kimc

At least I don’t need glasses yet

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December 10, 2012 by kimc 2 Comments

This morning I mentioned to one of my children that I was mildly near-sighted, though not enough to need glasses. She asked why I didn’t get them anyway. I replied that I neither wanted them nor needed them, so what would be the point?

Perry Boy overheard the conversation and took my side.

Perry: I agree Mom. I don’t think you would look good glasses. Dad looks good with his, and Tyler looks good with his, but you wouldn’t.

Me: Thank you for agreeing with me. But what about when I get older, and I do need glasses? Will you think I’m ugly then?

Perry: [stops to consider for a moment] No, I’ll get used to you with glasses, and then I’ll think you look good.

Me: Oh, good.

Perry: [adds in an undertone] Maybe. I don’t really know about that part, though.

Filed Under: humor

4 Moms Talk About Quick and Easy Holiday Crafts

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December 6, 2012 by kimc 8 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms Talk About Quick and Easy Holiday Crafts

My favorite crafting happens in the kitchen, calls for lovely things like butter, sugar and chocolate, and ends up in my mouth. Unfortunately, that sort of crafting is probably not what the other 3 moms had in mind when we agreed on this topic. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not, because we’re covering that sort of crafting next week.

No, I’m pretty sure we are talking about inedible crafts right now. Are you a crafty mom? I used to want a t-shirt that said, “I’m so crafty I make people,” but I’m afraid it would be misleading. Sometimes I think babies are the only project I ever finish – or even start.

But I’m trying to do better. I now own spray paint in two colors, and I have used both. But my new craftiness doesn’t end there. My new-to-me bedframe has drawers built into it, and one of the drawers on my side holds actual crafting supplies! I have scissors, tacky glue, glue sticks, construction paper, a few stencils, bottles of acrylic paint in Christmas colors, and 2 varieties of Mod Podge. Yes, now I have your attention. Now you know I’m serious.

But even though I really am serious, I have to confess that my Mod Podge stash has only been used for one craft so far. It’s simple but cool and turned out amazing, but I can’t show you because the intended recipient reads this blog. And, well, I didn’t do the actual crafting, although I did help a little. That counts, right?

So far the only other Christmas crafting we have done is making Christmas cards. See?

All of the girls down to Becca worked on these. They thought about initialing the back of each creation, but then decided that they would only do that on the ones they really liked. If they weren’t entirely happy with one, they decided to sign someone else’s initial instead. And since we have so much time and effort in them already, I’m almost positive we’ll actually mail them this time! I can use what’s left of the 100 Christmas stamps I bought last year. I think I have 100 left.

But I have spent ~~a few minutes several hours~~ a little time on Pinterest, and I hope to do more crafts this year than we have in the past. It shouldn’t be hard, since we’ve already done two and I think that may tie with our previous record of two.

If our Clementine Candle counts, we’ve already done three and we’re in record territory.

Not our photo, but it’s easy and beautiful. Kaitlyn managed to peel her clementine with half of the skin plus the inner part of the stem intact. She just poured in a little olive oil and lit the tip of the stem. It was gorgeous!

Here are some others that I have in mind for this year:

These paper ornaments would be a snap to assemble. I love that little kids could help with something that looks this classy. Of course we could vary the colors: red & white are what we use to decorate for Christmas. Then we could replace the red with gray for a more wintry feel and leave them up until spring!

Since the girls are always bringing home clearance tea cups from Vison Forum, I think we should try some of these teacup candles as gifts. We would need to buy wicks from Hobby Lobby and 1 or 2 big cheap candles from a dollar store. Then we can color them with leftover bits of used candles, and scent with a few drops of essential oils.

If we do our own cards again next year, I think it would be a lot of fun to try pop-up Christmas cards like these. A web search would turn up other pop-up ideas for Christmas cards.

And even though we would be starting late, I want to do an Advent calendar of some sort. Do you have a suggestion for one we could do with very little preparation? I have friends who have 25 candles, and each night when they do their Advent reading they light an additional candle, i.e. one on the first night, two on the second night, until they finally light all 25 candles at once.

Are you a crafting wannabe, or a guru? What’s being crafted in your corner? What do you hope to try someday soon? Link up with us and share your ideas or intentions!

Please remember the linky rules:

Your post must be family friendly.
Link to a specific relevant post, not to the homepage of your blog.
Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms.
If your link is deleted, you probably didn’t follow these rules. We hope you’ll fix the problem and try again! If you don’t know why your link was deleted, just ask.

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

December 13 - Quick and Easy Holiday Recipes

Recent topics:

November 29 - 4 Moms Q&A: Christmas in the Coghlan house, etc.
November 15 - 4 Moms give food as gifts {linky}
November 8 - 4 Moms on Helping Kids Keep Up With Technology (?!)
November 1 - Q&A with the 4 Moms: competitiveness, pregnancy and newborns, Bible for little ones
October 25 - 4 Moms: How do you keep the car clean?
October 18 - 4 Moms on Food Preservation
October 11 - 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology
October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls

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Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, birthdays/holidays

4 Moms Q&A: Christmas in the Coghlan house, etc.

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November 29, 2012 by kimc 36 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: Christmas in the Coghlan house, etc.

Q&A is here again. I wish every week could be Q&A, because on those weeks I can pick the questions that I actually have an answer for. I can also skip the ones that make me cringe in a “oooh, that’s convicting” sort of way. Just kidding. Sort of.

But honestly, if I don’t answer your question it’s probably not because I don’t like you or don’t think you have a good question. There are only a few people in the world that I truly dislike, so the chances are very slim that you’re on my list. If I don’t answer your question, it’s more likely because I didn’t make it through the whole list or I just don’t have a good answer for you. Either I struggle with the issue myself and haven’t figured out how to solve it yet, or I have never faced the problem at all and have never even wondered how to solve it. Either way, I don’t want to waste your time and mine. Well, unless I do. Like in the very first question below.

1. Sarah asked, Have you had to deal with food allergies/sensitivities with any of your kids?

Sarah, I’m thankful to say no. Well, not really, although Lydia seemed to be sensitive to milk when she was little. We removed major sources of milk from her diet, and she outgrew the symptoms by the time she was 4 or 5 and has been happily guzzling ever since. Becca also has some signs of allergies though we haven’t pinpointed the source.

Since we’re on the subject, does anyone think we should suspect allergies in the case of a 4yo who has multiple accidents each day? It seems like simple immaturity and she can help it if she really tries, but I can’t help wondering if there might be a physical cause.

2. Kristi asked, Do you do the “Santa” thing in any form at your house?

Kristi, we don’t do it seriously but it is a bit of a running joke in our family. One year a friend of ours showed up at our door in a Santa suit, and we didn’t tell the kids who it was – though they knew there wasn’t really an eternal Santa who snuck down chimneys bringing gifts to children. Somehow they learned who it was, but the next year a friend-of-a-friend did the same thing. This time were able to assure them it was not Mr. Smitty, and they were left to wonder.

We do enjoy teaching our children about the real Saint Nicholas and his doings. Sometimes truth is just as entertaining as fiction. :)

3. Shelby asked, How much do you usually spend on each child at Christmas? What types of gifts will you buy this yr?

Shelby, our budget is never set in stone – or even in mud. It depends on many factors, but we don’t limit ourselves to the same fixed number for each child. In fact, our older girls started a fun tradition of pooling their funds to splurge on one person each year while buying more traditional gifts for the remaining members of the family.

Often, Perry and I choose to buy one big gift that all of the kids can share and enjoy, knowing that they will each receive several gifts from siblings, friends, grandparents, etc. One year it was a trampoline; another year, we bought a Wii and television.

We haven’t really talked about Christmas gifts this year yet, but we have already contributed toward a large gift from one set of grandparents so our additional gifts to the kids will be modest. In light of all the new blessings in our lives right now, I think everyone in the house is happy with the idea of a smaller, simpler Christmas celebration this year.

4. Lindsey asked, How do you handle Christmas gifts in a large family? Do you set a limit on number per person? Do you draw names? Etc. What are some of your family’s Christmas traditions?

Lindsey, in our own household Perry and I nearly always buy individual or group gifts for our children. Our children have drawn names for each other in the past, but generally prefer to buy gifts either for individuals or a group gift. The older girls like to pool their funds and buy one nicer gift for each family member.

In the extended family, we tend to alternate between giving a gift to each family, having just the children draw for cousins, and having everyone draw a name. When we draw names, we divide into age groups: little children, older children, adults (if participating).

Traditions? One sister and her husband have hosted a tamale party/gift exchange for the extended family for many years. Our church goes Christmas carolling in members’ neighborhoods each year. We usually get our Christmas tree on the day after Thanksgiving, and always start listening to Christmas music on that day. We do Advent readings, though we don’t always make it through all 25 days. Oh, and Perry wears a Santa hat on his commute to work every day, and requires the same of all his passengers. He’s crazy that way.

5. Dede asked, What suggestions do you have for an 8 yr old boy? Gift wise. Also, winter exercises? (For kids, not me, LOL).

Dede, I’ve never had an 8yo boy. I’m still trying to think of gifts for a 6yo boy, but I suspect if a 6yo or 8yo can get hurt or get dirty using it, he’ll like it. Also, if it makes you want to yell, “Be quiet!” or “Don’t ever do that to your sister again!” it’s likely to be a hit. Rubber band gun? Potato gun? Slingshot? Crossbow? Are you sensing a theme here? We’ve had all of these in our home, and while they may not help your sanity, I do have to confess that they were huge hits!

As for exercise, I constantly threaten to send my homebody kids outside if they don’t sit still and find something quiet to do. It either works, or I make good on the threat and they get some exercise. :)

Honestly, they are all fairly active and can’t stand to sit still too long. If they don’t find a constructive way to burn energy (i.e. exercise) or take one of my suggestions (play basketball, play on the outdoor playset, play with the dog, play tag, etc.) I give them work to do and they get that sort of exercise. It all works out in the end.

6. Brittany asked, How do you respond to those (family and strangers) that don’t agree with your choice of having so many children? or make comment when you are expecting…again? Thanks!!

Brittany, we’ve been blessed to have very supportive family on both sides so we never had to deal with that problem. However, I did see my parents deal with disapproving family members back when I was a kid and they were expecting their 5th, 6th, 7th child, etc. It was discouraging to them, especially when the criticism came during tough times. They were careful to remind all of us kids why they chose to have a large family and what blessings children were, while they minimized time with those who criticized their convictions. In time, friends drifted away and family members came around, and I don’t remember this being a problem at all by the time I was a teen and our household population had reached double digits.

As for comments, I don’t let them bother me – though I have never received an openly critical comment. They are usually more like, “I could never do it!” or “Better you than me!” It’s not hard to come up with a witty or thoughtful reply to these, especially when you tend to hear the same 3 or 4 comments all the time!

7. Donna asked, how do you balance taking care of yourself and your kids when life also needs you to care for others?

Donna, this is a huge question for us right now. Calvin arrived during a very busy time of year for all of us, and I simply don’t have the help I’m accustomed to. When I was in my 20′s and had 6 little ones with no bigger helpers, days were hectic but I was able to keep up. I had more energy and less people in the house. Now when I’m flying solo with a bunch of little ones I still have to cook, clean and do laundry for 12 – with the energy level of a postpartum 40yo instead of a 20-something.

I freely admit I’m struggling, both in practical matters and in attitude. It’s so hard to find the right balance between meeting present needs and taking care of myself so I can continue to meet needs tomorrow and next month. It’s easy to make my health a priority just because I want to feel better, instead of so that I can serve God and others better. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel strong and healthy, of course, but it’s vital to keep the true goal in sight. What glorifies God and furthers His kingdom in the long run?

I think I’m rambling and probably not even answering your question, but you touched a sore spot for me. It’s one where I would love to hear from other moms, especially older ones.

8. Anna asked, Not sure whether you’ve covered it already, but suggestions for going from two littles to three. Does it work out OK having three children but only two arms? :) Also, any bed/rooming suggestions for when you have three littles? (we’ll have three girlies with the oldest 2 1/2 in Feb. so probably two in toddler beds and one in a crib once the baby hits 6 months or so, hopefully in the same room).

Anna, although I often worried about it ahead of time, I generally found that by the time a new baby arrived the child two spaces up the line was reasonably well trained. Ours were just over 18 months apart, so the child in question was always at least 3yo, able to follow simple commands. It was invariably easier than I expected, even though I asked myself the same question about having more children than arms. :)

Rooming together has always worked well for our children. After an initial adjustment period, they quickly learn to sleep through disruptions or go right back to sleep if awakened, and I think it makes for better sleep habits overall. One word of advice: you might find life easier if you don’t insist your children go right to sleep when you send them to bed. We have always allowed them to talk softly as long as they stay in bed. Of course many parents will see it differently, but I love that my children enjoy each other’s company and I don’t want to discourage quiet conversation in the last moments of their day.

9. Sara asked, What do you do about a 9 year old telling you no and throwing horrible tantrums when Dad is at work?

Sara, this is an easy one for us. If a child is unrepentant and rebellious to me, Dad comes home. He considers this sort of situation a family emergency. It has only happened a couple of times, because our children understand just how seriously he and I take that sort of rebellion. He came home when he was over an hour away even though it meant losing vacation time or personal time and burning up $15-20 in gas going back and forth for a 3 or 4 hour lunch break.

Your turn. Agree or disagree? What did I miss? How would you answer these questions?

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

December 6 - Quick and Easy Holiday Crafts
December 13 - Quick and Easy Holiday Recipes

Recent topics:

November 15 - 4 Moms give food as gifts {linky}
November 8 - 4 Moms on Helping Kids Keep Up With Technology (?!)
November 1 - Q&A with the 4 Moms: competitiveness, pregnancy and newborns, Bible for little ones
October 25 - 4 Moms: How do you keep the car clean?
October 18 - 4 Moms on Food Preservation
October 11 - 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology
October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, from the mailbag

Three funnies from one tired mom

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November 27, 2012 by kimc 17 Comments

Calvin is not the easiest baby. I’ve been running very short on sleep, which is part of the reason I’m not blogging regularly right now. Proof?

Last week I was standing in front of the mirror and Perry Boy caught a glimpse of my reflection. He jumped and did a double-take. ”Whoa! You look creepy when your eyes are tired!”

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There has been a bucket of candy in the pantry for the last month, and Parker is having a lot of trouble resisting the temptation. We leave the light off to discourage him, but it doesn’t work. The little boy who wakes terrified of the dark in his room every night loves to be in the pitch black pantry. Every time somebody opens the pantry door, he comes scurrying out like a little mouse. ”I not eat candy! I not eat candy!”

After the first 96 candy raids and 95 swats, I realized there was a problem with this plan. He had obviously decided that a piece of candy was worth a swat, so I started making him spit it in the trash when he was caught in the act. This morning he came to me on his own, grinning as the chocolate drool ran down his chin: “I not eat candy, Mom. I spit it in the trash.”

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Perry Boy loves to look at Calvin & Hobbes books during naptime. I haven’t decided yet if it’s a great idea, but it does create some teachable moments. Last week he asked me, “Mom? Can I please-just-one-time-quick take a bath in toilet?”

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How have your kids made you laugh recently?

Filed Under: humor

Black Friday deals from Vision Forum

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November 19, 2012 by kimc 4 Comments

Call me biased, but I think this is the biggest and best sale by Vision Forum so far this year!

First, the fun stuff: Order at least $50, and you’ll get two free potato guns, automatically. No need to enter a coupon code! Perry Boy assures me they are very cool.

Today’s Deal Of The Day will almost get to that $50 mark: the complete Jonathan Park Adventure Collection on MP3 is just $48 today! That’s all 8 albums! [If you're seeing this post in a feed, today is probably tomorrow and you already missed this deal - but all the rest are still good, and there's a new daily deal now. Maybe it's just as good!]

Order at least $95, and you can use the code 95SHIPSFREE to get – you guessed it! Free shipping!

free shipping Black Friday deals from Vision Forum

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Want more specific help? Here you go:

Did you get a new 2013 catalog yet? What’s on your Vision Forum wishlist?

Filed Under: giveaways & deals, Vision Forum

more Samaritan Ministries Q&A: pre-existing conditions, submitting a need

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November 16, 2012 by kimc 14 Comments

Elizabeth sent me the following questions about Samaritan Ministries. Since I thought others might have similar questions, I asked her permission to share our correspondence. Here it is, slightly edited for accracy and clarity.

My husband and I are really considering Samaritan Ministries. We have been looking into this option (a medical share plan) for over a year now. I had looked into other plans, but then I heard about Samaritan on your blog, and it seemed different from the rest. To make it more urgent, Obama winning a second term constricts our choices within our insurance, and our insurance premium has gone up, and is now higher than the share for Samaritan. What is most disturbing to us, and began this search a year ago is that we don’t want to continue to pay into things we feel support lifestyles which aren’t in line with God’s Word. We feel to support them financially would be wrong. We want to opt out of the World’s Solution for medical bills, and into one that is more from a Biblical perspective. We’ve looked into other options as far as medical share plans, and so far this one is looking the most probable, and the most navigable. We still have questions that aren’t addressed on the website though. Things like:

How do pre-existing conditions work? (I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but it hasn’t been treated in over 3 years. I haven’t even seen my Rheumatoligist. I’ve been managing with herbs, diet, and exercise.)

How do things like dental, eye etc work?

Check ups aren’t covered, right? (we have 3 children, one on the way.)

I understand things under $300 aren’t covered either?

When a need is submitted, do we also submit a copy, or the original bill with the form stating what need we have?

And, as far as the doctors and hospitals go, we are ‘self pay’ correct?

And there are a few more, but my pregnant brain isn’t remembering our discussion from this morning! Too far away! Haha!
In any case, do you know who we would call to get these specific questions answered, and what we need to apply? (a recommendation from a Pastor, etc etc.) We are REALLY interested, and have almost decided on Samaritan Ministries, but my hubby feels we ought to be prudent and settle these questions first. It’ll be a big step for us, but frankly, we are more interested in participating in a program that honors God than anything else, and with our finances facing a bit of a precarious situation, the fact that per month it is cheaper makes it all the more compelling.

My answers to Elizabeth:

I’ll answer the best I can but they do have their complete guildelines available online, and customer service is helpful and friendly so I really suggest you call to get the best and most accurate answers.

Pre-existing conditions: You are never excluded, but the treatment of pre-existing conditions may be excluded. Some have a time limit after which expenses can be shared. Most are publishable if you have gone 12 months without symptoms or treatment.
Dental and vision needs are not shared. We have separate dental insurance (less than $100/month for a good policy) and Perry gets his eyeglasses from Zenni Optical for about $10/pair. :)
Routine checkups are not shared. Those who feel that routine checkups are necessary generally find that Samaritan plus the cost of checkups is still cheaper than just the premium for traditional insurance. Of course you’ll need to do the math and decide what fits your family best.
Needs under $300 are not shared, but if you have multiple visits for the same illness or incident, the cumulative total is what counts. Example: Perry went to have his heart checked out a few years ago. His heart was fine, but it took about 3 office visits and 2 rounds of bloodwork. No single visit was over $300, but the total was $1100. It was entirely paid by Samaritan members!
When submitting a need, you first request a form from Samaritan. Then you’ll just fill in the blanks (a few lines – it’s easy), get your elder or pastor to sign it, and attach original bills or copies of the bills.
Yes, we are considered self-pay. Because they don’t have to deal with an insurance company, many doctors and hospitals will give you a discount – especially if you are able to pay up front and wait for Samaritan members to reimburse you. This savings is part of what keeps the cost for Samaritan members so low!

To join, just visit the website and print an application (http://samaritanministries.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Member-App-201210.pdf) or call and request an info packet (888-268-4377). You’ll need to fill in the form and have your pastor or elder sign it to verify that you are members in good standing at a Trinitarian church. It’s simple.
I’m happy to answer any other questions you have. I love reassuring people about how well it works, because I was nervous about making the switch from traditional insurance, and now I would *hate* to go back!
Kim

How about you? Questions? I strongly suggest contacting customer service for the most accurate answers, but I’m always happy to tell what I know and share about our own experience with Samaritan Ministries.

If you decide to become a member of Samaritan Ministries, please tell them you heard about it from Kim Coghlan!

Filed Under: Samaritan Ministries

4 Moms give food as gifts {linky}

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November 15, 2012 by kimc 6 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms give food as gifts {linky}

I’m excited about this topic. It’s not so much because I have great ideas to share with you, as because I’m excited about food. Nursing a newborn will do that to you. :)

In an astounding coincidence, most of the foods on my list below also happen to be our own favorite winter treats. I’ll tell you about a few food gifts we have done in the past, then I want to sit back and read your great ideas!

Candy: here are two of our favorites, both very fast and easy and entirely too delicious. Don’t give these to dieters. That’s just unkind.

Poor Man’s Toffee – Addictive and impressive. Break or cut into pieces and arrange on a plate or platter. Add some fudge for variety.

Cheater’s Fudge – My favorite recipe is very easy, but there are endless variations to dress it up. You have to be a sick person to dislike fudge.

Drinks: put these in pretty jars with pretty lids. If you’re feeling generous, give a set of all 3 in a pretty basket with some mugs.

Russian Tea mix - I’m not a tea drinker, but this is really delicious on a cold morning.

Chai Tea mix - Even better than the Russian tea. Be sure to use real cardamom if you can find it. I get mine in bulk from the local health food store.

Homemade Cocoa mix - Rich, creamy, and not as sweet as the storebought mixes.

Baked goods: this list should definitely include your favorite cinnamon roll recipe. Here are two other favorites.

Braided Challah Bread - We make this for Communion every week, but it’s so delicious that we still never take it for granted and neither will your loved ones. It’s easy and beautiful, and makes a lovely gift. Wrap it in clear or tinted plastic wrap so they can see how pretty it is.

roll 150x150 4 Moms give food as gifts {linky} Cream Cheese Filled Pumpkin Roll – A lot of work, but not so bad if you do a dozen at a time and just mess up the kitchen once. Wrap in white freezer paper and tie the ends with red ribbon. Cut in half before wrapping for single people and couples. A bigger family deserves the whole roll! Store in the freezer. These also sell nicely, if you’re up for the job.

Your turn. What is your favorite food gift? Even if you haven’t actually given it yet, what recipe do you think would make a fabulous gift? What have you found lately on Pinterest or elsewhere on the internet that you intend to try soon?

Please remember the linky rules:

Your post must be family friendly.
Link to a specific relevant post, not to the homepage of your blog.
Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms.
If your link is deleted, you probably didn’t follow these rules. We hope you’ll fix the problem and try again! If you don’t know why your link was deleted, just ask.

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

November 22 - Handling disrespectful attitudes
November 29 - Q&A
December 6 - Quick and Easy Holiday Crafts
December 13 - Quick and Easy Holiday Recipes

Recent topics:

November 8 - 4 Moms on Helping Kids Keep Up With Technology (?!)
November 1 - Q&A with the 4 Moms: competitiveness, pregnancy and newborns, Bible for little ones
October 25 - 4 Moms: How do you keep the car clean?
October 18 - 4 Moms on Food Preservation
October 11 - 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology
October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, birthdays/holidays, food

4 Moms on Helping Kids Keep Up With Technology (?!)

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November 8, 2012 by kimc 10 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms on Helping Kids Keep Up With Technology (?!)
OK, I’m going to be a little blunt. Remember this post about Introducing Kids To Technology? Unless we’re talking about how to load the dishwasher or operate the vacuum cleaner, I just don’t think kids are as challenged by technology as those of us with a few more gray hairs on our heads and years under our belts. The trick is not in introducing them or helping them keep up. It’s in keeping them from disappearing into an alternate universe where you will never see your child again – or where you can only communicate with your child via an electronic device connected to the internet.

Of course we equip our children with some basic skills that prepare and enable them to use computers. Free keyboarding lessons and programs abound on the internet. W3Schools offers free fast-paced tutorials on HTML, Javascript, CSS, and many other topics to improve computer literacy – great for learning to build websites or tweaking your blog. Google is an amazing tool that can provide answers to nearly any question that arises. YouTube is a limitless source of video tutorials on every imaginable topic.

With resources like these, some basic computer literacy will allow a motivated child to learn nearly any skill in the world. The question isn’t how to help your child keep up with technology; it’s how to help your child decide which direction to take, or how many different directions your child can go at once!

Oh, and I’m totally open to tips on how to load a dishwasher so that all the plastic kid cups don’t end the cycle upside down and full of soapy water.

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

November 15 - Food for Gifts
November 22 - Handling disrespectful attitudes
November 29 - Q&A
December 6 - Quick and Easy Holiday Crafts
December 13 - Quick and Easy Holiday Recipes

Recent topics:

November 1 - Q&A with the 4 Moms: competitiveness, pregnancy and newborns, Bible for little ones
October 25 - 4 Moms: How do you keep the car clean?
October 18 - 4 Moms on Food Preservation
October 11 - 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology
October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, blogging & technology

Q&A with the 4 Moms: competitiveness, pregnancy and newborns, Bible for little ones

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November 1, 2012 by kimc 9 Comments

4moms35kids Q&A with the 4 Moms: competitiveness, pregnancy and newborns, Bible for little ones

I know, I know. It’s Thursday and the other Moms are way ahead of me. I hope you already visited all 3 of them to see their Q&A while I was still ~~sleeping~~ taking care of a newborn.

I put a last-minute request on Facebook for some easy questions that wouldn’t reveal the effects of sleep deprivation. Here’s a sampling of what I received. I may or may not have picked the easiest ones.

Savannah Perkins-Berniquez um…what’s 2+2?

Bless you, Savannah.

Savannah Perkins-Berniquez This might have been covered before, but in what ways do you purposefully spend quality time with your kids? right now we have 3 (soon to be 4), and the baby doesn’t really need mommy or daddy dates yet..but I’m curious how those with BIG families do it..i guess also just looking for ideas

Oh, I see, Savannah. You were just buttering me up for the hard question! Fortunately, the 4 Moms posted on that topic already, so I don’t have to think of a new answer.

Kimberly Rivera How DO you get those babies to sleep through the night??

Well, first I’ll confess that Parker is still a little hit-or-miss when it comes to sleeping through the night. He was a high needs baby and was high-strung long before birth. I felt him startle in the womb at every loud noise that came along, and in our house that’s a lot!

Now if you still think I might be a good source of advice, I’ll recommend my previous posts about how I got my [other 9] babies to sleep through the night from an early age: Sleeping babies Q&A and Sleeping Like a Baby are good ones to start with.

Elizabeth Clouser Sacks I’ll ask you the same one I asked Raising Olives: How on earth do you handle homeschooling after having a newborn? Do you take time off? How much? How does everybody else get along? Esp. the little ones? I am SUPER interested in your answer, because we are expecting no. 4 in March, and our other 3 (6, 4, 22 months) might need more of a transition than I expect. I’m looking at taking a month off possibly, just so everybody has time to adjust. But I’ve never done this before, so both of your perspectives will be wonderful help!

Elizabeth, we school year-round and take time off whenever we need to. Even when nobody is sitting at the table with pencil in hand, learning happens, so I have learned too: I have learned not to stress over the particulars of the school schedule and just make sure their brains are getting plenty of exercise.

Since your children are so young, I would especially encourage you not to stress over missing school time. Just do a little informal review every now and then to make sure they don’t lose what they have already learned, and pick things up again when you feel ready. You may find that relaxing your school schedule can make it an enjoyable passtime for the kids rather than a source of guilt and stress for you.

Just read aloud to them (Bible and other books), engage them in discussions, and encourage them write, draw, etc. If they are reading at all on their own, have them read with you a little each day. If they can sit next to you on your bed while you rest and nurse the baby, everyone will be happy.

Katelyn Ahlgren How many months/years between each of your children? What’s the most important thing you have done/eaten to maintain your health through childbearing and nursing? Will you post pics of how you organize your new house, once you’re happy with it!

Our oldest 6 are about 19 months apart. After that, our spaces are closer to 2 years. Our last two are 28 months apart. I know it could be due to declining fertility in my 30′s, but honestly I think it’s because my later babies have nursed longer than the first several. In the early days with so many littles, it was harder to find time for nursing so our babies tried more solid foods at an earlier age and nursing tapered off sooner.

The most important thing I have done to maintain my health? I know diet is important, but I have heard that exercise is even more vital to health. While I loudly proclaim my hatred of exercise, I have tried over the years to stay in reasonably good shape and I think this has helped prepare my body for so many pregnancies as well as helped me recover from them afterwards. Now Perry is after me to start fitness class in 6 weeks. He seems to think that just because he is working out regularly, I should do the same. Pbbbt. [I really appreciate his encouragement and I know I need the extra motivation because - did I mention this? - I hate exercise.]

Kelley Dennis How do you deal with jealousy or competition in your teen girls? I have two that are 14 months apart, and though their Dad and I greatly discourage it, they are always competing with each other with everything from friends, clothing, school….ugh! I dread the day that boys are thrown into the mix!

Kelley, I do agree that competitiveness can become very unhealthy and think you and your husband are wise to watch and mediate, but I don’t feel the need to completely discourage. Instead, we make sure our children’s interactions are governed by Scripture. Competition can encourage both parties to work harder and do better, or it can discourage and tear down others. When we see unkindness, we correct it as such. When we see healthy competition, we encourage it.

Instead of competing directly with each other, they need to set their goal on honoring God with their best. With the right goal in sight, some friendly competition can provide good motivation and encouragement. When the competition itself becomes the end goal, then there is a definite problem.

I think in your example, it can be dealt with as selfishness. Does one child want to succeed only so that the other won’t? Does she want to buy/wear that particular blouse because she knows the other really wants it? Does she want somebody to be her best friend because she knows that person is her sister’s best friend? That’s a lot like a toddler who only wants a particular toy when she sees somebody else playing with it. It’s coveting, and God forbids it.

Once these patterns are established it’s much harder to change them (ask me how I know!). Change can be painful, but the sooner you can do it, the better. Especially if you do it before boys are thrown into the mix. :)

Andrea Garlach How do you start introducing the Bible to little ones? Any tips for starting a Bible/worship time for kids who have never had one? We go to a bible study where they have their own lesson, but as far as doing stuff as a family, it’s something i want to incorporate, but feel at loss as to what to do since I didn’t grow up in a religious home and don’t have an example to follow

We talk about the Bible every day in every imaginable context, so even if our little ones aren’t part of the conversation they are being exposed to the Bible. They are listening and learning that the Bible is the foundation of our thinking.

When it comes to reading from the Bible, I love the Golden Bible. It is heavily based on the King James Version of the Bible, only lightly edited to simplify, and includes far more of the Bible than the typical children’s collection. The illustrations are beautiful and reverent (no silly pop-eyed Jesus), and there are no additions to the text as far as I can tell.

We also read to them directly from the Bible, and have them read from the Bible as soon as they are able. Psalms make a good starting point since many are short and may be familiar already. The book of Jonah is another good one for beginning readers, again because it is short (just 4 chapters) and tells a familiar story.

We often read a daily chapter of Proverbs together. There are 31 chapters, so you can do this every month. You might be amazed at how soon your children begin to recognize their favorite verses and are able to complete sentences as you read.

Whatever you do, be sure to allow plenty of time to discuss. Don’t be frustrated if you have to stop OFTEN to answer questions and don’t cover as much material as you had hoped and planned. Just be happy that they are engaged and thinking, and follow the rabbit trails!

Heather Bunting How do you survive the first trimester when you only have littles?

Heather, I had terrible morning sickness with my first 8 pregnancies, so I feel your pain! I learned to pare down my activities to the absolute minimum during those difficult times. We ate a lot of cereal for breakfast, peanut butter & jelly for lunch, and very simple dinners. My kids watched a lot of educational DVDs because I simply couldn’t crawl off the couch some days – or if I did, it was only to run for the bathroom. I changed the toddler’s diaper, did dishes and laundry, and picked up the toys at the end of the day. Everything else could wait.

I learned to let go of the guilt and took comfort in the knowledge that I wouldn’t be sick forever, and each time there was a great reward at the end: a new eternal soul in my care. :)

Lela Smith Erthein How do you deal with playmates from outside your family /church.

Lela, we lived in the country for the last nine years so all of our kids’ playmates were from church, family and work. Now that we’re in a neighborhood with actual neighbors, I’m wondering the same thing. How do you deal with them?

Amanda Hartung How to get littles to be kind even when they’re frustrated?

Amanda, I have a little mantra I repeat to my children: Don’t let others lead you into sin. Then I might elaborate, depending on the situation: “I know she wasn’t nice to you, but is it ok for you to be rude because somebody else is rude to you? Did you like it when she was rude to you? Are you treating her the way you want to be treated? No, we’re not talking about her sin. We’re talking about yours right now. I’ll talk to her about her sin…”

If it’s somebody too little for that, I simplify even more: “No, you be nice. Love your sister.” No need to discuss the sins of others with others. I deal with them individually, based on their own actions, and remind them each, on their own level, that the actions of others do not excuse their own bad behavior.

Anna Aho How do you teach little children to take care of books?

I don’t, but I’d love to learn how. Paperbacks are consumables in our house, in every sense of the word. If they’re not destroyed by a toddler within the first week, they are typically eaten by the baby in the second week.

Shalayne Lammiman Do you sleep your babies on their front, sides or back?

I’m a victim of ovarian guilt. While I personally believe that the dire warnings against letting your baby sleep on his [pick your time period with its accompanying sleep position: side, belly, back] are mostly nonsense based on scare tactics, poorly executed studies, and faulty logic, I could never deal with the guilt if my baby succumbed to SIDS while sleeping in a non-AMA approved position. Until they can roll over and thwart me and the AMA, I currently put my babies to sleep on their backs.

Mary Jo Murch What do you do with babies who want to be held all the time and won’t sleep in their beds? My 16 day old is like this and I’m not sure what to do. Cry it out? Just enjoy snuggling him and not worry?

My general practice has been to let them work up to a good solid cry before picking them up, and if I want them to learn to sleep in their own bed I just sooth them a bit, check for needs (diaper? hungry? too warm or too cool?) then put them back in bed. You might want to read my posts on getting babies to sleep through the night, linked above in my answer to Kimberly. I do let an older baby cry longer than a very young one, though I wouldn’t say I let them cry it out. So far, 9 of my 10 babies have developed very good sleep habits from a young age. The other one contributed heavily to my personal sanctification, so it’s all for the greater good.

The other moms are taking questions too:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

October 11 - Introducing kids to technology
October 18 - Food preservation
October 25 - How do you keep the car clean?
November 1 - Q&A

Recent topics:

September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls
September 20 - Large Family Gift Guide by the 4 Moms
September 13 - 4 Moms: Handling different standards between you and your husband

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, questions

The rest of Calvin’s birth story

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October 31, 2012 by kimc 35 Comments

I’m so sorry for not finishing sooner. It’s been on my list of things to do since the moment I hit the publish button on the first part, but giving birth and moving house in the same week tends to put a pinch on computer time. :)

Picking up where I left off…

cont’d from Part 1

I wasn’t just surprised. I was shocked and suddenly lost. In 11 previous deliveries, my water has NEVER broken before I am fully dilated and ready to push. My biggest and best signal of where I stood in labor had just disappeared. I fought my rising panic and called for Perry, desperately hoping he was still in the house.

He didn’t answer, but Lydia heard me and came to see what I needed. I calmed my voice, and asked if Dad was still home. Yes? GET HIM.

He was up the stairs and in the bedroom with me in a few seconds. I was still on the bed, afraid that if I moved the tiny gush I had felt would turn into a bigger mess on my unprepared bed. ”My water just broke. Help me to the bathroom.” He helped me up and I lurched a few steps to the bathroom. Once in there, I stepped into the tub and lowered myself to a squatting position, bracing my arms on the sides of the tub. I felt the expected gush as Perry called the midwife from my phone.

I heard them discussing amniotic fluid and called out that it was clear, knowing that Jennifer would be asking. She was picking up the other midwife and heading straight over as quickly as possible.

Perry asked if I wanted the pool, and I nodded numbly, still unsure of what was happening – or what would happen next.

He went downstairs and got the three older girls moving as quickly as possible. They used the hose to start filling the pool directly from the water heater until it ran cold, then they started heating pots of water on the stovetop. I heard them bustling and hurrying about, voices sounding tense and excited.

I hung suspended over my tub, waiting to see what happened next. Perry checked on me every few minutes. Surely I wasn’t ready to push, though my water had never broken until that point in previous labors. Nearly 10 minutes had passed now with no contractions, and I cautiously headed for the computer on the far side of my bedroom to post an update. I connected my phone to the cable (we tether our phones to provide internet for our computers) and I felt a contraction beginning. I ran for the tub, not wanting to get anything on my bedroom carpet.

When the contraction had ended, I tried again. This time I didn’t even make it to the computer before the next one hit me. I raced it back to the bathtub, ever mindful of the carpet. That was two strong contractions nearly back to back. Now I was a little worried. I didn’t even have my phone with me to time them.

I had several more over the next few minutes, strong but still manageable if I focussed completely. Now I knew the end was very near. I knew I wanted Perry up here with me, but I was so completely engrossed in staying in control that I couldn’t move outside myself enough to call him. I could clearly hear voices and footsteps downstairs and knew they would hear me if I called, but the contractions were taking every ounce of my attention.

After what seemed like ages but was really only a few minutes, he was by my side. The pool wasn’t ready yet, but might be enough to help if I could get down the stairs. A few more contractions came and went, long and intense with no break between, and I realized I wasn’t going anywhere. I was going to deliver right here. The big question was whether Jennifer would make it this time.

Perry told me to wait for a break, and then get out of the tub. He reminded me that I needed to be where someone could reach the baby when he came. I wanted to comply, but just couldn’t move. There was no break, no relief, and no chance to move. I just couldn’t do it.

I wasn’t ready to push yet, but I knew that part was coming quickly. With every contraction I waited to feel the baby move down. Not yet. Not yet, but soon. I knew I was almost there.

Finally, I stood up. Perry helped me over the edge of the tub and I sank to my knees as another contraction hit. He laid down an absorbant pad and some pillows to pad my knees against the floor, and I continued to relax as much as I could through the never-ending waves of contractions. It had now been about 35 minutes since my water broke, and 25 minutes since labor had started in earnest.

Now I felt the baby move down. This was it. I knew it would be over in a few more contractions, a few good pushes. I was scared of this part because it’s always the worst part for me, but excited and relieved to know that it would all be over so soon!

Perry called Jennifer again to see how far away she was and to tell her what was going on. She told him to have me elevate my hips. With gravity working against me, their hope was that labor would slow enough for the midwives to arrive before the baby.

I was crushed, but couldn’t object. While we did have two babies arrive before the midwife, we never wanted an unassisted homebirth with all the risks they entail. For the next 15 minutes, I suffered through non-productive contractions as my body tried to fight gravity. I heard myself making weeping sounds. The pain was probably no worse than it had been a few minutes ago, but it was so much harder to deal with when there was no longer an end in sight!

Perry encouraged me as much as he could, knowing how much harder this was. He did everything he could do make me comfortable. I remember asking why I had to wait, didn’t he know I could be done already? ”It’s for safety,” he reminded me. I knew this, but I thought of all the hospital horror stories where a woman’s baby is crowning and she is commanded not to push until the doctor arrives. I thought of one friend who had a nurse actually push her knees together because her baby was coming and the doctor wasn’t in the room yet. I felt their frustration, their rage. I wanted to be done!

After one more phone call to Jennifer, Perry gave me the go-ahead. She was just a couple of minutes away now. It was time to finish this!

Pushing took longer than I remember for the last several babies, and it was 4 or 5 more contractions before the baby was ready to crown. Jennifer and April came in with one contraction to spare, quickly set up their supplies, and coached me through the actual delivery. I have heard many moms say that they don’t notice a difference in delivery with bigger babies, but this guy outweighed my next biggest baby by 11 oz. and there was definitely a difference in delivering him. Once the baby crowns, my last three had arrived in a single push, but this one stopped once at his eyes, again at his neck while Jennifer loosened the cord that was around his neck and under his arm, and again at his torso: four long pushes over the course of three contractions to get him out. OUCH!

And then it was all over. It was 7:02 PM, just over an hour since I woke from my nap and my water broke. I was holding a 9 lb 4 oz boy, and he was yelling angrily at me.

I later learned that at least one of the girls downstairs took a vow of celibacy in response to the noises she heard during the delivery, but I thought the labor overall was very easy, and the intense part was mercifully brief. The others just vowed to have water births, because laboring and delivering out of the water is Far More Intense. Next time I think we’ll have the pool ready way ahead of time even if it means taking a chance that it will go cold.

See? If I can say the words “next time” already, it wasn’t such a bad labor.

Filed Under: birth stories

Baby Calvin’s birth story

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October 26, 2012 by kimc 51 Comments

Yes, we’re calling him by his middle name, Calvin. Bonus points if you remember why.

Here is my best recollection of his birth:

We spent the weekend finishing up the biggest parts of our move. Since the moving crunch was over and having a baby was the next thing on our list, I was finally allowed to work a little. Nobody wanted me to overdo it, but I was given clearance by the entire family to go into labor anytime. By Sunday we were ready for some good ole’ Sabbath rest. We all wondered if that would be my cue to start labor. I had labored slowly on a Sunday with Parker, and delivered him early Monday morning. Maybe it would happen the same way this time.

It seemed like a promising theory, but Sunday morning came and went with no sign of labor. We all went to church, stayed for the fellowship meal that followed, and headed home in the afternoon as usual. For the first time, our drive home was less than 15 minutes. I think we’re going to enjoy living in town!

The rest of the day was similarly uneventful, and I went to bed still wondering if I had 10 hours or 10 days to wait.

Around 6 AM on Monday morning, I woke to mild contractions. There was nothing unusual about this. They tend to hurt a little more when my bladder is full, and it’s always full by morning. However, after a trip to the bathroom I found myself still lying awake with contractions every 15 minutes. These seemed just a little stronger and more regular than the Braxton Hicks I had been experiencing for long. They were just enough to make me casually glance at the clock each time I felt one. I lay there awake for the next hour, using my phone to ~~time contractions~~ read email and browse facebook.

At 7, Perry woke and asked if I was timing anything. (How did he know?! I wasn’t even doing it self-consciously.) I waffled, hopeful but not wanting to raise false hopes. ”No. Well, sort of. Every 15 minutes, but nothing strong. I’m sure nothing will happen with everyone home and awake. Maybe tonight?” He asked if I wanted him to take all the kids to work today, and I thought it was a wonderful idea. I’m not always in a hurry for so much solitude, but today I relished the idea of a quiet, empty house. Maybe labor would start if I had the house to myself. It would feel like laboring at night, when all was quiet and nobody was watching or demanding constant updates.

While they all got ready to leave, I got up, showered and dressed. The activity caused a change in my contractions: instead of light and regular, they were frequent, indistinct and slightly crampy. There was no beginning and no end, just some vague discomfort that radiated to my back and entire torso. I lay down again. I didn’t want to slow things down, but this felt unproductive. I just wanted to hit the reset button, and start again with nice regular contractions.

Before leaving, Perry prayed with me and said some encouraging things. I smiled, thanked him, and told him I wasn’t scared now. I was ready to do this.

The reset worked, and I soon rose again to a quiet, empty house. I wandered restlessly, doing light housework and posting an update on our blog. Contractions were coming every 6-10 minutes, not painful, but intense enough to require my attention. I called my midwife to let her know I was in early labor but progressing very slowly. Her office was just minutes away, and after I hung up I realized I should have asked her to stop by before she left town, but I wasn’t worried about it. I could call her later, or maybe she would call for an update when she finished the day’s appointments.

The entire morning passed this way, slow and uneventful, with contractions very gradually gaining strength but staying widely spaced. Perry checked in on me via email and text, requesting updates and making sure I didn’t want or need anything. By lunchtime, I was experimenting with my exercise ball and making low sounds at the peak of each contraction, but not out of necessity. I was just practicing some self-conscious relaxation for when I needed to manage the pain later. At this point, the peaks were strong but hardly what I would call painful. I was hesitant to even call it active labor. I thought of this as more pre-labor, as my body got ready for the real stuff later tonight.

Perry and the three oldest girls came home for a late lunch. He had let the three youngest spend the afternoon with Deanna and Tyler, and the pastor’s wife took the three middle girls to play with her daughter. I was afraid our sitters had been unknowingly volunteered to host slumber parties, but I wasn’t about to complain. This had been such a peaceful labor so far, I didn’t want to derail it with chaos and ruin my own attitude. Perry knew what he was doing.

I came downstairs and had lunch with them, chatting between contractions and leaning quietly against any handy furniture during peaks. Before they left, they inflated the birth pool and hooked the hose to the water heater just in case I wanted to use it quickly and didn’t want to wait for Perry to make the 15 minute drive home from work. At this point, I didn’t see that happening, but I appreciated the thoughtfulness.

After they left, contractions picked up a bit more in strength. Now I was finding it very helpful to breathe and vocalize through the peaks. On a scale of 1-10 I wanted to say the pain was peaking at a 4 or 5, until I remembered that the Labor scale was nothing like the I Stubbed My Toe scale. Then I realized I’d better keep the numbers conservative so that I didn’t end up at 27 on a scale of 1-10. I decided to call it a 3, or maybe just 2.5. Or if I really wanted to scare myself, it could be a 2. This hurt, but it wasn’t scary at all yet.

I posted another update to the blog at 3:40 and wondered how much progress I was making. I felt a little shaky, but knew it was probably because I hadn’t eaten enough during the course of the day. Lunch was late and light, and I had forgotten to snack throughout the morning. I had a snack and knew I would feel better in a few minutes when it hit my bloodstream. I resolved to do better when labor kicked in later tonight. Right now, I was going to have a nap so I could save my strength for later.

When I lay down, contractions went back to every 10-12 minutes and seemed to lose a little strength. They were 1 1/2 – 2 minutes long now and still strong enough to wake me, but I was easily able to sleep between them. Just before 6, Perry and the girls got home from work. I heard them moving about downstairs for a few minutes, and then footsteps headed up the steps. I was still in bed but awake when Perry looked in on me. He was thinking of going to the store for some last-minute labor supplies. Was I still doing alright? Was this a good time to leave, or did I want him to stay home now? I assured him that I was resting easily, labor was still light, and he should definitely go.

I felt another contraction start as he headed down the stairs. 5:51 PM. A minute later, my water broke.

cont’d here

Filed Under: birth stories

A plea for The Morning Center

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October 26, 2012 by kimc 2 Comments

Today is a quiet day and I hope to work on Calvin’s birth story, but before I do I want to put out one more quick post about the monthlong $50,000 charity giveaway that has just 6 days to go – and 6 chances for you to vote.

If you already know what I’m talking about and just needed a reminder, Vote Here. Please remind your friends & family to vote, too!

We’ve been asking all of our facebook friends and acquaintances to vote daily for The Morning Center, a project of Samaritan Ministries. They have been neck-and-neck all month with another worthy cause, Reece’s Rainbow, and I admit that I will be thrilled no matter who wins. Providing adoption funds for disabled children is no small thing, and I deeply respect their organization. I’m thankful that the 2nd-5th place winners will also receive $10,000, so no matter who comes in first both of these causes will benefit.

However, our hearts lie with The Morning Center for a couple of reasons.

First, we have been happy members of Samaritan Ministries for many years now. We have seen it work flawlessly over and over again for ourselves and our friends. I have never heard of a dissatisfied member. Because Samaritan Ministries works so well and The Morning Center is a project of Samaritan Ministries, I have full confidence that any funds received by The Morning Center will be managed just as well and put to the best possible use.

Second, as this adoptive mother of DS children points out, The Morning Center’s winnings will be used for many years to come, saving lives and benefiting hundreds or even thousands of needy mothers and children. Again, I love what RR does – but they cannot make that claim. Their winnings would help only a few families.

More about The Morning Center:

More about The Give[away]:

The Give is hosted by Cultivate Wines.

You must have a Facebook account to vote, but you are not required to like Cultivate Wines.

You can vote daily through the end of October (please do!)

Voting takes just 2 or 3 clicks:

To vote:

Step 1: Click the link.http://www.cultivatewines.com/cause/45941 (this won’t work on most smartphones, or in FB apps…you’ll need a tablet/PC/laptop and an up to date browser)
Step 2: In the right sidebar, log in with Facebook.
Step 3: Now in the right sidebar you’ll see the Vote button. Click it!
Step 4: Wait for the “thank you for voting” page to make sure your vote has been counted!

Step 5: Share with your friends and family!

Did you vote? Will you vote for the rest of October?

Filed Under: blogging & technology

4 Moms: How do you keep the car clean?

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October 25, 2012 by kimc 11 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms: How do you keep the car clean?
In light of the fact that:

a. I just had a baby, and

b. whenever we open the door to one of our vehicles, trash falls out faster than children,

I think this is a good week for me to skip the weekly 4 Moms post and just refer you to the wisdom of the remaining 3 Moms of many, whose vehicles probably stay far cleaner than mine even though one or two of them will try to tell you otherwise.

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

November 1 - Q&A

Recent topics:

October 18 - 4 Moms on Food Preservation
October 11 - 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology
October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids

Househunting: the move (part 6)

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October 24, 2012 by kimc 15 Comments

I’m publishing this with my apologies. It began as Calvin’s birth story, but the back story turned into a story of its own and I had to rename it as part of our househunting saga. I’ll work on the birth story next, I promise! I’ll just skip ahead to the part with contractions. :)

We had initially planned to move to our new home the weekend before Calvin’s duedate, but our highly optimistic closing date was moved a week later, forcing back the date of our move later along with it. Since we needed a few days to retexture the ceilings in the living areas and paint the interior, there was now no way we could move before the duedate.

But because my brother and sister-in-law had already given notice to their landlord and planned to move into our home soon after we moved out, we also couldn’t wait too long past the duedate. I knew ahead of time that a crunch like this was a distinct possibility and had loudly proclaimed that I didn’t care where I gave birth so long as I wasn’t pushing while my bedroom was on the moving van. I was completely flexible about the whole process and just curious to see how God would time it all.

The first few days went beautifully. We closed on our house on Friday and camped out in it for fun on Friday and Saturday night while the painting and texturing projects were begun. After church, we went home Sunday night to regroup. On Monday and Tuesday, Perry and the older girls finished (with lots of help from wonderful friends!) and cleaned up the new house, while I stayed home and packed endless boxes with the help of the younger and middle children.

And then I had what I can only explain as a hormonal episode. One day I was fine and relaxed. The next, I was filled with sudden urgency to be in the new house. What were we thinking? We couldn’t plan to move the weekend after my duedate! I nearly always give birth the weekend after my duedate! I may as well plan to be pushing while my bedroom was on the moving van!

Perry had mentioned that we could rent the moving van a couple of days early and just load as we packed, to keep piles of boxes from accumulating around us while we worked. I went a step further and convinced him that we were very nearly done packing. Couldn’t we just load up the truck tonight?

When he pressed for a reason why I suddenly thought it was necessary to move right now, I hesitated, unsure of my own motivation. Then I explained that I felt as though my body was ready for labor and just waiting for everything to be done. I felt like I was already in labor, though nothing was happening yet. I felt on hold. He thought that imminent labor might be a good reason to postpone the move until after I had the baby, but I was convinced that my body could outwait us. We could lose a week or more with me slipping into more and more of a hormonal frenzy while everyone’s schedule went to pieces. I wanted to be done. I needed to be done. I wanted to settle into the new house asap, where I could fully relax and be ready for labor.

He had his doubts but quickly relented on the condition that I could find some help to load the truck. Maybe it’s because we have lots of pretty daughters, or maybe we just have particularly good friends, but I was able to find a good crew of volunteers on short notice, and we were off!

I gave the girls instructions to keep working and took off for town. On my way I called to reserve a moving van – not a problem in the middle of the week. Another advantage to getting this done before the weekend! I just knew all would go well and our move would be done even before we had planned to start. I was so glad Perry had agreed to let us do this now, so we could be well settled before I went into labor.

Since we were expecting help to arrive soon, I was in a hurry to get home with the moving van. I wasn’t sure how to read the markings on the gas gauge, but the paperwork had shown 1/4 tank of gas, so I knew it would be enough to get to the house. I very nearly stopped at the last gas station just so we wouldn’t have to add gas when we turned in the truck, but I didn’t know which side the tank was on and all the pumps were backed up with waiting vehicles. There was no time or need to do it now. I was only 10 minutes from home, and our help was probably already there waiting for the truck.

On a steep hill three miles from home, the van lurched and I felt and heard a sickening thud in the rear as the engine lost power. I gave it more gas and the engine revved but the van gradually lost momentum and slowed to a stop halfway up the hill. I shut off the engine and called Perry. ”I think the transmission just went out. It sounds like it’s stuck in low gear, and I’m not getting anywhere.” He told me to call U-Haul and demand a replacement while I tried to continue the drive home.

I let the engine rest a moment, rolled the truck backward down the hill, and tried again. With a running start, I made it up the hill and drove the rest of the way without incident – until the last long hill before my driveway. Halfway up the hill, it happened again. This time there was no thud, just the same loss of power. This time I suddenly knew exactly what the problem was. I called Perry again.

“I’m an idiot. It’s not the transmission,” I told him. ”That bang I heard was the appliance dolly falling over as I went up the first hill. I know what’s wrong, and it’s my fault.” I had seen the gas gauge in our other vehicles vary wildly on these steep hills over the years. On a slope, the gas sloshes toward the downhill end of the tank. If the level was low to begin with and the fuel pump happens to be in the front of the tank, as you head up a hill it will have nothing to pump. You’re not exactly out of gas, but you might as well be.

Perry was kind and encouraging. ”You’re not an idiot. Don’t worry about it. Call Kaitlyn to come pick you up and I’ll bring home some gas in an hour.” But I was frustrated and still wanted to get things moving. I was only 500 feet below my driveway so I walked home and learned that our help was running later than planned. They hadn’t even arrived yet. Irony, anyone? I had the kids put 2 empty gas cans in our own van and drove to the gas station, passing our help on the way. The gas station was now deserted. More irony. I brought back 10 gallons and poured them into the tank of the moving van, praying silently the whole time. It started right up and finished the hill without a hiccup.

I backed the truck up to the house so loading could begin and slowly walked back out to the road to pick up my own van, humbled by my mistake but happy that things could finally progress. We hadn’t lost too much time, and I knew it wouldn’t take long to load a moving van.

It soon became apparent that I had pulled the trigger too soon. We were woefully unprepared. The stacks of full boxes quickly disappeared into the depths of the moving van along with some of our larger furniture items, leaving behind more unpacked possessions that I had ever dreamed would fit into our little house. The piles of empty boxes disappeared with alarming speed, along with the packing tape. The hours ticked by as our friends worked on uncomplainingly, packing boxes rather than loading the truck. I was mortified, and to make it worse I wasn’t even allowed to do penance by working alongside my victims. I helped as much as I was allowed, but was under constant surveillance and after a couple of hours I wasn’t allowed to work at all. Of all nights, tonight I must not go into labor. I had created this mess, and that would be the only way to make it worse at this point. God graciously withheld that bit of irony from the evening.

At 10 PM, tired, frustrated, and still surrounded by endless piles of stuff, we decided to call it a night. The truck was full and we had everything we needed and much, much more. We would have to finish on another day, with another truck. We thanked our help profusely and sent them home, then made the drive to our own new home.

Filed Under: thoughtful stuff

Another Calvin pic

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October 23, 2012 by kimc 32 Comments

Will try to write up a birth story today while it’s fresh in my mind.
In the meantime, here’s what I’m doing:

Snuggling my little big man.

Filed Under: Huh? Category?

Afternoon labor update

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October 22, 2012 by kimc 31 Comments

Perry and the kids have come and gone. On his way home for lunch, he sent the three littlest ones to spend the day with Deanna and Tyler. The pastor’s wife and daughter came here to pick up the three middle ones, and he took the three oldest back to work with him. I’m alone again, in a big quiet house.

Before they left, they inflated the birth pool and hooked the hose to the water heater just in case I want to use it quickly and decide that the 15 minute drive is too long to wait. At this point, I don’t see that happening.

Contractions are going steady at 7-10 minutes unless I lie down or get distracted by company. They’re strong enough to make me look for something to lean on as I breathe through them, but I know I have a long way to go. I’m not sure I would even call this “active labor” yet, although real stuff is definitely happening. On a scale of 1-10 I want to say the pain is peaking at a 4 or 5, until I remember that the Labor scale is nothing like the I Stubbed My Toe scale. Then I realize I’d better keep the numbers conservative so that I don’t end up at 27 on a scale of 1-10. Let’s call it 3, or maybe just 2.5. Or if I really want to scare myself, it could be a 2.

Other things are beginning to happen too, but if you have no idea what that means you probably don’t need to know. Let’s just say that regardless of how long it takes, this definitely isn’t false labor. The baby may be taking his time, but he’s definitely on his way. Now I just have to decide whether to take a nap while I can even though it will prolong things, or stay up and moving and try to finish this asap. What if I stay up, and it still takes a long time? Then I’ll be wishing I had rested while I could. But if I rest now, I’ll be kicking myself at the end when I realize it all would have been over if I hadn’t been such a wuss early on. What to do, what to do?

Filed Under: pregnancy/labor

Uneventful labor update and a shameless plug for The Morning Center

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October 22, 2012 by kimc 6 Comments

I’ve been puttering most of the morning now, and contractions are holding steady. They’re staying pretty widely spaced – about 10-12 minutes if I’m sitting, and 6-10 minutes when I’m up and active – but gaining strength. My back is aching a little with each contraction, so I hope this guy isn’t posterior like Parker was.

I’m thinking I’ll lie down for a short nap after this update, unless the whole family shows up for lunch right as I hit the publish button. Not that I’ll be expected to get up and cook for them, but I will want to make an appearance and say hi so they all know I’m not dying just yet. :)

I don’t remember ever laboring in an empty house before, but it’s rather nice. Without an audience, I feel comfortable practicing a little vocalizing now to get ready for later when things are really intense. I’m also finding that while the exercise ball doesn’t help with discomfort, it does seem to make contractions feel more productive. I think I’ll like it until it’s time to get into the pool. Then there’s no comparison!

Since the last update, I:

unpacked ~~one~~ three boxes, putting things away as I went
started a load of laundry, and put away mine, hubby’s and the boys’ laundry from the load that was in the dryer
vacuumed my bedroom
voted for The Morning Center. Did you? The Morning Center uses mobile units to bring free prenatal care to poor women in underserved areas. Please vote daily until the end of October to help them win $50,000. Better yet: vote daily and share some of the cool hilarious memes Perry and other supporters have created on Facebook! You can find and share these on the Life in a Shoe facebook page.

427898 4792927059505 562770387 n Uneventful labor update and a shameless plug for The Morning Center

525946 4788626792001 1966773717 n Uneventful labor update and a shameless plug for The Morning Center

559408 4786770185587 112724141 n Uneventful labor update and a shameless plug for The Morning Center

304375 470976672953211 275688816 n Uneventful labor update and a shameless plug for The Morning Center

545389 4775583905937 1307252230 n Uneventful labor update and a shameless plug for The Morning Center

Filed Under: pregnancy/labor

And we’re off!

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October 22, 2012 by kimc 39 Comments

Today’s the day – at least, things are really starting today. Of course there are no guarantees that it will all be over before the stroke of midnight.

I woke up around 6 AM with contractions every 15 minutes. This was nothing unusual but these were just a little stronger and more regular than any I’ve had with this pregnancy, and after 6 or 8 of them I was pretty sure I was in early labor. I don’t usually start in the morning so I’m not at all sure what to expect from this day, but as soon as I got up and moved around contractions went from a steady 60 seconds long and 15 minutes apart to a very frequent but irregular crampy feeling, impossible to time as individual contractions. I had a snack, showered, dressed, and lay down again for a few minutes. I wasn’t trying to slow things down, but decided I would much rather have regular measurable contractions than constant discomfort. It felt so unproductive, and was already making my back ache. Lying down brought the contractions back to regular 10-15 minute intervals.

Perry took all the kids to work with him today to give me some peace and solitude. We’ve both learned that I’m like the watched pot that never boils: my labors just don’t progress when I have a large and eager audience. The plan: I’ll give my midwife a heads-up call in a few minutes, vacuum my bedroom, eat a snack, and see how I feel. Maybe I’ll unpack a box or load my very own dishwasher. There’s plenty of puttering to do in our new house!

Filed Under: Huh? Category?

Random disconnected thoughts on upcoming labor

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October 20, 2012 by kimc 54 Comments

Is it weird that I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about labor? 95% of me can’t wait to have it done and over, with a warm little bundle in my arms. The other 5% keeps whispering, “I’m not ready to do this. Not yet.”

I seem to be having less contractions rather than more as the days and hours tick by, and I can’t remember if that means anything. Is it the calm before the storm, or a sign that I still have a while to wait? My next prenatal checkup is Monday. Will I make it to my appointment, or will I have my traditional weekend delivery? Or will I go all the way to next weekend?

I seem to be getting more and more absent-minded, or distracted, or whatever euphemistic description helps to excuse the string of dumb things I’ve done lately. I’m also getting tired of hearing how funny it is that my belly jiggles like Santa’s every time I laugh. It’s not funny anymore, so they’re seeing the jiggle less and less. No, I’m not getting irritable. Why do you ask?

For those who have inquired, I do plan to labor and deliver in the water again, if it works out. Our new house has an enclosed porch that should be perfect, providing a good level of privacy both from the neighbors and from the rest of our own house, with a bathroom very close. As you may remember, Parker arrived dramatically and a little unexpectedly while I was out of the water, but I don’t have any reason to expect a replay of that particular scene.

I also plan to post updates throughout labor, and hope Perry will continue to post updates when I’m past caring. I’m wondering: do you have any preference as to whether we publish a new post for each update, or simply edit and add to a single post throughout the labor? Speak now or forever hold your peace.

I have one last request. [Does it sound like I'm about to die when I say that?] Birth stories. I love them! Would you share links to your own or to other favorites? I’ll try to restrain myself from reading them until I’m in labor, because for some weird reason I find it comforting and distracting (in a good way) to read birth stories. But…can we skip the horror stories? If you had incoordinate contractions, a 4 hour pushing stage and third degree tears because your baby was born face-first with both arms over his head, or an emergency that ended in unplanned c-section or tragedy, during labor might not be the best time for me to read about it.

Filed Under: pregnancy/labor

Still…

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October 20, 2012 by kimc 14 Comments

… pregnant.

Filed Under: Huh? Category?

Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

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October 19, 2012 by kimc 16 Comments

We were torn between two very different choices that appealed to us for very different reasons, but as we thought about it and discussed the options, the answer became clear. One of our earliest goals (besides a desire for more space and more bathrooms) was to be near work, church and friends, and one house was much closer to all of those. It was also in an area that we had initially targeted, but had nearly given up finding a big enough home in our price range. It helped that most of the children agreed and the house just made a better first impression, inside and out. Access to a community pool may also have been among the influencing factors. :)

We quickly decided to make an offer on the first house we had seen that day. It had 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, abundant closet space, a huge wooden playset and a fenced backyard, 2 sheds, and a second story deck off one of the bedrooms! It had the carpet the kids coveted in the bedrooms, and the hard floors sanity demanded in the living areas. The stated square footage was about 2,400 but we later learned that the number didn’t include the sun room, bringing the total to about 2,600. There was also a converted garage that could serve as a media or guest room or even an apartment, since one of the bathrooms was back there. It wasn’t exactly on a cul-de-sac, but it was on a very quiet edge of a very quiet neighborhood.

The more we thought about it, the more it grew on us. It just seemed like the right decision, the house we had prayed for. This wasn’t love at first sight, but we were quickly falling for this house.
wpid IMAG0191 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

Like most of the houses we had been looking at the asking price was just a little higher than we wanted to pay, but our realtor told us the owner had just closed on a new house and was now very motivated to close a deal. We put together an offer the next day, and held our breath as we waited for the reply. Perry instructed our realtor to request the doghouse in our offer. If you remember we don’t currently have a dog, you’re probably wondering why we needed a doghouse and why we wanted that one so much. So am I. I’m pretty sure it was a joke, but Perry insists he was serious. He never quite keeps a straight face when he says it, and I never quite believe him.

We waited late into the night, breathless with anticipation. Didn’t the owner know we couldn’t sleep until he answered? Wasn’t he anxious to make a deal, too? Didn’t anyone tell him he had an offer on the table?!

Apparently not. Judging from the correspondence, it seems his own realtor wasn’t able to get hold of him until the following afternoon. At that point, he responded very quickly. He didn’t accept our offer, but he did make a counter offer and agreed to leave us the doghouse. We were in business!

After that, the offers flew. We made another offer and received another from him, and finally came to an agreement. He came down nearly halfway to our initial offer when it was all said and done, and we were happy to accept. He later told us that the seller of his new home had come down substantially and his children encouraged him to pass along some of the savings to us.

The hard part was done, though I was careful not to consider it a done deal. The house passed the inspection a few days later with no more than a few minor hiccups, easily cured or overlooked. The appraisal came back with a comfortable margin. Now it was just a matter of red tape, waiting, and praying all would go well – and it did. Four weeks later, we closed on our new home and received the keys.
wpid IMG 20121019 124454 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

We haven’t entirely forgotten the ones that got away, but now we can see how much better this house will be for our family. As a friend pointed out, God used those homes to prepare us for this one. The rural feel of the first helped some of our reluctant children adjust to the idea of city living. The second allowed us understand that while we could own a much larger house, choosing the best house wasn’t all about size. The third was much closer to work and church than the other two, and reminded us of our desire and motivation to be as close to that area as we could.
wpid IMG 20121012 132844 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

And the fourth, it turns out, was exactly the right house for us. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

wpid IMG 20121019 130808 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

(now we’re waiting on the baby!)

Filed Under: thoughtful stuff

4 Moms on Food Preservation

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October 18, 2012 by kimc 12 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms on Food Preservation
I’m running ever so late today, and I’m not even going to apologize. Last night we moved into our new house! The move was what some might consider a disaster, or would have been if not for our friends who worked tirelessly and never said a word about how woefully unprepared we were. I knew we were rushing it a bit, but I thought I was in labor, and I thought we were 90% packed and could throw the rest of our belongings in boxes as we went. As it turned out…well, maybe I’ll just make it part 6 in my househunting series. That’s not what you came to read this morning anyway, is it?

You came to learn about how we big-family moms preserve food. By that, we don’t mean distracting the kids with promises of great fun as soon as mealtime is over, just so they’ll hurry up and eat less – although I have noticed that it would work, if we wanted it to. The downside to that plan is they’re all begging to eat again in 30 minutes. You saved nothing on your food bill and lost some sanity in the process.

Food preservation is, of course, about saving food for later so we can take advantage of great deals and larger quantities than we would normally use at once. There are many other reasons, but that is what motivates me.

I have to confess, I haven’t done a whole lot of gardening and canning, though I have dabbled a bit over the years. On the whole, I have found that it’s not necessarily a big money saver to buy and preserve fresh produce, though you often have a much better product in the end. It’s also not often a good return on your time, unless you are doing it for fun and quality rather than a dollars/hour return on your time. Much like knitting and sewing, you can often buy a finished product more cheaply than you can make it – but doing it yourself carries other benefits.

We did, however, buy a pressure canner not too long ago, and used it to can our own beans, meat bought on sale, apple pie filling, pizza sauce, and a few other items bought or prepared in large quantities at deeply discounted prices. There was a bit of a learning curve and I started out almost afraid of my pressure canner (who hasn’t heard horror stories of explosions in the kitchen?) but it turned out to be very simple – easier than water bath canning, I think. If you’ve ever done water-bath canning or even thought about it, I highly recommend a pressure canner!

What methods of food preservation have you used in the past? What have you thought about trying in the future?

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

October 25 - How do you keep the car clean?
November 1 - Q&A

Recent topics:

October 11 - 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology
October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls
September 20 - Large Family Gift Guide by the 4 Moms
September 13 - 4 Moms: Handling different standards between you and your husband

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, food

40 weeks: A big week {pregnancy update}

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October 15, 2012 by kimc 46 Comments

{Ouch}

It’s Monday night, less than 48 hours until the baby’s official duedate. I’m not in labor – not to the best of my knowledge – but things are certainly picking up in there. Right in line with my personal pattern, Braxton Hicks contractions are slowly morphing into false/prodromal labor. They’re becoming more and more consistent, and progressively stronger. I’ve had nothing convincing yet, but every few hours I get a couple of contractions that are strong enough to make me sit up and take notice. Then they slip into the background again, noticeable but not imposing. If things happen the way they usually do, late one night I’ll realize that I can’t sleep and I was having strong, consistent contractions all evening. Then there will be a baby sometime in the morning hours, with a lot of pain in between.

OK, maybe I’m ready to think about labor now. Maybe.

Or at least this weekend. Perry and the older girls are hard at work painting and texturing our new home, and he is really hoping that this little guy will stay put until we move in later this week. My usual comeback when people admonish me to not overdo it in the final days of pregnancy is, “What’s the worst that will happen? I’ll go into labor?” Well, this week that is not what some of us want. I’m home with the little ones packing boxes, but I am on light duty. This is not just for my own good and comfort, but to maintain plausible deniability if I do go into labor and ruin the schedule. ;)

{OUCH. There’s my 2 in a row. The next few hours should be nothing, right?}

I have a related thought about finding out the gender of this baby, and would love to know if you agree. I have always gotten very anxious to go into labor about 2 weeks before it actually happens, but I don’t quite feel the same this time. I keep wondering if it could be because I’m not so eager to meet this guy.

Wait – that didn’t quite come out right.

I mean I feel like I have already met him. I know he’s a boy, and I’ve seen his sweet face already. Somehow that makes me feel like I know him already. I’m eager to hold him, but there is no huge surprise at the end of this labor, so I don’t quite feel the same consuming anticipation. I know who I’ve been patting and talking to for the last 4 months. I know the little man who has been kicking my ribs and punching my bladder. I’m just waiting to hold him, not to meet him.

Do you sometimes find out your baby’s gender ahead of time, and sometimes not? Do you feel any different as the time for labor gets close?

Belly pic:

It’s late and dark. I’ll add a pic on Tuesday morning – unless I wake up in labor during the night. Well, in that case I hope we’ll be posting pics by morning anyway…

Update:
The photo below was taken on the baby’s official duedate, October 17.
I call this, “The Great Pumpkin.”

Baby at 40 weeks:

He’s still getting bigger, and I so am I. Did you place your bet on just how big?

Your turn:

How are you and your little one this week? What’s new?

{Ouch}

Previous pregnancy updates:

Filed Under: pregnancy/labor

Househunting: a difficult choice (part 4)

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October 12, 2012 by kimc 11 Comments

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

So E** Drive was out of the picture now, too. At least that decision was easily made.

At this point we had only been hunting for a few weeks, though it seemed much longer. We decided to calm down, back off and focus on Deanna’s swiftly approaching wedding and the baby’s impending arrival. But wedding plans went swimmingly, with very little stress, and the baby was still comfortably in the future. In our free moments, we both still peeked at listings, sent each other promising links and casually drove by the homes we had seen online. After a while, we had another good list of prospective homes and contacted our realtor to schedule a handful of showings.

We took several children with us to get additional opinions, since the last home on our list was a second showing for us. We had seen it a couple of weeks earlier and were undecided. It had some outstanding features, but some problems that gave us pause.

The first home on our list was just 6 miles from work and church, in a very nice neighborhood. Nobody’s jaw dropped when we walked in, but there were smiles all around. This was a nice home. It was not huge, but big enough. It seemed well maintained, though it had a few rough edges here and there. It had nearly all the features were looking for – plus a few we hadn’t thought of. The price seemed very good for the area, and while it didn’t have vaulted ceilings or a big feel to it, it seemed very sufficient for our needs and our hospitality goals. This one had scored very well on the spreadsheet, and didn’t disappoint in real life. It was a comfortable home, one that we could easily see as our family’s home. The yard was a little smaller than most we had looked at, but it was shady and flat, with a huge wooden playset that no seller in his right mind would move.

We weren’t exactly excited, but we felt it definitely had promise. It was the first house we both liked right away since we loved and lost the one on A. Lane. It was the first one we didn’t automatically mark off the list after seeing the inside.

The next home was gorgeous. It had cedar beams and slate tile everywhere. The kitchen with its almost-Tuscan flavor could have come straight from a magazine. The den was cozy and fashionably decorated in a rustic lodge style. The entire upstairs was one huge, open, airy room with an amazing bathroom off to the side. This house had taste and style. It also had a higher price tag than any we had looked at yet, and it didn’t have the square footage or multiple living areas that we were hoping to find. Reluctantly, we moved on.

We saw another home that was just too small, and then moved on to the second showing of the one on PG Street. The first time I saw this house, I was unsure about the neighborhood – it seemed safe enough, but not as solid and quiet as many we had looked at. The yard was small and cramped, almost entirely taken up with multiple layers of decks and patios. Good for entertaining, but not so good for children to run and play. The inside smelled funny because the house had stood empty for a long time, and it had more than its share of wood panelling, old linoleum, and a combination of worn beige and deep blue carpet.

But this time, I could see why Perry wanted to view the house once more. It was over 3,000 square feet, and it felt the way I expected a house that size to feel. Besides the formal dining room, living room, and sunken den, this house had a simply enormous additional room. It was huge, with a vaulted ceiling to make it feel even bigger. The floorplan was very open, allowing potential guests to move freely from one room to the next. Without the badly dated flooring, paneling and light fixtures, I could begin to see the potential here. It would take a lot of work to make it appealing, but this house could easily host a hundred guests. This house could host an indoor dance if we wanted. The more we thought about it the more we liked it, but it raised some big questions:

Did we want a project of this magnitude?
Were we truly comfortable with the neighborhood? Was “safe enough” really safe enough if we had better choices?
Where would our guests park? It wasn’t really suitable for large scale hospitality if there was nowhere for guests to park.
Were we in danger of buying the biggest/most expensive house in the neighborhood? (bad for resale!)
Would a house with wide open space on the inside make up for a yard where the kids really couldn’t play outside?

The kids who were with us were very unsure about this house. They really liked the first one we had seen that day, and loved the look of the second though they realized it was too small. This one? They just weren’t feeling the love. I reminded them that I hadn’t liked it so much the first time and encouraged them to see beyond the carpet and the musty odor, but they were dubious. Perry and I thought both the first and last had a lot of promise, but in very different ways.

We were torn – and cautious about waiting too long to decide. Now we had a new sort of problem: choosing between two very different, very good options. I jokingly told him we should sleep on it, and see which one was under contract in the morning.

Filed Under: thoughtful stuff

4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology

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October 11, 2012 by kimc 1 Comment

4moms35kids 4 Moms: Introducing kids to technology I asked my children what they thought I should say about this topic and they chuckled. ”Introducing? Really? Is there that much to it? Here’s a computer mouse. Use it. You’re old enough for an iPod now. Have fun learning to use it.”

Most of these 4 Moms topics started out as reader questions, and I’m sorry I don’t have the full context of this one because I’m unsure exactly what the reader wanted to know about. Teaching children to use the computer? Deciding when to allow them supervised or unsupervised access to various pieces of electronics? Establishing and changing boundaries as they get older?

When it comes to how to use a computer, our children seem to be born knowing how. Maybe that’s because I tend to nurse my babies in front of the computer. Don’t judge me. Can you type 35 words/minute with one hand and use a mouse or touchpad completely ambidextrously? If you’re a nursing mom, you probably can.

From the time they’re toddlers I allow them to have a few minutes every now and then on the computer. We have very few games installed since computers are mainly for work in our house, but Paintbrush and Soup Toys are favorites. Although they show up in our home every now and then, I strongly dislike quest-type games that deeply engross children and lead them to beg for just 20 more minutes. I like games that challenge the mind, require creative thinking, and can be started and stopped with minimal notice and no emotional trauma.

When it comes to other types of technology, I think my children’s comments in the beginning of this post are right on. A new iPod, Kindle, cell phone or digital camera may require some boundaries, but certainly no lessons. They’ll figure that out quickly enough on their own. If it takes some work, they’ll learn perseverance and critical thinking in the process. If your kids give up and decide it’s too hard, you can mail your electronics to us because I’m sure I have a kid or 3 that will be happy to learn to use your device.

A bigger challenge for us is helping them maintain a healthy relationship with their devices once they’ve become personally involved. Sometimes I feel more like a chaperone than a parent. ”You’ve spent enough time with your iPod today. The two of you do not need to be alone right now. It’s time to pay attention to the rest of us.”

Now we’re talking about boundaries. That’s an entirely different subject, and a difficult one. I think boundaries need to be based (at least in part) on an individual child’s judgment, maturity and ability to self-govern. What is appropriate for your child may not be for mine, and vice versa. For example, we have generally allowed our children to get iPods around 10-12yo, though their songs must be individually approved for the first couple of years and music collections are subject to inspection at any time without warning.

We like them to ask before using their iPods not because we want to control every moment of their day, but because we want to have an idea of just how heavily they use them. Are they listening to music every now and then during a tedious job, or are they constantly immersing themselves in it? This requirement is dropped when we see good choices and good habits consistently exercised.

We also like them use just one earbud when they are around other people, so that they aren’t tuning out the world around them. This, I think, is just common courtesy.

Other electronics and forms of entertainment are similarly managed. The history-loving child was allowed to read freely as long as she was not neglecting other duties. while the children who showed a strong preference for fluff were required to get permission before reading so we could monitor just how much fluff they were stuffing between their ears. The one who uses the cell phone as an alarm in the morning or for back-up while babysitting is allowed more freedom with it than the one who uses it to text friends when she should be doing school or chores.

How would you answer the question? Do you introduce your children to technology? How do you create boundaries, and when do you relax them?

See what the other moms say:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

October 18 - Food preservation
October 25 - How do you keep the car clean?
November 1 - Q&A

Recent topics:

October 4 - Q&A with the 4 Moms
September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls
September 20 - Large Family Gift Guide by the 4 Moms
September 13 - 4 Moms: Handling different standards between you and your husband

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Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, blogging & technology

Househunting: Perry considers changing his name (part 3)

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October 9, 2012 by kimc 25 Comments

Part 1

Part 2

We held out hope that this was just a test of patience. We kept looking at other houses, all the while hoping and even expecting that the house we really wanted would eventually come back on the market if only we were patient and our attitude was good enough.

We looked at so many houses they all started to blend together in my mind. I could no longer keep them straight or remember which ones had potential and which ones had already been ruled out. I couldn’t sort the favorites in my head, or remember which living room went with the big backyard and covered deck.

I suspected Perry and a few other people would laugh at me, but I knew what I had to do. I created a spreadsheet. Each house was ranked and scored according to 10 different factors, with a total score on the far right. Now I might not remember the features of each individual house, but I could see at a glance which ones presented the strongest possibilities for us.

I’m sure everyone’s criteria would be different, but ours were: house size in square feet (1 point for every 100 sq. ft. beginning at 2,000), lot size (1 point for every 2,000 sq. ft.), price (based on where it fell relative to our target price range), proximity to work/church and other places we frequent (1-10), neighborhood safety (1-10), curb/photo appeal (1-10), open floorplan (1-10), cul-de-sac (an extra 5 points), fix factor (how much paint/work did it need, if any? 1-10), and storage (5 points for a garage, 3 for lots of built-ins, 2 for each shed). We also learned along the way that we were very partial to vaulted ceilings and hard floors in living/wet areas. A neighborhood with a community pool was a definite plus.

Yes, I could have made it simpler, but I like math and I had fun with this. I also found it very useful in sorting the possibilities. It saved us a lot of time in driving by homes for sale if we could look at the overall score and decide that while a home might have one or two very appealing factors it just wasn’t what we were looking for.

Perry admitted that it was somewhat helpful, but that didn’t stop him from laughing at my expense. ”Well, now I know what it takes to get you to listen. I’m going to change my name to Spreadsheet,” he told me. ”I think it will change our marriage.”

We continued to check home listings. We were both quietly checking daily for our first love, but we went on with the search. Maybe God was only testing us. Maybe it would come back once we turned our attention away from it.
Eventually we narrowed the search to one enormous house. Again, it wasn’t perfect, but it had the “wow!” factor, if you know what I mean. It was just a couple of blocks from the first home we had fallen in love with, and it well was over 4,000 square feet! This time the price was definitely higher than we had hoped for, but it was still technically within our range and the owners were very eager to sell. We knew they would negotiate. I had some reservations about the utilities for a house this size, the kitchen was very small, and the roof would need to be replaced soon, but it had plenty of amazing features to offset the downsides. Perry was in love. The kids had seen it and were in love. I was outnumbered and within a few days my resolve had weakened; I was willing to be carried along. If God wanted me in a 4,000 square foot house, who was I to argue?

We decided to make an offer the following day after another round of showings.

Like a bad dream repeating itself, the realtor met us at our first stop with the same news as before: the house we now wanted, which had been on the market for 18 months, was under contract.

I went back to my spreadsheet and added the very first home we had looked at, the one that I thought felt small and choppy. It scored surprisingly well, and I told Perry I was ready to reconsider it. Part of my initial reaction against it was just that I had nothing to compare it to, and didn’t want to be hasty. Another part was that 2,400 square feet just wasn’t as big as I thought. Our vaulted ceiling and open floor plan really does make our small home feel spacious in a way that I never appreciated until I looked closely at other homes. The house on E** Drive wasn’t so bad, and the price and location were right. I was wrong to rule it out so quickly.

We asked for another showing and learned that E** Drive was under contract.

Filed Under: thoughtful stuff

39 weeks: Differences between boys and girls during pregnancy {pregnancy update}

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October 9, 2012 by kimc 19 Comments

Thanks to everyone who shared their guess about this baby’s specs in the last update! For those who haven’t yet, I have a new piece of info to help you. My midwife changed her own guess at my checkup on Thursday. Just four days earlier she thought the baby was only about 5 lbs, but this time she chuckled and shook her head. ”No, I feel some meat on him! I’d say he’s closer to 6 or 6 1/2 lbs.” That was about 1 1/2 weeks before his due date. If he’s a couple of days late, that would put him right in line with our other children at 7 – 8 1/2 lbs.

With just one week to D-Day, I’m obsessing about labor – and doing everything I can to think about anything but labor. Did you watch the new PBS show, Call the Midwife? The pilot episode is available for free streaming online until December, and the 2nd aired last night (Sunday) so it’s probably available now. I watched the first and enjoyed it so much that I want to save the next one to watch while I’m in labor.

Of course watching that show doesn’t help me not to think about labor. Neither does the fact that my sister-in-law who was due the week after me had her baby last weekend. And sitting on an exercise ball while I type this post? Not helping. I have labor on the brain, which makes perfect sense and fits my own theory of Two Week Obsession since I’ll probably be in labor some time in the next two weeks. Ugh. Labor. I like babies, and I like seeing my toes when I look down, but I don’t like pain.

I’m still having lots of false labor, especially every night from 2-6 AM – or maybe that’s just when I notice it most because I really have to use the bathroom but I am too lazy to get out of bed.

I’m not exactly dying to get it over with, the way most people tend to assume. In spite of my burgeoning belly, I’m feeling pretty good. Nothing hurts if I move carefully, and the heartburn isn’t bad if I drink plenty of milk. My family is taking good care of me, so I get all the rest I need right now. I feel awkward, but endlessly amazed at the miracle growing in my own body. I’m happy to wait and see when and where labor happens. But labor is always on my mind, and I can’t help but wonder about the when and where.

On a slightly different subject, I’m becoming convinced that there is a difference between girl and boy pregnancies. I almost pinpointed it when I was expecting my fourth, but she fooled me and broke my confidence. Now, with a little more experience under my belt and the chance to compare boys and girls in utero, I’m ready to say it: I think boy babies tend to be less wiggly, but stronger. They don’t necessarily move as much, but when they do it’s more likely to hurt. Girls roll and fidget; boys stretch, kick and punch.

The one daughter that I initially thought felt different, so different that I suspected she was a boy, has always been different from our other girls. She is built with a sturdier frame, and is naturally very strong and muscular. She has never been overweight, but builds muscle very easily and is stronger than her older sisters who exercise more than she does. Her Krav Maga instructor is amazed at the natural force of her kicks and punches.

And now that I think about it, Bethany is like that too. While she has a delicate personality, prone to emotional fragility, her physique is anything but fragile. While I was pregnant with her, I couldn’t help but suspect she was a boy. Of course I was wrong and afterwards I chalked it up to wishful thinking (since we finally had one boy, I thought it would be fun to have two in a row), but I think it may have more to do with her build than my own hopes. In spite of her slow gain right at the start – she was mildly tongue tied and couldn’t latch on properly – she quickly caught up and has been a strong and sturdy little flower ever since. She was strong in the womb, too, often hurting me when she kicked and stretched, just like our boys have been.

Maybe this is easier to apply in hindsight, but I think I would have had a good shot at guessing correctly for 9 of our 11 children. I wonder too if the Drano test would have proven accurate for more of our children. I wish I had learned about it sooner!

What do you think? Agree or disagree? Or have you noticed other differences that could help you make a good guess in the future?

Belly pic

Baby at 39 weeks:

What is there to say? Baby is fully developed and just puttin’ on the chub. Of course the longer he stays put, the less likely he is to suffer from jaundice. In our case, the longer he stays put the more likely he is to be the first baby born in our new house rather than the last baby born in our current house.

Your turn:

How are you and your little one this week? What’s new?

Previous pregnancy updates:

Filed Under: pregnancy/labor

Househunting: disappointment (part 2)

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October 8, 2012 by kimc 14 Comments

start here with Part 1

Perry had been casually looking at homes for sale over the past several years, but once we decided to seriously consider the idea we very quickly started searching for possibilities on the internet. I knew a larger house would be nice and we really wanted 4 bedrooms, but I really didn’t want a huge house. Just a little more living area so we could entertain large groups indoors when necessary, another bathroom, and another bedroom, right? I told Perry that I thought 2,000-2,400 square feet would be ideal. It would be double the size we had now, and I just couldn’t imagine we needed more than that. Anyway, who wants to pay to heat, cool, and maintain a monster of a house? Perry thought more would be nice, but was willing to look at houses in that range too.

Together we prayed that God would guide us and make His will clear to us, either opening doors wide in front of us or slamming them shut.

We very quickly scheduled 2 showings. We were unsure about the first. With 2,400 square feet, it sounded big and the photos looked spacious, but in real life it didn’t look and feel nearly as big as I expected. The price was right and it was in a very good neighborhood, very close to work and church. But the layout seemed tight and choppy, and 3 of the 4 bedrooms were tiny. There was one huge bedroom – the converted garage – but the rest of the house just didn’t feel like a big family home. Perry thought we should consider it, but I just couldn’t make myself like it. We moved on to the second showing.
This one was not so pretty and polished. It was a grand sort of house on a half acre lot, but it smelled a bit musty. The carpets were old. The countertops were dated. The kitchen had just one small wall oven and no good place to install a full sized range. But as we wandered around, each sure that the other would hate the place, we both fell in love with the split level layout and the multiple living areas, the rural feel of the neighborhood, the 4 bathrooms and the 2,700 square feet. We realized it would have its challenges, but we were ready to take them on. It immediately felt perfect to both of us.

We were sold. We wanted that house. It was just a hair higher than our target price range, but not much of a stretch – and there seemed a good chance that the seller might negotiate a little.

That afternoon we talked to a lender and learned that to qualify for a loan we needed to wait at least 3 years from the date of our short sale. We weren’t sure, but thought it had been about 3 years. A little checking revealed that we were just 5 days shy. The lender told us in no uncertain terms that we should wait to make an offer until we were outside that 3 year window. The house had been on the market for 5 months so we weren’t terribly concerned about the brief wait. Actually, the timing seemed perfect: it would be wise to wait just a bit anyway before jumping into a decision like this. Was God opening a door?

While we waited, we did some calculations and decided that although we could make both payments if necessary, we really hoped to rent our current home. There are some very sticky issues with the property line and the neighbor’s title that would make it difficult to sell, but we’re not too far from paying it off. We knew it was a longshot, but we wondered if my brother and his wife might be interested in renting it. He was living 90 minutes away from us, very close to his employer, but he had expressed interest in the past in living in our neck of the woods, near our other brother and the old family homestead. Was there any chance he would want to live 90 minutes from work? Probably not, but we decided to ask him. I laughingly told Perry we were setting out a fleece to see if God really wanted us to have The House. We didn’t need my brother to rent our house, but it would certainly put our minds at ease.

To our complete and utter surprise, they didn’t just want to consider renting a home 90 minutes from work; they were delighted at the prospect of living out here and wanted to buy it. He told us he had been wracking his brain for a way to move to the area, and this was his idea of perfect. We agreed to give him a heckuva deal and he agreed to work out the problems himself in return. It seemed clear that God was opening a door before us!

Over the next 5 days, we did due diligence: we researched crime rates for the neighborhood (lower than the average for San Antonio) and checked for registered sex offenders in the neighborhood; knocked on the neighbors’ doors to assess neighborhood friendliness; scheduled a second showing to take a closer look and took some of the kids to get their opinion (they absolutely loved it); called the local utility companies to find out what we could expect to pay for water, trash and electricity/natural gas; continued to peruse other listings and drove by dozens of prospective homes with and without our children to see if anything else grabbed us; and even scheduled more showings for those that couldn’t be ruled out by driving by.

Day 5 arrived, and we were still sure we wanted The House. Nonetheless, I spent Day 6 doing more drive-bys. Day 7 was going to be the big day: we scheduled the last round of showings for the homes that still looked like good possibilities, and agreed that we would make an offer on The House when we were done that afternoon.

The realtor greeted us at our first stop with sobering news. The House – the home we had already mentally moved into – had gone under contract just one day ago. My heart hit the floor. Thoroughly deflated, we looked at the houses we had scheduled, but the rest of the day was equally disappointing. Every house felt small and crowded, or the neighborhoods were just wrong. None seemed right for us and our extended family and our Tuesday potluck crowd.

Filed Under: thoughtful stuff

4 Moms Q&A: when mom loses her temper; girl emotions and drama; chaos and noise levels

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October 4, 2012 by kimc 20 Comments

4moms35kids 4 Moms Q&A: when mom loses her temper; girl emotions and drama; chaos and noise levels Hurrah! It’s Q&A week again, my favorite because I can pick and choose the easiest questions and pretend I didn’t hear the hard ones!

I jest, really. I’m kidding! I do try to choose questions where I actually have a clue, but I appreciate the hard ones as well because they make me think and examine myself and how I do things.

This week we’re busy packing and preparing for a move, so forgive me if I sound rushed or don’t answer quite as many questions as usual. We still don’t have a closing date, although the lender indicated that this Friday sounded awfully ambitious. It sounds like October 12 is more realistic. He obviously forgot that we have a baby due on October 17. Somebody should remind him. Maybe he should read our blog.

1. Donna asked, Why have u and your girls chosen to wear skirts only. What biblically backs this decision?

We don’t wear only skirts. We wear mostly skirts, most of the time. I’ve posted about that decision here.

2. Elizabeth asked, How do you guys handle celebrating Halloween (or how do you not handle not celebrating it with family and friends that do)?

We simply skip it. We sometimes attend Reformation parties, and sometimes just entirely ignore the fact that a large part of our culture is busy with a holiday. It’s never been a big deal for us or our children, although we do enjoy the clearance prices on candy right after Halloween. In the country, we never have trick-or-treaters anyway.

Since we’re expecting to move into the city before Halloween this year, the question has been raised by the children so I would love to hear how others handle the issue. Do you just leave the porch light off? Do you indulge the neighbors by passing out candy but don’t send your own children out? Make plans to be gone?

3. Stephanie asked, What’s in your coffee cup?

I usually drink my coffee black, but I also love fancy froo-froo drinks, especially later in the morning or afternoon. On a warm day, I love to whip up a pitcher of homemade Starbucks-style fraps to share with the older girls. On cooler days, I sometimes make my own version of a latte: a mug of hot milk with a teaspoon of instant coffee plus some sugar and maybe a little additional flavoring. If Perry makes the morning coffee too strong for my taste (or if I’m spending the day at Vision Forum, where the coffee is ALWAYS too strong), I use a 1/4 cup of coffee in my latte instead of the instant coffee.

What’s in your coffee cup?

Even better than what’s in my cup is what’s on my cup. See? This just makes my day every time I hold it!

4. Sophie asked, Jumping off the modesty questions you’ve been talking about lately, I was thrown by the wedding photos–I thought I recalled from an earlier post that you don’t wear sleeveless shirts outside the house, but then some of you were wearing sleeveless shirts in church. Am I remembering wrong, or have your standards changed, or…?

We don’t normally wear tank tops outside the house or other shirts with very narrow straps that are prone to show one’s bra straps. Our general rule is that a top must reliably cover a normal bra and not threaten to reveal anything inappropriate if we carelessly bend over. Oh, and if it’s so sheer or snug that the bra shows through, that’s not covered.

5. Alicia asked, do you ever yell at your kiddos? if so do you go back & apologize? what’s an appropriate way to handle losing your temper w/your kiddos?

I do raise my voice occasionally, but I’m not much of a yeller. Even so, they know when I’m angry, and I know whether I am feeling and handling my anger in a way that honors God. As a parent, it is often my job to speak strongly to my children. It is never my job to speak unkindly, though. Even correction and discipline should be done in love and with the goal of leading our children toward obedience to God. It’s OK to be angry at sin and foolishness (Psalm 4:4, Ephesians 4:26) but if I let my own irritation cause me to lose sight of that goal, I owe my kids an apology.

I am often slow to recognize my own failures, but when I realize that I’ve been unkind, unjust, or harsh with my kids, I go back to them as soon as possible and ask them to forgive me. I make it clear that the correction itself was justified (if it was), but I handled it sinfully and set a bad example for them as well. Speaking of which, I need to go talk to Rachael about my reaction when she rolled that watermelon off the counter this morning…

6. Lois asked, How are you all adjusting to having the biggest sister gone? How on earth are you managing to school your kids with a baby and a move on the way? Are you taking a break now from schooling, and you will catch up later? Are you getting enough rest? How can I best pray for your family during this time of many changes?

Wow. Where do I start? Having Deanna gone is not as different as you might think, for two reasons: the older girls very often go to work with their dad so it’s not uncommon for them to be gone a lot anyway, plus I still see Deanna about twice/week. She and Tyler attend church with us. Our church has a weekly fellowship meal, so we very nearly spend the entire day together and now that she’s a married woman she sits with the grownups during the meal. :)

Since she lives just a few miles from Vision Forum (and our new house!) I also see her if I go into town. Last week, she made me Pumpkin Spice Lattes on two different occasions. :) I expect to see her even more once we live so near her!

School, moving and baby prep are all reasonably low key right now so we just squeeze everything in wherever it fits and don’t worry about what we missed on any particular day. As long as we make some progress on everything over the course of the week, I’m happy.

I’m trying to remember to take care of myself as my duedate approaches, and Perry and the girls are watching me like hawks. My midwife strongly admonished me to stay right on top of my diet and hydration and never let myself get so tired that I fall into bed with these words on my lips: “Please, God, just let me get at least 5 hours of rest before I go into labor…”

Thank you for your prayers. I think our biggest prayer right now is just that everything in front of us would go smoothly: the homebuying process, the move, labor & delivery with a strong healthy baby and mother at the end of it all. We really don’t know how it will all play out and are taking it one day at a time.

7. Becky asked, How do you teach your daughters to control their emotions? How do you help your children overcome fears?

Similarly, Michelle asked, I too would like to know how you manage girl “drama” and how you teach your girls to function in a world of MEAN girls

With so many teen and preteen girls in the house, emotions are an ever-present issue. We can’t begin to claim to have conquered this one, but I can tell you how we address it: just like anger or excessive crying in younger children, we admonish them to self-control. There is no excuse for sin in our lives, and hormones are just one of the difficulties we will face as we get older. We remind them that hormones may make it harder to be sweet and patient, but they do not excuse unkindness, a bad temper, or failure to control oneself. Our emotional state may vary from one day or hour to the next, but God’s standard does not. We must always treat one another with love, following the golden rule that sums up the last 6 of the 10 commandments.

I said this in a recent Q&A about dealing with an overly emotional little boy, but I think it applies to girls just as well:

While we as moms want to be gentle and understanding, we do not want our children to be ruled by their emotions. Proverbs 25:28 says, A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

My basic response with either gender has been to admonish them to self control. With a very little one, I would simply correct him in a firm voice: “No, that’s not a reason to cry. You hush.” With a 7yo, I would explain to them that falling into tears without a very good reason is very much like having a tantrum of sadness instead of anger. It’s sin, and they need to work hard to control themselves just like they would if they had a bad temper.

Helping children overcome fears is done in much the same way. I don’t deny their fear, but I do encourage them to trust God and not allow their fear to rule them. We talk about the definition of courage and bravery: not fearlessness, but boldly facing what you fear. It’s OK to be afraid of the dark, but we know that God is in the darkness just as He is in the light. Even while we feel afraid, we can acknowledge that our fear is silly and unfounded. I’m deathly afraid of ticks, but we live in deer country and we do see ticks. I work hard to conquer that fear and calmly dispose of the horrible little brutes, setting a good example for little eyes around me. I may be recoiling and shrieking on the inside, but I don’t want to let that fear rule me or pass my fear along to them.

8. Trisha asked a question near and dear to my heart: How do you control chaos and volume in your home? Seems like I have one toddler crying, one toddler hanging on my leg, two kids talking to me at the same time, one child singing loudly, etc. Are you able to control it, and if not, how do you stay sane?

I have a very low tolerance for chaos and volume, so being a mom of many has been a very sanctifying experience. It doesn’t help that my own family is naturally very quiet and I married into a high-volume family. :)

To a certain extent I have simply adjusted, but I haven’t entirely given up. I do try to regulate noise levels, though they don’t always stay exactly where I would like. It’s not unusual for me to say any or all of the following on a typical day:

“No, don’t talk to me while the baby is crying. You need to wait.”

“Don’t make noise for no reason. If you’re not talking to somebody, you need to hush.”

“Don’t talk louder than you need to. Your sister is only 18 inches away from you, and I can hear you all the way over here.”

“Too loud, people. Let’s have some quiet time now. Everyone take a break from making noise.”

“OUTSIDE!”

9. Maryjo asked the inevitable, “what happened to your dogs?”

First, we found a new home for our Yorkie. She desperately wanted to be somebody’s baby and nobody in our house wanted to mother her properly. After 5 years, we decided she really deserved better and found her a new mommy who couldn’t wait to spoil her rotten.

Around the same time, our beloved Golden Retriever started showing signs of brain cancer, very common for the breed. Medication controlled her frequent and severe seizures, but she soon became mentally unstable and aggressive toward our other pets. Rather than wait for her to attack a child, we made the difficult decision to have her put down.

Finally, Lydia’s Australian Shepherd abruptly disappeared. In spite of the fact that she wore tags and was microchipped, she simply disappeared without a trace.

And that’s it. No dogs at the moment. We’re considering what our next dog will be. I’d like something that will work as a burglar alarm and a vacuum cleaner, preferably not too hairy or stinky. We have fond memories of our Jack Russell terrier from many years ago. We also really loved our Golden and are considering a Labrador Retriever as a less hairy version. The decision is far from made, but I don’t like being without a dog.

10. Betsy asked, How do you keep a new baby safe from her older brothers? I have 3 little boys 4 and under and I’m expecting a baby this month. I’m a bit nervous about them hurting her (not intentionally, but just being crazy little boys!). I do plan on wearing her, but do you have any other pointers or ideas for when I’m not?

I like to conquer this stage very quickly by allowing the other children to interact with the new baby as much as possible. I let them touch, kiss, and hold with supervision and they learn right away all the things they MUST NOT DO to baby, rather than stringing out these lessons over the course of 3 heartstopping months. This way, they know within the first 2 days that they must NEVER put anything in baby’s mouth, or try to pick up baby without help, or move the baby’s seat, or put anything on top of the baby, or try to change the baby’s diaper…

Seriously, I think protecting a new baby too much from well-meaning older siblings also slows the learning process and increases the chance that 6 weeks later you’ll realize nobody has impressed upon the 3yo that the baby can NOT eat cheerios or drink chocolate milk from a sippy cup. It’s easy to maintain constant direct supervision during those very early days while you are resting, but once you are “back on duty” there are simply going to be moments when your back is turned. In my opinion, it’s much safer and easier to teach those lessons early than to try to catch the teachable moments when life is busier.

The other moms are taking questions too:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

October 11 - Introducing kids to technology
October 18 - Food preservation
October 25 - How do you keep the car clean?
November 1 - Q&A

Recent topics:

September 27 - 4 Moms address biblical femininity and modesty in girls
September 20 - Large Family Gift Guide by the 4 Moms
September 13 - 4 Moms: Handling different standards between you and your husband

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids

Househunting: the decision (part 1)

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October 3, 2012 by kimc 18 Comments

I’ve mentioned several times recently that we were looking at houses, seriously considering a move into town. This wasn’t an abrupt decision; it’s one we’ve toyed with for a long time. Due to increased traffic, Perry’s 52 mile daily commute (that’s 52 miles each way) has crept from 50 minutes to 75 minutes or more. Over the course of the last nine years, that’s a lot of lost time.

So this time when Perry asked what I thought about moving to town, I tried to restrain my knee jerk reaction. I like living in the country, and adjusting to having nearby neighbors will take time, but country living comes at a high cost. Instead of cringing at the loss of privacy and the house we built together and the amazing view and the deer in the front yard, I told him that I would be happy where God put us. If he thought he’d be happier in town, I knew I could be happy there too.

You know what? Once I had resolved to have a good attitude, my entire outlook changed. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea.

Perry wasn’t the only one losing hours in his day. As the kids get older, we find ourselves with more and more activities in town. And as our family grows and appetites increase, it’s becoming necessary to go to town just for groceries more and more often.

Country living is a grand thing, but the cost in gas, time and auto maintenance had become pretty grand, too, and over time we began to question whether it was the best stewardship of the resources God has given us.

Living so far out also puts a big damper on fellowship. It’s hard to get people to make the drive, and I have to admit to a twinge of guilt every time I ask them. In the same spirit, I can’t help but see dollar signs whenever we receive an invitation. It’s terrible, but it’s true. You want us to come for dinner? That’s very generous of you to feed 12 guests, but it’s also going to cost us $30-40 in gas. I hate thinking that way, but somebody has to fill the gas tank.

And inextricably tied into the fellowship issue is our church. Our church is in town, along with nearly all of our church friends and church activities. It’s hard to be deeply involved in a church that is an hour away, or with a church family that is an hour away. We wanted – needed – to be geographically closer.

And so we started looking at houses. It wasn’t the first time we’ve taken a look at what was available in the San Antonio area, but it may have been the first time we were serious about it.

Filed Under: thoughtful stuff