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Snapshot: googly eyes

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wpid IMAG1840 Snapshot: googly eyes

When Bethany’s doll lost her eyes in a tragic accident, I found the perfect use for the package of googly eyes in my purse .

What? You don’t have googly eyes in your purse?

When we were done, I put the rest of the package in the treat basket.

See the little feet sticking out in the background? When Parker heard there were googly eyes in the treat basket, he made a beeline for the potty to earn his own pair of eyes.

Living the Answer online classes

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ltaad Living the Answer online classesLast year, Lydia and Kaitlyn took an online essay class taught by David Vogel at Living the Answer.  You can read Kaitlyn’s review here, and my own comments in this post.  It was intensive, but they loved it and their writing and confidence improved by leaps and bounds.  They took Essay Writing: Zero to Sixty in a Semester which combines two of Living the Answer’s most popular classes - Intro to Essays and Essays II.

This summer, 13yo Natalie and 11yo Becca are going to take Intro to Essays.  They tend to be reluctant writers and are a little apprehensive about the class, but I’m excited to see what Mr. Vogel can do for them.  I know they are eager to learn because they just started a blog of their own, but they lack confidence.  Mr. Vogel’s highly interactive classes are very engaging, and constructive criticism is really an area where he shines.

Megan is also slated for a class this summer, and she’s not the least bit apprehensive.  She can’t wait to start Introduction to Logic.  This is a course in which she had already expressed interest, and now she gets to study under the teacher her older sisters raved about last year!

His classes aren’t cheap, but he gives a lot of individual attention and feedback to his students, so he really is selling his own time – and since the classes are often entirely filled, I know other kids like him as much as my own do.

Next?  Maybe my older girls can try out the advanced essay class, Mastering the College Application Essay.  This class is aimed at competent essay writers, consisting of a three-hour workshop with a one-hour review the following week for just $25.

Interested?  David also offers online classes in Christian Worldview & Apologetics, Government & Economics, Philosophy, and Algebra I and II.  You can see a schedule for this summer here.  He is also adding several new classes next year.  Want to know what and when?  Like Living the Answer on facebook for updates.

Vision Forum stuff for sale

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I know I usually make it easy for you and list items for sale right here, but Becca went to the work of typing up a post for the new blog she and Natalie started, so she really really wants me to send you over there to see what they have for sale.  Would you take a minute to thrill their little hearts and maybe even help Becca buy a birthday present for Megan?

Today I am going to sell some stuff. Item number one is a doll.  I will sell it for $50, including shipping.  I can also add any dresses, outfits or toys for the doll you want from the Vision Forum site for half price…

see the post

 

Come on…see how cute she is?

 Vision Forum stuff for sale

Actually that was a while back.  She has more teeth now.

4 Moms: kids behind in school; encouragement

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4moms35kids 4 Moms: kids behind in school; encouragementFrom Julia:
For kids that share rooms…at night, do you let them talk quietly? Do you have a point where they have to be silent? How do you enforce not talking? I have one child that will talk for hours and keeps her sister awake.
We have always allowed ours to talk quietly as long as they are staying in bed and not keeping others awake.  If others begin to complain, then it becomes an issue.  I have found it to be relatively easy to enforce once they start complaining, since the listener can just stop answering.  Under normal circumstances this might be considered rude, but when Mom said to stop talking, it’s just obedience.
Is your talker keeping her listener awake, or a third child?  If I have two willing participants and others in the room are complaining, I tell the complainers that if they are truly tired and their sisters are talking softly, they will be able to sleep.  I keep a close ear out for excessive noise and try to correct quickly if I feel the volume has risen to discourteous levels.
From CrazyHair MamaBear:
I have a 6yr girl and an almost 5yr boy that we homeschool. They play together and squabble together in typical sibling fashion. When we get together with other homeschool families to play, everything is fine. My daughter is getting older and is now playing with friends in the neighborhood. I’ve been noticing that when she has friends over in the yard (boys or girls) that her and her friend(s) tend to leave John out or run away from him which makes him upset and then he chases them of course. You get the picture.
I’ve explained that a sibling is a friend for life while other friends will come and go. What I’m wondering is if they are all in the back yard playing, should I be expecting that they play nice with my son or should I be teaching my son that when she has friends over, to leave them alone and play by himself?
Obviously if she has a girlfriend over and they are playing barbies, I would expect him to leave them alone but if she has boys/girl friends in the yard and they are playing tag, Frisbee, swinging I think they should be able to play as a group. Tips on how to deal would be super appreciated!!
I love your name!
Like you, I try to emphasize that siblings are lifelong friends and ought to be valued above the friends that come and go in life.  In our family, kids are strongly admonished not to exclude siblings from play.  This is a matter of love and courtesy.  Our company manners should not be better than the way that we treat our own family.
That’s not to say that a child and her friend should be subject to constant bombardment from pesky siblings, though.  We just do our best to make sure that good manners run in all directions and everyone is being loving.
I gave an example of how a visit might go here, so you can see how we handle interactions.
From Julie:
Homeschooling question: how do you handle children who are below “grade level”?  Not just one child but several.
Julie,
This is a very broad and loaded question.  I’ll tell you how I would handle it, but I know nothing about your situation so please take it for what it’s worth.
First, to get a better picture of the situation I would ask myself several questions.
  • How do I know that they are below grade level?
  • Is the scale/test fair and accurate?
  • Who am I comparing them to?
  • Do we have the same priorities, or do my children excel in other areas that are more important to me?
  • Are these areas where a large variation is normal or acceptable, or subjects that I am teaching in a different order/style than others, so that my children would score poorly on a test written for a particular scope & sequence?
  • Are they behind in just one subject or several?
  • Are all of the children struggling in the same areas?
I say “I,” but all of these questions would be a discussion between my husband and me.
If we decided there really was a problem, we would take a look at the children individually and collectively and decide where the problem(s) is.
  • Do we need different curriculum or teaching plan?
  • Are we trying to do too much?
  • Do we need to cut out some extra activities and focus on more structured school time?
  • Do we need to schedule more reading or read alouds?
  • Are they wasting too much time on TV, video games, etc?
  • Are there character issues or learning disabilities that need to be addressed?

I can’t make your list of questions for you, but this is where I would start.

From Alicia:
How do you handle different kids that need different kinds of discipline for the same actions? For example 1 child is very sensitive and respond well to us talking to or a timeout but another is very strong willed and bull headed and need more than that.
Alicia, since you seem to understand that children respond differently to discipline and it’s appropriate for parents to deal with them differently, I’m going to assume that you are most concerned with how to explain the apparent double standard to your children.
We have differences like this among our children, and I am very frank with them, as with most subjects.  Depending on the circumstances and attitude of the child in question, I might say:
I’m correcting you in a way that will help you remember to obey next time.
Your sister obeyed when I talked to her about it.  You got a swat for this because when I talked to you about it the first time, you still didn’t obey.
Your sister’s sin is not your business right now.  Did you disobey?  [Yes]  Do you understand why you were punished? [Yes]  Then make sure you are obeying.
From Amanda:
Encouragement question: I have three sons age 3, 23mo, and 8 weeks; I am SO amazed at how gracious the Lord is and how I myself am learning and growing! But…I am really tired. My husband helps as much as work allows (he’s in the military). We keep things–EVERYthing– simple. I myself am the oldest of 9 homeschooled kids, so I know the little-kid drill well, which helps. That said…what encouragement can you all give? I feel like I can’t, or shouldn’t? voice my feelings of frustration, fatigue, overwhelmed-ness (…I don’t even know what to call it exactly) to folks even in our church who don’t share our convictions about letting the Lord grow our family or how we plan to educate them. I frankly think we’re both becoming afraid of having more kids! Please give me some perspective and any other recommendations??
Amanda, I understand your hesitation to talk about the difficulties of your convictions around those who don’t share your convictions.  I think it’s probably wise.  We don’t want to present a false face to those around us, but it’s probably not helpful or constructive to discuss our problems with people who won’t be able to help or offer encouragement.
 Is your family supportive?  Are you and your husband sure that you are in the right church, if they are not supportive of your strongly held convictions?  Can you seek out people who do share your convictions, either in real life or online?  Just one or two good friends can make a world of difference!
As for perspective, having a new baby is a huge factor: You are only 8 weeks postpartum.  You are exhausted, and everything seems harder.  Everything is harder, but it will get better.  Your new little one will settle into a schedule, you will get more sleep (or learn to function on less), you and the kids will figure out the new normal, and you will feel better.
In the meantime, get as much rest as you can, let things slide a little more, and give yourself a little more time to recover.  You may feel fully recovered, but it really does take longer than 8 weeks, especially if you jumped back into life too soon.  Your hormones take at least 6 months to normalize, and in the meantime you just might be on an emotional rollercoaster.  Just take comfort in the fact that it’s probably not as bad as it seems right nowand someday you’ll look back on these busy times with fondness.  The memories of being overwhelmed will fade like memories of labor, and you’ll be able to treasure the good memories.
From Rebecca:
What have been your all time favorite family read-alouds? And how do you organize your school year?
Did you just ask me a question about organization and time management?  Have you met me?  Let’s just say one of my strong points is flexibility when it comes to scheduling.  Translation: I have the ability to live with no schedule at all.  On the downside, I find it very difficult to create and stick to a schedule.  I like to blame the fact that our daily life is often unpredictable in ways that are outside my control, but it could also be that I’m just very bad at scheduling.  :)
Really, we just do school year round in a relaxed sort of way, taking days off when the need arises or the fancy strikes us.  My children are very intelligent and articulate until a well-meaning stranger asks what grade they are in.  Then they stare blankly, stammer, and look helplessly at me.
But I can take a stab at your other question.  Some of our favorite read-alouds:
  • The Chronicles of Narnia
  • The Little House on the Prairie series
  • Ramona books
  • Ten Peas in a Pod
  • Boxcar Children series (the first 10-20 books)
  • The Hobbit (currently being read as a bedtime story to the boys by big sister Megan)

There have been many more, and if my children read this post I’m sure they’ll remind me of what I have forgotten so I can update the list.

From Traci:
We adopted a sibling group of three seven years ago. (they are now 12, 12 and 11) We just started another home study so that we can adopt another sibling group… soon we hope. Possibly a group of five that are ages 2-16.
We see a 15 passenger van on our horizon possibly. What other sage advise would you offer knowing we will soon be a “large” family?
Traci, congratulations on your growing family!  I love to hear about Christians adopting children because it is such a beautiful picture of our own adoption as God’s children.
I would definitely skip the 12 passenger van and go straight for the 15 as you said.  I think gas mileage is very similar, and cargo space is infinitely better since you can take a bench out of the 15 passenger van and still have plenty of seating left.
When I am expecting a new baby, I try to work hard on behavior problems that I see creeping up in the other children so that I don’t have everyone testing boundaries at once while we already so busy adjusting to the new normal.
Similarly, I try to make sure we have well-established household routines so that we’re not dealing with more changes than necessary during the adjustment period.  The postpartum period is not the time to try that exciting new curriculum, chore system, or any other big change.  I’m guessing the post-adoption period is also not the best time to tackle big changes like these.
How would you answer the questions above?

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Snapshot : Burger King

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wpid IMAG1825 Snapshot : Burger King

Treat time for Bethany, who finished her kindergarten math book this week!
She chose Burger King because of the snazzy crowns. The $1 fudge sundae probably helped too.

Question: finding appropriate reading material for kids

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Diana asked the 4 Moms a great question on facebook.  I don’t have a good answer for her, but I’m hoping somebody does.  Can you help?

 I have a 15 year old sister who is struggling to find appropriate reading material. I’ve run out of ideas and my mom is struggling because she doesn’t feel like she has adequate time to preview books before my sister gets them. Any suggestions that would be appropriate, specifically avoiding “romance”? Do you have a trustworthy reference that my mom could use to give her the scoop on a new book without having to read the whole thing?

What do you think?  Does such a resource exist?  It sounds like ScreenIt.com for books instead of movies.  We find it useful because rather than just saying that a movie is safe for kids, it gives a very detailed list of all the scenes, topics, and expletives that viewers might find objectionable, even touching on worldviews.  This is useful to us because we are far more concerned about sex scenes or implied sexual relationships than we are about rough language or alcohol, for example.  I would love to know if such a resource exists for books.

Snapshot : pool time!

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wpid IMAG1815 Snapshot : pool time!

Calvin is not sure what to think of the pool at Deanna’s apartment.
Kaitlyn and Megan are enjoying the pool as well.

wpid IMAG1818 Snapshot : pool time!

Edited to add a fun action shot:
wpid IMAG1823 Snapshot : pool time!

Snapshot: at the park

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wpid IMAG1810 Snapshot: at the park

This morning I took the 3 youngest kids to the nearby community playground so the school aged children could work in relative peace.
Fun 1 on 3 time!

4 Moms share vegetarian recipes {linky}

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4moms35kids 4 Moms share vegetarian recipes {linky}
Vegetarian?!  First, let me clarify a few things.

We think bacon is proof that God loves us.  I have made and enjoyed chocolate covered bacon, and I would totally try bacon ice cream.

We think that PETA should stand for People Eating Tasty Animals.

I think this is funny:

bacon seed 4 Moms share vegetarian recipes {linky}

And this is hilarious:periodic table of meat 4 Moms share vegetarian recipes {linky}

 

I make bacon roses for my husband, and we both think this site is awesome.

bacon roses 300x300 4 Moms share vegetarian recipes {linky}

We like meat.

But we don’t always eat meat.  That is largely because it tends to be expensive, especially when you are feeding a lot of hearty eaters.  We have found that there are many healthy, hearty meals that don’t break the bank and don’t require meat.  Sometimes you can just skip the meat in a regular recipe if there are enough other ingredients to distract from its absence.  We are not vegetarians, but some of our meals are.

Before we start, let me issue a warning: don’t try to force a meat-loving husband to eat meatless meals.  He must be on board, or you are doomed to failure.  If your husband wants you to cut the food bill, this is a good way to do it.  If he looks at your like you’re crazy when you suggest eating some meatless meals, don’t even try it.  If you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Here is a sampling of our favorites:

Bean & cheese burritos – Add-ons like tomatoes, sour cream, salsa, etc. really make the meal.  To add texture and appeal, make your beans from scratch instead of using refried beans from a can, leaving some whole beans when you season & smush them.  Or add lentils cooked with Homemade Taco Seasoning as a sort of meat substitute.  It’s not meat and probably won’t fool anyone, but it’s another way to add more texture and appeal.

Lasagna and spaghetti are very good without meat.  Just don’t skimp on the sauce and seasonings, and use plenty of cheese in your lasagna.

Taco salad is another meal that works well without meat: just use ranch beans or season your own pinto/black beans with Homemade Taco Seasoning.  Top with Homemade Catalina salad dressing.

homemade enchilada sauce 150x100 4 Moms share vegetarian recipes {linky}Bean & cheese enchiladas or “wet burritos” are another cheap meatless meal that everyone loves.  I use lots of my Easy Homemade Enchilada Sauce under, over and inside each enchilada to make them moist and flavorful.  If you use flour tortillas, there’s no need to soften in oil or sauce.  Just put a few tablespoons of seasoned beans, cheese and sauce in the middle, and roll up.  Crowd in a single layer on a pan lined with sauce (use a pan with sides at least 1″ high).  Top with more sauce and a sprinkle of cheese.  Bake about 25-30 minutes at 350, until heated through and lightly browned on top.

We also love quiche, and the egg/cheese combination is a less expensive source of protein than most meats.  Bacon, ham or sausage is nice but not necessary.  Garlic, carmelized onions and other veggies add lots of flavor, and this dinner goes well with a green salad. Just mix up 6 eggs, 2 cups of milk, 2 cups grated cheese (any kind you have on hand), and as many add-ins as you want.  Pour into an unbaked pie shell and bake until the center is set.  Of course we double or triple this.  :)

Moving away from meat is a fun excuse to experiment with new recipes.  We recently discovered and enjoyed Greek Fakes soup, and my husband wants me to make Indian Dahl lentils again.  We tried Black Bean Burgers and decided that the recipe was promising but needed a lot of tweaking.

What meatless recipes have you tried and enjoyed?

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4 Moms guest post by Deanna: books to read to the under-4 crowd; dinner table seating

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4moms35kids 4 Moms guest post by Deanna: books to read to the under 4 crowd; dinner table seatingSo…today is Friday, and I guess it’s time to publish my regularly scheduled 4 Moms post which I was supposed to publish yesterday.  This time I have something fun and special for you: these questions will be answered not from a mom’s perspective, but from that of my daughter Deanna who also blogs at Confessions of a Bibliophile.  Like me, she grew up as the oldest child in a very large family.  Like me, she thinks her extensive experience as a big sister has taught her a thing or two about mothering too.

Just in case you’re wondering, the fact that I didn’t make time to write a post of my own has absolutely nothing to do with my decision to let Deanna answer some questions here.  Well, maybe just a little.  OK, I admit it: her email to me containing her answers to the two questions below totally made the decision for me.


Good books to read to the 4 and under crowd that aren’t too annoying for mom to read?

 I sometimes have trouble deciding on a book to read to the kids because I forget one very important thing about reading to children. They don’t have to understand everything. It’s really a liberating thought once you can wrap your mind around it. Reading a classic like Peter Pan or The Chronicles of Narnia, or The Hobbit to young children who aren’t ready to read it on their own can still be a fascinating experience for all concerned. You just have to keep it in perspective. For example, Don’t get frustrated when they keep asking questions. This is a good thing because it means that they are plugged in and engaging the story. You still need to impose some discipline on them, such as telling them that they have to raise their hand, or that they need to wait until you finish the paragraph before they can talk. It’s important not to get too wrapped up in how much you  are enjoying the story especially if it’s a slightly more advanced book, and stop several times during a reading to ask questions about what’s going on in the story to help them follow along better.
 If you find yourself annoyed by the recommended books for their age level, try branching out a little bit. Think of some books that you enjoyed as a child, or even as a young adult. If you explain hard concepts to the children as you move along. you may find that they are able to enjoy if not comprehend a lot more than you thought.
And to make up for such an off the point answer to your question, here are a few books that the Coghlan children of all ages have enjoyed over the years.
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
The Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Frog and Toad by Arnold Lobel
A Wrinkle in Time, etc. by Madeline L’Engle
The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien
Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
How do you handle seats at the kitchen table? Assigned? Anywhere they want? What age do they stop sitting in booster seats?
We really go back and forth on this. Dad’s seat has always been at the head of the table, and Mom’s place is next to him, but we haven’t always assigned seating to the kids. Sometimes when seating is unassigned you can make a pretty shrewd guess at who is in favor with the crown by who dares to sit near Dad. All joking aside though, there are pros and cons to both ways.
 The pros of assigned seating are obvious. Dinner is bound to be more organized when it’s not a mad rush to see who can get the most highly valued seat first, whether it be a certain place at the table itself, or a seat next to someone in particular. You can separate troublemakers and be sure that they stay separated, depending of how strictly you enforce the rule, and you can pair large people with small people to ensure the teaching of manners and also that the little ones get served. The cons of assigned seating are less obvious, and may not even be applicable to some families, but in ours lets just say that some unnamed daughter (Lydia) was known to have had several emotional breakdowns over someone using “her” plate, or sitting in “her” spot. Seating a guest may be a little awkward if your children become emotionally attached to their spot at the table. Don’t laugh, it’s been known to happen. -.-
 As for sitting in booster seats, generally the child makes that decision. Or their behind just gets too big for the booster,the child graduates high school, the booster breaks, or the next baby needs it. Take your pick, it’s really never been a huge issue for us.

So, what do you think?  Does she sound like a typical self-absorbed teen, or like someone who knows a little about what goes on inside the heads of those mysterious creatures called Children?
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4 Moms Q&A: the laundry monster, snacks, and what to do if you can’t do it all (because you can’t)

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4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: the laundry monster, snacks, and what to do if you cant do it all (because you cant)

 Ami said, I have six kids. When I had 2 kids I was good at it (school/read aloud/housecleaning/meals). When I had 4 kids I was capable. Now I am decidedly not.   

I love my relationship with the Lord and truly glory in my weakness. I am so grateful that I am not in a performance based relationship with him  But, here, in this flesh, on this earth, I have to get things done. And Jesus is not down here holding a crying one year old while I get dinner made  And I don’t remember how to educate or make meals anymore. So my question is, How do I do it? How do you redeem your days? What about when you forget how you used to function?

I find myself in the same boat, and I also wonder about the whys and wherefores of the change.  How did I go from reading whole series aloud, to reading so little that finishing a chapter book is cause for celebration?  Who am I, and where did the old Kim go?

I used to create a meal plan every week without fail, and now I can’t seem to do it two weeks in a row.  We did 6 subjects in school every day, and my house was generally clean.  I read entire series of books aloud to my children.  And I had 4, 5, or 6 little ones, with no help.  What happened?

I think it really does get harder in some ways because as our children get older we are pulled in different directions.  It’s harder to find a book that will appeal to everyone at once, and it’s harder to find the time to sit down and read – especially if what you are reading is not universally engrossing.

With 20 years of experience and several helpers, it’s easy enough to put off planning and just wing it when it comes to meals – even though planning would save time and money.

There are enough of us to clean up after the little ones, so they don’t have to learn to clean up after themselves.

And I’m not the 20-something I used to be.  A sleepless baby can put me out of commission for most of the day.

How did I used to do it?  How can I do it now?   I can’t by my own strength, but I never could.  Just like the old days, I do my best and ask for grace and peace about the things left undone.  Or I don’t do my best, and ask forgiveness and help to do better tomorrow.

I ask my husband again about priorities so that we can be on the same page.  I am blessed to have a husband who cares about lightening my burden, so he offers suggestions, pitches in to help, and rallies the troops.  Maybe your husband will do this if he knows enough about your struggles?

 

From Tanya: We have a family of 10. And my laundry pile is huge! We have more clothes than we need but I am curious how much clothes, shoes, etc per person to keep. Do you have some sort of system for that? And do you get rid of clothing when there out grown or save it for a younger sibling?…at this point we are saving a lot but it doesn’t seem to get used by the next either because the seasons are different or their body sizes are different. Also getting the kids to help with chores etc is like pulling teeth any thoughts on that also?…thanks

I strongly suspect we have too many clothes, but we do work hard to stay right on top of the dirty laundry.  I hate when the washer goes out and it becomes an instant crisis because we were already operating on the cusp of disaster!

One thing that makes a big difference for us is to keep all the dirty laundry in one place, where I can see it easily.  If it’s out of sight, I forget about it entirely.  If it’s divided into a separate hamper for each bedroom or each person, we can be 12 loads behind before we know it!  When it’s all in one place right under my nose, “behind on laundry” means we have 3 or 4 loads to do.

Another thing that helps is not allowing the little ones to have free access to their clothes.  Anyone young enough to enjoy a good game of dress-up is young enough to require supervision.  When the 4yo needs fresh clothes, she has to ask first and have somebody watch her get them out of the drawer – so we know she isn’t emptying her drawers onto the floor searching for her very pair of underpants.

I pass clothes directly from one child to the next whenever possible, because the “out of sight, out of mind” principle works here too.  If we pack it up to save it, there’s an excellent chance we will forget about it until it’s no use to anyone.  If we don’t have a very near-term use for an article of clothing, we donate it and plan to buy again later from a thrift store.

 

How do you organize kids clothing? Anything you especially keep or don’t keep? 

Our clothes right now consist of 3 cubbies for each child, plus hanging space in the closet.  The cubbies hold:

  1. Tops
  2. Underclothes & pjs
  3. Bottoms: pants, shorts

Some of us have a few more cubbies as the system has evolved, but that is basically how it works.

When it comes to hand-me-downs, I usually only keep what I expect to use within 2 years.  That means I am keeping none of our 4yo daughter’s clothes because we don’t have another little girl up-and-coming.  We try not to keep anything too worn or stained, of course, which means nearly all of the boys’ clothes get pitched faster than they get passed.  I keep just a few newborn outfits because they tend to receive them as gifts and use relatively few.

I also keep very few heavy coats or other winter apparel because they take so much space to store and we use them so rarely – sometimes we go the entire winter without needing more than a jacket, and most of my Texas-born children don’t even know what a snowsuit is.  I don’t own anything heavier than a lightweight denim jacket myself.  I just layer it with a sweater on the really “cold” days.

Ideas for healthy yet inexpensive snacks? I’ve got a boy who is 4 years old and could eat me out of house and home.

Most of our snacks are real food: anything that works for lunch works as a snack, too, and it probably has more staying power than traditional snack foods.  I also lean heavily on milk as an add-on.  It’s a good balance of protein, fat and carbs.  Peanut butter is another versatile source of protein.  Anything with protein and fat will tend to keep kids satisfied for longer.

  • Animal crackers and peanut butter
  • Apples and peanut butter
  • Banana bread with peanut butter
  • Any appealing leftovers I’m eager to get rid of
  • Banana roll-ups: spread peanut butter on a tortilla and wrap around a banana.  If we happen to have extra hot dogs buns, we do this and call it a banana dog.
  • Cake or muffins made of leftover oatmeal or other hot cereal.  Serve with a big glass of milk.
  • Peanut butter and jelly sandwich – heavy on the peanut butter (we keep tortillas on hand instead of bread, so ours are pbj roll-ups)
  • Carrot sticks and ranch dressing
  • Tortilla chips and salsa – the only chips we do in our house with any sort of regularity.  We buy these in a big box from Costco, very cheap and much better for you than potato chips.  Maybe it’s weird outside of Texas, but my little ones beg for salsa.
  • Peanut butter and banana smoothies

 

How would you answer these questions?  See what questions the other moms are answering today:

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Baby mugging!

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It sounds terrible but I hear that babies don’t mind being mugged at all.  They tend to find it amusing, if they notice at all.  See?

wpid IMAG1532 Baby mugging!

Have you ever mugged a baby?  Have you mugged anyone at all?  Leave a link to your own pics in the comments, or send me your pics and I’ll try to share them for you in a future post!

I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.

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Edit: This sale has ended.  I hope you bought your bundle in time!

Friends, I’ve been bad.  I knew weeks ahead of time, but I’ve been too lazy to blog and tell you about the HUGE ebook sale going on this week.

See?

UHeB large HomemakingBundle revised I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.

I knew ahead of time because the 4 Moms book is part of the bundle.  If you already bought your copy of our book, you’ll have digital rights to an extra that you can give as a gift when you buy this bundle!

This week only, you can get any or all of the 97 ebooks in this Ultimate Homemaking Bundle for just $29.97, plus $140 in free products!  No fair jumping to the bottom to see the freebies!

Prepare to be overwhelmed.  Here is a complete list of the books included.  Remember, you don’t have to take them all unless you want them all.  You can choose just what you will use yourself – but your links are only good for a limited time, so do download anything you think you might want in the future.  At 30 cents per book, you can’t go wrong!

collage1 I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.

 

 

But wait! There’s more!

 

collage2 I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.

But if you’re like me, you jumped ahead to see what else you could get for free.  Right?  Everything below is included free when you buy your ebooks.

 

Fit2B Logo I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.A FREE Two-Month Membership to Fit2B Studio, where their wholesome workouts for the whole family are tummy safe and particularly target Diastasis Recti (split abs). ($19.98 value. No shipping restrictions.)

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RedmondIncBlack1 300x210 I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.Your choice of incredible natural products like sea salt and clay for FREE. Choose from the Redmond Trading Earthpaste Bundle ($24.90 value) or the Facial Mud Bundle ($26.90 value). (Standard shipping applies. Continental US only.)

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WheatGrassKits.com square I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.A FREE Culinary Herbs Assorted Seed Pack Check just in time for spring planting from www.wheatgrasskits.com, a living whole foods company. ($11.95 value. Standard shipping applies to all US states and territories- no international shipping for seeds.)

union 28 square logo I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.Get $10 off Union28′s original “my husband rocks” tee. Their marriage apparel lets you celebrate your spouse in style. ($10.00 value.Standard shipping rates apply. International shipping available, but free shipping only available within USA.)

Bee all natural square I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.A $10 store credit plus 1 FREE lip balm from Bee All Natural. Their whole body products nourish and heal, and are made using only the highest quality, food grade, organic ingredients. ($13.49 value.Standard shipping applies. International shipping available.)

TLH LOGO square I have been remiss. You can be a better homemaker.A FREE 2 oz. bottle of your choice of liquid herbal formula from TriLight Health. They specialize in fast acting, great tasting natural herbal remedies. ($12.95 value or moreStandard shipping applies, within the USA only.)

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What’s your favorite part of the deal?  I love the mission and designs of Union 28!  Wouldn’t their shirts make a fun wedding or anniversary gift?

Everything you ever needed to know about sleeping babies

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I’ve posted quite a bit about sleeping babies in the past, but this short essay sums up everything I ever learned.  I didn’t write it myself, but I could have.  Maybe I did write it myself, in the course of all my posts.  I can’t remember because I’m a little short on sleep.

IMG 6682 Everything you ever needed to know about sleeping babies

Awkward moments in my day

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Do you ever feel this way?  I do every time I sit down at the computer.  Or on the couch.  Or in the bathroom.  The guilt: it never ends.

46614 10151867958223776 1627257680 n Awkward moments in my day

The meaning of life

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Do you ever ask yourself why you are here?  What is the meaning of life?  If you believe the Bible, you should know that you were created in the image of God for His glory, with a soul that will last forever.  God knew you before He made the world, because you are part of His eternal plan.

If you believe in evolution, you probably don’t have an answer.  But take heart.  After all, you’ve got thumbs.  That makes you special, right?

4 Moms Q&A: life saving tips and tricks of the trade for moms of many

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4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: life saving tips and tricks of the trade for moms of many

Two questions from Missy:

how to deal with personal space issues with a 4 year old boy? — meaning that he is always touching other people or being far too close to their face when talking to them (and there is no eye sight or hearing issues).

Also, how do you deal with the “potty talk”?? – I try to be on top of it, and when we are at home with just us it is not too bad, but when he is around his friends it is all the time.

Missy, I’m putting your questions together because my answer to both is basically the same: I just talk frankly to my kids, right from the start.  When it comes to personal space, we sometimes tell them that we love them but we need a little breathing room.  We often kindly say things like,

“You need to move back a little.  It’s rude to be so close to somebody’s face.”

“You need to sit in your own seat, please.  I love you, but don’t lean on me.”

“Step back while you are talking to ___ and look at his eyes.  That’s being polite.”

If it’s done kindly and without making a scene, these corrections can take place openly with very young children.  You are not disciplining for sins; you are training your child in social customs, much like reminding a child to put his napkin in his lap at the table.  If you act very embarrassed, he might be embarrassed too (along with his victim), but if you are just offering a point of information everyone will be more comfortable.

Potty talk is similar, although I’m far less concerned about embarrassing the offender.  If he has already been instructed at home that potty talk is not appropriate, I have no hesitation about correcting him in front of his friends.  If his friends are taking part, I might even ask them if their parents approve of that sort of talk.  There’s a good chance I know their parents pretty well, and their answers are going to sound a lot like mine.

From Leigh: what immediate discipline tactics do you use for non compliance? I am running out of ideas and my kids (5 2-10) never do as they are told without severe consequences by which stage everyone is angry!!

Leigh, your question makes it sound like you are waiting until you are angry to get serious about dealing with non compliance.  If immediate consequences are too mild to get the children’s attention, then they will carry on until you cross out of their personal comfort zones.  Worse still, when you do get serious enough get their attention they will think they are only being punished because they made Mom mad.  They might logically conclude that it’s OK to disobey if they can do it without upsetting you.

This doesn’t mean you chase them around with a big stick at the first sign of disobedience, but it does mean that the line between acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior needs to be crystal clear.

Just as important: kids need to understand that parents’ authority flows from God.  When I correct a little one, I nearly always come at it from that direction:

“I told you to do ____.  Did you obey me?  God tells you to obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right (Eph. 6:1).  Did you obey God?  First we need to pray for God to forgive you because you didn’t obey your parents, then you need to ask me to forgive you because you didn’t do ____.”  If there is a third party, she’ll need to ask forgiveness from them too.

Dealing with even small sins this way can help impress upon them the fact that God takes all sins seriously, and failing to obey parents is also an affront to God.

Rachel asked, What are some life savers/tips/tricks of the trade for families/Moms of several kids????

What a fun question!  I can’t wait to see tips from other moms in the comments!

Here are a few that come to mind for me:

  1. Socks are consumable.  Let go of the guilt, throw away the odd ones, and just buy more.
  2. Baths and mopping should happen on an as-needed basis.  Don’t worry; they WILL be needed.
  3. Need to leave the house early in the morning?  Let the kids sleep in clean clothes, and do their hair the night before.  You’ll need to freshen braids or ponies, but it’s much easier than fighting tangles and starting from scratch.
  4. Tuck a spare diaper or two and a small pack of wipes under the liner of the baby’s carseat.  If you ever forget or lose your diaper bag, you’ll have an emergency backup.
  5. Your phone alarm: learn it, love it, live it.  Mine goes off at noon to ask if I know what’s for dinner tonight.  It goes off at 9 AM to remind me to inspect bedrooms.  It goes off at 9:15 on Sunday morning to remind us that it’s almost time to leave for church so we’d better hurry.  It also goes off 2 hours before any appointments just in case I forgot.  I have a friend who uses hers to remind the kids to do their chores, feed and care for various pets at various times of day, etc.
  6. Kids love money.  Enlist your army at bargain wages to find lost items, swat flies, do extra chores around the house.  Be charmed by their gratitude, but beware inflation: if you pay too generously once, they’ll never again be satisfied with their former wages.
  7. Learn to handle two grocery carts.  It’s not as hard as it sounds, and the skill that will serve you well.
  8. Don’t stretch your whole family out in one pew at church.  Put half of the kids directly in front of mom and dad, with the rest on either side of you.  Now everyone is within pinching distance.  ;)

 

How would you answer these questions?  See what questions the other moms are answering today:

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Dove Beauty Sketches

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Years ago, Dove shared an eye-opening video called Evolution of Beauty.  It begins with a rather average-looking young woman and displays the step-by-step transformation to super-model.

Recently, I saw another Dove video that stuck a chord with our family and friends.  This one compares the self-described appearances of women to how others perceive them.  As in the video above, the differences are striking.

I know it may be easy to criticize the worldview and goals behind the videos, but I think they make important points even for those of us whose mission in life differs from that of the Dove corporation.  :)

Heartbreaking quotes from abortionists

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I really don’t want to talk about this or even think about it any longer than necessary.  I just want others to see it, so they will know the lies for what they are.   Some have a seared conscience, but so many women don’t fully realize what they are doing – at least until it’s too late.  But the doctors know.

Sorrow, quite apart from the sense of shame, is exhibited in some way by virtually every woman for whom I performed an abortion, and that’s 20,000 as of 1995. The sorrow is revealed by the fact that most women cry at some point during the experience… The grieving process may last from several days to several years… Grief is sometimes delayed… The grief may lie sublimated and dormant for years. -Dr. Susan Poppema, abortionist

Read the rest of the article: 10 Very Surprising Quotes From Abortion Doctors

Religion in public school

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I confess that I post far more often on Facebook than here, because it’s much easier to share interesting articles with a few clicks on my phone than it is to get a turn on the computer at a time when I can actually sit down, think, and write all at the same time.

But some things are worth sharing twice, and now that I have a quiet moment near the computer I want to do some cross-posting.

I shared an article about an outraged father who learned that his 4th grade son had been instructed by his public school teacher to write, ”I am willing to give up some of my constitutional rights in order to be safer or more secure.”

I also want  to share one of my comments in the discussion that followed.  This was in response to a question from a non-US resident who asked if religion was taught in our public schools, and if it was mandatory.

How do we know what we know?  How do we separate truth from fiction?  How do we decide what is important in education and what is irrelevant or unimportant? All of these questions are religious in their nature, and each person’s answers must come from within his/her religious framework.  Religion is far more than where you go to church.  It is about who is the ultimate authority in your worldview. Who do you think defines good and evil, truth and falsehood, right and wrong?  God?  Government? Your feelings?  The majority?  When you answer that question, you have named your god and the source of your religion.

Public schools do teach religion.

4 Moms Q&A: Potty training, talking about difficult news stories, and YES I will pull this car over right now if you don’t stop.

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4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: Potty training, talking about difficult news stories, and YES I will pull this car over right now if you dont stop.

Rachel has a question that I’m going to share this week not because I have the answer, but because I think she’ll be encouraged to see how many of us share her problem:

Question (and it’s a long one!): Have any of you ever had a child that struggled greatly with potty training? My almost 5yo boy has had such a difficult time with this particular skill and we’re at our wit’s end with how to help him (he’s very smart otherwise, reading and writing, doing simple addition, etc.). He has had weeks at a time where he does really well and I think we’re done. Then he’ll have a week or two where he’s having accidents of both kinds again. We’ve tried rewards/consequences, and his brain just doesn’t seem to work that way. His usual excuse is that he “just forgot”. I’m so frustrated with this situation! His two sisters (almost 7 and almost 3) have had no trouble in this area so it’s hard to understand what the deal is with him. :/ Any words of wisdom from any of you ladies? Not necessarily a solution, even, just a “there’s light at the end of the tunnel” kind of encouragement. Thank you!

Rachel,

I don’t think it’s a gender issue.  Half the time I hear that boys are easier to train, and half the time I hear that they’re harder.  I do seem to hear that they often train later, but that doesn’t really sound like what you are dealing with now.  I’m going through the same frustration with my almost-5yo daughter, and also did with another daughter until she was 5 or 6.  Both had many accidents, but the part that frustrated me was not the accidents.  It was the fact that they didn’t seem to care; they were content to wear their accidents.

In both cases, I think physical maturity played a role because both wet a lot at night, when urine production is typically very low.

In the case of one child, I think maturity of one sort or another was the main cause.  She was physically able, but just didn’t have the attention span, maturity or self-awareness required to really care about it until she was older than many.  She is a sweet and beautiful girl, but does tend to be a late bloomer in some aspects even now.  I’ve learned to be ok with that because she’s worth the wait.

In the case of the other child, I think accidents could also be a sign that she needs more attention.  I don’t mean that she does it on purpose, but maybe that she has a tendency to not pay attention to herself so that others will.  She is more needy than our others have been, and it takes a lot of loving to fill her love tank.   I can’t complain, because she gives it all back with interest and I know she will outgrow the accidents someday.  In the meantime, I just try to enjoy the times when she can sit on my lap without both of us needing to change our clothes.  :P

I do have a related question, though.  The second daughter mentioned above seems to have very low sleep needs, i.e. she needs less sleep than any 4yo I’ve known.  She lies down every day for a rest but rarely falls asleep, and wakes bright and happy after a 7 hour night.  I think she doesn’t sleep soundly at night either, often waking us just because she is bored, lonely, or can’t find her blanket.  I honestly think she could function well on less sleep than most adults, at an age when all my other children were still heavily dependent on naps.  Does anyone think this could be somehow connected to her incontinence, esp. at night?  Is she producing urine when the rest of us don’t because her body isn’t spending 9-10 hours in “hibernation mode”?

And I would also love to hear others’ solutions to Hadley’s problem, which I share:

Here’s my question for next week icon smile 4 Moms Q&A: Potty training, talking about difficult news stories, and YES I will pull this car over right now if you dont stop. What do you do with things like shoes, bags, coats, etc. that usually get dropped on our floor at the back door? Mail, things that need to be returned to folks, things that get brought in the car, etc. I’m trying to come up with a workable plan for all our junk at the back door. It’s OVERWHELMING!

What, indeed?  I’m full of great and useful threats that would doubtless solve the problem if only I were mean enough to carry them out:

“Any shoes left on the floor can be found in the goodwill box, which gets donated every Monday.  If you’re missing shoes, I suggest you look for them before Monday.”

“For every item you leave in a vehicle, you’ll have to bring in 3 extra items and put them away.”

“Anything left on your bedroom floor for the 9 AM inspection will go straight into the trash.”

“If your bedroom isn’t clean by the 9 AM inspection, you will miss breakfast.”

Probably the most useful plan was the rule that a person had to put away 2 extra things for every personal item left in a living area or other inappropriate place.  It didn’t teach them to put things away in the first place, but it did provide a convenient cleanup plan when they didn’t.

Sarah asked,

When did your sons learn to snap their pants (and had the hand strength to do so)? what did you do until that point? Special brands to buy or something?

This wasn’t an issue to me.  I just snapped when he needed help, and if pressed for an answer I would say that my children probably still needed occasional help until about 5.  A bigger potty-help issue to me: how long should I help them wipe?  Ugh.  We all want to be done with that duty as soon as possible – the helping, I mean – but if we rush it, the consequences are so much worse.  My general rule of thumb is to let them do it as soon as they can exercise a reasonable amount of awareness about the geography down there (exactly what needs wiping, and where is it?), then carry out regular backup wiping until I see consistent signs of good hygiene.

Just in case you didn’t already pick up on this, we’re in the throes of potty training once again.  Parker is at Day 7 and doing great!

I am wondering how you handle disobedience/ tantrums in the car? Do you pull over and discipline right away? And what if you can’t do that?

I’ve noticed that this rarely happens when I have been consistent about enforcing rules.  Of course children will act up now and then, but in general they push the boundaries that seem worth testing – the ones where they think they have a chance at victory.

I have pulled over to deal with incidents right on the side of the road when I felt it was necessary.  When I felt it could wait or just wouldn’t be safe/appropriate to do it NOW, I switched my pinky ring to my index finger (my way of tying a string ’round my finger so I won’t forget) and dealt with the incident as soon as I reasonably could.  After just one or two roadside incidents, nobody felt the need to test that particular boundary for a very long time.  Added bonus: when they know you’ll stop the car, they also believe you’ll get up off the couch, get out of bed, lay the baby down, or do whatever else it takes to address disobedience promptly.  Stopping the car = major score in the Mean What You Say category.

I don’t remember if I asked this before, so kindly disregard me if I did (chalk it up to postpartum Mama brain.) But how do you ladies handle difficult news stories? Things like Newtown, Boston, Gosnell. We have no TV so our children aren’t bombarded with inappropriate images daily, but our kids do listen to the radio, and even christian news outlets cover these stories at length. We address the questions as they come, but I wonder if I should address them in a specific manner? I don’t want to sweep it under the carpet. The world IS an evil place, but I wonder sometimes if having my 6 year old hear about these tragedies is a grievous parenting error. But, I can’t avoid it altogether either!

We listen to a lot of talk radio and tend to discuss the big stories, so our young ones are exposed to some of the horrors of what happens in our fallen world.  However, we try to avoid getting too wrapped up in the details and especially about filling the heads of the very young with those details.  It’s not uncommon for me to say, “We don’t need to talk about the details of what happened.  It was very, very sad.”  Or, “We don’t need to know all about his sins.  We know that he broke the 6th commandment and did some very wicked things.”  I think it’s important for kids to understand that wickedness is defined by breaking God’s law, so they need to know His law and what sorts of things people might do to break it, but it’s up to parents who know their children best to decide how much detail is healthy for that child right now.

I also think that questions should be answered to a certain level, even about horrific events, because a child’s imagination is likely to run away and just wondering can cause him to dwell even more on the wickedness.  But like other delicate subjects, it’s helpful to avoid offering more detail than the child is requesting, and sometimes the answer can be, “You don’t need to know that right now.”

How would you answer these questions?  See what questions the other moms are answering today:

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4 Moms teach what they don’t know

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4moms35kids 4 Moms teach what they dont knowDoes that sound impossible?  This is one of the big questions about homeschooling: is a child limited by the parents’ knowledge?

Not at all.

There are many answers to this question, but I’m going to focus on just one today, because I feel it strikes deeply at the heart of the question.  [If you'd like a more in-depth answer, you might want to look at this post and the discussion that followed in the comments: What do you do when the children need to learn subjects you can’t teach?]

One of the goals of education is – or should be – to teach a child how to learn.  An educated person should be able to learn independently.  If we are entirely dependent on teachers to personally spoon feed knowledge to us, how will we ever progress beyond the point at which we leave school?  Have you learned nothing since the day you graduated high school or college?

Just think about this:  Of course a child isn’t expected to learn to read on his own, but once you have taught him to read his teacher can be any author in the world, even one who died thousands of years ago!

As a homeschooled student, I was able to teach myself many subjects that were unfamiliar to my parents.  If I ran into problems with one book, I learned to check alternate resources until I understood.  This not only let me keep learning when I passed my parents in those particular subjects, but also left them free to work with the younger ones who needed more attention.

This approach may not work for every student and it may not be optimal for every learning style, but it’s definitely a valid approach.  I was a mature, highly self-motivated child, and I thrived in this state of independence.  Less motivated students may need more encouragement and one-on-one time – but a little character training might help, too.  Not everyone enjoys this sort of independence, but as we mature we should be able to work independently when necessary.  A child who requires constant prodding, oversight, and spoon-fed knowledge is not prepared to function in the “real” world as an adult.

They haven’t studied Latin or calculus, but all of my older children have skills and knowledge that are different or beyond my own in certain areas.  Some of my younger children do, too.  They are hardly limited by my knowledge.

Oh, and if they do study Latin or calculus, I can help them.  I learned those on my own. [confession: I learned them 25 years ago.  I remember little Latin and far less calculus, but I know they're in my  head somewhere.]

How would you answer this question?  See how the other moms did:

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4 Moms Q&A

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4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A

When time is short and you know you can’t get it all done, what things are at the top of your list? What’s the most important things in your day/week?

My mantra each morning is, “Jobs, Bible, School!”  I don’t usually command breakfast because I know it will happen.  I concern myself more with the items that are important but prone to procrastination.  Basically, we have a flexible schedule that focuses more on the order of operation than the time of day, and these are the items at the top of the list for us.

Things that can wait on busy days: deep cleaning, decluttering, school subjects outside the 3 R’s, projects of any sort, baking sweets.  Well, except brownies.  Those are on my list of priorities, especially on a busy day.

 

How do you deal with lying when there is no hard proof of who didn’t it, though you strongly suspect who did it?

When there is no hard proof, I follow the Biblical rule that “in the mouth of two or three witnesses a thing is confirmed.” [Deut. 19:15, I Cor. 13:1] If we don’t have witnesses, we don’t have a conviction, i.e. no punishment.  But if I have strong suspicions, I will often have a private word with the suspect, choosing my words carefully to avoid the possibility of false accusations.  I say something like, “You know that we have no witnesses to tell us what happened, but God knows.  If you didn’t do it, I’m very glad.  If you did, you need to confess because the Bible says that a hidden sin eats away at us, and God hates lying lips.  We should be more afraid of displeasing God, who knows all of our sins, than of confessing that sin.”

After that, I don’t stress about it.  I have a feeling that too often accusing a child of lying without solid proof can discourage them and leave them feeling that they might as well lie, since they are already thought of as a liar.  I have also learned that when a child begins to lie, he/she will keep it up until the sin is caught and dealt with.  You’ll have another chance, so just keep both eyes open and you will soon have another opportunity to instruct.

At what age do you start talking with your girls about puberty/periods etc and how do you do it?! (my 3 year old already notices sometimes when i’m using sanitary pads, given that i’m rarely able to go to the loo by myself!)

Of course this depends a lot on your own comfort level with the subject, but I’m very open with our children about puberty and sex.  If our kids are old enough to ask questions, I just try to give them answers they will understand.  I usually try to not to volunteer a lot of extra information and unnecessary details, being careful to answer only the specific question.  We have 5 teens now – one of them married – and this approach seems to have worked very well for our family.

Shoes!! How do you store every day shoes?

Ditto on the shoes! I have just two little ones (a toddler and a newborn) but shoes seem to take over!

With the younger children, I try not to have too many pairs.  I know wee little shoes are adorable, but somehow the more shoes your child owns the harder it is to find two that match!  When we nothing but littles they usually had just two pairs: dress shoes and play shoes.  Now that I have more help, we can handle a little more: church, sneakers, sandals or flip flops.  This is Texas, so they like to have boots too. icon smile 4 Moms Q&A

As they get old enough to take care of their own shoes, the collection tends to expand.  Our new house has built-in shoe racks in each closet, which helps immensely with storage.

Once they are old enough to buy their own shoes, all bets are off.  Some of my teens owned over 20 pairs of shoes at one time, though most try to keep their collections a little more manageable.

Laundry : what are the logistics of getting it done and back in the closet/drawer? We don’t have a family closet and only 1 ‘big’ to help with this task (with the excepting of putting away, which they all help with )….. thank you !!!

I would love to hear how other big families handle laundry!  We are always tinkering with our laundry system, but here is what works for us right now:  Everyone is responsible to get their laundry to the laundry room, where they sort it into either the Light/White bin or the Dark/Bright bin.  Then one person is responsible to wash/dry 2-3 loads each day, sorting clean laundry into baskets as it comes out of the dryer.  Clean laundry is sorted by bedroom, so it’s just 4 baskets plus one for linens.  Then the residents of each bedroom sort and put away their own clothes from their room’s basket.  Each of the younger children has an older one assigned to help make sure laundry is put away properly, but they do most of the work themselves.

How do you teach your 2yr old to obey the first time every time and how long does it take? Mine has started throwing fits and when I tell him to do something he says “It’s FINE!” or “No”. He obeys when I move but not before I do.

We teach by requiring first time obedience, every time.  The key is consistency.  If you want your little one to obey the first time, you need to correct each time he waits.  If he doesn’t get corrected when waits for you to move, then he’ll keep waiting.  It is human nature to test the boundaries, and if he has learned that you don’t really mean it until you move, then that is when he will obey.  If my 2yo waits until he sees me heading his way and then obeys, I still correct and say, “No, you didn’t obey quickly.”  Sometimes it’s helpful to do a quick replay.  It may feel a little silly to you, but tell him “Let’s try again so you can obey quickly.”  Then go back to where you were and repeat your command.  This helps him to be very clear in his mind about what is acceptable and what is not, and gives you the opportunity to praise him for obeying promptly.

Verbally refusing to obey is an instant swat in our house, so it almost never happens.  I often say something like, “God tells you to obey your parents.  Did you obey?  God says I have to swat you when you disobey, and I’m going to obey God because I love God and I love you.”

Throwing fits is never acceptable in our house.  I correct with a firm swat and say, “No, you obey happily.”  If he doesn’t calm down right away, you might want to put him in his bed until he is done so he doesn’t have an audience.  If your little guy is already in the habit of throwing fits, it may take a while to break the habit, just as it can take an an adult with a bad temper some time to learn to manage his temper.

You might not be comfortable swatting a 2yo, but regardless of how you discipline or correct him, the more consistent you are the sooner he’ll believe you mean it.

It may sound like we give a lot of spankings, but that’s not true at all.  Generally speaking the more consistent you are, the less often your children will need them and they are relatively rare in our house.  When I find myself having to discipline more often, the first question I ask is, “Have I been less consistent lately?”  Inconsistency and letting bad behavior slide produce unpleasant children who test every boundary far too often, because they have learned that the standard is different from day to day and hour to hour.  Our children are far from perfect, but they are usually pleasant and well-behaved, and I think this is largely because we have worked hard to consistently train them to God’s standard over the years.

How would you answer the questions above?

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Grand Caravan: our personal odyssey, part 4

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A comedy of errors in which we learn the hard way to never, ever, ever take a used vehicle on a cross country road trip within 48 hours of purchase.  Please, learn from our mistakes.

part 1

part 2

part 3

The diagnosis was a bad alternator.  Perry had never replaced an alternator before but my dad assured him it wasn’t too hard.  He had done plenty of alternators on his own vehicles.  They could handle this.

On Wednesday, we bought the parts and Perry got to work with the help of my 17yo brother.  They managed to break loose the alternator without too much trouble and compared the old part to the new one.  Aha!  There was a difference.  There was a pulley on the old one that was not included on the rebuilt part they had purchased.  A phone call to the auto parts store confirmed this.  They were supposed to detach the pulley and use it with the new alternator.

This was more easily said than done.  They tried a variety of tools and positions and plans, but it just wouldn’t budge.  The auto parts store offered to break it loose for them, so they hopped in Dad’s van.  When they got there, the men on duty tried their best but had to admit defeat.  They suggested another place that would be better equipped, so Perry and Kyle headed out again.  This scenario was repeated several times over the course of the day before they finally found a shop that was able to break the pulley loose.

One simple step had turned into an all-day affair, but finally the pulley was attached to the new alternator and ready to install.  Perry and Kyle decided to call it a day and finish the job the following day.

For once, the job went as planned.  On Thursday, the alternator was installed.  The van started.  The brakes worked.  The sun was shining and birds were singing.  I may have seen a rainbow in the sky.

We all celebrated by going out to see a movie.  This was the vacation we had planned. We were all together.  We were relaxing.  We were having fun.  The van was running beautifully.

The next day, our vacation was over.  It was time to leave.

After the fiasco we had experienced, we were more than a little nervous about taking the van on the road.  It was one thing to drive to and from the theatre with Dad and Mom in their big van behind us.  It was another to set out on the 1,400 mile return trip.  We decided to leave Friday evening and drive straight through.

We drove for 28 hours, never turning off the engine.  We even filled the gas tank with the engine running.  I know, I know.  We were young, foolish, and paranoid.

But we made it home safely, pulling the van right into the yard.  It was late, and we were exhausted.  We stumbled into the house, tucked the kids into bed, and fell asleep.

The next morning, the van wouldn’t start.

We left the van there in the yard for 6 weeks while we saved our pennies, then finally had it hauled to a nearby garage.  We told him we didn’t need a complete fix; we just needed it to start so that we could trade it in.  I called periodically for updates, and each time the mechanic assured me he was trying but just couldn’t find the problem.  He tried replacing the neutral safety switch which keeps the vehicle from starting unless it is in park or neutral, but that didn’t help.  He tried a few other ideas, all to no avail.  After 3 weeks and $300 in failed repairs he finally told us, “I don’t know what’s wrong with it, but if you wiggle this wire right here, sometimes it will start.”

I proposed to Perry that we dispute the bill, but he had already had enough trouble with this van and wasn’t about to make more now that there was an end in sight.  ”He did what we asked.  Pay it,” he said.  We were going to get rid of it as quickly and cleanly as possible, and we would never make another mistake like this again.

No, we would make an entirely different mistake the next time.

4 Moms Q&A

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4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&AHappy Thursday, friends!  Our family is nearly at the end of our media fast, so I hope to chat with you in the comments soon.  It’s been a crazy couple of weeks!  In the meantime, I’m just here to answer a few questions from Facebook for this week’s 4 Moms post.

Heather asked,

How do your children entertain friends? Our kids would like to have a friend over once in a while but with seven kids, one shared family room, and two kids’ bedrooms, there really isn’t a quiet space for them to talk, play a game, or anything else. Keep in mind that outside isn’t always an option as it’s snowy and cold here 6 months of the year.

Heather, we have a couple of different goals when our kids have a friend over.  First, while I understand that one particular child may have a special relationship with a guest, we still consider the newcomer to be more a guest of our family than of just one child.  I don’t want any of my children selfishly laying claim to a guest as though that person were a toy to be squabbled over.  We all do our best to accommodate and entertain our guests, recognizing that one or two of us may be better suited to that task depending on who has come to visit.

That’s not to say that a guest should be constantly inundated with chatter from seven people all at once.  That just doesn’t sound like fun for the visitor, does it?  We still need to exercise some courtesy and give them a little space – something we should already be doing for one another as well.  If 2 or 3 people are playing a game, 3 more shouldn’t demand to be included and overwhelm the activity that was already happening.  But they might quietly watch, or sit nearby and join in the conversation.

Secondly, I want my children to self-consciously include their siblings when they are playing with a friend.  They all know what the word “exclude” means, because they have all been admonished not to exclude one another from their games.  Too often the older ones want to exclude the younger ones, or the one who is entertaining a friend wants to exclude the siblings.  It saddens me when loyalties run in just one direction, because this really isn’t loyalty at all, and it’s not loving your neighbor as yourself.  It’s exactly the sort of favoritism (or partiality) warned against in the Bible.

As mentioned above, this doesn’t mean that anyone and everyone can demand to be included in whatever is happening at the moment.  What it means is that courtesy is a two-way street.  Like the right-of-way when driving, courtesy is to be given, not taken.

To give a more concrete answer to Heather’s question, entertaining a friend in a small house might look something like this for us:

7yo neighbor girl arrives to play with our 8yo girl.  First, everyone gathers round to greet her and chat for a few minutes.  Then the older ones go about their business, while the neighbor plays with our 8yo girl, 4yo girl (because she is inseparable from her sister), and our 6yo boy.  Our 2yob hangs around watching.  After a bit, the three girls want to play with dolls and migrate quietly toward a corner of the living room.  I encourage the rambunctious boys to go play in their room or color at the table for a bit, because they’re not interested in playing dolls and have been reduced to annoying the girls.  A little later, our guest wants to play a game of cards, so some of the older children might join in, while the younger ones sit on laps and “help” play in teams.

I guess part of the key here is that I don’t think friends need solitude to enjoy each other’s company.  A quiet corner of the room is sometimes nice, but they don’t need an entire room.  As a big family in a small house, we learned to share our spaces very well, and never found it too hard to share with an additional guest (or 10).

Gencie Todd asked,

I have a question for Kim C: Do you always carry a gun? What safety measures do you take, surrounded all day by young children? My husband and I are thinking more about getting a handgun. We don’t own one now, and the thought of it makes me very nervous, as children are curious and accidents happen.

Gencie,

I carry almost any time I leave the house, and often around the house as well.  I wear a bellyband, with my gun in the back securely against my body.  This lets me nurse a baby, use the bathroom, carry a toddler on my hip, even change clothes without ever removing it.  I never take it off and set it down anywhere, because I know that there is a chance I might someday forget to pick it up again.  I never carry in my purse, where it could easily be snatched or set down unattended.  I either wear it or put it away.

That is one side of gun safety.  The other side is making sure your children are educated.  Even our very young ones know not to touch a gun, though I know even the best-behaved child will sometimes disobey, which is why I take such precautions with my own gun.  Everyone down to the 2yo has fired a gun (with appropriate levels of help and oversight), because we want them to understand the amount of power these objects possess.  We want them to have a healthy amount of respect and even fear, much like they should have for a big scary kitchen knife.  Having fired a real gun makes it far less likely that a child will think of a gun as a toy – especially if you’re using something with a lot of noise and recoil.

And right from the beginning, our children are learning the 4 Rules of Gun Safety.  Do you know them?  Be sure to learn them before you bring a gun into your house, and teach your children.  There are many versions, but here’s how I learned them from my dad:

  1. All guns are always loaded.  Even if you just unloaded it yourself, or saw someone unload it.  Many accidents happen with “unloaded” guns.
  2. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot.  Even with unloaded guns.
  3. Always point your gun in a safe direction.  Even when it’s unloaded.  Don’t wave the muzzle about carelessly.  Remember, all guns are always loaded.
  4. Never point your gun at anything you are not prepared to destroy.  Alternately, Know your target and what is beyond.  Or, Never shoot at a sound or a shadow.

Another question from Gencie Todd:
If you nursed your babies, how and when did you wean?

I’m answering this one because it’s easy.  Here’s why it’s easy: because I answered it in depth in a past post.  :)  Weaning a Baby

But to make it easy for you, here it is in a nutshell:  I breastfed all my babies so far.  One is only 5 months old, so he’s still going strong.  In 8 out 10, weaning was a sort of joint agreement.  They began to lose interest and I was happy to let them eat more solid food and nurse less until we both entirely forgot about nursing.  Those 8 were weaned anywhere from 12-20 months old.

In two cases, my sweet nursing baby began to transform into a demanding toddler who wanted to be nursed RIGHT NOW and didn’t deal well with delays.  Those children were gently but firmly weaned some time after their first birthdays (around 14-16 months, I think) primarily by breaking their schedules up a bit: I purposely delayed the first morning feeding by distracting them with food or a cup of milk; I nursed them a half hour before bed instead of just before bedtime, etc.  When they learned not to expect feedings at a concrete time, it became much easier to fill them up on solid food and drinks and entirely skip feedings, and over the course of a few weeks they were painlessly weaned.

Trisha Fleitz Truman:

What are your favorite non-fiction books?

Gencie Todd:

And parenting books?

74981 s 4 Moms Q&AGencie’s question is easy, because aside from the Bible I have one big favorite that I recommend to all parents: Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp.  I love that the author constantly reminds parents to keep the goal in sight: not well-behaved children, but Christians who live to glorify God.  We don’t punish our children so they will be scared to disobey again; we discipline or disciple them to follow Christ.  This means making sure we get to the root of the sin, rather than just dealing with outward behavior which can create little Pharisees.  To do this, we need to engage our children and know their hearts and minds so we can understand how they think and feel, and what motivates their actions.

Trisha’s question is much harder.  If I try to give my Top Ten list, I know the instant I hit the Publish button I’ll think of 30 other books I should have named instead.  I’ll still try, but this list expires in 10 minutes so by the time you see it, it will no longer apply.  Fair?

Kim’s 10 Favorite Non-Fiction Books, besides the Bible.  duh.

  1. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.  This was a small book that kept me thinking for years.  I would love to read it again.
  2. Economics in One Lesson by Harry Hazlitt.  I felt so smart when I read this book in 10th grade. I have loved it ever since and think everyone in America should read it, starting with President Obama and our Congress.
  3. Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. This one revolutionized the way Perry and I saw and managed money.  We still do a lot of stupid stuff, but now we know when we’re being stupid.
  4. Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyzyn.  I grew up poor, but Amy’s classic taught me plenty of new tricks.  She also taught me that I wasn’t alone, and being frugal could be cool and respectable – or at least that we were in good enough company that we didn’t need to worry about what others thought of our frugal ways.
  5. 75 Bible Questions Your Instructors Pray You Won’t Ask by Gary North.  I don’t agree with everything Gary North does or writes and neither did my dad, but Dad assigned this to me in 7th or 8th grade.  It was the first theology book I ever read and was my first formal exposure to Reformed theology many long years ago.  It’s now available as a free pdf. 
  6. Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook.  You know the one with the red and white checked cover?  I received my copy as a wedding gift over 20 years ago and many of my favorite recipes originated here.  My girls have learned to cook largely from the same copy.
  7. The 3 R’s by Ruth Beechick.  This book greatly influenced the way I viewed education.
  8. Five in a Row by Jane Lambert.  Like #7 above, this contributed greatly to the way we have done school over the years, even as our children got much older.  We didn’t do it exactly as we did when they were young, of course, but adapted and adjusted to their growing abilities.
  9. The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson.  I used to keep this by my bedside and read bits whenever I felt I was struggling as a young wife.
  10. The Self-Calmed Baby.  I learned a lot from this book as a new mother, and largely give this book credit for my mostly-happy, content babies who slept through the night at early ages.  I blame myself for the others.

It’s worth noting that while I still own most or all of these books, I haven’t read most of them in years.  These are not necessarily my top recommendations.  I put them on my list because they influenced me heavily as a young adult and have continued to do so even many years after I read and digested them.

 

How would you answer the questions above?

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Grand Caravan: our personal odyssey, part 3

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A comedy of errors in which we learn the hard way to never, ever, ever take a used vehicle on a cross country road trip within 48 hours of purchase.  Please, learn from our mistakes.

part 1

part 2

We had 6 or 7 hours to go until we reached Dallas.  Since it was Saturday, traffic was light.  We decided to continue driving.  We really couldn’t afford another repair, and even if money wasn’t an issue we didn’t trust a roadside mechanic to do the job right.  We would drive to our relatives’ home and Perry could borrow the tools to do the job himself.

The rest of that drive was nerve-wracking but uneventful.  We drove carefully, leaving plenty of space between us and the vehicle ahead, using the parking brake to augment the regular brakes. We prayed that we were making the right decision.  We prayed again to thank God for our safe arrival at our relatives’ house.

It had been a very long day, and we were badly in need of sleep. We put the kids to bed and went straight to bed ourselves.  The van could wait until morning.  Bleeding the brakes would be quick and easy.  All he had to do was loosen the fitting, then have somebody work the brake pedal until there was no air mixed with the brake fluid that squirted out.

The next morning he got to work.  Did I say he needed to loosen the fitting?  The fitting was not on a part of the brakes that had been replaced recently.  It was heavily rusted.  He worked long and hard with all the tools at his disposal, but the fitting was not going to break loose.  No wonder the roadside mechanic had skipped this part of the job.

Finally, he resigned himself.  We would have to replace the brake calipers as well.  This was not going to be the cheap and easy fix we had hoped.  Oh, well. This was an older vehicle and we should have expected some repairs.

He was going to have to take things apart and do a real brake job.  That would take at least a day and a broader assortment of tools than his relatives owned.   We knew that my Dad had the tools we needed in San Antonio, a few more hours away.  Money really was a concern for us, so we made the difficult decision to push on to my parents’ house, trusting that our brakes were sufficient to make the drive.  You could make the case that it was a bad decision – financial and otherwise – to take risks like this, but we were young.  Again, God blessed us with an uneventful drive and a safe arrival.

We breathed another sigh of relief when we pulled into my parents’ house.  There were happy greetings all around.  My 4 youngest siblings are almost exactly the ages of our 4 oldest children, so aunts and uncles played happily with nieces.

The next day was Monday.  Perry was up bright and early again to work on the van.  Dad was able to supply all the tools he needed, and Perry knew what he needed to do.

Once he started, Perry decided he should do the rear brakes as well.  He spent the remainder of the day rounding up the parts he needed to tackle the brake job, and on Tuesday he replaced both front calipers, all the remaining lines, the rear drums and shoes.  He was taking no chances this time.  Since everything on that van was rusted in place, this was more easily said than done.  A job that should have take just a few hours turned into an all-day affair, but by now he knew better than to be surprised.  He took his time, carefully bleeding all the air out of the brake lines after the brakes were reassembled.

At the end of the day, it was done.  He washed up, changed clothes, and invited me to come with him on a test drive.  I smiled and joined him for an impromptu date.

The van wouldn’t start.

4 Moms Q&A: Do you know what causes all those kids?

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4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: Do you know what causes all those kids?

Hadley posted several questions on the 4 Moms 35 Kids facebook page, and I’m going to tackle them all at once.  Here goes!

What is your response to “Do you know what causes all those kids?” I had my first total stranger ask me that, and I only have 4 so far!

I’ve only had this question a few times, but I think it opens up all kinds of possibilities, most of which should embarrass the inquirer far more than their intended victim.

“Of course.  Don’t you?”

“Yes, we enjoy it!”

“No, do you?”

“Well, that’s why we got married.”

Perry likes to answer, “Yes, I keep telling her not to wash our underwear together but she keeps forgetting!”

Where do you keep all the toys? Even keeping them pretty well pared down (we only have “sets” like cars, blocks, trains, dolls, polly pocket, etc. and one small basket of “misc” with things like a doctor kit, binoculars, and other random things), but we can destroy a whole house!

We special in household destruction, but we’re getting better.  As the average age of our household occupants increases, we have less and less toys, and nobody complains or acts deprived.  Ours are currently sorted into sets and most are restricted to a single room.  That room is usually a mess, but it’s fast and easy to put it back in order since everything is still within a few feet of where it belongs.  A few special toys live in bedrooms, like dolls and other items that the owner doesn’t want to share with the general public.

If you still feel it’s too much, you might want to start rotating sets.  For example, have just one or two bins accessible at a time, with the rest out of sight and mind.  Switch them out every week or month to keep things interesting.  Or cut down on the number of pieces in each set.  Our boys have about 40 Hot Wheels cars, but can’t play with more than 2 or 3 at a time, so I suspect 25 could disappear and never be missed!

Those of you with all girls and just one boy, does the boy have his own room? At what age do you think they are too old to share rooms with the opposite sex?

Our boys have a separate room now, but in our previous house 6yo Perry shared with his sisters.  I think the answer depends on too many factors to list, but I’ll tell you some of the questions I would ask myself:

  1. Do any of the children feel awkward about it?
  2. Can they dress privately?  Ours used the bathroom, laundry room, or locked the bedroom door.
  3. Do any of the children have a history of inappropriate behavior or excessive curiosity?
  4. Has the boy reached puberty yet?

Ultimately it’s a judgment call, but if you have misgivings don’t be afraid to think outside the box.  A single boy in a house full of girls could sleep on a comfy sofa or futon in the living room, in a room too small to be a “real” bedroom, or in a tent on the back porch.  I’m just kidding about that last bit – unless your son loves the idea.  Then I’m totally serious.

How do you keep homeschool stuff from overtaking your house?

I keep very little paperwork from years past.  Some things are preserved digitally rather than in hard copy, and we make a fun ritual of allowing the kids to shred (and occasionally burn) finished workbooks, etc.

When it comes to curricula, I try to purge anything we’re not using or planning to use soon.  Anything that can be sold used online can also be bought used online: the main difference is money in my pocket and space on my shelves – plus the option to change course.  I do regret selling my old copy of Five In A Row volume 1, because it’s now a high-priced collector’s item.  Rats.

Do your kids have their own little spaces for doing their independent school work? My 3rd grader can’t deal with a lot of commotion while she’s doing work that requires concentration.

My kids don’t each have their own special place, but they do have some options when they need quiet.  I try to keep the main living areas serene during school time, so little ones and other loud people are either outside or in the sun room.  If someone is having a particularly hard time concentrating, they are sometimes allowed to listen to music with both earbuds (a special privilege in our house) as long as they make good progress while doing so.  They can also go work in their bedroom, though they might have to share it with another occupant who is also seeking solace.  I have also been known to allow kids to do school in my bedroom, and that is the standard place for reading lessons.

It’s worth mentioning that if the same person is consistently complaining about minor commotion and low-level disturbances, I remind her that she is a member of a large family and needs to learn to operate with some noise in the background.  This is a valuable real-world skill that those poor public schoolers miss out on.  :)

Do you serve snacks? When and what?

We have tightened up our food policy considerably since we moved into our new house.  The goal is not to starve our children, but to keep food where it belongs (in the eating areas) and to have beginnings and endings to eating sessions so that the mess can actually be cleaned up in between times.  This is a lofty goal in a house of 12, but it’s working quite nicely.

I usually serve an afternoon snack to anyone who is hungry, which may or may not be everyone in the house.  Much depends on how hearty our lunch was.  The snack is usually the same for everyone, but this is not a hard fast rule.  Snacks may be any of the following:

  • leftovers
  • a piece of fruit
  • carrot sticks w/ranch dressing
  • peanut butter and jelly rollups (tortillas) or cheese quesadillas
  • banana bread w/pb or other healthy treats baked ahead of time
  • fresh baked bread that we intended to serve with dinner
  • animal crackers and peanut butter
  • a great idea that just occurred to someone on the spur of the moment (“Hey, let’s make a coffee cake out of the leftover oatmeal!”)
  • a craving that overpowered someone (“I NEEEEED brownies!”)
  • that last bit of dessert from last night, divided 10 ways

I mentioned that we’re not aiming to starve our children, and you’re probably wondering what we do about kids who are hungry between meals and snack time.  My answer is twofold:

  1. If you’re hungry already, you probably didn’t eat enough at the last meal.  Next time remember to ask for more!
  2. Drink some milk.  It has protein, fat and carbohydrates.  It’s food and drink at the same time!  Don’t want milk?  You’re probably not as hungry as you think you are.  (This works in our house because everyone likes milk. YMMV)

 

How would you answer the questions above?

Did I answer your question?  Maybe one of the other moms did:


 

Recent topics:

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Grand Caravan: our personal odyssey, part 2

Free nursing cover, carseat cover, sling, and more!: Just pay shipping

A comedy of errors in which we learn the hard way to never, ever, ever take a used vehicle on a cross country road trip within 48 hours of purchase.  Please, learn from our mistakes.

part 1

Perry had me climb into the driver’s seat while he looked under the van.  At his signal I pressed the brake pedal, and his suspicions were confirmed: brake fluid spurted from a break in the line on the driver’s side.

The gas station was open all night – thank God!  Even better, it had a bulletin board with a business card for a 24 hour mechanic!

This was before the days of cell phones – at least for us.  We used the payphone to call him and tell him our predicament.  He answered his phone and listened patiently, but said we would have to wait until the parts stores opened in the morning.  He couldn’t do anything for us until then.We were stuck in Bucksnort, Tennessee.  There was a hotel on the other side of the highway, but I talked Perry out of paying for a room for the few hours we would need.  The kids were sleeping and it was only a few hours until morning.

Perry and I climbed back in the van and leaned our seats back, resigned to a few hours of sleep when we had hoped to be driving.  Out of the darkness, a 5yo voice wailed in despair.  ”I didn’t want to go camping!”

Neither did we.

At 7 o’clock that morning, the mechanic arrived.  After a quick look, he confirmed that the driver side brake line had rusted through.  We realized that it would have been a good idea to replace the brake lines on both sides before we left home, since we had already learned the hard way that they were damaged.  Oh well; live and learn.  We were wiser now.

The mechanic left for parts.  The nearest store was in Nashville, almost 50 miles away, so he would back in about 90 minutes.

3 hours later, he came back.  On foot.  On the highway.  Our mechanic was walking down the highway. He chuckled self deprecatingly.  ”My engine blew up.”  We thought it was hilariously ironic, but maybe we should have taken it as a bad sign.

He was carrying the parts and tools he needed to finish our job, so all was well for us.  We were back on the road by noon with a new brake line on the driver side to match the one we had replaced so recently on the passenger side, still laughing about the mechanic’s bad luck.

We breathed a sigh of relief as the miles flew by.  The kids were restless, but we were moving again.  About 2 hours later it was time for our first potty stop.  I tapped the brakes as I exited the highway, and nothing happened.  I floored the pedal, and the van slowed to a stop in the nearest parking lot.

Perry and I traded places and he tried the brakes several times, starting and stopping.  They weren’t entirely gone this time but they were very soft.  He had done enough brake jobs himself to recognize the problem: our roadside mechanic was cutting corners with his time.  He had either forgotten or neglected to completely bleed the air out of the brake lines. Our brakes were only barely functional.

This was bad.

4 Moms: How to handle it when you want more children, but hubby doesn’t

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4moms35kids 4 Moms: How to handle it when you want more children, but hubby doesnt We have not been in exactly this situation, because I was much less clear on what I wanted, but I can sympathize with the question.  Rather than answer the question directly, I’d like to just tell a story from our past.  There are some bits of advice to take away from it, and maybe God will use our experience to help others through those early years of Short People Overload.

When Perry and I were first married, neither of us had put a lot of thought into family planning.  We both came from large families and wanted a larger-than-average number of children.  Maybe 5 or 6?  We didn’t have a problem with birth control, but we didn’t feel it was necessary to plan ahead right then.  We were newlyweds and had better things to think about!

Children began arriving quickly, and we were thrilled.  Our first was just a few weeks old on our first anniversary.  Our second was born 21 months later, and our third 19 months after that.  Then the in-laws moved 1,000 miles away, our church dissolved in a nasty mess, and our fourth was born.  Our oldest was 4, and we suddenly felt in over our heads.  How much longer could we keep this up?  We were 25yo, with lots of child-bearing years ahead.

We began to talk about family planning.   We knew that hormonal methods are known to cause early abortions, but we weren’t talking about those methods.  We talked more about the reasoning and philosophy behind birth control, and found that we disagreed.

He felt that we had been fruitful.  We had 4 children already, and it would be nice to have an empty nest when we hit our 50′s.  We could travel, work as a team driving an 18 wheeler, enjoy the grandchildren, enjoy some freedom in our peak earning years.  Besides, pregnancy was hard on me and he knew I was having a hard time just handling every day life.  Nearly everyone we knew would back us in the decision.

I had already become convinced that it would be wrong, but I was overwhelmed.  I was not looking forward to 10 more years of morning sickness, 5 or 6 months at a time.  I was exhausted, stressed, and appreciated his desire to lighten my load.  And being familiar with Ephesians 6, I knew that it was his job to lead and mine to follow when it came to making decisions.  He wasn’t asking or requiring me to sin, although I believed that what he was contemplating would be sin for himself.  I had done my bit and warned him of what my conscience told me.  Now the decision was his, and I thought I really wouldn’t mind if he made the “wrong” choice.

Did I pray for God to change his mind?  Probably not.  I don’t remember, so if I did it must have been without any fervor.

Did I make multiple appeals to my husband?  Only enough to assuage my own conscience.  I made sure to state my convictions any time the subject came up, but I was determined not to nag about it.  I didn’t even bring it up at all.  If only I had such determination to avoid nagging in other cases!

I wasn’t entirely convinced that I was right and he was wrong.  Maybe I was hoping it was the other way around.  But I do remember praying that God would make the answer clear to both of us, and that is what He did.

After the decision was made and seemed a forgone conclusion, Perry just changed his mind.  He decided that he couldn’t do it in clear conscience after all.  We were intimidated by what the future might hold for us, but we were both willing to trust God and take one day at a time. I thank God every day for directing us down this path.  I can’t imagine walking it without our 11 children! How would you answer this question?  How did the other 3 Moms answer?


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Grand Caravan: our personal odyssey, part 1

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A comedy of errors in which we learn the hard way to never, ever, ever take a used vehicle on a cross country road trip within 48 hours of purchase.  Please, learn from our mistakes.

Years ago when our 4th child was born, we panicked.  Or rather, I panicked and my young husband indulged me.  At the time we owned 2 small cars.  They were very gas efficient but neither was big enough for our growing family.  We had to drive to church in 2 cars, and we had an upcoming cross-country trip to visit my family in Texas.  We would drive 28 hours each way, spending a total of 10 days away from home.  With our current situation we would have to drive two vehicles, making it impossible to drive for long stretches into the night.  This would never do!  We questioned whether we should even make the trip under those circumstances.

I decided that it was very important to buy a mini-van before our trip.  We didn’t have the money to do it, but since both cars were paid for we didn’t mind taking out a small loan.  That was how we had bought nearly all of our vehicles and it always worked out for us.

We quickly shopped around, looking at the vehicles that were in our very modest price range.  Time was short, and we needed to make a decision.

Just a few days before our trip, we heard about a van that my father-in-law’s friend was selling.  It was older with very high mileage but had been reliable for him.  In fact he had just taken it on a long road trip himself.  He was selling it because he was ready to update his own vehicle, and he was asking less than $3,000.  Perry was a little concerned about taking an untried vehicle on a road trip, but I was confident.  The engine and transmission had been recently replaced and had less than 50,000 miles on them, so it wasn’t really like it had over a quarter of a million miles on it.  With a solid engine and transmission, any repairs required would probably be minor.  And besides, the guy was a pastor.  What could go wrong with a deal like this?

The van was 2 hours away from us, but we asked a friend to watch the children and hopped in the car.  When we arrived, we looked over our new Grand Caravan. It had a little rust, but that was to be expected in older vehicles up north.  The interior was a little worn, but we knew our family would be hard on it anyway.  It seemed to drive very well for a vehicle with 300,000 miles, and that was the most important thing.  After all, it was Wednesday and we were taking it on the road in less than 48 hours.

We shook hands on the deal and headed home, one of us driving our car and the other in our new-to-us van.

On the way home, the brakes went out.  In retrospect, maybe this should have been a warning.

We found that the passenger side brake line had rusted through.  Oops.  We should have seen that coming in an older vehicle from the Cleveland area.  They used even more salt on the roads up there than in our part of Ohio.  The brake line was repaired the following day and we packed for our trip, preparing to leave Friday morning.

Morning arrived and the van wouldn’t start.

We were more than a little chagrined, but it was only a bad battery.  All vehicles need a new battery now and then.  This was just routine maintennance.  No worries.

The battery was quickly replaced and we were on the road in our big, roomy van, just a few hours behind schedule.  There was room for all the car seats, our luggage, some blankets and pillows, and one seat to spare.  This was luxury.  We were on our way to Texas, and we had a good feeling about this.  This van would serve us well.

Our plan was to drive all the way to Dallas, where we would stay Saturday night with relatives.  On the following morning we would drive the final 5 hours to my parents’ house in San Antonio.  Since we were behind schedule, we would have to drive through the night, but we were young.  We had done this before.  Nighttime drives were peaceful and efficient since the children would sleep.  Potty stops would be few and far between, and we knew we could make good time.

At 2AM, Perry was driving and thought the brakes felt soft, so he took the next exit, labelled Bucksnort, Tennessee.  When he tapped the brakes to slow down on the offramp, nothing happened.  He stood on the brakes and we coasted to a stop just in time to roll into the parking lot of the only gas station – the only sign of civilization – in sight.

This was bad.  This was very bad.