I’m learning patience today, and it’s not at the hands of my children. I just lost my half-completed post and had to start over. See? God knew my post needed to go in another direction, and He knew I needed more patience. Sometimes He gives us another child, and sometimes He uses other means.
Incidentally, I looked up some Bible verses about patience in preparation for this post and I think I learned something. When somebody in the grocery stores tells you, “Better you than me, because I just don’t have the patience for so many kids,” she probably isn’t talking about being content to wait upon the will of God as He works out His eternal plan for you and the rest of creation. She’s talking about the ability to not explode when the 3yo sends a bowl of cereal flying through the air into the 6yo’s hair because she was horsing around with the 5yo whom you already told to sit down 173 times.
While the Biblical sort of patience certainly helps, I think what we really mean by “patient” is “slow to anger.” We have the following verses posted on our walls:
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry,
for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. Ecc. 7:9A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but the slow to anger calms a dispute. Pr. 15:18He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Pr. 16:32
Of course well-behaved children are a good start. No child is perfect, and even the well-behaved ones will exhibit immaturity and poor judgment at times, but the simple truth is that it’s easier to be a joyful mother to obedient children than to disobedient ones.
A wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. Pr. 10:1The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice;
he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
Let your father and mother be glad;
let her who bore you rejoice. Pr. 23:24-25
But when life with children isn’t all sunshine and lollipops, so how do you slow down the anger/irritation reflex when things get loud, chaotic, messy, argumentative, smelly, or otherwise unpleasant? Remember this paragraph from my recent post Life with Littles?
God doesn’t give us the grace, or the energy, or the patience we need for the whole upcoming year all in one dose. He measures it out for us day by day, like the manna He gave the Israelites in the wilderness. Planning ahead is good in general, but when the Israelites tried against God’s command to gather enough manna for the following day they found it rotted. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Do your best today. God’s way keeps you coming back to Him. If you start feeling like you can do this all on your own, things are about to go downhill.
We do it one day, one hour, one moment at a time, with lots of prayer. Does it help to get angry when food goes flying? Probably not. Just choke it back this once, and force a smile. Ask God to restrain your anger and unkind words. Help them clean up their messes, and deal with disobedience as necessary.
The next time childishness happens, choke back the irritation once more. Just this once.
And again…and again. If something really epic happens and you feel the urge to get angry, distract yourself: start composing the blog post in your head. Well, it works for me…
With practice, you’ll probably find that irritation is not your automatic reaction, and the smiles come without forcing. This is motherhood, and it’s very much the same whether you have 1 child or 11. You are being sanctified every day, and God is using your children to do His work in you.
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So often I’ve been told, “Wow; ten children! You must have a TON of patience!” I want to say, “Going in, I had zero patience! God knew that and so…He gave me ten patience-builders.” I am often amazed at how different I am now than twenty years ago.
“She’s talking about the ability to not explode when the 3yo sends a bowl of cereal flying through the air into the 6yo’s hair because she was horsing around with the 5yo whom you already told to sit down 173 times.”
LOL–too true!
“The next time childishness happens, choke back the irritation once more. Just this once.”
Ah, yes. This would be a good habit to train into myself.
I post sticky-notes of Bible verses on my walls to remind me of what I’m supposed to be doing around here….
hold that thought, my 3 year old is hitting his sister…gotta go practice patience…
So good, so good! A great reminder for me! Sometimes I feel like I don’t do very well handling an almost 3yo and a 1yo, but this is a great encouragement to just take each day, each instance one at a time! Also encouraging to know I won’t necessarily start off motherhood with enough patience for 10 children, but that I can cultivate it, by God’s help.
thanks I loved this!!!!
I was asked to sing in church Sunday morning (5 minutes before the service, no time to prepare or practice!) and I chose my favorite Mom Hymn- Day by Day.
Day by day and with each passing moment
strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
gives unto each day what He deems best
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
The rest of the verses are fantastic too and often JUST the thing I need when the days feel extra long.
I have 5 kids 7yo and younger, this was a very timely blog for me, thank you so much!
Also like to add that another patiences builder is, when appropriate, taking a moment to silently walk out of the room to allow the anger to subdue (and it can get the point across to children more effectively then yelling and screaming).
I love this post… reminds me to be patient, slow to anger, as well as to remember that grace is given by God day-by-day as we need it. Thank you, Kim.
Thanks for your thoughts! I always love reading what you have to say! I added a blog on patience to my website let me know what you think!
Yeah, just two little boys so far, and plenty of opportunities to work on growing patience around here. Thanks for your advice, I still have a long way to go in a lot of areas.
By the way thanks for blogging and sharing what God has taught you about being a mother over the years. I have found it hard to find many women willing to teach the younger women in the faith in real life and have been blessed by discover some online.
Love the flying cereal and the 5 y.o. that doesn’t stay in his seat! But really was encouraged with the reminder that patience is “slow to anger”…. That is such a good mental reminder the next time the oatmeal goes flying;)
Kim, I think I needed this today. I had my fill of hollering, fighting, whining and I thought I was going to lose my mind! Thankfully my friend called me to have dinner tonight. I got to sit in a toilet stall 2x and no one banged on the door!!! Thanks for teaching perspective. I think patience just might be that, perspective. I prayed for kids, God gave them to me…my perspective on their needs should be adjusted I think.
I was thinking lately that I’m the only one dealing with the “slow to anger” issue.
“I prayed for kids, God gave them to me…my perspective on their needs should be adjusted I think.”
Thanks for the comment. You are right. We’ve prayed and desired kids for a long time, but the answer was never yes, in the traditional sense. We recently added two toddler boys, foster children, to our home. Talk about a jolt to the household! I used to be a very patient person and was very slow to anger. That has changed recently and I don’t like it in myself. You are right. My perspective is off. It needs readjusting.
I’ve also been stressing about how I can do this for X more months, or years if it comes to that. Can I really do it? Thanks for the manna comparison. That makes a lot of sense and will help me to readjust my focus (this moment instead of years down the road) when those moments present themselves.
Stephanie, girl we should hook up online! We have 1 bio (now 14). 2005 we adopted our now 7yo dd from China. 2006 we adopted an 8yo boy from China but had to re-place him 6 weeks home. 2008 we adopted our youngest 2 boys who are about to turn 5 and 6. And this summer a fellow adopter decided she didn’t like dd anymore…she’s 10 and had been home for 3 years from China. So in June we added #5.
Every adoption is a disruption for the family. It’s taxing on everyone. And when you have 1 or 2 or 5 that might have special needs or small needs or just needs, it gets very tiring. I think when you have a new family member and you’re jumping into the middle of someone’s emotional childhood journey, well, it’s just harder. As much as I hate myself when I go from 3 to 10 in a split second, I have to give myself some leeway. And lets be real, I’m probably never at a 0 in my mind! hahaha
What a great post, I really needed this… I need to come back and read this, often. Often times I feel like I’m drowning mothering just 2 little boys… and then I read the words on this post, what a nice reminder that God is doing His work in me through motherhood, and all of a sudden, I want to smile
“This is motherhood, and it’s very much the same whether you have 1 child or 11. ”
Did I miss the announcement? Bummer.
No announcement yet. I was trying to be random.