Reasons to get married and have kids young

Years ago, I wrote a lighthearted response to a popular list of reasons not to have children.  Mine was, of course, 100+ Reasons to Have Children.

Here is another article I wish I had written.  I don’t know anything about this guy or his blog, but I love 9 of his Ten Darn Good Reasons to Get Married and Have Kids Young.  I like most of his reasons so much that I can’t pick just one to quote as an example.  Just go read it.  Then come back and tell me what you think.

Could you add to the list?  Can you guess which point I don’t like?

 

Comments

  1. Just once I’d like to see a “Benefits of Marrying When Older for People Who Wanted to Marry Young But It Didn’t Work Out That Way.” I’m definitely biased by my personal experiences, but I always wanted to marry young, always believed that there were persuasive reasons for marrying young. Yet here I am, not-so-young and not married, having never even been asked out by a man (now, to be fair, when I was young, I knew very few men–a lot of 20-something boys, but very few 20-something men, and really, I want to marry a man, not a boy.) So not all of us unmarried 30-somethings or nearly 30-somethings are that way because we’re deferring marriage on purpose.

    (I’m not trying to jump on anyone here, but I’ve been seeing “It’s Good to Get Married Young” arguments *everywhere* lately, and the assumptions are frustrating. I’ve been “ready” for years, I’d much rather have a husband than a cat (although having both would be ideal :)), I don’t want to grow old alone, and because considering biology alone, having kids young is a good idea. We’re not all not getting married because we’re selfish, avoiding responsibility, or waitiing for the non-existent Mr. Perfect Prince Charming.)

    • Thalia,
      I understand your frustration and I see this in many of the young (and not-so-young) people around me. You are waiting for a completely different reason than those mentioned in the article. Of course God will provide a spouse for you in His good timing, and nobody blames you for waiting on Him!

  2. Yes, #10 is the one I don’t like. Maybe I just misunderstand the author, but he seems to assume that birth control kicks in once you’ve had your 3 (or 4…or 5) kids, and once they’re raised you are home free. While he obviously values children and the privilege of parenthood, in Reason #10 he sounds just a little too similar to those who advocate waiting; the main difference is that he advises us to work before we play rather than the reverse.

  3. #10

  4. HeatherHH says:

    I don’t care for the last 3. I wish he hadn’t felt the need to promote choosing to have children young by speaking negatively of having children later. And, he still seems to view children as more of a burden than I’d like in speaking positively of getting all of that hard stuff out of the way when you’re younger and then being able to live the “good life.”

  5. Sheila Mom to Seven says:

    #10. At least, that’s the one I don’t particularly appreciate.
    #9 is simply silly, because I wouldn’t care if people thought my kids were my grandkids. At 42, I would love to still have more, as we started “later” (unfortunately, by “choice”, at the time). On the contrary, people usually think I’m younger than I am because my kids are ages 1 1/2 to 15. :)

  6. Julie Tysh says:

    I would guess #10, but I guess it depends on what exactly the author means. There are specific statements I agree with, but not the whole thing. Like– not all parents are so young when they become empty nesters, and not all empty nesters have a lot of money. My parents spent their prime years as missionaries in Central America. When they returned to the U.S. they found the majority of their friends with established homes and careers. Meanwhile they had six children, with three about to enter college, and no home, no job, no money. God always provided, my mom stayed home full-time and homeschooled all of us, and my dad never missed a single birthday, graduation, Christmas, etc. I look forward to knowing which one of us guessed right! (:

  7. Is it #3? I’m not too thrilled about that one either.

  8. Thank you for sharing! I was the first one of my friends to marry and have kids, so I can appreciate much of this list. I don’t care for #10 for the reasons that others have already mentioned. Also, as a teen mom, #1 is bittersweet to me. Growing up with your kids is just hard sometimes. I wish I could have been a more intentional parent when my oldest was born.

  9. Melanie E says:

    #7?

  10. I don’t care for number ten, and I don’t understand number three. The one who we marry is the “right one” God sends us the right one. So I don’t quite understand that, perhaps I’m looking at it from too broad of a spectrum. Great list though overall!

  11. I’m not a big fan of numbers nine and ten, either; but I’m crazy about number six! Pets are great, but they are NOT children!

  12. Audrey B. says:

    In God’s providence, I was not married “young”, but this was not due to my lack of desire to be married and have children. Marrying young may not be what is in God’s plan for a young man or a young woman even if it is his or her desire. While it is true that the mom’s stamina and energy is usually greater in her 20s as opposed to her 40s, it almost sounds like the dad who posted was implying, we will have our kids while young (in 20′s and early 30′s) and stop. At 45, I would gladly have more if the Lord wills (either biologically or by adoption). If I’m gray-haired or white haired at my children’s graduations, I really do not care if I am mistaken as a grandparent. I have seen and read better reasons for marrying young.

  13. Yeah, I kind of didn’t get number ten…
    It assumes that people will either start contracepting later in their marriage or otherwise get really good at NFP or just abstain…
    If you get married at twenty, you’ll still be having babies at 40, most likely.

  14. I don’t think that was what he meant with number 10. I think he was trying to explain that your spouse is your best friend, and that you will be able to enjoy that friendship more fully if you have kids young, because when they leave you will still want and be able to go out and do things together like when you were dating. Think about how much fun that was, and to be able to do it again when you have less limits financially but almost the same amount of energy would be awesome.

    • Laura Nilsen says:

      But he seems to be assuming you’ll be “done” in your 40s. We’ve had 2 in our 40s. They’re all still at home and we’re broke! Ha! Ha! But I’d welcome more, even at 47.

  15. Gretchen B says:

    They missed one important aspect. I got married when I was 20. ALL of my grandparents were still alive and in attendance of my wedding. All of my grandparents got to meet and enjoy my first 2 children. My kids have grandparents that are still young enough to participate in their lives in a very rich and meaningful way. Sure we missed out on travelling and things like that, but I am so grateful for the generational love that wouldn’t have happened if I were just now getting married in my late 30′s.

  16. BonnieBairns says:

    That was great. Thanks for sharing it! I could expound on number 6 because this culture of Pet Love bothers me tremendously. But #3 is really spot on.

  17. Great article…I’m going to pass it on to my kids. I only strongly object to number 10 – because my goal isn’t to live LIFE once the kids are gone. I’m not promised my 50′s or 60′s…I can only live my life TODAY. And frankly, having kids in the house IS living a high life for us. What more would we want? :-)

  18. Lois Groat says:

    I don’t like number 10. But the rest are great. :)

  19. #10? Good list!

  20. Amy Dorr says:

    #9 made me laugh because most of the parents at my kids’ school are vary old and could easily pass for grandparents.

  21. I don’t care for #9 or #10…. He seems to be of a mind to get the child-raising years out of the way sooner rather than later. I for one, at 44 years old, am enjoying this newest baby of mine and would be happy to have more! Other than that, it’s a great list!

  22. #3?

    • Carrie, I actually agree with #3 – if I understand his point correctly. I think too many people wait too long for The Perfect Spouse, not realizing that we are all imperfect. Of course they realize it in theory, but in real life they simply set their standards impossibly high.
      Twenty years ago I married a flawed naive young man, and he married a flawed, naive young woman. Our parents were crazy to let us, but they did and we are both thankful. Together, we grew and continue to grow, being used by God to sanctify each other and bring a whole passel of new souls into the world to further His kingdom and glorify Him.
      All this is to say I’m so glad I didn’t wait around for the perfect guy. The imperfect one right in front of me WAS perfect for me.

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