Well, maybe it wasn’t all that dramatic. I’ll let you be the judge.
Last night, Perry went to bed ahead of me. When I came to the room, it was dark and the baby was sound asleep in his playpen. Perry was still awake and rolled over to make room for me. I undressed in the dark, and just as I crawled into bed he raised his arm in my direction.
“Knock that daddy longleg off my arm.”
His arm was a dark shadow in a dark room. I could just barely see something on the back of his elbow. It didn’t seem like a daddy longleg shape. My brain was moving in slow motion, my sense of alarm rising slowly like the ocean’s tide.
“That doesn’t look like -” …SMACK! I slapped his arm in sudden panic and jumped backward off the bed.
“I think that was a scorpion!”
He looked skeptical when I flipped on the light a millisecond later, but he was already off the bed. I’m not sure how he moved so quickly, but clearly he wasn’t taking any chances.
A daddy longleg scuttled across the floor, and we looked at each other. “Are we satisfied with that?” I asked.
There was no answer. He shrugged and went to the bathroom while I stood staring at the bed, unsure of what to do next. Lydia just reminded me that he also left me alone in the room 12 years ago with a bat under similar circumstances, except that I was actively chasing the brute around the room. Apparently we have a pattern here. I probably shouldn’t expect him to help me with a copperhead if we ever find one in our bedroom, like my parents did a few years back.
As he left the room, I saw this:
Yes, I reconstructed the scene for you. Just go with it, ok? Feel my horror. Let’s try again. Then I saw THIS!
And I grabbed this
and did this
A full-sized nightmare neatly wrapped up in a 3-inch package. Horrible? Yes. Did I sleep last night? Yes. Perry laughed because I was in the fetal position, but I always sleep that way. My sleep position had nothing to do with this:
In our part of Texas, scorpions are like spiders. If you don’t spray poison in, on and around your home, you will have one every now and then. We’ve been blessed to have very few in our home in spite of the fact that we don’t spray. They’re not dangerous – the sting is just a little worse than a bee sting. But they’re terrifying to behold, and I NEVER EVER WANT TO SEE ONE IN MY BED AGAIN.