I used to love going Christmas shopping at the mall.  I never really loved the mall itself, but the whole experience was part of Christmas for me.  It was very nearly the only time I went, because it was the only time I felt the need to visit 21 different non-grocery stores in the same week.  It was fun and exciting to haul 6 small children and a double stroller 45 miles on icy Ohio roads for an all day trip to the mall.  Part of the fun was using everyone’s coats to hide 42 gifts from 6 recipients without arousing suspicions of shoplifting, then trying to get everyone back to the minivan without freezing to death.  Motherhood does strange things to us.

Something has changed over the years, and I no longer feel the same need or desire to visit the mall.  Maybe I changed.  Maybe the internet changed me.  The mall is no longer the best place to do my gift shopping, and I no longer feel the least desire to set foot there.  I suspect my kids miss those days, but I haven’t asked because I just don’t want to go there.  If they read this post, I hope they won’t tell me how much they miss those days.

Now, the internet is my friend.  Instead of letting kids watch TV commercials to get gift ideas, we can browse the WORLD.  We can check reviews to make sure it’s as great as it the packaging makes it look.  We can find the best price anywhere on the best idea ever, and we can probably get free shipping with no sales tax.

This is great, since I am potentially shopping for a much bigger crowd now than ever before.  Did I say 42 gifts?  That was just one apiece from Dad and Mom to each child back when we had 6 kids, and one to each sib from the kids.  That doesn’t begin to consider the fact that I’m the oldest of 14 children and Perry is the oldest of 6.  I now have 10 children and something in the vicinity of 25 nieces and nephews, and we belong to a small, close knit church where most of the members exchange gifts.

How do I shop for a crowd?  We have done many things to simplify gift giving in large families:

• Shop early and shop online. If you’re prone to stress at this time of year, do everything you can to avoid the last minute crush.  The longer your list is, the sooner you should start.  A little stress early in the game will help you avoid a lot of stress later on.
• Give the same gifts within certain groups. Many loved ones receive gifts that are either similarly themed or identical: a custom designed calendar with family photos and birthdays (Costco had the best quality for the best price), homemade goodies, framed family portraits, or handcrafted items.   This alone can simplify things immensely.
• Use your resources. My husband works at Vision Forum, which makes it especially easy for us to choose and buy gifts there for our loved ones.  You probably have special access to something that would make a great gift for others in different circumstances.
• Arrange a gift exchange. We do this often for children with their cousins and sometimes for the adults in the extended family.  In a large group of children with a wide range of ages, it can be helpful to divide the children into 2 age groups, so children can choose a gift for someone in their own age range.
• Give or contribute to a group gift or a family gift. We did this for our own children more than once.  Since they buy gifts for each other and receive from others outside the household, they still received many gifts but shared one big gift from me and hubby.  For extended family, we often give just one gift per household rather than one for each person.
• Let go. Realize that you are not obligated to buy a gift for everyone you interact with or even everyone who gives you a gift.  Don’t feel guilty if they give you a gift and you don’t have one in return.  Just offer genuine thanks.  Like the gifts we receive from God, a Christmas gift is free, not something you earn with a gift of your own.
• Eat a lot of chocolate. Or do whatever helps you unwind.  Try not to be a scrooge like I am.

I won’t say that Christmas shopping is stress free, but I will say that I feel a lot more sane than some of the people I see in WalMart this time of year.

The rest of the 4 Moms are buying gifts too:

• Smockity Frocks,
• Raising Olives, and
• Common Room

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

• December 22 – Q&A
• December 29 - How to handle all those incoming gifts

Recent topics:

• December 1 - 4 Moms: preparing children to share holidays with unbelieving family
• November 24 - 4 Moms: A roundup of thankful posts from the past
• November 17 - 4 Moms: Vehicles for the large family
• November 10 - 4 Moms: Large Family Food Storage

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Today is Thursday?  Are you sure about that?  I am so confused, but I’ll take your word for it because the rest of the world is backing you up.  Either you’re right and I’m wrong, or this conspiracy is too big for me to take on.

If today is Thursday, then obviously I have a 4 Moms post ready for you.  Once a week is not too much of a commitment for a seasoned blogger, so of course I planned ahead and had my post ready to go days ago. I would never sit down to check email one last time before bed and be reminded by an email from another of the 4 Moms who is panicking over the same post.

Not me.  I was completely ready to talk about…what was today’s topic?

Preparing children to share the holidays with unbelieving family

Honestly, my lack of preparation comes in part from my lack of experience with this particular issue.  It’s very nearly a non-issue in our family for at least 2 reasons:

1. The unbelievers in our extended family are enormously outnumbered by the believers, and even the unbelievers were raised as believers.  They are the ones making waves in this pond, not us.

2. The holidays that come to mind – the ones that have the potential to be problematic – are Christian holidays in nature even though unbelievers often choose to celebrate them with us.  Again, we have the high ground here.  We are not on the defensive.

This doesn’t mean that all of us attend the same church and see eye to eye on every issue, but 98% of us call Christ our Lord and Master.  Our children have learned from our discussions at home and by listening in on broader discussions that with those few family members who disagree, we stand our ground politely but firmly when religion comes up.   They also understand that we will not throw our pearls before swine.  Those who were raised as Christians and have rejected the gospel don’t need to hear the gospel again; they need to repent.  We pray for God to soften their hearts, and encourage them when they will hear us.  We pray that having been raised in the faith, they will return to it in the years to come.

I am thankful that while we grieve for those who have turned away from the faith, it is rarely a source of family drama.  We enjoy family gatherings and the Christian fellowship that flows out of them.  This is one of the blessings of being a 2nd or 3rd generation Christian!

If you are in a different situation, how do you prepare your children?  I know it may be difficult now, but just think how much better it will be for your children in the years to come, when they can gather with their believing brothers and sister, nieces and nephews, in-laws and outlaws.  Wait, maybe that last part is just my own family.

Here’s what the rest of the 4 Moms have to say on the subject:

• Smockity Frocks, who reminds us to be the sun instead of the wind
• Raising Olives, who gives us a clear Biblical plan for preparing our children
• Common Room who characteristically made me snort coffee on the monitor.  Yes, I have some of those relatives too.

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

• December 8 – Favorite holiday recipes {linky}

Recent topics:

• November 24 - 4 Moms: A roundup of thankful posts from the past
• November 17 - 4 Moms: Vehicles for the large family
• November 10 - 4 Moms: Large Family Food Storage
• November 3 - 4 Moms: Getting started on homeschooling
• October 27 - 4 Moms: Big family Q&A

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics