4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls

How providential that we are discussing this subject this week!  My friends the Botkins are doing a webinar on the closely related subject of Reclaiming Beauty, addressing the subject of beauty (and femininity, and modesty) from a Biblical perspective.

Last Tuesday was the first session and was open to the public, but it’s not too late to join.  Latecomers will still be able to access the session they missed, and all 7 weekly sessions are just $44/family.

Since we have 8 daughters (4 of them teens right now), this is a subject that is near and dear to our hearts.  We want our girls to glorify God in their bodies as well as their hearts, minds and spirits – and this does not mean they should dress as frumps.  In fact, I think it means very nearly the opposite.  We need to help them learn to dress beautifully but not in a way that is sexually alluring.  God made women to be beautiful and attractive to men, but admonished them to dress and behave with modesty and discretion.

… likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. ~I Timothy 2:9-10

Learning to combine these qualities is a delicate task, and one that requires a man’s input.

One of our readers recently commented that it was inappropriate for a father of teens to look at his teenage daughters and decide whether they are dressed “sexy” or “attractive.”

I believe an important part of a father’s role is to guide children, protecting them from their own childish ignorance and foolishness.  One way that a father of teen girls can do this is by encouraging them to dress modestly and teaching them how men and boys see them.  These are not things that a young woman or even an older woman knows instinctively, and a father does his daughters no favors if he is too prudish to address the subject.  Girls needs to understand that while they are not responsible for the thoughts and actions of others around them, they certainly do have the power to influence them.  They can make it easier or harder for the young men in their lives to think pure thoughts – or impure ones.  They can be instrumental in leading them into sin, or out of it.  The way they dress and conduct themselves can be a big factor.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. ~Galatians 6:2

We don’t believe that femininity or modesty means a girl needs to be confined to the house, stitching samplers and learning to bake.  While cultural standards can be relevant, we try to work within the standards and definitions of the Bible, not those of the modern day – or the Victorian era.  The activities of the Proverbs 31 woman were home centered in their nature, but extended far beyond the physical boundaries of her house.

Our girls enjoy airsoft wars and shooting real guns, martial arts, hunting, and many other activities that take place outside the kitchen.  As they get older, our boys will be learning to cook and acquiring other indoor skills as well.  🙂

We do believe that God created women to fulfill a different role than men, and we take joy in those differences.  We work to emphasize the distinctions between the roles as they arise in daily life – our boys open doors for girls, kill bugs for them, and carry heavy objects for them, even if the girls in question are stronger than the boys right now and less afraid of bugs.  Our girls do what they can to build up their brothers, encouraging them to act like men.

Biblical femininity and modesty are about far more than how we dress.  I would venture to say that the way we dress is just one outward sign of where our hearts lie – but it’s an important sign that communicates very clearly and deeply influences those around us.

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

  • October 4 – Q&A
  • October 11 – Introducing kids to technology
  • October 18 – Food preservation
  • October 25 – How do you keep the car clean?
  • November 1 – Q&A

Recent topics:

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics


  1. I love you for this:

    “We don’t believe that femininity or modesty means a girl needs to be confined to the house, stitching samplers and learning to bake. While cultural standards can be relevant, we try to work within the standards and definitions of the Bible, not those of the modern day – or the Victorian era.”

    And this:

    “We do believe that God created women to fulfill a different role than men, and we take joy in those differences.”

    While my husband is much like the first poster above, in that he does not believe that skirts and dresses are the only way to be modest and feminine, we strive to honor God with our presentation of our bodies. This issue goes far beyond what we wear to what our heart attitude is. Thanks for a balanced approach. 🙂

  2. Isn’t this such a touchy subject among Christian men and women? We have such a tendency to judge on either side of this issue.

  3. My husband also tells me that forcing our daughters to wear skirts is like taking them back to the dark ages. I want to laugh, but he isn’t on the same page as I am. He does not put up a fight while I am seeking Gods wants for my famly, which I am thankful for. However we do have daughters that do not like wearing skirts very often and he feels it should be their choice. He does though, feel strongly on other certain manners of dress, that he wants our girls to stay far away from. I may not 100% agree that God has said women can only wear skirts, but when I see a girl or a woman in a dress or skirt, I find those girls cute, or pretty. I like the way they look over the girls in jeans. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, I just know that they look like girls, they look like what would want my girls to look like, if that makes sense.
    When I was a teen I had NO restrictions and I can remember being asked once “are you looking to get raped” (sorry if you feel it is inappropriate) I felt offended, just because I wanted to dress a certain way, doesn’t mean that I should be looked at any differently, and I didnt feel that it gave a boy, nor man any excuse to want to assult me. How young and naive I was. Now that I am a mother myself and I realize what has been hardwired into a mans brain, I understand how she could ask that. I do not feel that a man is not physically capable of self control and he should use that self control not to hurt a girl or woman, but, still I understand now what my dressing like that, could muster up in a man. I know that toays dress code or whats “in” even in little girls fashion is ridiculously “sexy” and I hate it! Why are people thinking that our baby girls need to look like either a grown woman or even worse, a street walker, its disgusting!
    I know that todays society tells a woman that keeping her at home and in the kitchen, is holding her back and possibly even a “sexist” thing, but I may not enjoy cooking 😉 but I am very thankful for the fact that I can stay home with my children. My husband has never forced my staying home. He has always supported every choice I have made in that area, even my Midwifery. However he will admit that he is thankful for my role as his wife and his childrens’ mother, and he is very thankful for my choice of being here, at home for our family.
    And my son has been nicknamed “my muscle” despite the fact I could probably carry heavier things than he can. I want my children to grow up and be repsected, no matter what they do. I would love for them to realize the differences god has put in a man verses a woman.
    I am sorry for my rambling. I just wanted to share my view on this topic, thank you for all you do and share.

Don't just think it: say it!

%d bloggers like this: