19 weeks: I am mean to my friends {pregnancy update}

I’m 19 weeks now, and to celebrate I did something mean.  I’m just kidding:  It was totally an accident, but it was still mean.

Last week I ran into a friend who hadn’t heard our news yet.  As we hugged in greeting Sheila exclaimed, “Oh, you have a tummy!”  Have I ever told you I’m hard of hearing?  It’s not bad, but I do have a lot of trouble filtering background noise – and there was a lot of background noise just then.  I gave my friend a puzzled look and she repeated her comment.  I missed it the second time as well.  The third time I saw a look of apprehension and embarrassment cross her face.  “Oh no – did I…?”  Luckily Perry was there, and he chose that awkward moment to fill me in. Ten seconds earlier would have been nice, but I was grateful nonetheless, and I think Sheila was too.

It was nice to be on the other side of that dilemma, since I did nearly the same thing to an acquaintance a couple of weeks ago.  As with Sheila, I ran into her in the middle of a big noisy crowd.  They have a big family like ours, and as we were exchanging news and updates I told her I was due in October.  She congratulated me and said something about “I…in October too!”  When you’re hard of hearing, you rely heavily on context and piece together the words you catch.  She had already told me that her youngest was over a year old, so without hesitating to think about the possible consequences, my brain filled in the missing words something like this: “I’m due in October too!”  I think you can figure out the rest.  My friend was gracious, and laughed about her tummy – which had played absolutely no part in my mistaken assumption – and Perry laughed at me, thankful that it was a fellow mom who had made the blunder rather than himself.

Obligatory preggo pics

One in my everyday outfit: sleeveless polo, soft stretchy skirt that goes from 0-9 months effortlessly, hair in a flexi clip, and bare feet:

And one in The Dress.  Please ignore the bad hair day.  I asked Lydia to just snap several photos quickly since I always slouch and make weird faces in photos.  Her reply?  “I know…”

Baby at 19 weeks

  • Weighs about 9 oz.
  • Scalp hair has sprouted and continues to grow.
  • Gender is clearly visible.
  • Legs are becoming proportional.
  • more

I guess this is the time many people would learn the gender of their baby, but we’re among the shrinking minority that waits until Christmas to unwrap that particular gift.  😉  Don’t be offended; I’m just ribbing those who like to find out ahead, including my own husband.  I used to think I would want to find out but didn’t want to foot the bill for an unnecessary ultrasound, but with my last pregnancy I realized that I love the surprise at the end of labor – not just meeting the baby I’ve carried for 9 months, but finally learning the baby’s gender as well.  If I needed an ultrasound for some reason I’m sure I couldn’t resist finding out, but I’m thankful that I’ve been surprised each time so far, and I no longer wish for an excuse to learn ahead of time.

Just for fun, I want to take a poll.  Of course I would love to hear more about how you feel in the comments!

[poll id=”36″]


Er…was that a rabbit over there?!

Updates!  What’s new in your pregnancy?  Bonus points if you share a pic.  


  1. (Yes, yes. I’m late to the party. I’m just following along with the posts from my own “week”, so sue me!)

    I’m at the point where it would be ideal to find out if we’re going to, so I’m struggling with this question. I really don’t want to shell out the extra cash for an ultrasound (that’s, like, 3 carseats worth!) but it would be so nice to know, especially now that I’m starting to talk to the baby.

    I agree with a previous commenter, though, that I really want to get neutral everything, and I think that will be difficult if everyone around me knows the gender. My favorite color is yellow, for one, and of course I want to be able to reuse this stuff with the next child.

    I do at least have it easy on the baby names front. We’ve decided that one name or the other will be Alexis/Alexander regardless of gender, so this is officially Baby Alex. I don’t know that we can come up with a “minimum common denominator” name for every baby, but it works for this one at least…

    (End of 6-month-late comment) 🙂

  2. I voted mix feelings because I am 13 weeks along with #3. We have a boy and a girl, so we have clothes for each, and all of our baby stuff is gender neutral because we wanted more than one. I do want to know though! I have thought about finding out and not telling anyone, but I have also thought about it being a surprise. I just do not think I could go all those weeks without knowing :/

  3. I voted “mixed feelings.” I’m currently 18 weeks along and we are going to find out this time.

    We have one boy so far, and when I was pregnant with him I ABSOLUTELY did NOT want to find out. Partially because I wanted it to be a surprise for me, but especially because I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone else, and knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret. I wanted to make sure I got plenty of neutral stuff at my shower. We’re hoping God sees us fit to be blessed with several kids, and I don’t want baby boys stuck in pink car-seats etc. I also painted my nursery gender-neutral, so I can just add some pink or blue accessories for each child.

    However, now that we have all the big stuff, and almost no girl stuff, and this baby’s due at the end of yard-sale season, we’re going to find out. I’m still feeling a little waffle-y over the decision – part of me really really really wants to, but the other part loves surprises. I figure since my midwife strongly recommends/requires an ultrasound (Especially since I’ll be attempting a VBAC, prayers welcome!), we’ll just find out then, if the baby cooperates. And if I end up wishing we hadn’t, well, I’ll know for next time. We ARE going to keep the name a secret though.

    PS- My husband has no opinion whatsoever about finding out. He always just says, “It’s up to you.” Doesn’t help when I’m waffling….
    PS#2- I’m only doing monthly pics, so I don’t have a really current one. Wouldn’t know how to link it anyway, since I don’t have a blog and my FB is set to private.

  4. I just like to know so that we can call him/her by name when we talk about the baby to the kids. I also like to be able to know whether to pull out the pink clothes or the blue clothes 🙂

  5. This week has been a bit up and down for me. Have hit the 33 week mark which is excellent but have been in loads of pain. Also on Sunday I ended up in hospital as hadnt felt the baby move in about 2 days. Everything fine and it was just me being a panicky first time mum! I am sure my midwives were laughing at me 🙂 As I have said before we didnt find out at our 20 week scan due to our hospitals policy but I have been thinking about it and I am glad that we didn’t. One I think it will make me push me harder to get baby out (can you tell I am a bit scared of labour??) and also I have been the first one to find out we were pregnant, first to feel the baby move etc etc. I think it will be nice for my husband to be the first out of the 2 of us to find out the sex of the baby when it pops out of me. As always Kim you look fab and I cannot believe you have had so many children and look that trim. You may be my role model!

  6. We like surprises which is a good thing. We chose not to have an ultrasound with both our boys born at a Birth Center with a Certified Nurse Midwife in the states. This time around was our first ultrasound and we’ll probably have at least one more, but even if you want to find out the sex you can’t in China, so we won’t have that option.

    This doesn’t bother us at all, but I’ll admit to being slightly disappointed that they would even really let me see the ultrasound screen during the ultrasound (even though it was only 12 weeks and you couldn’t tell the sex anyway), only a tiny blurry picture afterward. My friend who was interpreting for me said that the baby’s profile was exactly like my husband and boys though, so that was fun.

  7. I’m pretty sure my FB link didn’t work so here’s a link to my blog pics: http://asfourme.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-baby-bump.html

  8. I’m pregnant with #2 and we like surprises. For about 2 seconds during mid-pregnancy (when everyone else I know due around the same time is always finding out) I sometimes wish we would, I think it’s the jealousy thing when it seems like a baby is more important to other people if it already has a gender..of course, he/she has a gender no matter what, but people’s perceptions change, kwim? But after that, I get really excited about finding out at the birth. DH doesn’t like to cut the cord so his “job” (other than being an awesome coach and support like he is) is to tell me and the midwife the gender. Last time he kept me waiting a good minute though and I was about to strangle him! Plus, we are super frugal so all our newborn and 0-3 clothes are neutral as is our co-sleeper and other baby gear.

  9. Cindee N. says:

    We’ve never found out what we’re having before, and I’m not about to start now! 🙂 I’m 37 weeks and 4 days with #6 and I’m ready to be done now. It doesn’t take long to pull the right tote (of baby clothes) out of the shed and the neutral ones are going to be washed up this week. I’m tired, I can’t sleep, and the aches and pains are getting really OLD now. At the same time, I’m fickle and I know I will miss this time when it’s over! We’re all excited to meet this new one any day now. Hopefully this link to my FB pics will work…. https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.3385605191938.2136548.1023763791&type=3

  10. We didn’t find out with our one and only and were glad we didn’t. However, I will say that about two weeks after the ultrasound where we could have found out, I was itching to know – but it was too late.

    Also, when we delivered, there was no announcement of his gender because I think everyone in the hospital was so used to all expectant parents already knowing. They just plopped him on my stomach and my husband said, “I think it’s a boy!” based on the quick glimpse of some parts. Then the doctor and nurses said, “Oh yes! It’s a boy!!” We laugh about that!

    I understand why people want to know what they’re having, but we’re good with “waiting for Christmas to open the package.”

  11. I have been blessed with 5 children~ First babe born in 1977 and the last so far in 2002~ Never had an ultrasound~ Never knew the gender of either babe until they were born~ Many people asked what I was having and my response was * If GOD wanted me to know HE would of given me a see threw belly button* They always agreed and got a big chuckle at my response~ That is my take on it~ I get anxious however it is all worth the wait~

  12. We found out with our first. If I could change that, I either would not have found out, or I would have found out and kept it a secret. The reason is this: I’m thrifty. I plan to have more kids. And since we told everyone the 1st was a girl, nearly everything we got is girl-specific. I would have liked to have a nice collection of newborn neutral things for future use. =)

  13. No bonus points for me because I don’t do belly shots. But I’m 30 weeks so I did do a countdown to do list kind of thing.

    I feel as you do about finding out baby’s gender: I don’t do ultrasound unless there is a valid medical reason so it’s always a surprise. 🙂

  14. I always find out because I need to know which box to pull out of the attic:) And it takes us FOREVER to pick a name since we are on #8 and used up all our favorites already. We always give our babies one original name and one name from the family tree. I come from a long line of names I don’t like at all or people I don’t like at all…and I think my parents have caught on that none of the kids are named after them or their parents! I hit the 33 week mark today and have decided I am no longer going into public. I’m tired of people saying, “Any day now?” and “Are you having twins?” and “Are you having a craving?” any time I buy something snacky.

  15. I feel like I’m the one in the minority these days for finding out!

    I am very self aware and stuff, very sensitive to anything that changes with or happens in my body (it makes medications a PAIN because I overreact to most of it) anyway, as a result, I connect to my baby a lot while it’s inside me, I’m very aware of it’s movements, it’s sleep patterns, all those different things I seem to connect to more than many pregnant people I know. So for me, I am really learning about and interacting with my baby from the first few kicks, it’s alive, it’s part of my life, as far as I’m concerned I added another baby to my family when I got pregnant, not when the baby happens to live outside me instead of inside me, so why wouldn’t I want to know everything I could about this little life. So I want to know the gender to help with that bonding process, to allow me to use the right name and pronouns when talking to or about it, and to help my husband to develop a bond with the baby without being able to feel it the way I can.

    He would actually rather not know, but decided my desire to know was stronger than his desire not to. 🙂 The problem is his family who, last pregnancy, insisted that we not tell them whether it was a boy or girl. By the end of it the whole thing just made me angry, because they couldn’t join ANY of the preperations (not that they would have anyway…) I didn’t get a proper baby shower because there was no way to have one with half the guests knowing and half the guests not (a friend of my grandmothers stepped in and said I was getting a baby shower, and told my husbands family they were welcome to come but WOULD find out the gender if they did and they’d have to deal with it. So grateful to her for caring enough to throw the party and make a fuss, she’s pretty much the only one who made a fuss the whole pregnancy. His family were like ‘oh, a baby, cool’ heh, I’ll never understand them). I actually kinda think it’s selfish to insist on not knowing when the parents know because of how much it effected and how much I couldn’t do because of them. Oh well, we tried our hardest to hide it for them anyway, but a lady at their church walked up to one of the girls with a bag of baby clothes and said ‘here’s some baby clothes for your niece!’, and that was that (our baby was the first niece or grandchild, so there was no question).

    I find out the gender this time on friday, so excited! I’ll have to get hubby to find out what’s happening with his family this time around. I can’t wait to know!

  16. Hmm. 10 kids and you’re bad at filtering out background noise. That must produce some comical results. 🙂

  17. Kris Mays says:

    We like to be surprised, too. That said, we actually found out with 3 out of 6. We decide with each pregnancy individually. But I prefer not knowing.

  18. Natalie M. says:

    We don’t have any children yet, though my husband has said that he wants to find out the gender when I do get pregnant. I, however, just want the first one to be a surprise, so I’ve bargained with him that we won’t find out with the first, and we’ll find out with all the rest.

  19. We always find out, mainly because we have the routine ultrasounds and I have ZERO willpower! 😉 Also because we have had boy after boy after boy, and so I keep thinking that I really would love to know in advance if it’s a girl, just for the fun of preparing! 🙂 I do NOT mind having only boys though – I am due TOMORROW (at last!) with boy #6. I don’t know if I updated you on the growth scan thing that I asked for prayer over? He is growing fine and I hope to have a nice straightforward homebirth any day now! Praise God! 🙂

    As always I am itching to know whether your new little one is a boy or a girl, but I do love finding out when you announce it here when the baby is born! So exciting!

  20. Pregnancy update: you look mah-velous! Your skirt looks wonderful. Did one of your girls make it? And your dress is still hanging in there with you. Have a super rest of your day.

  21. Melanie says:

    I know just what you mean about adventures of being a little hard of hearing! The sub-conscious skill of lip reading does come in handy sometimes, though, when you can tell what someone is saying across the room or outside a window :).

  22. I have mixed feelings. I feel like I would want to know the sex, because I like to know as much as possible about everything, but I wouldn’t want anyone else to know because I cringe at the idea of receiving uber-gendered baby shower gifts….especially when they’re in lieu of practical things…I feel like every baby shower I’ve been to when the sex of the baby has been known ahead of time, a sea of pink or blue outfits far outweighed all of the useful gifts (especially when the baby is a girl…how many frilly dresses and uncomfortable looking headbands does one kid need anyway?) The problem is, I’m not the best at keeping secrets, and I might accidentally let out a gendered pronoun ahead of time…in the end, I think I’d probably wait.

  23. we had our son, Jadon Honor, yesterday…all 10lb 6oz of him! We knew he was a boy and have been calling him by name since we found out at 22 weeks. In fact, we’ve know the gender for all 8. My husband’s theory is, it will be a surprise whenever we find out, so let’s just find out now!

  24. My pregnancies are miserable, so finding out at the halfway point gives me that extra boost needed to make it the last 4+ months. After struggling with feelings of bitterness towards the little being that has made me so sick, I love being able to pick a name and really connect with my baby. 🙂

  25. I am 35 weeks pregnant with our first. We have chosen not to find out the gender so far, but if I was told I needed an ultrasound I’m sure I would cave and find out.

  26. RuthAnn says:

    My husband wants to know. I don’t. Although I’m not expecting a bundle of joy at this time; when it is God’s timing then we’ll go from there…Congratulations on your blessing!!

  27. Heather says:

    I’d prefer the surprise. But my husband likes to find out, and so we do. He’s impatient like that.

  28. Rachel C. says:

    I’m 19 weeks 6 days today and I just had my ultrasound this morning. It’s a girl!!! I like finding out so I can have clothes washed and ready, and be pretty sure of a name. I’ll probably pick out a boy’s name too just in case they were wrong. 🙂 The only thing I’m worried about is they said a lip of the placenta is still in the way of the cervix so I’m really praying that will move. I guess it’s pretty likely to move at this point I just really don’t want a c-section. I love your updates since we are so close to the same due date. 🙂

  29. I said ‘mixed feelings’ which makes it sound like I have reservations or objections to one or the other or something. I think both ways are great fun. We’ve purposely done both and had a great time both ways. We have friends who go every other one finding out and leaving it a surprise, and I think I’d like to do that if God keeps giving us babies.

  30. Cindy in GA says:

    We didn’t find out with our first, which was fine with me, but ever since then I’ve wanted to know in advance. We’re just as excited to meet him or her (I think actually more so b/c the little person we’re excited to meet has more of a specific identity to us), and I think it helps us to really picture what things are going to be like. I LOVE to plan and dream and get little clothes ready, etc.

  31. I have 5 boys and found out the gender with the first 4. We decided to make the 5th a surprise, but I have to tell you that I think it was challenging for the ultrasound tech to keep it a secret… For someone who is *very* familar with boy parts, we gave her a tough job, LOL. We were even given a video which did not reveal anything, but certainly left me guessing if certain things *could be* boy parts, LOL. The cord can cause some confusion. I am now 14 weeks with #6, and we plan on finding out. There is a good chance I’ll have more than one ultrasound this time, and I think it will be easier for me to get the clothing and such together if I know what it is. Last time I had clothing for a girl or a boy, this time I have very little in the newborn sizes. Anyway, I understand why some moms enjoy the surprise. I’d like to know in advance so I can call the baby by name. I think that my recent miscarriages are a small part of it, too. I wish I could have known those babies genders for sure… Just so I could celebrate their short time on earth.

  32. No picture update this week, but I’m 37 1/2 weeks pregnant, did an update on my blog today 🙂 http://www.chrisandjenni.com/2012/05/22/37-weeks-three-days-pregnant/

    Thanks for sharing your lovely story this week, good laughs! At least it was unintentional! 🙂 Bless you this week Kim! My sis was due yesterday so we are anxiously awaiting my nephew, so many pregnant ladies!!

  33. We love surprises also! In fact, sounds like we treat it just about the same. I hate to pay extra for a sonogram, especially as I avoid unnecessary medical procedures. I also like surprises. We’re expecting our first in about 2 weeks (ISH), and after all this waiting my hubby and I are VERY eager to find out whether we’ve got a little boy or a little girl! (much like you I was hoping for twins–one of each–but midwife has assured me that’s not the case! Oh, well! 😛 )

  34. I would love to let all of my future babies be a surprise, but my hubby insists that we HAVE to know as soon as possible for each of them. Since our first (due in less than a week) is supposed to be a girl, if our second is a boy…maybe I’ll be able to convince him to let the rest be a surprise since we’ll already have clothes for both genders. *fingers crossed*

  35. I’m 26 weeks pregnant with number 9 and this is only the second time that we found out. I wasn’t going to, but my husband thought I should just so I wouldn’t be too anxious at the end. But I can’t wait too see what the baby looks like. Can’t believe I only have about 3 months left before we get to meet our new baby.

  36. We have found out each time but are excited to wait until the end for the first time this go around. We have the big ultrasound on Thursday and it is going to be so hard not to look!

  37. I actually prefer the surprise too, but because of our religious beliefs, we kinda need to know in advance. It makes me cry each time we get to that part of the process.

    • Just out of curiosity, could you explain why your religion influences finding out. No judgement, i promise. I have just never heard anyone say that before. 🙂

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