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4 Moms on sibling relationships: bullying, arguing, bickering

Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

4 Moms, 35 Kids

If you want to know how to avoid sibling squabbles, I have to confess I don’t have the answer to this question.  We have our share of bickering and bossiness.  I like to think our children are best friends and get along wonderfully, but that doesn’t mean they are perfect.  They bicker and squabble over the most ridiculous things.  They remind me of a couple of other sinners I know, whom the children also happen to look like.

The important thing is that they also admit fault, ask forgiveness, and keep being best friends.  In a coincidence of astounding proportions, this is also a very accurate description of the relationship between me and my sweetheart.

The fact that we don’t set a perfect example doesn’t mean we are allowed or obligated to tolerate or condone strife and contention in others.  It means we need to take the problem all the more seriously, beginning with ourselves but doing our best to nip it in the bud with the children as well.

The Bible has a lot to say about strife, contention, and those who cause it.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 29:22 A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.

Proverbs 20:3 It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.

Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

When we correct the kids, we emphasize that one person’s sinful attitude does not justify the sins of another.  We are each responsible for our own sins.  At the same time, when arguments happen I try to impress upon each child that she probably could have ended or defused the situation by exercising humility, and her pride led her sibling deeper into sin as well.

Making Brothers and Sisters Best FriendsBook recommendation: Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

Website description:

This painfully honest, hilarious book offers a creative look at how to build relationships between siblings. The goal is not just for brothers and sisters to get along, but to be best friends. Sarah, Stephen, and Grace Mally reinforce, in a fresh and innovative way, the very principles we parents talk about daily with our children. Each sibling wrote a section of every chapter, offering their unique perspective, with riotous personal anecdotes, all related to how the three of them became best friends. We read a few pages every day, and I am always delightfully surprised by how well the children remember and apply what we have read.

See what the other moms are doing about the problem:

  • Smockity Frocks
  • Common Room
  • Raising Olives
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    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • February 23 – Q&A (watch Facebook on Wednesday for your chance to ask a question)
    • March 1 - Teaching writing (composition)
    • March 8(food related topic)
    • March 15 – How to save memories without being overrun

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    4 Moms eat too many sweets {dessert linky}

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 KidsOK, that’s not exactly the topic we agreed on.  We were going to talk about desserts.  If you must know, I’m projecting.  I eat too many sweets.  I like to skip the bread and rice and potatoes and all those evil empty carbs not so I can have a healthy diet, but so I can eat more dessert.  There.  The truth is out.

    I occasionally serve a healthy dessert, but to be quite honest they just don’t go over well.  I try to serve a healthy and well-rounded diet, but when the healthy invades the desserts, worlds collide and bad things happen.  I don’t want to be responsible for a tear in the time-space continuum.

    When it comes to desserts, we don’t serve them often but we have a few favorites that we always come back to.  I asked the kids if this was because we were boring or because those particular treats were so amazing, and was relieved to hear them answer correctly.  Yes, we love our Chocolate Peanut Butter No-bake cookies, toffee candy, brownies, and wacky cake.  We also love chocolate chip cookie dough, homemade, with or without the chocolate chips.

    Since I have already shared the first 2 recipes, today I’ll share my own personal brownie recipe and my grandma’s Depression era Wacky Cake.

    Moist Fudgy Brownies from scratch

    • 3 eggs
    • 1/2 cup melted butter
    • 1/2 cup cocoa
    • 2 cups sugar
    • 1 tsp. vanilla
    • 1 cup flour
    • 1 tsp. salt
    • 1 cup chopped walnuts, opt.

    Combine eggs, butter, cocoa, sugar and vanilla.  Stir until combined.  Add flour, salt and walnuts and stir again.

    Bake in a buttered 9×13 for 25-30 minutes at 350, just until done in the center.  Serve warm.

     

    Grandma’s Wacky Cake (also called Crazy Cake)

    A rich, delicious Depression era recipe that contains no eggs, milk or butter.  I think everyone’s grandma had a recipe like this.

    • 3 cups flour
    • 2 cups sugar
    • 2 tsp. baking soda
    • 6 Tbs. cocoa
    • 1/2 tsp. salt
    • 3/4 cup oil
    • 2 cups water
    • 2 Tbs. vinegar
    • 2 tsp. vanilla

    In an ungreased 9×13 pan, combine dry ingredients.  Mix with a fork until thoroughly combined.  Be sure to get the corners!

    Add water, vinegar and vanilla all at once.  Mix thoroughly again.

    Bake 35 minutes at 350 or just until cake tests done.  Don’t ice it, because the soft moist top is the best part! To make it special, dust with powdered sugar.

     

    The other moms are offering serving up sweets too:

     

    Got desserts of your own to share?  Share in the comments or link up with us!

    Please remember to follow the linky rules:

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    • Nuthin’ here. I admit it.  I am a deadbeat.  Hit me with a rotten tomato.

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    4 Moms share encouraging verses and stories

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    This week the 4 Moms are talking about Scriptures and/or stories we rely on for comfort/encouragement as a homeschooling family.  I saw this subject on our collective spreadsheet months ago and again a few weeks ago when I added it to the list of upcoming topics.  Nonetheless, right now I’m saying, “Huh?  What are we talking about?  Whose idea was this?”

    One Bible verse that I think of very often is Proverbs 14:23:

    In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty

    Although we all want to do things “the right way,” it’s generally not necessary to know and practice the very best method so long as we are working steadily toward a goal.  God will bless our honest imperfect efforts to serve Him.  We can take great comfort in this!  This applies in homeschooling as well as other areas of life.

    Another passage that helps us keep our focus is known as the schema in Deuteronomy 6:4-9:

    4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

    5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

    6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

    7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

    8And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

    9And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

    This defines our goal and our method.  If we are teaching them to evaluate everything they think, do and believe from a Biblical worldview – and giving them the tools to do so –  we are succeeding.

    I don’t know if this qualifies or not, but I also have a little anecdote I often share with nervous new homeschoolers who wonder if they should be worried when their children are “behind.”

    Deanna was an early talker with a huge vocabulary and an amazing memory.  At 12 months, she knew and used 150 words.  If you doubt me, I can provide the list from her baby book.  She didn’t start putting them together until the thoroughly typical age of 18 months, but by then she had a very nice vocabulary to work with and rapidly became thoroughly conversant.

    I thought she was brilliant, and she was.  However, it slipped my attention that while she was accomplishing milestones with great fanfare and expertise, she was still doing them very much on schedule.

    Because she was brilliant, we started working on reading early.  I made a set of flashcards, and she learned all the sounds of the letters in 20 quick sessions over the course of 10 days – before she was 20 months old.  She was going to read before she was 3.  I was sure of it!

    But when we moved on to putting the sounds together, she just didn’t get it. She wasn’t ready.

    I put the reading supplies away for about 6 months to work on other things, and then we tried again.  Still no progress.

    We repeated this process many times over the following years.  I didn’t try very long or hard each time; I knew there was no concrete rule that a child must read by age 5, and I didn’t want to push too hard.  We had other ways to learn.  I spent a lot of time reading aloud to Deanna and her sisters.  Her vocabulary and communication skills grew.  Her memory was stunning.  She was highly intelligent, but just couldn’t put the sounds together to read.  The point:

    She wasn’t ready until she was ready.

    The ability to read is closely tied to certain developmental milestones, and she had to reach them before she could really make progress.  At 6, it finally clicked.  She went from zero to Tolkien in 6 months, and has been a voracious reader ever since.

    Sure, the right program and a lot of time and effort on both our parts might have provided the crutch we needed to get her over that hurdle ahead of time, but she was able to cross it with ease when she was ready.  I have heard it said about potty training that you can start early and be finished by 24 months, or you can wait til the baby is 2 and do it in a few days.  Our experience with reading has been much the same.

    There.  Are you comforted and/or encouraged?

    The other moms are offering encouragement too:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • February 9 - note to self: check the schedule. Oh, er…hello!

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    4 Moms Q&A: Life with littles, dating, happy helpers

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    It’s the 4th Thursday of the month, and that’s the one where we 4 Moms bare our souls and our linen closets as we answer your questions about what really goes on in our heads, our hearts, and our homes.  Because I can’t seem to keep track of questions from month to month or even week to week, I’ve been asking what you want to know on Facebook the day before our Q&A posts.  Here are the questions I received.

    Brianah Dodson asks, “What did your day look like when you had all littles? I have a one year old & two year old and I can’t seem to get much done during the day.”

    Brianah, they were definitely busy times.  I have a dim recollection of the days blending together into one endless laundry/cooking/diaper-changing session.  My children remember far more about that time period than I do, probably because I lived in a constant state of sleep deprivation.  But they remember fun times, good times, loving family times and crazy sister times, and I’m glad to rely on their memories to replace what I have forgotten!

    I wrote a little about what our days looked like back then in For Tired Young Mothers of Many.  Life With Littles was written to help and encourage those who are still in the trenches.  Maybe you’ll find some encouragement in them during this busy season of your life!

    Savannah Perkins-Berniquez wonders,  ”in what ways do your husbands help with homeschooling?”

    Over the years, the way that Perry is involved in homeschooling has changed many times.  Sometimes he actually sat at the table and taught a subject.  Other times, he provided accountability outside of me by inquiring directly with the children or asking to see their work – “Did you do your math today?  Let’s see your writing.”  His love of history and grasp of the big picture has played a heavy part in developing theirs.  He often assigns books on various topics for the older girls to read, usually requiring a written report with each one.

    I think the point isn’t really the specifics of what he does, but the fact that he is an interested, involved party in the process.  He realizes that he has a stake in what happens and is ultimately responsible for the education of the children even if the greatest portion of the daily job is delegated to me – or directly to the children as they get older.

    More important than which subject(s) he teaches is the fact that he keeps our collective eye on the goal: he helps us remember the ultimate goal of Christian education so we all know what direction we’re heading.

    Lori Dunn Browning says, “I have one that has come up recently at our house: what do you do [if] the bigs are burnt out on being happy helpers? I can see how this situation gets easier the more bigs you have, but right now I only have 2, & I feel like I ask a lot of them. They are always helpful but I also want them to have time to just be kids.”

    Lori, I think this is a tricky question with two very important parts.

    First, I think we moms need to let go of the guilt.  We all agree that it’s wonderful to play together as a family, but we feel guilty about requiring our children to work.  Society tells us that we are robbing our little ones of their childhood if we don’t let them spend their days in play, but what is society producing?  30 year old children who live in their parents’ basement, filling their days with video games.  There’s something horribly wrong with this picture.  That doesn’t mean our children’s lives should be full of never-ending chores with no time to play, but we are supposed to be training our children for adulthood, and it’s a big job.  They don’t need to practice at childishness; that part comes naturally.  We need to help them grow up and out of that childishness.  Work is an indispensable tool in that process.

    Second, I think it’s important to use that tool properly.  Just making children work more will not create a good attitude or work ethic in them.  We want to teach our children that work is a good thing, not a drudgery.  We may not always enjoy it, but the Bible teaches us that in all labor there is profit.  Our children are more likely to be happy helpers if we are working along with them rather than watching from the sidelines (guilty!).  They also need to see us working joyfully.  In short, we need to set the sort of example we want them to follow: diligent work with a good attitude.  And a little reward for a job well done isn’t a bad idea…

    Maryjo Jones Miller wants to know, “now that you have older girls how do you and your husband handle them dating?”

    Maryjo, Perry and I only recently started dating.  ;)

    Seriously, we don’t plan for our children to participate in “normal” dating because God holds us responsible for our daughter’s purity.  But don’t jump to the conclusion that our children are doomed to a lonely and celibate existence.  Our children – including our teen daughters – have healthy friendships with people of all ages, including more than a few members of the opposite sex.  They interact frequently in various group settings, never far from adults who know them.

    When it comes to one-on-one dating, we think this should be reserved for engaged couples, and even then it’s hardly “normal”: they will do 99% of their interacting in a church or family setting, i.e. in and among people who know them.  On the rare occasion when they go somewhere else, they will take a chaperon with them.

    I love Voddie Baucham’s thoughts on dating.

    Elizabeth took a chance and emailed her question: I was wondering what you are planning on doing as far as a high school diploma?  Our state allows Home Schoolers to make out their own diploma and we seem to have had no trouble with that being accepted.  Is that what you plan on doing as well?

    Elizabeth, we’ll make our own.  There are plenty of ways to print out a diploma, and as a homeschool graduate I have *never* been asked to present my diploma anyway, nor have any of our friends run into problems – even when enrolling their children in various colleges and universities.  The more widespread homeschooling becomes, the less these questions matter as others become accustomed to working with homeschoolers.

    The other moms are trying to satisfy your curiosity too:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • February 2 - Scriptures and/or stories we rely on for comfort/encouragement as a homeschooling family

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    4 Moms on buying and storing ALL THAT CLOTHING {linky}

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    This week’s topic is frighteningly broad, and leaves me with 2 options: I can pick one aspect and beat it to death or I can skim over everything, trying to cover too much at once and leaving you feeling entirely unsatisfied.

    Maybe there’s a third choice: try to make my post so entertaining that you won’t notice you didn’t really learn anything useful.  Oh, I like that.  Let’s do that.  Wait, does it work if I tell you the plan?

    I’m kidding – or stalling, if you prefer to call it that.  Actually, I have LOTS of experience with mass quantities of clothing for mass quantities of people.  The question is whether you should follow my example or learn from my mistakes.  There’s a fine line, and believe me: when it comes to clothing for 12 you don’t want to find yourself on the wrong side.  You could spark a revolt, or a mass outbreak of nudity.

    The trick is maintaining the general sanity and the clothing at the same time.  Not every day can be Nude Fasting TV Day.

    Buying All Those Clothes

    Buying is the easy part.  We love thrift shopping for everything but underclothes.  Shopping for secondhand clothes requires a bit more of a time investment, and nicer shops may have prices that rival those of some new clothes, but you’ll usually find much better quality, more variety, and it’s a good way to avoid pieces that are too trendy.  By the time it’s on the thrift store rack, you’ll know if the newest style is going to last more than 10 minutes.  We have a new way of handling clothing purchases and other personal expenses for the older girls, and I can’t wait to tell you about it in an upcoming post.

    Did you know that Goodwill offers gift cards and accepts returns?  It’s just like shopping at any other store now, and in this new thrifty era even the social stigma is gone – not that some of us ever cared about that.

    Buying becomes even easier when friends make it entirely unnecessary.  I do my best to let others know that we are never, under any circumstances, insulted by offers of hand-me-downs.  We love it when our friends cull their closets and give us that skirt we’ve been eyeing since the first time they wore it.  One time the Long ladies sent us some hand-me-downs, samples, proto-types, etc, and Oh My Word We Had Fun Were Blessed.  Can you imagine the riches that come forth when they make room in their closets for new creations?  We can now.

    Storing All Those Clothes

    Storing clothing for a big family is a much bigger challenge, especially when your home is smaller than the standard-issue McMansion.  In our home, the children usually store their clothes on the floor or under the bed.

    Yours too, huh?

    Well, that’s not the officially sanctioned plan.  The clothes are supposed to be stored in fabric bins on cubby shelves or hung in the closets, and we really do love our current setup.  The bins won’t hold up forever, especially when kids overstuff them with wadded up jeans, but they are cheaper and easier to replace than a busted drawer.  They also make for a cute, flexible system that can be expanded, rearranged and redecorated as desired.

    Actually, that photo is from months ago when we first set up the system.  That’s when I loved it.  Now you don’t want to see it, though even at its worst it still looks far better than dressers ever did in our house.  Let’s just say my kids have the pack rat gene.  I don’t know where they got it.  Why yes, I do have 3 broken sewing machines and a serger which I have never learned to use.  Why do you ask?
    Link up and tell how you manage clothing for your family!

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    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • January 26 - Q&A
    • February 2 - Scriptures and/or stories we rely on for comfort/encouragement as a homeschooling family

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    4 Moms: snacks and appetizers for a crowd {linky}

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    Snacks are a Sunday evening tradition for us.  After a big weekly fellowship meal at church, we just aren’t in the mood for a formal dinner.  We would rather share snacks and appetizers, and if we do it right we find that we have a party even when it’s just the 12 of us!

    A big part of what makes it a party rather than an evening snack is variety.  Instead of making enough of one dish to fill up 12 bellies, we like to create a variety of appetizers.  This may be a little more work, but work can be fun and the results are more appealing.  It also makes it easier to feed a crowd when you don’t feel the need to have/find enough ____ to feed everyone.

    Just picture it: one bowl of popcorn and a movie = family night.  Sausage balls, bacon wrapped jalapenos, apples with dip, cheese & cracker platter, veggie tray = Party!

    We love to work together in the kitchen as a family, with knives flashing, food flying, and music playing.  If we make a mess, we have enough hands to clean it up.

    I already shared our recipe for sausage balls.  Here are some of our other favorites:

    Bacon Wrapped Jalapenos

    Relax, and don’t let the jalapenos scare you.  With seeds removed, they’re just not that hot.

    • 12 small or medium sized jalapenos
    • 6 slices bacon
    • 6 oz. cream cheese

    Carefully slice jalapenos in half lengthwise.  Cut out center with seeds and webbing.  Wear gloves if you have very sensitive skin.  Use a gentle touch if you don’t like too much heat – it’s on and around the seeds, so the more they touch the walls of the jalapeno the hotter your end product will be.  If you like a little heat, let the 5yo do this job, but warn him not to pick his nose, rub his eyes,  or put his fingers in his mouth afterward.  Do you think it sounds mean to even let a 5yo touch a jalapeno?  Relax.  I’m probably just kidding.

    Now that your jalapenos are prepared, use a teaspoon to load them with cream cheese.

    Here’s the good part.  Wrap each jalapeno with half a slice of bacon and secure with a toothpick.  Bacon makes everything better, right?  Even chocolate, but especially jalapenos.

    Place on a cookie sheet with sides or a baking pan.  Don’t use a pizza pan or cookie sheet without sides, because the bacon grease will drip, filling your house with smoke and setting off your fire alarm.  Then you’ll have to open the doors and windows even though it smells really good inside and it’s 38 degrees outside, and your smoke alarm will keep going off anyway while your family alternately laughs at you and complains about their burning eyes.

    So…bake on something with sides for 30-40 minute at 400.  When the bacon is done to your liking, they’re ready.  Enjoy, and try to share.

    Cream Cheese Fruit Dip

    Perfect with apples, or eat with a spoon when nobody is looking.  If they catch you, hand them a spoon and swear them to secrecy.

    • 8 oz. cream cheese, softened
    • 1/4 to 1/2 cup brown sugar
    • 1/2 tsp. vanilla

    Stir and enjoy.  You won’t believe 3 simple ingredients can taste this good.

    What is your favorite snack or appetizer recipe?  How do you like to feed a crowd – one mega recipe or several smaller ones?
    Link up with your own post!

    1. You must link to a specific relevant post on your blog.
    2. Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms blogs.
    3. The post you link to must be completely family friendly.

    If your link is deleted, you probably didn’t follow one of the rules above. Please feel free to add your link again once you have fixed the problem. If you don’t know why your link was deleted, please ask.

     

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    See what the other moms are cookin’ up:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • January 19 - How to organize, shop for and maintain ALL THAT CLOTHING {linky}
    • January 26 - Q&A
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    4 Moms: Teaching grammar

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    Welcome back to the 4 Moms weekly posts.  You can welcome me back, too, because I’ve been gone for a few weeks.  I had a lovely break from blogging over the holidays, but sadly I won’t remember a bit of it since I DIDN’T BLOG ANY OF IT.  Ironic, no?

    At least I’m blogging about our recent rodential invader, so we’ll remember that story in years to come, but that’s not why you’re here today.  You’re here to learn how I teach my children grammar.  Because I am a homeschooler, and obviously I teach my children grammar, right?

    Wrong.  Maybe you already picked up on that when I began a sentence with a conjunction.  I don’t teach grammar.

    We are relaxed homeschoolers, so I love it when real life results in lessons learned relatively painlessly.  Texts may be better at covering all the bases in an orderly fashion, but is that approach really intrinsically superior?  Will my children be stunted in “the real world” if they don’t learn all their Important Facts & Concepts at the institutionally determined appropriate age and time?  Will they miss out on job opportunities because I forgot to teach them to diagram sentences?  Will they be less able to glorify God and enjoy Him forever?

    Psst…those were rhetorical questions. The answers are “no,” “no,” and “no.”

    If I’ve done my job properly, they will have the ability to crack a book (or open up google) and learn to diagram sentences should the need arise.  The same goes for conjugating German verbs, identifying the bones of the human hand, and memorizing the names of the early Chinese emperors.  While they are learning, I also want to teach them to learn. I don’t want to simply pour facts into open minds.  I want active minds that are constantly learning, growing, inquiring, and thinking critically.

    I’m not saying these things are unimportant, or that none of my children have or will learn them, but they are incidental to the ultimate goal of Christian education.

    I’m also not saying that there is anything wrong with a more structured approach.  We have used Saxon math for many years.  Kaitlyn and Lydia are currently enrolled in an online interactive essay class to help develop and polish their writing skills.  We have used other textbooks and formal courses on occasion, but they are not the backbone of our curriculum.

    So…how do my children learn grammar if they’re not filling in the blanks of a grammar workbook 3 days/week for 12 years?

    They read, and they write.  I read what they wrote, and we talk about what they read and write.  I correct their spoken and written grammar as the opportunity arises, talking about the parts of speech and explaining the difference between objective and subjective pronouns, etc.  OK, so maybe I do teach them grammar, but I don’t know why they call me the Gramminator.

    Learning happens other ways, too.  We play Mad Libs.  I have a book called Eats Shoots and Leaves that I want my older children to read.

    They learn in the course of real life, the way so much other learning takes place.

    The other moms are teaching grammar too.  See what they have to say:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • January 12 - Snacks and appetizers for a crowd
    • January 19 - How to organize, shop for and maintain ALL THAT CLOTHING {linky}
    • January 26 - Q&A
    • February 2 - Scriptures and/or stories we rely on for comfort/encouragement as a homeschooling family

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    About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

     

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    4 Moms: Gift shopping for a crowd

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    I used to love going Christmas shopping at the mall.  I never really loved the mall itself, but the whole experience was part of Christmas for me.  It was very nearly the only time I went, because it was the only time I felt the need to visit 21 different non-grocery stores in the same week.  It was fun and exciting to haul 6 small children and a double stroller 45 miles on icy Ohio roads for an all day trip to the mall.  Part of the fun was using everyone’s coats to hide 42 gifts from 6 recipients without arousing suspicions of shoplifting, then trying to get everyone back to the minivan without freezing to death.  Motherhood does strange things to us.

    Something has changed over the years, and I no longer feel the same need or desire to visit the mall.  Maybe I changed.  Maybe the internet changed me.  The mall is no longer the best place to do my gift shopping, and I no longer feel the least desire to set foot there.  I suspect my kids miss those days, but I haven’t asked because I just don’t want to go there.  If they read this post, I hope they won’t tell me how much they miss those days.

    Now, the internet is my friend.  Instead of letting kids watch TV commercials to get gift ideas, we can browse the WORLD.  We can check reviews to make sure it’s as great as it the packaging makes it look.  We can find the best price anywhere on the best idea ever, and we can probably get free shipping with no sales tax.

    This is great, since I am potentially shopping for a much bigger crowd now than ever before.  Did I say 42 gifts?  That was just one apiece from Dad and Mom to each child back when we had 6 kids, and one to each sib from the kids.  That doesn’t begin to consider the fact that I’m the oldest of 14 children and Perry is the oldest of 6.  I now have 10 children and something in the vicinity of 25 nieces and nephews, and we belong to a small, close knit church where most of the members exchange gifts.

    How do I shop for a crowd?  We have done many things to simplify gift giving in large families:

    • Shop early and shop online. If you’re prone to stress at this time of year, do everything you can to avoid the last minute crush.  The longer your list is, the sooner you should start.  A little stress early in the game will help you avoid a lot of stress later on.
    • Give the same gifts within certain groups. Many loved ones receive gifts that are either similarly themed or identical: a custom designed calendar with family photos and birthdays (Costco had the best quality for the best price), homemade goodies, framed family portraits, or handcrafted items.   This alone can simplify things immensely.
    • Use your resources. My husband works at Vision Forum, which makes it especially easy for us to choose and buy gifts there for our loved ones.  You probably have special access to something that would make a great gift for others in different circumstances.
    • Arrange a gift exchange. We do this often for children with their cousins and sometimes for the adults in the extended family.  In a large group of children with a wide range of ages, it can be helpful to divide the children into 2 age groups, so children can choose a gift for someone in their own age range.
    • Give or contribute to a group gift or a family gift. We did this for our own children more than once.  Since they buy gifts for each other and receive from others outside the household, they still received many gifts but shared one big gift from me and hubby.  For extended family, we often give just one gift per household rather than one for each person.
    • Let go. Realize that you are not obligated to buy a gift for everyone you interact with or even everyone who gives you a gift.  Don’t feel guilty if they give you a gift and you don’t have one in return.  Just offer genuine thanks.  Like the gifts we receive from God, a Christmas gift is free, not something you earn with a gift of your own.
    • Eat a lot of chocolate. Or do whatever helps you unwind.  Try not to be a scrooge like I am.

    I won’t say that Christmas shopping is stress free, but I will say that I feel a lot more sane than some of the people I see in WalMart this time of year.

    The rest of the 4 Moms are buying gifts too:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • December 22 – Q&A
    • December 29 - How to handle all those incoming gifts

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    4 Moms’ favorite holiday recipes {linky}

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    For reasons that make perfect sense to me, many holiday traditions center largely around food.  What are your favorite food-related holiday traditions?

    This week we’re sharing some of our favorite holiday recipes.

    One of my favorites is also one of the easiest.  Coincidence?  Your taste testers will never know.

    Poor Man’s Toffee

    makes 50 pieces – great for gifts

    • 1 1/4 cups butter, divided
    • 35-40 saltine-style crackers
    • 1 cup dark brown sugar
    • 1 can sweetened condensed milk
    • 1 1/2 cup chocolate chips
    • 3/4 cups finely chopped walnuts

    Pay attention.  This happens quickly:

    1. Melt 1/4 cup butter; pour into foil-lined jelly roll pan.
    2. Arrange crackers over butter, evenly spaced.
    3. Melt remaining butter; add sugar and boil 2 minutes, stirring occasionally.
    4. Remove from heat and add condensed milk. Spread over crackers.
    5. Bake at 375 for 10-12 minutes, until bubbly and slightly darkened.
    6. Remove from oven, cool 1 minute, and sprinkle with chocolate chips. Let stand 5 minutes (until chocolate is soft and melty) and spread.
    7. Sprinkle with nuts; press lightly into chocolate.
    8. Cool; refrigerate until chocolate is set.
    9. Remove foil and cut candy.

    Yum! Rich, delicious and very impressive, and much faster and easier than it sounds. No one can ever guess the saltine cracker base – it tastes a lot like Almond Roca.

    ************************************************

    Cheater’s Fudge

    So easy you’ll never go back.

    • 12 oz. bag of chocolate chips
    • 1 can sweetened condensed milk
    • 1 tsp. vanilla
    • optional additions: walnuts, marshmallows, etc.

    Just combine ingredients in a medium saucepan and stir over medium-low heat until melted and combined.  Pour into buttered or wax-paper lined 8×8 pan, chill, and cut into small squares.

    ************************************************

    Effortless Eggnog

    I love eggnog and have no qualms about the raw eggs in traditional recipes, especially since most of our eggs come from our own hens.  However, this recipe is super easy, delicious, and satisfies those who are concerned about raw eggs.

    • 1/2 gallon milk, divided
    • 1 package instant French vanilla pudding mix
    • 1/4 cup sugar
    • 2 tsp. vanilla
    • 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
    • 1/2 tsp. nutmeg

    In a large bowl, whisk 3/4 cup milk and pudding mix until smooth. Whisk in the sugar, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Stir in remaining milk. Refrigerate until serving.

    ************************************************

    Chai Tea Mix

    A nice variation on cocoa for cold winter mornings.

    • 1 cup powdered milk
    • 1 cup dry creamer
    • 1 cup vanilla flavored dry creamer
    • 2 1/2 cups sugar
    • 1 1/2 cups unsweetened tea mix
    • 2 tsp. ginger
    • 2 tsp. cinnamon
    • 1 tsp. cloves
    • 1 tsp. cardamom (or allspice)
    • opt. 1 Tbs. vanilla pudding mix

    Stir to combine all ingredients. Use 3 Tbs. in 8 oz. of boiling water.

    Options:

    • For a prettier mix, you can run it through the blender a cup at a time.
    • Allspice is easier to find and can be substituted for cardamom to make a very nice spiced tea, but it’s *not* the same. Cardamom has a very distinctive taste and aroma, even to our uncultured tongues. We found cardamom in bulk for a great price in the local health food store.
    • The vanilla pudding mix is optional but does help the mix to dissolve better.

    What are your favorite holiday recipes?  Answer in the comments or link up with your own post.

    Please remember the linky rules:

    1. You must link to a specific relevant post on your blog.
    2. Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms.
    3. The post to which you link must be completely family friendly.

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    Here’s what the rest of the 4 Moms are cooking up:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • December 8 – Favorite holiday recipes {linky}
    • December 15 - Gift shopping for a crowd
    • December 22 – Q&A
    • December 29 - How to handle all those incoming gifts and gift givers

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    4 Moms: preparing children to share holidays with unbelieving family

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids
    Today is Thursday?  Are you sure about that?  I am so confused, but I’ll take your word for it because the rest of the world is backing you up.  Either you’re right and I’m wrong, or this conspiracy is too big for me to take on.

    If today is Thursday, then obviously I have a 4 Moms post ready for you.  Once a week is not too much of a commitment for a seasoned blogger, so of course I planned ahead and had my post ready to go days ago. I would never sit down to check email one last time before bed and be reminded by an email from another of the 4 Moms who is panicking over the same post.

    Not me.  I was completely ready to talk about…what was today’s topic?

    Preparing children to share the holidays with unbelieving family

    Honestly, my lack of preparation comes in part from my lack of experience with this particular issue.  It’s very nearly a non-issue in our family for at least 2 reasons:

    1. The unbelievers in our extended family are enormously outnumbered by the believers, and even the unbelievers were raised as believers.  They are the ones making waves in this pond, not us.

    2. The holidays that come to mind – the ones that have the potential to be problematic – are Christian holidays in nature even though unbelievers often choose to celebrate them with us.  Again, we have the high ground here.  We are not on the defensive.

    This doesn’t mean that all of us attend the same church and see eye to eye on every issue, but 98% of us call Christ our Lord and Master.  Our children have learned from our discussions at home and by listening in on broader discussions that with those few family members who disagree, we stand our ground politely but firmly when religion comes up.   They also understand that we will not throw our pearls before swine.  Those who were raised as Christians and have rejected the gospel don’t need to hear the gospel again; they need to repent.  We pray for God to soften their hearts, and encourage them when they will hear us.  We pray that having been raised in the faith, they will return to it in the years to come.

    I am thankful that while we grieve for those who have turned away from the faith, it is rarely a source of family drama.  We enjoy family gatherings and the Christian fellowship that flows out of them.  This is one of the blessings of being a 2nd or 3rd generation Christian!

    If you are in a different situation, how do you prepare your children?  I know it may be difficult now, but just think how much better it will be for your children in the years to come, when they can gather with their believing brothers and sister, nieces and nephews, in-laws and outlaws.  Wait, maybe that last part is just my own family.

    Here’s what the rest of the 4 Moms have to say on the subject:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • December 8 – Favorite holiday recipes {linky}

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    4 Moms: A roundup of thankful posts from the past

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    I know I said this week’s 4 Moms post was going to be a Q&A, but didn’t you suspect we had better things to do than blog this Thursday?  We have changed up the scheduled topics for the next month to more closely align with what is going on in our households (and probably in your household too).  We hope you’ll appreciate the changes; we sure do.

    For today, if you really want to sit there at the computer instead of eating more spending quality time with your family, let me just point you toward a few of my past Thankful posts.  Many of these are about crises in one form or another.  Isn’t it funny how the difficult times often teach us more about thankfulness than the easy ones?  But maybe it’s not so odd after all when you think about the first Thanksgiving here in America.

    Pumpkin gingerbread trifles in a jar

    • I am thankful for… – A photo of the big whiteboard in our dining room, where last week the kids jotted down a myriad of things for which they are thankful.
    • Thanksgiving preparations – A preview of our Thanksgiving plans and prep for 2011, including photos of my Pumpkin Gingerbread Trifle.  The girls think the little trifles I put in wide-mouth pint jars would be sweet gifts for a couple.
    • Big family photos; and family comes to my rescue once again – Huge family photos and memories from January 2010, when Dad’s cancer was newly discovered and he still looked hale and hearty.  Dad came to our rescue that night when the van broke down late at night 80 miles from home and Perry was out of the state.  This will be our first Thanksgiving without him.
    • Rejoice with us! – The biggest loss we ever took on a sale, and we were happy about it.
    • Lessons learned the hard way, in which we experience an automobile/financial crisis and God provides.
    • Our crisis, in which we experience another automobile/financial crisis and God provides in an entirely different way.
    • Did I say these posts were about being thankful?  Then it goes without saying that I should include the story of how Perry and I met way back when we were 12, and my children’s birth stories.

    See what the other 3 Thankful Ladies have to say for themselves this week:

  • Smockity Frocks,
  • Raising Olives, and
  • Common Room

  • Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • revised, and I’m too lazy busy tired to update this list

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    4 Moms: Vehicles for the large family

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids

    Vehicles for the large or growing family can be tricky.  Seats are not the only consideration; you need room for carseats, groceries, diaper bags, the occasional stroller, etc.  As needs change, the vehicle that served well last year may be entirely unsuitable next year.

    Long ago, we drove a compact hatchback car.  It was perfect for us.  It had room for 3 children (2 of them in carseats), 2 parents, and lot of groceries.  It got 40 miles/gallon, and it was cheap.  We could drive the whole family from Ohio to Texas for $40 in gas.  Life was beautiful.

    Nothing could ever take the place of our beloved Colt. Well, nothing except the nearly identical Colt we bought to replace it.

    Then we learned we were expecting a 4th child, and I panicked.  We needed something bigger!  We bought our first mini-van.  It’s a long and sordid tale, and I have written it all up in 4 drafts.  It ranks right up there with The Great Poop Flood.  How bad do you want to know the story?  We owned that van for about 5 painful months, and never had 3 consecutive starts.

    Maybe it didn't look exactly like this, but that's how it made us feel every single day we owned it.

    We owned another 7-seater for a few years until I was expecting our 6th child and again we were forced to upsize.  This time we chose an older Suburban with a bench seat in the front, giving us a total of 9 seats.  We were good for a few more years.  We didn’t like going down to 17 miles/gallon, but gas was still cheap back then so it wasn’t as painful as it could have been.

    I loved driving a Suburban.  I felt cool in a country sort of way, not like a stereotypical soccer mom.  With a family our size, I was in no danger of fitting that particular stereotype, but I liked looking different as much as I like being different.  I was on top of the world in my big Texas-style truck.  It was comfortable and even though it was old and rusty, it handled like a dream.  It was like driving around on my sofa with a couple of kids sitting next to me.  It’s no longer roadworthy, but that old beast still sits in the circle down the hill, watching us come and go.  Every now and then we air up the tires, jump start it and rumble over the hill to my parents’ old house.  The kids even camp in it once in a while.

    My faithful old beast, retired now.

     

    But years ago, we had to upgrade again.  We were expecting #8 and again we outgrew our big-family vehicle.  What would we drive next?  The 2 obvious options were the 12 passenger van or the 15 passenger van.  We went with the bigger van for several reasons:

    1. Marginal differences in cost. We never buy brand new.  15 passenger vans probably cost a little more new but seem more plentiful on the used market, so prices were very comparable  for us.
    2. Marginal difference in gas mileage. Gas efficiency does vary from year to year and model to model, but depends more on the engine than the body of the van and a 15 passenger van does not typically have a bigger engine than a 12 passenger van.
    3. No cargo space in 12 passenger vans. How would I haul groceries or even a stroller?  If I pulled a bench out of a 12 passenger van to make room for cargo, we would be back down to 8 or 9 seats – not enough for our family.  The 15 doesn’t have cargo space either but we could keep one bench out, giving us lots of cargo space and still plenty of seating.
    4. More room to grow. With a 12 passenger van, we would probably need to upgrade again within a few years.  With a 15, we are good for many years.

    Our decision was made, and Perry found a great deal on a 15 passenger van on Ebay.  Some might think that Ebay is a dangerous way to make a major purchase like this, but we felt it was safer than going to a dealer.  Unless an issue goes all the way to the BBB, it can be hard to gauge customer satisfaction with a local dealer.  However, with a bit of research, it’s easy to find an Ebay dealer with a sparkling reputation, and he’s going to be eager to keep that sparkle.

    The Big One, retired from service in the YMCA to an even harder life hauling our wild crew.

    Next?  If our family continues to grow faster than it shrinks – not something we can freely assume at this stage in life, though it certainly could happen – we might someday want or need something even bigger.  Hubby thinks an airport shuttle would be cool.  With multiple drivers coming of age, we could also plan to go everywhere in more than one vehicle.  Personally, I think nothing will ever fill the void left by my old Suburban.

    The other moms:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • November 24 – Q&A
    • December 1 - Teaching writing (composition)
    • December 8 – Favorite holiday recipes {linky}
    • December 15 - Tithing and saving for retirement/college on one income
    • December 22 – Q&A

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    4 Moms: Large Family Food Storage

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 KidsHappy Thursday, friends!  This week the 4 Moms are talking about food storage for the large family.  You may think a mom of so many girls wouldn’t know much about food storage, but let me tell you something: my girls eat like Scarlett O’Hara.  Remember when her mammy made her fill up on a huge slab of ham and assorted sides so that the boys at the dance would think she had a dainty, ladylike appetite?  Hah.  My dainty girls leave the mothers of teenaged boys gaping in awe.  We like to eat around here, and we’re not ashamed.

    Not surprisingly, we go through a lot of food.  We laugh at the wee little 5 lb. bags of flour sold at the grocery store.  Really.  There’s a kid reading over my shoulder right now, and she’s giggling.  ”They’re so cute!”  Those are a single use when you’re whipping up 4 or 5 large pizzas, especially if you make breadsticks to stretch the pizza.

    One reason I love to shop at Costco is because the things I buy come in convenient sizes for a big family: 25 lbs. of flour or sugar, industrial sized spice containers, gallon cans of veggies and tomato paste, 10 lbs. of carrots…you get the idea.  A bonus: with bigger packaging, we generate less trash.  Many small families generate more trash than we do because of their propensity for individual servings of prepackaged foods.

    The big question is how to store these truly family-sized packages.  You don’t really want a flour canister that holds 25# sitting on your countertop, do you?

    Here’s how we solve that little issue:

    food storage buckets

    Since we cook so much from scratch, we don’t store mass quantities of a lot of different foods – we stick mainly to the staples, and fill in the gaps weekly or as needed.  We have buckets for flour, sugar, brown sugar, beans, rice, and wheat.  We used to have one for oats but found that they went bad too quickly.  We had a bucket of coconut oil, but transferred it to quart jars.  We also have one for cat litter, but we don’t cook with that.  Did I have you worried?

    I don’t use a canister at all for flour, since it would be emptied in a single use.  That’s not my idea of convenience.  Instead, I replaced the standard bucket lids with these babies.  This is my idea of convenience!

    Gamma Seal Lids - All Colors Available

    They spin on and off with one hand.  I love them!  No fumbling for the bucket opener, or breaking nails trying to open the lid with brute strength.  Everything is color coded, too: Blue for Beans, oRange for Rice, Red for bRown sugar…hey, work with me here.  My bucket system is a work in progress.

    I also try to keep my canned goods sensibly organized.

    Ignore the spam lite. These are not the droids you're looking for.

    Sometimes.  But sometimes a steal of a deal on 24 jars of organic marinara sauce messes up your system.

    Sometimes there’s no good excuse at all.

    I’m hoping to upgrade to this very soon:

    And maybe you can, too.  Watch for a giveaway!

    What’s your food storage problem or solution?  Link up with us! Remember, when you link up on one of our sites, your link will automatically be added to all 4 Moms posts this week!

    Please remember the linky rules:

    1. You must link to a specific relevant post on your blog.
    2. Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms.
    3. The post to which you link must be completely family friendly.

    If your link is deleted, you probably didn’t follow one of the rules above. Please feel free to add your link again once you have fixed the problem. If you don’t know why your link was deleted, please ask.

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    The other moms:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • November 17 - Transporting the large family. What do you drive? Any tips?
    • November 24 – Q&A
    • December 1 - Teaching writing (composition)

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    4 Moms: Getting started on homeschooling

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 Kids
    When I first saw our proposed topic this week, I was at a loss.  It said, “How to start home educating a large family after taking them out of traditional schools.”  My kids have never been in traditional schools.  I never made the transition from PTA mom to homeschooling mom.

    And then I remembered that I have been in that boat; I just wasn’t pulling the oars.

    Tune in soon to hear me and my mom chat about making the change from her perspective.  In the meantime, here’s my story.

    I attended 5 years of public schools.  When my parents decided to start homeschooling back in the early 80′s, I was the oldest of 5 children.  Two of us were already in school, with 3 more little ones waiting in the ranks.  My parents were just getting started – they would have 9 more children over the next 15 years – but by most standards, we were already a large family.

    The decision to homeschool was, I think, primarily my dad’s at the time.  While Mom saw the problems with public school at the time, she felt utterly unable to educate at home.  We had only just met our first homeschooler friends, and it was a new and scary idea.  There were not endless catalogs of curricula and dizzying arrays of resources.  There were no homeschool support groups.  I don’t know if it was even legal.

    In Mom’s own words, she was terrified.

    Nonetheless, our family moved ahead with the change.  They bought a year’s curriculum  from Christian Liberty Academy for me and my next sister, who had just finished kindergarten, and notified our schools that we would not be returning in the fall.

    I was a good student, well on my way to a promising career as teacher’s pet.  My music teacher even asked me to continue attending violin lessons with the advanced class during “zero period” before the official school day began.  This is not a choice my parents would make today but their views were new and evolving, and at the time it seemed like a good idea.  I’m sure it also helped assure my teachers that my parents were serious about my education, probably a very good thing during those early days when the legal status of homeschooling was murky at best.

    Like many early homeschoolers, we stayed indoors during traditional school hours, trying not to raise suspicions of truancy.  Our school day looked very much like it had the year before: school hours were spent at the table with a book and a pencil, and we studied the same subjects for the same amount of time at the same hours every day.  I don’t know how Mom did it with so many little ones in the house.  Would you like me to ask her?

    I had always enjoyed school, but I loved the challenge of homeschooling even more.  I was able to work at my own pace, no longer bored and frustrated by the limitations of classroom learning.  I was a motivated student, and homeschooling suited me well.  I was also prideful, and was glad that I didn’t have to return to school after (gasp!) earning a B in the final quarter for one of my classes the previous year.

    That pride received a blow when I rushed through my first math course in a week, giving it little more than a lick and a promise because it was too easy, and received a C.  Most of my mistakes were simple addition.  It was my first inkling that school wasn’t always effortless, and it was a good lesson for me to slow down and pay attention.  I may have been advanced in math, but my attention to detail was going to need some work.

    All in all, it was an easy transition for me.  For Mom?  Maybe not.  Check back soon to hear Mom’s side of the story.

    I’ll be interviewing Mom for our blog.  What would you like me to ask her about making the transition from traditional school to homeschooling?


    None of the other moms have actually pulled multiple children out of a traditional school setting either, but they are doing their best to offer advice:


    Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

    • November 10 - Food storage for the big family
    • November 17 - Transporting the large family. What do you drive? Any tips?
    • November 24 – Q&A
    • December 1 - Teaching writing (composition)

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    4 Moms: Big family Q&A

    Current giveaway: The Last Pilgrims book: ends 2/23

    4 Moms, 35 KidsDo you have questions about big families?  I have answers.  They might not be the answers you were hoping for but since the title of this post promises answers, I’ll give it a shot.

    Q. Do momys…do the library?

    We used to, but haven’t checked out books in several years.  Since the cost of gas has gone up and our library is in the opposite direction from the rest of civilization, it just wasn’t cost effective.  Our smalltown library has a very poor selection and an interlibrary system that is sadly lacking.  For the price of a trip there and back and a second trip to return the books – and maybe some late fees or interlibrary loan fees (it’s not free here) we found that we could buy several good used books instead of checking out a lot of trash and tripe.  Since we try to read books that are worth owning, this makes sense to us.

    The upside is that we’ve been able to build our library over the years without spending any more than we would have in gas and library fees.  The downside is…we’ve been able to build our library over the years…

    Q. Can you show more pictures of your bookshelves? How do you organize your books? Dewey decimal, chronologically, by subject, by author?

    A. [stifled maniacal laughter]  Are you thinking of organizing your books like mine?  You’re smart to ask for photos first!  Our library is a work in progress for several reasons:

    1. We perpetually have more books than space. It’s a sickness.  We just can’t stop buying books, and when we try to wean ourselves off somebody invariably gives us new books or points us toward a sale we can’t resist.
    2. It’s not just me and Perry. I think the condition is genetic, because the children suffer from it as well.  They’re all building their personal libraries while we build our family library.  In a house of 1183 square feet.  Bringing home new books is like a game of chicken.  Who will quit first?
    3. We let our children use the library. Somebody isn’t crazy about the aesthetic appeal of clearly labelled shelves, which makes it highly unlikely that a book will ever find its way from the hands of a child back to its rightful home.
    4. My organizational system is only a rough draft in my head.  It goes something like this:  …never mind.

    Seriously, I do have a system.

    • Fiction is divided roughly into age groups: board books are on the bottom shelves, easy readers are next up, then chapter books, with classics/mature fiction up high.  Poetry has a shelf of its own.
    • Theology is in alphabetical order by author’s last name.
    • Art & music are together, as they should be.
    • History is divided into American history, world history, and reformation.  Books within each category were originally organized by title or subject, though that fell by the wayside long ago.  Right now the children’s history books are integrated with the adult ones, but I don’t know if they’ll stay that way.
    • There is a separate bookcase for homemaking/how to books.
    • Another bookcase holds science, with each shelf covering a general area: field guides, animals, earth science, creation vs. evolution, etc.
    • Various sets – fiction and nonfiction, juvenile and adult –  are located anywhere and everywhere.
    • A few precious autographed, antique or rare books are up high, out of reach of small illiterate hands.
    • Reference books are together.

    I’m sure there’s more, but that gives a rough idea of the layout.  Photos?  Not today.  No way!

    The children each have at least one shelf of their own personal books in the library in addition to their own cubbies in the bedroom.  Some have far more.  They also have books in storage, and we’re considering enacting a new rule that goes roughly thus:

    “Any books that do not fit on your personal shelf shall be considered excessive.  If you are not willing to put your excessive books into general circulation (still retaining personal ownership), they must be put into storage so that we will have to space to acquire said titles for the general family library.”

    I would love to replace the bookcases in the library with individual wall-mounted shelves running the full length of the walls and reaching from floor to ceiling.  I think we could fit far more in our limited space and it would look nicer too.  It’s on my to-do list.

    I would also love to run a single high shelf around most of the rooms in our house. Books would be within reach of most adults but above eye level, leaving the walls with a fairly empty feel, I think, rather than the cluttered look when we had our bookcases spread throughout the house.  If my calculations are accurate, we could house most of our books this way, even in our small home, getting rid of most of the bookcases and opening up more space for general living.  We could hang framed photos just below and create a unified decorative theme throughout the house.

    What do you think of that idea?  Can you picture it?

    Q. how do you get packed for a vacation…delegate or do it all yourself? :o )

    A.  I decide how many outfits we each need to take based on the length and reason of our trip – e.g. 2 formal and 4 informal.  Then I let the 4 oldest girls (13-18yo) pack independently, offering opinions as requested.  The next few children down the line (ages 11, 10, and maybe the 7yo) pack for themselves with heavy oversight from either me or the older girls.

    I pack for myself and the 3 or 4 youngest.  I also do most of Perry’s packing and he fills in the gaps.

    That covers the clothes and personal possessions.  For the rest, we often make a list on the whiteboard and check off items as they are packed.  This way nearly anyone can help.  The older girls sometimes help with food prep while I pack for the younger ones, but we have become pretty adept at trading off duties.  The biggest goal and challenge for me is simply keeping everyone and everything moving forward.

    Q. How do you get all the house cleaning done? Does it ever get done all in one day, or do you do it one room/section of the house per day? How do you divide the cleaning chores?

    A. Define “house cleaning.”  We pick up, sweep, etc. in the kitchen, dining room, living room and bathroom several times/day.  Deeper cleaning gets done as needs are noticed.  Not always the best policy, since you’re most likely to notice footprints on the wall, snotprints on the windows, or dust bunnies divebombing from the ceiling fans while you have a houseful of company.

    Our division of labor changes a couple of times/year, but here is the current breakdown:

    • Perry (5yo) – empty small trash cans, any job relating to poop (I promise, he likes this), swat flies
    • Rachael (7yo) – take out compost, straighten toy area, AM dish team
    • Becca (10yo) – dining room, deck, AM dish team
    • Natalie (11yo) – library, trash, AM dish team
    • Megan (13yo) – kitchen, laundry room, PM dish team
    • Lydia (14yo) – animals, yard pickup, PM dish team
    • Kaitlyn (16yo) – living room, bathroom, PM dish team
    • Deanna (18yo) – laundry, PM dish team

    I confess our younger ones tend to slide these days.  They are capable of more, and our bigger girls did far more at a younger age.  This was partly because I needed the help and partly because I invested the time to train them.  The temptation for the young mother is to do it all herself because she doesn’t have time to train her young ones to help.  The temptation for the older mother is do it all with the older children with they don’t need the help of the young ones.

    Q. How do you organize socks?

    A. Our sock solution used to be easy and straightforward.  All our children were girls.  All of their socks were white and roughly the same style.  There were only 2 things to know:

    1. If 2 socks are the same size, they match.
    2. If they fit you, they’re yours.

    Now, with 4 teens in the house and 2 more close on their heels plus 2 boys thrown into the mix, it’s infinitely more complicated in practice, though it can still be summed up rather easily.  The current policy reads something like this:

    1. If you don’t like white socks, buy your own.
    2. If you buy your own, you’d better recognize them when they come out of the laundry.
    3. If your socks look just like mine, they’re mine too.

    And that’s all, folks.  Sorry if I didn’t get to your question today, but I’m feeling very much like  too little butter spread over too much toast.  Thin, but not in a size 6 way.  More in a mother-of-10-needs-to-spend-less-time-on-the-computer way.


    The other Moms are taking questions this week too.


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