I want to be a loser: 5 weeks later

I am a loser.  Not just because I lost weight, but because I’m apparently too old for this trendy P90X thing.

Perry and I did the preliminary fitness test on Sunday evening, and I was feeling pretty good about myself.  I couldn’t come close to doing a single chin-up, but I far exceeded the minimums on several other parts of the test.  Example: I did 20 real push-ups, not the girly ones on your knees.  Not bad, right?

We did our first workout on Monday, and I had very mixed feelings about how it went.  I knew it was supposed to be hard, but there were quite a few times when I just had nuthin’.   After the first few sets of pushups, I couldn’t do a single one. Not even on my knees.

Ditto for the ab workout that followed: there were some parts where I thought, “Hey, I’m still in pretty decent condition.  Look at me go!”  And then there were parts where I couldn’t come close to completing ONE of a particular exercise.  I still have not found the muscles required to attempt a real situp.  My abs feel firm, and I can do crunches with relative ease, but the situps?  They’re just gone.  The muscles are AWOL, and I don’t know if they’re ever coming back.  I think they disappeared somewhere between my 5th and 7th child.  You might be laughing, but I’m serious.  It’s not that situps are too hard.  It’s like trying to wiggle my ears.  I can’t find the right muscles.

But all this has very little to do with my loser status this morning.

After my workout last night, after cooling down, resting, and showering, I headed to bed.  On my way, I leaned over the baby’s bed to check on him.  He was covered in blankets, so I pulled them off.  He didn’t need them.  So far, so good.  Then I noticed a toy next to him.  “That might be uncomfortable if he rolls onto it,” says I.  I’m a good mother, so I notice these things.  I leaned over and pushed the toy against the far side of his bed.  “I think I just pinched a nerve in my hip,” says I.  I slowly stood up, breathing slowly and shallowly to cope with THE FIRE IN MY LOWER RIGHT BACK, and slowly eased myself onto the bed.

“I think I shall die now,” I thought to myself.

Perry came to bed a few minutes later and I warned him not to jiggle the bed lest he kill his old lady and live out his days as a widower.  He brought me 4 ibuprofen and a glass of water, which I pitifully sipped out of the corner of my mouth because there was no way I was raising my torso to drink properly.  For the rest of the night, I didn’t move.  I didn’t roll over or shift position or reach for the sheets when the temperature dipped below 90.  I said a prayer of thanks and praise when the baby slept through the night.

This morning I am marginally better.  My bad feels like smoldering coals instead of a streak of lightning, and I did manage to dress (slowly, painfully, one step at a time) and go to the bathroom.  I’ve taken 4 more ibuprofen.  Now I am planted in a chair 3 feet from my bed with a heating pad on my back and I plan to stay here until…well, until I have to go to the bathroom again.

Oh, and while I was in the bathroom I stepped on the scale.  I’ve lost another 2 lbs. this week, putting my total loss at 11 lbs.  I am just 1 lb. over my pre-marriage/pre-pregnancy weight range.  Now I want to know why my waist is still 5.5″  bigger than it was back then…oh, wait.  Never mind.

How is your weight loss/fitness goal going?  Have you hit any bumps?


  1. Karen Pruneau says:

    I have had that back pain twice in my life time and hope never again. The first time I used pain killers the second time – I was camping with no pain killers around – arrgh. For some reason I had teeny tiny heating gel packs (reusable) and boy was I ever grateful. The heat worked really well.

  2. Ow! So sorry to hear.

    Not doing too well over here, but so thankful you said that about your ab muscles! I just told my husband that I had never done a sit up before. He didn’t believe me and I proceeded to look like a stuck bug as I attempted. I couldn’t find the right muscles either! Wiggling my ear… ha, exactly. So while baby #3 being 6 months old probably doesn’t help the sit up muscles, I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to wiggle my ear.

  3. Here is a tip for us of many (4 4 me) children! lay on your back with your arms over your head. Lift your legs up straight at a 90* angle to your body. incrementally and slowly lower your legs 6-8 inches at a time and holding for 10 seconds each time. Helps you find those muscles! (warning, only do this every three days…mine are still sore…)

  4. Gah, I completely forgot to say how sorry I am about your back!

  5. I’ve only had 3 kids so far, and I’m pretty sure that there is a region in my abs that will never respond again. That said, I am now back to the way I looked prior to baby number 3, however I do have something odd that I thought I’d share with you ladies…

    After my second child, I swear I could see my fallopian tubes. Now, obviously what I’m seeing is too large to actually be that part of my anatomy, but I have two tube like protuberances that are just about in the right area. I hadn’t seen them since baby number 3, but now that I’m back down to my pre-baby shape, they’ve returned. What am I seeing here? Is it just weird skin? Help!

    • Lauren, a friend of mine had a type of hernia after the birth of her second baby that sorta looked like what you describe. You may want to have your doc take a look.

  6. Kim:
    I think ice is better than heat. Do 20 minutes on and 20 minutes off throughout the day.

  7. Sorry to hear of your back pain, I hope you will be feeling better soon.

    I’m not doing so well, I had hoped to have lost at least 20 pounds by now, instead I keep gaining. This baby needs to be born SOON! LOL!

  8. Oh your poor back! Hope you are feeling better soon.

  9. I’m praying for you. I read on FB about your appointment for massage therapy. I hope that helps A LOT!

  10. The first week of a new exercise program is always the worst. I have one recommendation though, do AbripperX before the other workout. I never had enough juice left AFTER the hour to do AbripperX but once I switched the order around it was much easier.

    I thought of another tip. Get a stick. It really helps work the kinks out of the muscles. http://www.amazon.com/STICK-MARATHON-MUSCLE-MASSAGER-SG-2000/dp/B000P7NWLM/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1312910956&sr=8-3

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