it every week.
… I thought I was the only one! I avoid making phone calls until I absolutely HAVE TO. Leaving a message is worse because I’m never expecting it.
It is nice to know that I am not alone with this phone thing either. Hate it!
I’m like Elena…although I’m not a super “talkative” person, I usually do OK face-to-face. But I can’t stand to make phone calls!
I think it also has to do with the question of what in their day I’m interrupting to call…when I bump into them face-to-face, I know…but not when I’m just calling!
But I identify with every one of your dislikes of phone calling.
At least we’re all crazy together.
You are totally *not* weird! My sister and I both feel the same way! Unless it is the immediate family members, of course.
Once we have been on the phone for a few minutes or when we get off we can breathe a sigh of relief and agree with our mom that is wasn’t all really that bad, but before it happens….. 
Yepp, I’m a weirdo too.
Don’t like calls at all and am so afraid, that at some times I am not able to understand what the other person said. Most people don’t understand. Some even broke off contact with me, because I feel so uncomfortable on the phone. I tried to explain, but they are convinced I’m not comfortable with them…
Thank you for posting this!
Hey, me too! I dread it…for days, sometimes!!!
Me too, actually. And I’m known for being talkative. Rich always gets frustrated with me over it. But he’s worse, because he’ll only talk on the phone under pains of death. : p
What makes it worse is that these days, everyone’s schedule is so not 1950s “predictable”. I hate interrupting dinner or quiet time or whatever. And with cell phones, I don’t want to catch anyone in the bathroom. And there are those that will answer it there. That’s gross people!
If you’re weird, so am I! Up to the point I left the house, I even had my little sister make hair appointments for me. Now I just finished 2 years of working for my husband’s chiropractic office, doing billing and collections. No problem answering the phone. But calling patients and insurance companies? Ugh! I did it, but definitely had to psyche myself up everytime. And I soooo identify the joy of being sent to voice mail:)
Lisa
Goodness me! I think we should start a new group. Phone Call Haters Annonymous. (PCHA) lol. I also get butterflies when making phone calls, and I’m a talkative person! Even when I call my best friend. It makes me feel like I’m invading their daily routine or something.
Ahh well!
ME TOO. The first time I had to make a phone call was in fourth grade. I forgot my homework and mom made me call a friend to get it. I cried on the kitchen floor for 20 minutes before I could even attempt. I’m still the same way. I put off important calls for weeks before I can do them. Once I do, it’s never as bad as I think, but for some reason it’s an intense fear.
I didn’t read the comments this time because I’m in a hurry to go pick up my “new” Suburban, so I might be repeating somebody else.
Even though I’m not as quiet and shy as you are, I HATE making calls too,I don’t even like getting calls unless it’s from someone that I’m very friendly with. My phobia is rooted in the same place as yours. I don’t think on my feet very well. In a chat, comment, facebook and especially in a post, I can think first and then proof-read and edit at my leisure. But during a call you just talk and then instantly regret the fact that you don’t practice more. Gotta go get my car now. Very excited. I still haven’t laid eyes on it, just the photos from Craigslist. Giddy? Me? YES!
I hate the phone. I hate calling and I hate answering equally as much mainly because it is such a time waster. I hate small talk…and if you want to get past the small talk, then you have to commit to a 5 hour phone conversation that leaves you drained. So…I avoid it like the plague. If someone calls, I listen to the message…and then send them an e-mail response. I feel guilty about it, but this post and these comments have been good therapy for me. I don’t think there are phones in heaven, so I’m prepared that way…
4th ring is your… “get out of jail free card”… love that. I prefer leaving messages for the reasons you listed too.
Funny that other ppl feel this way too!
I don’t mind calling people I know, just don’t like calling strangers, business calls etc. I *think* I’m getting better though!
I’m right there with you! I hate calling! I don’t mind getting phone calls, and enjoy chatting. More and more though I would just rather not even do that (though there a those I just can’t avoid, and I do enjoy the “fellowship” ones once they happen!)! I’d much rather talk in person or just e-mail if that could work just as well.
I like texting sooooooooooo much better than a phone call. I usually run out of things to say and get distracted by children anyway. Don’t care much for writing letters, but that may be just because I am woefully impatient about getting the reply
I SO could not agree with you more. I’ve felt this way all my life. The only person in this world I’m never reluctant to call is my husband.
You completely described my OWN problem–I don’t even like to call my own mom or best friend because of the fear of interrupting something. I LOVE my answering machine because it enables me to talk to people at choice, and I love voicemail for the reasons you mentioned!
I too am a naturally quiet person. Maybe that’s it, rather than all the years of teenage phone use with Dad breathing down my neck saying “daylight’s burning; get off the phone!” or something like that. . .
fwiw, i also despise social situations where “small talk” is necessary. it makes me CRAZY and i’d rather stay home with strep throat or something than have to stand around and invent conversations!
Me too!! Feels so good to be amongst others…LOL I drive my husband nuts. He KNOWS how much I dread making phone calls and yet he always seems to ask me to call people and then wonders why I procrastinate so much.
Yes, answering machines are my best friends!
I can relate – I hate makig calls too, but I am not sure why – I am not a quiet, shy person at all, but something about phone calls makes me nervous – I think it must have something to do with an unknown factor – who will answer? what if I don’t explain myself well? blah, blah, blah. So, just to let you know ifyou ever call me, I wont’ make you talk! I will do all teh talking for you if you want!
Karen
I’m a very talkative person and I also hate phone calls. I dislike any instant non-face to face conversation actually (IMs, chat, etc). Probably because I don’t have as much of chance to carefully choose my signify words and there’s no body language to intention.
I also hate voicemails, but that’s just because they’re annoying. I have to use voicemail for work sometimes which is unavoidable, but in my personal life I’ve let my family and friends no that if they leave a me a voicemail, I probably will not respond to it and to text me if it’s urgent (I actually love texting…maybe because I don’t feel like it has to be instantaneous like IMs?) My little joke is “no one under 40 leaves voicemails anyway,” when explaining my anti VM stance to others (which is actually somewhat true statistically speaking).
…should have specified in my first sentence: non face-to-face instantaneous conversation…I don’t mind blog comments, message boards, e-mails, or texting.
I don’t have this problem! I’m the only person on comments so far who doesn’t, but I have a LOT of friends who are that way. Personally I love talking on the phone, but most of my friends live in other states. We go to lots of Vision Forum conferences and I have a tendency to make far-away-friends, and lots of them! I do have a limit of how long I can talk though. I still have to have a life!
giggles,
Natalya
The other day when my husband came home from work he saw that I was not myself and he asked what was wrong. I responded, “I had to make several phone calls today.” He came and gave me a big hug and said, “Oh, I’m sorry.”… What a good man! He has stopped wondering why phone calls freak me out so much; I don’t think either of us will ever figure it out. It is nice to know that I am in good company
…and yes, I cross my fingers hoping for a voicemail (hehe).
Me too! I used to have a job that required me to make a lot of calls to follow up with people and I HATED that part of it so much I would procrastinate and sometimes wait too long to follow up. (not a good employee practice, btw). I was good at all the other aspects of my job, but calling out was terrible. I also had to answer the phone a lot, but I never minded that because they were calling me, and I’m fine because as you say, the burden of conversation is on them.
I do fine calling my mom, but that is about it.
My husband doesn’t understand it, but he has been good about making calls for me that I’m too chicken to make myself.
The worst are calls to friends–I do much better calling complete strangers–isn’t that weird?
Love talking on the phone with friends. I was the typically teenager, after sports practice and homework, I was on the phone until bedtime. Hate leaving voicemail, heck it can take me a week to check my own…that is what texting is for.
BUT, when I have to make calls for work I dread it. Not sure why.
I hate making calls too. I once shared this with a therapist who said “So you hate making phone calls. No big deal. It’s a personal preference.” Still don’t like doing it, but the necessary calls get made and I don’t feel bad about having a preference towards face-to-face or email/text.
I am with you I HATE calling people. I will go out of my way to avoid calling people. All business for our family gets done by my hubby, unless he makes a comment about me being afraid to call and then sometimes I call. Sometimes I just agree with him and tell him he must call. I don’t know why I don’t like to call either. I loved to talk on the phone in high school, but there was less pressure I guess. When I call a business I have I to tell myself that I don’t know this person and I will probably never see them. If it is someone that I know and will have to see again, I agree with you, I am just thankful when I get the answering machine and the ball is in their court.
Wow. I totally relate to everything you said! I didn’t think anyone else was like me! I’m not necessarily a quiet person… I’m somewhere in the middle. It’s funny, if I HAVE to make a call, I feel antsy, depressed and oppressed! I too love the answering machine, unless I leave a stupid message and then I feel like a dork, but a relieved one!
I usually hang up the phone as quickly as possible after the talking is done and then hastily toss it away from me (like on the couch or something soft.).Thank you for writing this, my husband will definitely get a kick out of it!
When my husband was out of the country, and could not order pizza, I went to the pizza place to order in person, and waited for the pizza to be made, so I didn’t have to call someone to order it.
That was when I knew I was nuts. I will do anything I can in order to avoid having to make a phone call.
According to my mom, I’m quite talkitive, but then, I despise making phone calls. And voicemails? Forget it… I can answer the phone, and I love talking to my friends {when they call me} but that’s it.
Oh wow, I had no idea there were so many women out there like me!
I, too, hate making phone calls. Answering them is fine, although talking on the phone in general (especially with a stranger) makes me nervous. My husband makes fun of me for my phobia CONSTANTLY. For me, I think it’s an insecurity issue.
I too hate phone to make and often even to take!
Same here
(I just had to go back and add more to this comment….it said it was too short….so I am adding this little bit of rambling just to let you know…)
I agree! I am a quiet person as well and phone calls make me anxious – no matter who it is. Emal is my Friend.
Ha! I am so like this. Thanks for being so candid about it.
I really dislike making phone calls. I’m normally a pretty quite person, plus I don’t like not knowing if I’m interrupting something. I prefer text, writing, or e-mailing if possible.
Could not have said it better myself.
WOW. This is so encouraging to me. I really thought I was the only one with the out-bound calling phobia. I really don’t mind receiving them, but am terrified to call. I often try to figure out what is motivating my fear. Miscommunication? (It’s so hard when you can’t see facial expressions). Have to guess someone’s name and get it wrong? (That’s why all families ought to teach their children to say their names when they answer the phone — for people with phone phobias!) I just don’t communicate well on the phone, and I admire women who are at ease on the phone and can keep their train of thought and be their husbands’ secretaries! And I know I don’t need to keep rambling here, but I am afraid of making phone calls, but I do think it is good for me to do difficult things … makes me have to rely on God more when things get challenging!
I hate calling people too! Mostly because I feel like I’m interrupting their busy lives with something as trivial as myself. Unless I really, absolutely have to call, I generally try to text or email so that they can respond at their convenience.
Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one with this problem! It also drives my husband crazy, he believes I should have no problem since I’m such a big talker in person. 1) that’s useually with my mom. and 2) it’s face to face, much easier!
Hope you have a great mothers day!
I am the same way as you! In fact, my parents, in-laws have been after me for 30+ years because I don’t call often enough. Now…I have one ticked off daughter-in-law because I don’t call often enough to her liking. She’s a talker, so the conversation wouldn’t be lacking, but if she wants to chit chat, she can call me..right? lol I’d call if there was a real emergency and I’d be upset if I got the voice mail….in the mean time….I hate making phone calls. You are not alone!
I could have written this!! So nice to know I’m not the only one. And I think you described the “why” very well.
I hate making phone calls too!
I feel like all of you who don’t like calling for pizza delivery should know that Dominos has an internet order option! And the best part is after you order, they put in where they are, on a tracker. So you can leave the page up and it will say “so and so is preparing your pizza”, “your pizza is in the oven”, “your pizza is en route”, so you know how close it is to getting to you.
Wow! I always thought I was the only one who hated phone calls so much. I only really like talking on the phone to my Mom, mother-in-law, one of my sisters, my sister-in-law, and my husband. I have a few friends whom I adore and will talk to on the phone because in-person isn’t an option, but I just really don’t like talking on the phone. I know lots of people knock Facebook because of how impersonal it is, but it really helps me to keep in contact with people that I probably wouldn’t otherwise because of my phone aversion, and I am so grateful for it!
I absolutely could have written this post myself!! (glad I’m not alone!
) It only bothers me that it means I don’t keep up with my dad and sisters very well. They’re not phone callers, either, and we live in different states. 
When I read this to my hubs, he asked if I wrote it, since it sounds like me.
It’s not that I don’t like phone calls it just that usually the person who calls, thinks they are listening to cage fighting in the background when it’s simply the children playing. They then feel obligated to end the phone call.
Also, most conversations have at least 37 “Can you hold on for just a minute?” leaving the person on the other line feeling forgetful of why the called me in the first place.
I’m not the only one??? Wow! It makes me feel better because you seem so clever and witty. I am NOT. I feel socially awkward, especially on the phone.
I was very talkative until we lost our 8th little one at birth.After a traumatic birth he was stillborn.Anyways,after this experience I became quiet and reserved and still hate to call anyone outside of my family and don’t like to call some in my family,HAH!! Its been three years now and I don’t know if I will ever return to the other way.Oh well,glad I like me and my family likes me.One nice thing is I really have learned a lot since I am quiet as I listen a lot more than before.
I feel like that too and I am a quiet person. I have to rehearse what I am going to say before I do the call.
Maybe why telemarketers (before prerecorded messages) were paid so well!
I have a friend who has to call me twice-once to see if I answer, if I do, then we talk. But if I don’t answer she can’t just leave message on whim, she must think about it, prepare herself and call back. It cracks me up. I bet she knows just how you feel.
I remember telling my sister that when I leave my parents home, I won’t get a phone. I did end up getting one, but still barely use it. I think there’s something strange about talking on a machine to another person. Except for my family. Reading the comments about others who also don’t like talking on the phone except with their husbands makes me very thankful that God gave us our own husbands to love and talk to. I think one of the saddest things must be in not being able to talk to one’s husband. I am also very grateful God gave us writing to express ourselves. Email is one of the best inventions, I think. It’s funny that I now write many more emails than I call with my phone. I never knew how helpful my iPhone would be. I do try to call my mother once a week to honor her.
THANK YOU I detest making phone calls, to the extent that some important things to this day remain undone, which should have been done. I am eternally thankful for email
That’s exactly how I feel! I hate making phone calls too, but I don’t mind so much if someone calls me. I’m rather shy, and the thought of calling anyone on the phone (except for a few exceptions – family, our neighbors who we’ve known most of my life). E-mail is MUCH easier for me. Talking in person isn’t too bad either most of the time, It used to be much worse, but it’s not quite so scary as it used to be.
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels like that about phone calls.
Well, most people here have come at it from your angle, but you did ask whether talkative people think you’re off your rocker.
I’m talkative, I think, but I don’t think you’re off your rocker. I can see where you would think that you have to lead the conversation b/c you called and initiated it, but for me, it would depend whom I am calling. I have a good number of friends who would gladly do the leading for me, and I generally let them do it if they seem inclined. And with those who aren’t so inclined, I just make it short and sweet unless there is something else I’d like to say or ask them about. I like to pretend that the person on the other end of the phone is feeling more awkward than me if I have any leanings that way before making a call.
Heh, all that said, I generally like email for non-essential or non-immediate things, b/c then people can read and respond in their own time.
And as for people worrying about what they’re interrupting if they call someone, I have two things to say:
1) It was that person’s choice to have a telephone in the first place, and they have to know that people aren’t able to see into their homes to see if they’re interrupting something. Why worry?
2) The person you are calling has a choice in whether or not to answer the phone. If they choose to answer it, why worry?
That’s why I like computers. I don’t have to talk.
I completely agree. It’s crazy the things we just haven’t done because I didn’t want to make the phone call.
What helps me is to rehearse what I need to say as well as a few possible outcomes.
Ah yes, I hate the phone call too. I never know what to say or when or how to end the call. Can I just email you?
My husband MAKES me talk to family. And MAKES me call our daughter. WHY? I mean, she can read, right? I mean, she’s 20, after all.
I loved reading this! I am very much the same way. I despise talking on the phone. I don’t know why it makes me so nervous but I might as well dose up on Rescue Remedy before dialing, because it just makes me SOOOO uncomfortable!!
I’ve been meaning to add my “Amen!” to this post for a while now. I’m the exact same way: I love for friends to call me but avoid placing phone calls myself whenever possible. Am I overly considerate or overly selfish? An inquiring mind wants to know!