2011 June

4 Moms have a picnic (linky!)

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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June 30, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms have a picnic (linky!)

Another week has come and gone, and it’s Thursday again. This is the day we 4 Moms try to convince our 35 children to entertain themselves and each other without talking to us every 14 seconds. That’s not because we don’t enjoy our children’s company or conversation, but so that we can write a post on a topic that we hope will be helpful to all you younger moms. You can’t wait for your children to begin talking, and we’re trying to convince ours to stop for breath every now and then.

In case you’re wondering, it doesn’t work. The kids still knock on the door every 14 seconds to show me their latest picture, or ask me to dress the doll again, or hug my leg and beg for a “boo.” No, they don’t all do that; you know what I mean. Some want to discuss the news story they heard on the radio yesterday, or the shape of a graph for a particular type of equation, or what Americans were thinking when they elected Obama and what he really should do to fix the economy.

I like to see and hear what they want to show and tell me but for your sake, Dear Reader, I hurry them along and shoo them out again. So you can learn what I know about picnic foods. Trust me, you’d learn more from my children.

“What does the Shoe family eat on picnics?” you ask. The Shoe family doesn’t do picnics. Maybe we’re wet blankets. Somehow picnics just haven’t entered our family repertoire, and I’ve never thought to feel guilty about it. Should I?

That’s not to say my children don’t know about picnics – see? Didn’t I say you would learn more from them than from me? My little ones beg for picnics several times each week, and they nearly always get them. “You want to go play outside? For a long time? While your older sisters are doing math? Off of the deck and away from the front door? Of course!”

When my Littles go on picnics in the woods surrounding our house, they usually carry little brown bag lunches with them. Don’t worry; I know the story of Hansel and Gretel, so I remind them to stay close enough that they can see the house peeking through the trees. Because they are too little to know better, I skip the formality of individual wrapping for their foods inside their little lunch bags. This means the only trash that ~~might~~ will be left to blow around our 5 acres is (1) brown and (2) biodegradable.

When they ask for a picnic lunch, the contents are usually a surprise until they head out the door with their lunch sack in hand. I don’t worry about keeping suitable foods on hand, because variety is part of the fun, and tiny amounts of 8 different things are more exciting than a sandwich and a bag of chips.

Contents may include:

carrot sticks
1/4 apple
1/3 banana
raisins
peanut butter and jelly “robot” (Perry’s way of saying “rollup,” a sandwich made with a tortilla and rolled up)
a few almonds
a few chocolate chips
a leftover dinner roll made into a pb&j
chunks of cheese
a cookie
cucumber slices
a roma tomato (some of my kids LOVE tomatoes)
a few tortilla chips or pretzels

I might also give one child something special to share with all the others. Sometimes this is a secret surprise, so the others don’t know about it until the happy bearer pulls it out. If there’s anything better than a picnic bag full of surprises, it’s one more surprise when you thought you were done!

As you can see, the menu is nothing groundbreaking or even exciting, but the sampler style lets them trade bits and pieces with each other and gives them plenty of choices, and they think it’s great fun. They think it’s even better if I write each child’s name on the bag. It’s so easy to prepare that I don’t mind doing it nearly anytime on the spur of the moment, and I keep a large pack of little brown lunch sacks in the cabinet.

The other moms are talking about it too:

What’s your favorite picnic food or tradition? Link up!

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No blog, or no time to post? Share your favorite picnic food or tradition in the comments!

Recent topics:

June 23 - 4 Moms Q&A: homeschooling, meal times
June 16 - 4 Moms: homeschooling the challenging child
June 9 -4 Moms Naptime linky
June 2 – 4 Moms talk about church

About 4 Moms, including more past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids 8 Comments

For tired young mothers of many

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 28, 2011 By kimc

Back when we had a lot of Littles and no Bigs, daily life looked very different. Sometimes it felt a little dark and hopeless. How could I do everything that I need to do? How could I be a good wife, a good mother, a good Christian, while battling morning sickness and creeping chaos of a house with so many little ones?

I struggled to do all the things that I thought I needed to do, often failing. On a good day, I got everyone’s hair done before the mats moved in. Laundry was always a struggle, but somehow I kept up. Children and bedding got washed as needed because I refused to add another thing to The Schedule.

I often stayed up too late, either because the kids needed me or because I was savoring those few quiet hours of the day in which they didn’t need me. Many nights, I was wakened once by a nursing baby, again by a crying 2yo and/or a wet 3yo and/or a sleepwalking 4yo and/or a 5yo who just threw up on the 3yo’s hair. If the days seemed too short, the nights stretched on forever. Neither afforded much time for sleep or rest.

At that time in our life, we had no family within 1,000 miles. The church Perry had attended since he was 15 had dissolved in a mess ugly beyond belief. He was unhappy at his primary job, and working 2 more jobs on the side. We had personal problems and marriage problems. In spite of a few local friends, we felt very alone in our world.

That was the bad side. Sometimes, that’s what I remember about those early days. When people told me to enjoy them because they would pass too quickly, I just hoped they were right.

But I also remember walking to the library on a crisp day with a double stroller packed full of shining faces. I remember the friendly librarians who smiled when we walked in and knew us all by name. We spent a lot of time there!

I remember our friends at the cheese factory who always greeted us with bright smiles, free tours, and sample bags for each child packed full of all the best kinds of cheese in the world. Every visit turned into a picnic.

I remember building the Great Wall of China in the living room with wooden blocks, and a 4 foot Eiffel Tower made entirely of marshmallows.

I remember using Five in a Row for school. We read endless picture books, and every single one was a favorite.

I remember snow forts and hide-and-seek and a giant wooden playset given to us for free by an acquaintance I barely knew. Her husband worked at a local lumber store and was able to borrow a big flatbed truck to deliver it for us, fully assembled and ready for use.

I remember grocery trips that began and ended with laughter, packed full of smiles and compliments from every passer-by.

I remember the hot air balloon festival at the county fairgrounds, just a few blocks away.

I remember long family bike rides all over our little town with 2 little ones in a bike trailer behind each of us, and a fifth child on a baby seat, 8yo Deanna trailing behind on a bike of her own. She seemed so big to us back then, and now she’s nearly 18.

I remember trips to the zoo, to used book stores, to Chuck E. Cheese, to our friends in the country with the huge country house, to Texas and Tennessee and Oregon. We may not have gone to Disneyland every year, but we made memories – good memories!

Why do I sometimes think of those days as dark and full of chaos? They were also some of our happiest, most carefree times.

I think attitude plays a huge part in what we remember, how we remember it, and which memories we call to mind.

You can’t change your attitude in the past, but you can pray for a good attitude today and in the future. You can choose which memories to review and relive, and which to let go. You can look back with a good attitude and call to mind the good times, forgetting the bad ones – or seeing how God used those bad times to bless you in ways you didn’t understand at the time.

Now I’m the mom with older children, speaking to the tired young mother. Now I’m telling you to enjoy those days, because they will pass quickly. It’s true. I nodded and smiled when they said it to me, but I didn’t really believe their words.

Now I see the end of my baby days coming soon, the end of a season approaching. Yesterday, I was you. Today, I am my mom. Tomorrow, I’ll be my grandmother. They were right. It does happen quickly. I’m sorry I ever doubted them.

Yes, your days are long and busy, and you never seem to get enough sleep. You don’t think you spend enough one-on-one time with your children, and you feel guilty or stressed or worried. I’m not discounting that. This a busy season in life, and a hard one.

But still enjoy it. Remind yourself to remember the good times, and let the bad times fade out of time and mind. Ask God to help you do better tomorrow, and let the day’s failures disappear when you crawl into bed.

Filed Under: Best of, parenting, thoughtful stuff 38 Comments

Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 28, 2011 By kimc

Perry is 5 today, and he’s feeling his age. He was all business when he came into my room early this morning for some work clothes so he could go with his dad. After a late-night party he woke up in shorts and a polo shirt, but he knew that wouldn’t do. Even when I grunted something about his shirt still looking clean, he was unconvinced.

“Mom, I need a button-up for work.” And jeans, definitely jeans. A shiny new cap gun in a leather holster just doesn’t hang right on khaki cargo shorts, and the boots and spurs would look all wrong. The boy needed jeans and a button-up for work.

263894 2231196577844 1185765038 32887974 7353563 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Going to work with Dad is part of the birthday tradition in our house, but rumor has it one of the guys at work also provides chocolate birthday donuts.

269555 2231247299112 1185765038 32888080 841589 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Like his sister yesterday who had a birthday yesterday, he opted for a high-end lunch at an establishment with an atmosphere appropriate to the occasion at hand.

260195 2231702270486 1185765038 32888823 7551272 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Of course they both conducted themselves with the utmost dignity.

263658 2231695270311 1185765038 32888810 6325871 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

And because it’s the big event in his life right now, a few shots from Perry’s upcoming gig as a young Sinatra impersonator. He plans to lip-sync “You Make Me Feel So Young” at our church talent show in a couple of weeks. Last night was his first semi-public performance, in front of his grandma, a few aunts and uncles, and some cousins. Call me biased, but I think he’s going to be the next YouTube viral video.

The boy has talent.

267393 114520038639559 100002446910064 128415 1357848 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Look at him croon.

269513 114520158639547 100002446910064 128419 1370758 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Now’s he’s belting it out, caressing the microphone.

263114 114520191972877 100002446910064 128421 4239659 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

263461 114520241972872 100002446910064 128423 2285187 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

Oh, it’s the smolder.

269850 114520458639517 100002446910064 128429 3033959 n Happy birthday, Perry Boy!

That’s my boy. He makes me feel so young!

Filed Under: birthdays/holidays 7 Comments

Happy birthday to Bethany!

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 27, 2011 By kimc

Our sweet Bethany turned 3 and got to celebrate her first day at work with Dad!

269915 2228302585496 1185765038 32882175 4285778 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

She also had a birthday lunch with Dad at a place with a puh-lay-ground!

270232 2229180727449 1185765038 32883957 3251064 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

And on the way home, Dad bought her 2 new duh-ress-es!

[pics to come]

I can’t help but share a few of Megan’s photos of Bethany, too. I just can’t get enough of these eyes:

264174 114519301972966 100002446910064 128400 7391662 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

And that laugh

267571 114519165306313 100002446910064 128397 1376423 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

and the smile

267535 114519255306304 100002446910064 128399 7877764 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

263414 114518855306344 100002446910064 128386 7015228 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

But the eyes? Wow!

261209 114519478639615 100002446910064 128405 640181 n Happy birthday to Bethany!

Filed Under: birthdays/holidays 4 Comments

Life with Littles

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 24, 2011 By kimc

I’ve often been asked how I got through each day back when we had lots of little ones and no older children to help out. I have written about those bygone years before, but it’s been a long time and there’s no harm in revisiting old subjects is there?

The easy answer is that I got through the days one at a time. Anyone can run a house with 6 little ones for a day, right? Just one day? All it takes is 3 meals (2 if you cheat or run so late that breakfast turns into brunch), a load of laundry (better make it whites!), a few baths (or send them out to play in the hose; who will know the difference?), and straighten the house after they’re in bed. Somewhere along the line, squeeze in a few minutes each of Bible reading and reading lessons. It’s not ideal and it won’t work that way forever, but you can do this. Some days you can do a little more, and some days your 4yo will tell you she was out of undies 2 days ago.

Don’t fret about the fact that you have to do it all again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…Matthew 6:34 says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

God doesn’t give us the grace, or the energy, or the patience we need for the whole upcoming year all in one dose. He measures it out for us day by day, like the manna He gave the Israelites in the wilderness. Planning ahead is good in general, but when the Israelites tried against God’s command to gather enough manna for the following day they found it rotted. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Do your best today. God’s way keeps you coming back to Him. If you start feeling like you can do this all on your own, things are about to go downhill.

I said that was the easy answer, but it’s not the only answer.

Things went better if I worked hard and made good use of my time. I had more energy back then and got by on less sleep than I do now. We sometimes made cookies instead of doing laundry, but more often it was the other way around. I once made a full round of fancy Easter dresses, working late into the night. Never again, but some of those dresses are still in circulation. Those days were often a blur, and I have mercifully forgotten much of the hurry and bustle and exhaustion. I have also forgotten many of the good times, but that’s ok. I have living and visible reminders all around me, and they remember.

Things went better if I reminded myself that this was only a season in life. Sometimes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but remember those busy days won’t last as long as they feel. In a year or two, you won’t have the same crew of Littles you have now plus a new baby. Your whole crew will be a year or two older. They will all move up a step, and the baby will have a new name and face. In effect, you’ll have a new oldest child, not a new baby. This realization was an epiphany for me when I felt like I was at the end of my rope with 4, 4yo and under.

Things went better if Perry and I stayed on the same page, and on good terms. We had times when our relationship wasn’t the best, and I’ll readily confess that these times were hard not just as a wife but as a mother. There is a trickle-down effect, and parents need to realize that their relationship with each other and with God deeply affects their children. I was and am a Christian first, then a wife, then a mother. I am His, then his, then theirs. I do the children no favors when I allow my priorities to become skewed.

Things went better if I was consistent in the children’s training. It’s so much easier to mother a child who obeys commands the first time than one who tests every boundary, every time. I know every child is different, but a challenging child is not an excuse for ineffective parenting. It only means we must – must – work harder at parenting effectively. Invest time early, and your days will go much more smoothly. That’s the blessing of consistent rules and discipline: if the boundaries are clear and firm, your children will learn that it’s fruitless to test them. There is no need for 2′s to be terrible.

Things went better if I got sleep. This is more easily said than done, but sometimes we fool ourselves. I tell myself that I need to wind down after the kids are in bed, but before I know it, it’s 1 AM. It’s so easy to vegetate in front of the TV after a long day of chasing toddlers and putting out fires, but even now I know that my day will go better if I don’t allow myself that free time in the evening. Go to bed! Yes, you might need to wind down, but 40 minutes of winding down in bed is better than 3 hours of winding down in front of the TV or the computer.

Things went better when I thought of “me time” as a gift, not a right. If I didn’t feel entitled to “me time,” it was a sweet gift when it came. Grocery shopping alone in the evening, volunteering to mow a lawn for a summertime customer while Perry stayed home with the kids, a late-night in-house movie with my sweetheart: these were welcome times, but if they were few and far between that was ok. In the high-power career of Motherhood, you are a highly valuable asset to the corporation. The hours are long and replacements are rare, expensive and poorly trained. You knew that when you signed up for the job, right?

Things went better if my attitude was good. And now we’ve come full circle. It was easy to stress about tomorrow, and worry that because we didn’t do reading lessons or Bible today our children were doomed to grow up ignorant heathens. But all that was really required was to repent if I was squandering time or making poor choices about priorities, then try to do better in the morning.

Filed Under: Best of, madness, methods 31 Comments

Questions from the trenches

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 23, 2011 By kimc

I’d like to write a few helpful posts for moms in the trenches, who might not have 4 teen daughters and a never-ending supply of ice cream. Wait – the ice cream is gone? Why is the ice cream gone?!

Anyway, what would you like to know? If you and I were sitting on my deck, sipping our homemade frappucinos, how would you complete the following sentence:

“How would/did/do you…?”

Filed Under: methods, questions 27 Comments

4 Moms Q&A: homeschooling, meal times

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 23, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: homeschooling, meal times Fun, fun! I love Q&A posts, even though you all ask some hard questions. I’m especially unsure when answering questions about homeschooling, which is probably why I have been saving them all up for a single post.

Why am I unsure about homeschooling questions? Because there are so many ways to do it, and it’s so hard to say that one way is The Right Way or The Best Way.

That’s not to say that there are no wrong answers and we should all follow the path that feels right, but like creating a menu, there can be many paths to a healthy diet for the body and the mind. We may share similar goals but have very different circumstances and methods for achieving those goals.
Nonetheless, I’ll gladly answer from my own perspective and hope that others can glean something of value or at least laugh at how far off I am.

For homeschooling resources, check out Vision Forum’s current sale: save up to 60% on over 300 homeschool items!

With that disclaimer and with tongue placed firmly in cheek, here we go:

Malia asked,

How do you honestly and truly keep your kids schoolbooks orderly? Does anyone at your house under the age of 13 have the same journal or book journal thry had last year? So is there a consequence for doing your math in your science notebook? Well you couldn’t find it.

Also, how do you get messy writers become neat writers?? I think you may understand the length and breadth of this question.

Malia,
I’ve been teasing Perry lately that he has broken me. I used to be highly organized, and clung tightly to all the concepts you listed above. He is a more happy-go-lucky guy, gliding happily through life, shaking his head in bewilderment at why we moms constantly stress out over the details.

Under his influence, I have gradually relaxed the schedule, the lesson plans and curriculum, the dedicated notebooks and journals, and even the penmanship.

You know what? Even without me stressing constantly over school, our children continued to learn. They still learned new math concepts even when they did their math in pen on an unlined piece of scrap paper. They still did their other subjects even if they had to spend 10 minutes searching for the book they didn’t put away properly yesterday. They still filled journals, and their atrocious handwriting improved as they got older and wrote more.

Speaking of handwriting, one subject in which most of my children have not compared favorably with public schoolers is penmanship. I know we could change this by spending more time on the subject, but I have a slightly different response. I think the difference is largely because they don’t spend as much time doing “busy work,” assigned just to fill their time. Their handwriting improves on a different schedule as they get older and naturally begin to write more. This realization has allowed me to relax as they focus on other areas, while better handwriting follows in its time.

Nicki is scared:

I would love to read anything about beginning to homeschool….I’m scared to death!

Nicki,

Keep in mind, you don’t have to recreate the institutional schooling experience in your home. That is a system designed for the classroom, and not at all appropriate for the home. There are much better and easier ways to do the job and make homeschooling a part of your daily life rather than trying to make life fit around a school schedule.

A great place to start is Victoria Botkin’s CD, Curriculum Advice. She gives plenty of practical advice for getting started, but also helps sooth the fear and uncertainty that so many new homeschoolers face.

Jennifer Dewingo has a question about homeschooling, too:
My eldest is in 10, so that’s about 3rd grade I think (I don’t use one particular curriculum, so I’m guessing) and I haven’t started her, or the others scholars, on a history and science program. I’m thinking of the history program from AIG that Raising Olives has talked about, but that’s not for another 2 years or so. Do you think this would be a problem or not? We do, of course, talk about history details and basic science knowledge (my husband is a chef, so he enjoys talking about the science of cooking). It’s not like they are clueless about things, just not as saturated with details as their public school counterparts are.

Jennifer,

This is a perfect example of when my way might not be a good fit for you and your family, but I don’t think there’s a need to use a structured history program at any point unless you want to, so any time is fine.

In the meantime, just make sure your children are reading plenty of books about history and science, and have them narrate back to you what they have read. Have them write a brief summary of each book. Read aloud to them, both fiction and non-fiction. Listen to audio messages about history – our children loved to hear Bill Potter talk about major battles that changed the course of history and how weapons and fighting techniques changed over the centuries.

If your children are reading good books that bring historical figures to life for them, you’ll be shocked at how much they learn and retain, and you may feel less of a need for a structured program when the time comes.

sarfisch has a really tough question about homeschooling:
I have a schooling question. My baby is 9 months old and I am already stressing about preschool. I live in a large city where there is immense competition to get into the best public schools and even greater competition to get into the best private schools.

My husband and I are seriously considering sending her to a private religious school, but we would have to send her at the age of 3 to secure a spot so (on top of the tuition cost – I won’t even tell you because the cost would make you sick) I am hesitant to “ship off” my baby at such a young age.

Now, getting to my question. I am a working mother, so I have never considered homeschooling an option. Let’s assume I continue to work (I understand your feelings/convictions on mothers’ working), do you believe homeschooling is an option? And if so, how can it be done?

Yes, I think homeschooling is an option for a 2 income family, but why? If you are a Christian – I think you have mentioned in the past that you are – it seems to me you need to examine your goals and ask yourself how you are working toward them. Which is more important: your job, or a Christian education for your daughter? Which type of education moves your family toward its goal: homeschooling, or a private institution that must have your baby from the time she’s 3? If one goal hinders the other, you’ll need to prioritize and make difficult choices.

It’s theoretically possible for a 2 income family to homeschool, but it would be very difficult. I know you can’t possibly provide all the relevant details in an email, but the way you describe the situation seems to set your job at odds with your daughter so that you must give up either her (by shipping her off as a 3yo) or your job for the sake of her education. I know that’s a harsh way to put it, but it’s a hard situation for you.

The question here must be, “What are your goals, and how will you achieve them?”

For us, the answer is that God created each of us to fill a special role in life, and the woman’s role is to be home-centered. A big part of that is child-rearing. While the Bible never specifically prohibits women from working outside the home (some of what the Proverbs 31 woman is outside the home and she is praised for her industriousness), a career outside the home would be a huge roadblock to fulfilling her primary role as a wife and mother.

I think you are beginning to understand the tension between parenthood and an outside career as you wonder how you can give your daughter the upbringing and education you desire for her, yet keep your job.

From: Joede Fleming
First I want to say that I love the way you write. You always seem “real”, not worrying about how other might perceive you. I love that, which is probably why I felt compelled to come to you instead of someone else.
I don’t know many homeschoolers. We have a group in our “area” which is about a 50 mi radius, but they have dropped me as a member because I couldn’t afford the $20 membership fee. Those that I did have contact with at one point were very tight lipped about how their days flowed and how I could help my children learn things they so hated.
I have 6 children, 1 graduates high school this year and hopefully will attend a community college next year to obtain a teachers aide certificate (I know I don’t sound encouraging about this, she has Down syndrome and are hoping the college will grant her access to their classes), an 11yo son who wishes to go to public school much to my chagrin, and those I will homeschool (as of beginning of my official school year) are ages 7, 5, 3, 2.
My will be 7yo does not read yet, and is completely uninterested in anything work related.
This is my first full year schooling so I really need some help in how to teach my 5yo to read, as well as ways to encourage my 7yo.
I just feel lost honestly. We cannot afford to buy new curriculum, my hubby has been out of work for 2yrs and is unable to work due to back problems. I am however going to try and purchase Explode the code as I have heard it is wonderful and also Teaching your child to read in 100 lessons.
I do not have internet access and right now no computer as the video card has gone out.
What can I do to continue educating my children?
I have prayed about this and thought that I was being given signs to return my children to public school but have had nothing but utter anxiety about that thought, which is why I am convinced they need to be home.
Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated. I hope I haven’t made this seem like an overwhelming amount of pressure on you to give me the “right” or “best” answer,becasue those are all individual and I will use what you say as advice and not as what is right and concrete.
God Bless you! Your blog has encourage me, made me smile and given me hope when I needed them all!!
Joede

Joede,

You’re in a difficult and scary situation, but I applaud your determination to homeschool! Remember that your goal is to raise Christian adults, and for this you don’t necessarily need a lot of curriculum or shiny electronics. The Robinson Curriculum is built almost entirely around good books. There’s no need to buy the curriculum itself. With the booklist in hand and a good library, you could almost educate your children for free.

A good library will go a long, long way. Read to your children and with your children, both fiction and non-fiction. You can cover history, science and civics this way without spending a dime. Look for Five in a Row
at your library to get a taste of what you can do with a few good books, then try to expand the concept on your own. You may find that your children enjoy the approach far more than typical textbooks, too.

Read Bible with them every day. We like to gather round the breakfast table and divide up a chapter of Proverbs, with each of us reading a few verses aloud. Then we break up for more private reading.

Have them write something daily – a letter, a short story, a journal entry, a summary of a book they’ve recently finished, copy a poem or a passage of Scripture. Correct their work for spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Spectrum makes inexpensive math workbooks that we like for younger children, and I have even gotten several of these for free from Paperback Swap. Supplement with homemade flashcards.

Listen to Curriculum Advice, above. You’ll be encouraged! You can do this, and God will bless your desire to please Him.

Anna asked,

How do handle mealtimes with self-feeding babies/toddlers? I have 3 children, the youngest is 12 months, and each one has loved to feed themself bite size food as soon as they are able. This makes it very convenient for me to do other things (like feed myself) while they eat, but afterwards we’re left with a ginormous mess. I debate whether it’s worthwhile to just save myself the 15 min clean up afterwards and feed them myself. What do you do?

Anna,

I love that you used the word ginormous. We love that word in our house!

I let my babies and toddlers feed themselves most of the time. We have dogs. There is no mess under the highchair in our house. It’s probably the only floor in my house. I highly recommend this method.

They would lick the kids clean too if I let them, but I prefer to just do a quick wipe-down or even a bath. If you think about it, a bath for a baby or toddler need not take much longer than a diaper change. I don’t even bother to plug the drain. Just strip them down, swish them around a moment with the water running and a wash cloth in my hand, and the job is done.

Oh – don’t forget to put a diaper back on when you’re done, or you’ll have worse messes to worry about.

The other moms are taking questions too:

Recent topics:

May 19 - 4 Moms try to lose the baby weight

May 12 – 4 Moms practice hospitality, and YOU are invited!

May 5 - 4 Moms talk about you-know-what

April 28 - 4 Moms Q&A: sleep, exercise, and making do with one bathroom

April 21 – Large families & church, part 2: keeping them quiet

April 14 – Eating inexpensively on the road

April 7 - 4 Moms teach history

March 24 – Large families & church, part 1: getting there on time

March 17 – Bread baking linky

March 10 – Spring cleaning

March 3 - Books for early readers

February 24 - 4 Moms Q&A: my first audio blog on potty training and more

February 17 – Individual time with children: scary stuff here. Just kidding. Let go of the guilt.

February 10 - Cooking with little ones without losing your sanity

February 3 -Teaching reading, because it’s so much easier than teaching them to use the toilet. Do not request a 4 Moms post about potty training, do you hear me?

January 27 – Q&A: Must-have baby equipment and other nitty gritty stuff

January 20 – Top 10 Books for Preschoolers

January 13 – Soups and Stews

January 6 – Teaching Bible

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, from the mailbag, homeschooling 12 Comments

Dolls for sale

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 23, 2011 By kimc

This is Becca, and Megan is paying me to sell some dolls for her. I don’t get very many chances to earn money, so she’s going to pay me half the price to get somebody to buy her dolls.

If I do get them sold, then first I’m going to do tithes, then savings, then I’ll use the money to buy birthday presents and stuff for Bethany and Perry. Bethany will be 3 on the 27th and Perry will be 5 on the 28th. I got one thing already for Bethany, but I want to get more. I might get Perry some Leather Cowboy Chaps and Vest if I can get enough money.

Now about the dolls. Megan has two brand new dolls for sale.

They are Abigail:

And Liberty:

They usually cost $75 each, but Megan and I are selling them for $45 each, and we will pay the shipping. I think that’s much too cheap, but my mom says nobody will buy them if we charge $50.

If you want one, tell me in the comments and I will tell you how to pay.

Filed Under: Huh? Category? 4 Comments

Father’s Day without Dad

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 21, 2011 By kimc

It’s been a while since I wrote about my dad’s death, and there’s a reason.

At first, it all weighed heavily on my mind. The time at the hospital, the planning, the funeral, the memorial, the meals and family time – they were all undeniably real and present. There was no way to block Dad’s passing from my mind.

But once the immediacy of his death faded, I found that it was easier not to think about him at all – or at least to push away the thoughts when they came. That sounds terrible, like I could just forget at will the man who raised me. I don’t mean that at all. What I mean is that it hurts to remember him, even the good times, so I procrastinate. I’ll think about him later, tomorrow or next week, when the pain has faded a little more.

I can almost hear Scarlett O’Hara’s voice echoing in my head: “I shan’t think about that today!” Tomorrow it will be easier, and I can enjoy the memories rather than just fighting tears. What fun is that?

So I’ve done my best, for better or worse, not to think much about him. If someone shows me a photo, I smile and quickly turn away, pushing backs the thoughts and memories it stirs up. If someone asks how I am, I reply that I’m fine and quickly change the subject. After all, I am fine – if we don’t talk too long about Dad.

I haven’t done much grieving in my life. When my paternal grandparents died, I didn’t have a very close relationship with either one. Our next door neighbor died about 10 years ago, but she was strange and cranky, and while we interacted a lot with her I wouldn’t exactly say I was close to her.

My stillborn daughter Sarah was born and buried all in one day, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief then seemed to forget about her. With no photos, no memories, no time to meet her in this world, there was little I (or any of us) could do in the way of grieving.

The memories of Sarah are as still and quiet as her birth was, content to remain in the back of my mind, never pushing forward and demanding attention like Dad.

Father’s Day was strange: difficult but I didn’t realize it until the next day. Dad stayed in the back where he belongs now, but he didn’t like it. I felt sensitive and emotional and didn’t know why. The girls and I made a big breakfast and bacon roses for the father of my children, but I didn’t really feel like eating.

I felt self-absorbed. I took offense at the slightest criticism, no matter how well merited. The following day, I wanted to tell my husband, a father of 10 children, that Father’s Day should have been about me this year. I didn’t talk to Mom or any of my siblings. I didn’t call my father-in-law and tell him how glad I am that he is still with us. Father’s Day without an earthly father reminded me to be thankful for my Heavenly Father, but this didn’t soothe the ache.

Once again, I’m shocked at how it feels to lose my dad. He loved the Lord but he was crusty, cranky, deeply flawed. He was short-tempered and blustering. He loved to tease little ones to tears, yet they always came back for more. For the last year, he was so sick, so thin, so ready to go be with his Lord. We were ready for him to go. So how is it possible to feel his loss so much?

Like him, I was the oldest and we were both headstrong. We butted heads often, especially during my teen years. He made me cry then, and he’s still doing it.

There are no photos in this post. I hope you understand why.

Filed Under: grieving 15 Comments

Beach trip 2011

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 18, 2011 By kimc

Just in case you’re wondering, the beach was wonderful, incredible, exciting, fabulous, amazing, adventurous. How could it fail to be any of the above and a hundred more synonyms for fun? It was the beach. Some of us thought we would love to own a house on the beach and live there. Some of us thought the novelty would wear off too quickly. I would love the opportunity to learn who is right and who is wrong.

IMAG01101 300x179 Beach trip 2011

Since we were going to spend 2 nights and 3 days there, I hatched a plan to aid the sunblock and delay the inevitable sunburns: we would spend a few hours on the beach early in the morning, then for the heat of the day we would hide in our hotel rooms or the beach house rented by the extended family. The little ones could have their naps while the big ones played cards, visited, etc. After a siesta, we would once again hit the sand and play for the rest of the day while the sun sank low behind us.

We left our house insanely early Monday morning and arrived around 11 AM after a 5.5 hour drive. Immediately ditching the anti-sunburn plan, we all donned swimsuits, slathered on the BBQ sauce, and hit the surf.

We saw the standard seagulls, but also huge brown pelicans, soaring and diving around us. How can something so ugly be so majestic at the same time?

We saw whole schools of fish at the crest of nearly every way, all around us. We laughed every time one flipped out of the water and flew back in. We squealed at the seaweed brushing our legs, suspecting jellyfish instead. I spotted dorsal fins moving back and forth, surfacing and disappearing just beyond the nearby sandbar. When I pointed them out to the others with me, we convinced each other that they were just dolphins (I know, I know. They’re really porpoises).

When we spotted a whole ~~school~~ fever of stingrays (yes, I had to look it up )on the crest of a wave 20 feet away, we decided it was time to join the little kids on the shore.

Late in the day Perry Boy spotted something alive on the shore. He screamed and pointed, “DAD! I see something like a CRAB!” It was a big crab, which we carried back in a bucket to show the rest of our group. Fortunately we got a picture of the exact moment he spotted it.

The next day, our plan fell through. We slept right through the cool morning hours, put on more BBQ sauce, and climbed back into the frying pan. It was great.

OK, I’m exaggerating a little. First we went to the free aquarium at the nearby Texas Sea Center, where I looked long and hard at the dorsal fin of every single shark on display. I was relieved to see that none resembled the dorsal fins I had seen the day before. They were just dolphins. Right? Right??

At the Sea Center, we crowded around the touch tank to touch all the different types of crabs – hermit crabs, shameface crabs, stone crabs, blue crabs, spider crabs.

IMAG00921 300x179 Beach trip 2011

We looked in the other tanks at the endless varieties of fish, large and small, drab and colorful.

We saw electric eels and morays.

The little kids had great fun making crayon rubbings at an art station, and left all of them lying there.

A few of the kids bought shark tooth necklaces for $2.

And then they begged to go back to the beach. Of course, nice parents that we are, we obliged.

We sauced up and hit the sand again while the sun was still at its peak. By the end of the day, most of us were nicely toasted.

Dinner was our first-ever shrimp boil. I think everyone agreed it was glorious, and we plan to do it again soon with or without seafood. My mom was wishing she had thought to serve meals that way back when she was serving 3 meals a day to 10 or 15 kids. Just think of all the dishes that would be saved! Then she realized that she did think of it, but Dad wouldn’t let her feed us from a trough. Somehow it seems much classier when you do it in a beach house.

At some point, a couple of the girls realized that they had hatchling crabs in their swimsuits and they showed us the tiny things, barely visible to the human eye. We compared notes and realized that the faint itchy/pinchy feelings we had all experienced in the water were probably not ant bites like they would have been at home. No, you don’t get ants in your pants at the beach. You get crabs in your swimsuit.

After a little thought, we cautioned the girls against telling people that they had crabs. Nice girls don’t get crabs, and we didn’t want to give people the wrong idea. Tact and discretion required a more precise name. We had infant crustaceans in our swimsuits.

On the last day, Kaitlyn made an incredible lifesize mermaid in the sand with lovely seaweed hair. Isn’t she lovely? My sister has a picture of Kaitlyn lying on the sand with her mermaid friend. I’m watching facebook to see if it shows up…

IMAG01201 300x179 Beach trip 2011

Oh, wait. She’s not a mermaid. See? No tail. Here’s a pic with Rachael and the sand-maiden:

Our last stop before we left town was the jetty, about a mile down the beach. Mom and some of my sibs drove over with us, and we all had a long, leisurely amble far out into the ocean.

The sun was blazing down on us but the breeze made it bearable, at least for those of us who had more tan and less burn. We finally got to see dolphins with dorsal fins that matched what I had seen while swimming.

We saw a freshly killed sea turtle with a plastic line wrapped around one flipper, and wondered just how it had died. Did a fisherman kill it because it had fouled a net? Did he find it suffering and kill it out of mercy? Did it simply climb up on the rocks to die? My brother took it by the line and swung it back into the water, avoiding the puddle of blood around it.

We saw schools of much bigger fish than we had seen swimming, and I saw several groups of what looked like angelfish. Perry suggested that our stingray sighting was actually fish like these, but Deanna accused us of ruining a perfectly good stingray story and I agree. They were not flat fish. We saw stingrays in the water.

We saw several piles of small fish that had been caught in nets by some of the fisherman. They had picked through them for bait, then left the rest to die on the hot rocks when they were done fishing for the day. Natalie and Becca were horrified at the waste of life and threw the ones that were still alive back into the water. I concurred. Hunting and fishing are good stewardship, but wasting the resources God has given us is just that: wasteful. Why wouldn’t these fisherman want to throw back the little ones for another day?

We found multitudes of tiny snails on the rocks where the waves washed against them, and I gently pulled some off to show Perry. He was scared of crabs, but loved these little guys. He was disappointed that he couldn’t take them home to keep as pets, but we assured him they would quickly die.

Credits for the photographer for most of the photos in this post:

er…the big guy. Not the little redhead, though I’m fond of her too.

Filed Under: big family, photos 10 Comments

Shrimp Boil

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 17, 2011 By kimc

At the beach this week, we had our first-ever Shrimp Boil. My sister-in-law had told me about the boils her family enjoyed as a part of their beach-going traditions, and we were eager to try it ourselves. It was a huge success, and we can’t wait to do it again with or without the seafood!

I used the spices I found available in my area, and on the advice of a brother-in-law I used 2 or 3 times as much as the label suggested. We like spicy food, and ours came out nicely spicy. Any more would have been too much for the little ones, but as it was they all loved it.

Shrimp boil

serves 20-25

4 oz. Zatarain’s Shrimp & Crab Boil (liquid)
1/2 cup Crawfish, Shrimp & Crab Boil (powder by Louisiana Fish Fry Products)
2.5 gallons water
2 lemons, cut in wedges
1 onion, cut in wedges
4 lbs. smoked sausage, cut in 1″ chunks (can also use hot dogs or cooked bratwurst)
5 lbs. small red potatoes
16 ears corn, shucked and cleaned and broken into thirds
4 lbs. raw shrimp
1 lb. raw scallops (buy the extra large; little ones will shrink into oblivion. I wish we had used 2 lbs.)

This is only half the food; we fed about 25 people!

Cook outdoors if possible. Combine seasonings, water, lemon and onion in a 5 gallon pot. Bring to a boil and add sausage & potatoes. While you wait, spread newspaper or other disposable covering on the table where you will eat.

Return to a boil, wait 10 minutes, and add corn. While you wait, melt 2 sticks of butter. Set a bowl at each end of the table.

Return to a boil, wait 5 minutes, and add seafood. Call everyone in from the water, and set out a couple loaves of bread for people to tear into chunks and eat with their dinner.

Return to a boil, wait 3 minutes, and make sure shrimp are pink all the way through. While you wait, think about how you’re going to drain a 5 gallon pot with a 2 quart colander.

Drain. Did your plan work?

Dump all the food onto the prepared table and have at it! No plates or utensils allowed. This is finger food.

Filed Under: food 9 Comments

4 Moms: homeschooling the challenging child

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 16, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms: homeschooling the challenging child Well, I did it again.

We’re at the beach having a fun and wonderful couple of days with lots of sun, surf, good food and family, and I left my brain at home.

I stayed up late Tuesday night working on my 4 Moms post so that I could be ahead of the game and have Wednesday free to play, and guess what I did: I did the wrong 4 Moms topic. So now I’m really ahead of the game because next week’s post is ready, but I can’t go play with my friends until this week’s chores are done.

le sigh.

We’re going to tell you a little about homeschooling the “different” or challenging child. We don’t have any diagnosed disabilities in our household, though I have to admit I wonder every now and then. Is it really that hard to keep your bedroom clean? Maybe they do have a problem. Is there a name for a disorder that prevents one from seeing a mess and cleaning it up, like the opposite of OCD? Cleaning Preventative Syndrome? Oblivious Disorder? I think we have that.

But while we don’t have any official learning disorders, I do suspect that at least one of our children is mildly dyslexic, and some have simply been ready later than others. We have dealt with this mainly by relaxing. There is no need for them to learn on a schedule, so long as their minds are active and growing. If a child is struggling with a concept, we put it aside and work on something else for a time. That “something else” may or may not be related to the struggle, but when we are ready to revisit the struggle, we often find that it goes much differently.

This has been the case with reading for several of our children. None have read before the age of 6 1/2, and some have not read fluently until 9 or 10, but all so far are voracious readers. It’s important in these cases to read aloud with and to the child so that learning can continue and his/her vocabulary can continue to grow – audio books are wonderful too – but in our experience no damage has been done by waiting a bit until she’s ready to fly when it comes to reading.

Another thing I have learned over the years is to work with a child’s learning style rather than forcing her to conform to my own. The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias was very helpful to me back in those early years, and now I am constantly analyzing my children in terms of learning style.

When a child learns very differently from her teacher, I think this can sometimes be perceived as a disability rather than just a difference. My mom, who homeschooled 14 children, thinks this has a lot to do with why so many boys are diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. They are simply more active and have a different learning style than girls, which makes them harder for a female teacher to deal with.

As one small example, Mom found that a particularly high-energy brother of mine did much better on his school if she allowed him stand next to the table rather than making him sit.

With one of my more active girls, I found that her memory work came much more easily if I allowed her to fidget or even stand on one foot as she recited. After initially trying to make her stand still like a proper young lady, I asked myself why I was making it harder for her. She knew how to stand still when it was necessary; why not let her work the way that her brain preferred? She no longer does this, but remembers those times as fun rather than frustrating. I like that.

My most talkative children learn best if they are allowed and encouraged to use their superpower (talking), and I don’t fight that. We try not to let them be disruptive to those around them, but we allow them to talk about what they are learning, realizing that they process new concepts better while they are chatting away.

Math is another area where learning style has a huge impact on how they learn. Some children need to understand how and why a process works before they can effectively use it, while others just want to know what to do next. Once they have the steps down, then they can begin to understand what is happening and why. It took me years to admit that both approaches are valid and stop forcing my own learning style on my students. Some of us are born speaking math, while others struggle long and hard to learn the language. :)

And now, I’m off to the beach. Over and out.

The other moms are talking about it too:

Recent topics:

June 9 - 4 Moms Naptime linky
June 2 – 4 Moms talk about church
May 26 – 4 Moms Q&A: toothbrushes, internet filters, taming the stuff monster
May 19 - 4 Moms try to lose the baby weight
May 12 – 4 Moms practice hospitality, and YOU are invited!
May 5 - 4 Moms talk about you-know-what
April 28 - 4 Moms Q&A: sleep, exercise, and making do with one bathroom
April 21 – Large families & church, part 2: keeping them quiet
April 14 – Eating inexpensively on the road
April 7 - 4 Moms teach history
March 24 – Large families & church, part 1: getting there on time
March 17 – Bread baking linky
March 10 – Spring cleaning
March 3 - Books for early readers
February 24 - 4 Moms Q&A: my first audio blog on potty training and more
February 17 – Individual time with children: scary stuff here. Just kidding. Let go of the guilt.
February 10 - Cooking with little ones without losing your sanity
February 3 -Teaching reading, because it’s so much easier than teaching them to use the toilet. Do not request a 4 Moms post about potty training, do you hear me?
January 27 – Q&A: Must-have baby equipment and other nitty gritty stuff
January 20 – Top 10 Books for Preschoolers
January 13 – Soups and Stews
January 6 – Teaching Bible

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, homeschooling 4 Comments

Beach!

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 15, 2011 By kimc

I know my blog looks lonely, but y’all! We’re at the beach for ONE MORE DAY!

Come back tomorrow for my 4 Moms post (yes, I did my chores while I was at the beach) and for now, pop over to Frugal Hacks and read #9 in my series about How to Monetize Your Blog. Or just meet me down at the water in half an hour.

Pictures? Later.

Filed Under: Huh? Category? 2 Comments

4 Moms Naptime linky

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 9, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms Naptime linky

It’s Thursday yet again, and this time the 4 Moms are talking about naps this week. I wish I could say we were taking naps instead of just talking about them, because like most moms I feel like I operate on a perpetual sleep deficit.

I’ve spent a very large proportion of the nighttime hours of the last 18 years doing night feedings, soothing nightmares and night terrors, changing wet sheets, bathing sick children along with the sibling who woke up with vomit in her hair, checking the breathing of a baby who is sleeping too well…and loving every minute of it. Well, more or less, in a theoretical kind of way.

I certainly haven’t pulled all those night shifts alone, and this is where my hunney would probably appreciate it if I mention that he often sends me to bed early while he battens the hatches, and I have to give him credit for helping me to get as much sleep as I do. No, he’s not for sale.

Oh, but I was supposed to talk about naptime, wasn’t? For the kids, you mean? Very well, then.

Once upon a time, when all the Coghlan children were very young and small, we all had naps or quiet time every single day without fail. Maybe you’re wondering about the difference between a nap and quiet time? If you were young enough or tired enough to fall asleep, it was a nap. If you managed to stay awake the whole time, it was quiet time.

If the kids are doing quiet time while Mom takes a nap, you might have a problem. You might also decide that the nap was worth the mess you found when you woke up, provided the toddler didn’t wander down the street wearing nothing but a diaper. I’m not saying this ever happened to me, but I’m also not saying that something similar never happened.

I am saying that training is important. The little ones can and should be taught to stay in bed until nap time is officially over. This will take an investment of time on your part, but it is sooo worth it. Stake out the door for a few days or weeks, and you will have years of afternoon peace for your own nap/quiet time.

For one particularly stubborn child, I used a scarecrow. My husband once bought a tiger mask that covered not just his face, but his entire head. When he wore it and went about the house on all fours, even I felt a lump of fear in my stomach. It was realistic and terrifying, and even after the novelty wore off, our strong-willed toddler was still afraid to open the toybox if she thought the tiger might be lurking in the depths.

Heh, heh. Call me a bad mom.

At nap time, I tucked her in and gave her a kiss. I reminded her to obey and stay in bed, knowing full well she would try to creep out as soon as she thought I was down the stairs. I closed the door behind me and perched the tiger head on a chair just outside the door, right at eye level for a 3yo.

That may have been the last time she got up during nap time. Ah, memories.

It’s been years since we did a daily household-wide quiet time. The definitions of nap time and quiet time still stand, but those of us who don’t regularly melt into a quivering heap of tears at the end of the day usually do without either these days. I don’t necessarily recommend this. I think quiet time can be especially beneficial for a large and busy household, and we’re always talking about going back to the good old days.

Naptime reading

Our kids love when I read aloud to them – doesn’t every child? I have found that naptime is a perfect time for read-alouds. It entertains their brains while their little bodies are winding down. Since they all sleep in the same room, I can read to all of them at once after they’re tucked in.

I often read something short and sweet for the very little ones (Goodnight Moon and Sandra Boynton’s Going to Bed Book are favorites), but I find that they also enjoy the chapter books I read for the slightly older children.

We recently read through several of the Boxcar Children series, and in the past have also read Little House books, the Chronicles of Narnia, and some others that slip my mind at the moment. Chapter books give them a reason to look forward to naptime, a chance to wind down during naptime, and something to discuss after naptime.

The linky: your favorite naptime book(s)

We promised a linky today, and here it is. Share your favorite naptime reads and link up here. When you join the linky at one of the 4 Mom’s, your link will show up on all 4!

Please remember the linky rules:

You must link to a specific relevant post on your blog.
Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms.
The post you link to must be completely family friendly.

No blog, or no time to post? Share your favorite naptime story in the comments!

The other moms are talking about it too:

Upcoming topics for June:

June 16 - Homeschooling the challenging child
June 23 – Q&A
June 30 -

Recent topics:

June 2 – 4 Moms talk about church

May 26 – 4 Moms Q&A: toothbrushes, internet filters, taming the stuff monster

May 19 - 4 Moms try to lose the baby weight

May 12 – 4 Moms practice hospitality, and YOU are invited!

May 5 - 4 Moms talk about you-know-what

April 28 - 4 Moms Q&A: sleep, exercise, and making do with one bathroom

April 21 – Large families & church, part 2: keeping them quiet

April 14 – Eating inexpensively on the road

April 7 - 4 Moms teach history

March 24 – Large families & church, part 1: getting there on time

March 17 – Bread baking linky

March 10 – Spring cleaning

March 3 - Books for early readers

February 24 - 4 Moms Q&A: my first audio blog on potty training and more

February 17 – Individual time with children: scary stuff here. Just kidding. Let go of the guilt.

February 10 - Cooking with little ones without losing your sanity

February 3 -Teaching reading, because it’s so much easier than teaching them to use the toilet. Do not request a 4 Moms post about potty training, do you hear me?

January 27 – Q&A: Must-have baby equipment and other nitty gritty stuff

January 20 – Top 10 Books for Preschoolers

January 13 – Soups and Stews

January 6 – Teaching Bible

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, mom needs sleep, parenting 10 Comments

All About Parker

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

June 7, 2011 By kimc

Since today is Parker’s birthday (and since Suki asked), today’s post is all about Parker. This is my substitute for a baby book and will serve as my memory in years to come, but we hope you’ll enjoy it too.

Today is National Chocolate Ice Cream, and it’s also Parker’s first birthday. Please don’t think I’m a bad mom because I put the ice cream first. After all, it’s chocolate. Wait, I meant to say that I was going from least important to most. That’s what I meant.

We can’t believe it’s only been a year since we met Parker. He’s such a personable little guy, he makes everyone feel like his best friend. I mean that quite literally. I can’t count the number of people who have told me, “I think I’m his favorite person!”

His charm

He’s quite popular everywhere we go, and it’s not just because he’s a baby. He’s also a shameless flirt. I often catch him scanning the crowds, trying to catch someone’s eye. It’s always a girl or woman, and when she looks his way he flashes his brightest, sweetest smile.

My sister told me his smile looks like when Squints smiles at Wendy Peffercorn in the movie Sandlot, and I can’t deny it. In the store, in the parking lot, in the fast food restaurant (who? me?)…every time I take him out I hear the ladies around us giggle and whisper. ”Look – he smiled at me! He likes me! Did you see him? He’s so cute!” It’s like being Justin Bieber’s mom.

At large gatherings of people we know, he’s passed around so much I have to hunt him down for feedings. ”Ladies,” he tells them in a svelte voice. “There’s plenty of me to go around.” At a recent wedding I asked Mother Hen’s hubby if he knew where Parker was and he replied, “Oh, he’s off body-surfing the crowd somewhere.” That’s my little rock star baby.

Personality

He is a very pleasant guy, always ready with a smile, but it’s unbelievably hard to make him laugh out loud. The only reliable way to get even a chuckle is to eat his ribs. A backup method that sometimes gets good results is to help him punch and kick his brother.

Nothing pleases him more than to understand and be understood, and he loves to be in the middle of everything. As a tenth child, he can sleep through anything but silence, and he gets nervous and clingy when not surrounded by a crowd of loving family and friends.

At first glance many people think that Perry Boy takes after his dad, but in reality he looks like his dad now. He looks nothing like his dad did as a little boy. Instead, Parker is the spitting image of his dad at this age. From what I’ve heard, the personalities of our two boys work the same way. Parker is friendly but quiet and laid back like his dad was as a little guy. Perry is gregarious, fun and just a little bit crazy like his dad is now.

Transportation

As of his first birthday, Parker is not crawling and it seems safe to assume he won’t until he’s old enough to do it in play. His primary mode of transportation is the butt-scoot just like his older brother did. It’s just as fast as crawling and even more efficient since it can leave one hand free if he wants to carry something with him. It’s not completely hands-free like Bethany’s mode of transportation was, but it works for him.

He cruises around the furniture with ease, and loves to cling to our legs and tug at our skirts. Elastic waistbands, beware!

He can stand unsupported for a few seconds at a time, and his sisters are convinced that he could walk if he just tried hard enough. He objects vociferously when they try to force him to take steps on his own, but I’m sure he’ll be walking very soon.

Communication

I seem to remember that a baby has an average of 20 words on his/her first birthday. Some of our children have hit the average, while others were far more verbal. Deanna regularly used over 150 words by her first birthday. She was my first, so I have the actual list.

Parker is bright and observant, but I don’t think his list of words is up to 20 yet. His people skills outweigh his verbal skills, which is fine. We enjoy his charm. He tries to say many of his siblings’ names, but here are the words he uses unprompted:

mama or mom (he uses both)
dada or dad
boo (when he wants to nurse)
dog
this
that
hi
bye
outside
guys (our term for siblings, as in “Where are your guys?” I think it’s a north-western thing left over from my first 13 years in Oregon.)
thirsty (he learned to say this very soon after he learned the sign)

I love to teach my babies sign language, and Parker has quickly picked up a few of the most useful signs when I remember to introduce them and uses them with enthusiasm.

If we count sign language he’s much closer to 20 words, and he’s very good now at making his wishes known, something he thoroughly appreciates.

no
please
hungry
thirsty
more
yes
poop (our made-up sign resembles the letter P and he added some appropriate sound effects)
thank you (just beginning to get this one)

Stats

weight: 21 lbs.
height: 28.5″
teeth: 7 (4 on top, 3 on bottom)
shoe size: 3
clothing size: 6-9 mos

Obedience

I loved and used blanket training for some of my older children back when I didn’t have so many helpers. Now Parker has eyes on him everywhere he goes, nearly every minute of the day so he has learned his boundaries differently.

He knows that there’s one cabinet he is allowed to play in – the one that holds all the plastic bowls, containers, lids, etc. – and he knows not to eat the dog food or play in the dog water. Well, at least in theory.

He understands and obeys when we tell him no, and he even tells himself no (in sign language) if we catch him where he shouldn’t be, doing what he shouldn’t do. Then he smiles disarmingly (“See?” his eyes say. ”We agree!”) and scoots away. Oh, he’s a charmer, he is. This houseful of women is in trouble.

Sleep

Parker has just begun reliably sleeping through the night. This is utterly unheard of in our household. Rachael occasionally woke up during the night after the age of 6 months, but all the others have slept 7-9 solid hours starting somewhere between 6 weeks and 4 months.

I think at least two factors have contributed to this:

I’m getting soft in my old age. One of my basic principles for teaching a baby to sleep through the night is to let them work up to a real cry before I get them out of bed. This doesn’t mean I let them cry it out, but it does mean I don’t pick up a baby who is just fussing and might easily fall back to sleep. In Parker’s case, he fussed and fussed and fussed…never a real cry, but just enough to keep me awake for a long, long time. I don’t know if I would do it differently now, but after a while I just started getting him up as soon as the fussing began.
He’s always been a scrawny guy. Several of my babies have been very wiry and were very good sleepers, but when a baby is on the small side we all want to play it safe. If he woke up during the night and said he was hungry, I didn’t make him work to convince me. I took him at his word much more readily than I would a chunkier baby.

Now he’s eating a lot more solid food, and while he still looks more like a spider monkey than a chunky monkey, he has begun sleeping for longer stretches.

Nicknames

His name is Parker Cromwell, named after my dad Stephen Parker Brown who passed away just over 2 months ago at the age of 58. We’re big on nicknames and I can’t begin to list all of his.

His most commonly used nicknames include Pickle (from Bethany’s pronunciation of Parker), Buddy, and Doodle, which he has nearly outgrown. I’ve also called him Milkman, Monkey Boy, Booby Boy, and Poop Monster when it suits the occasion.

Favorites

He loves to play the keyboard, ride his brother’s pedal car, play in the plastics cupboard, watch movies with his guys, share earbuds with his sisters, read books with or without a narrator.

Our huge 11yo cat, who should be old and cranky by now, is strangely tolerant of his attentions.

He loves to be outside and is fascinated by wind, trees, the moon and all the other wonders of creation. And he loves me. I think I’m his favorite person!