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Househunting: the move (part 6)

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I’m publishing this with my apologies.  It began as Calvin’s birth story, but the back story turned into a story of its own and I had to rename it as part of our househunting saga.  I’ll work on the birth story next, I promise!  I’ll just skip ahead to the part with contractions.  :)

We had initially planned to move to our new home the weekend before Calvin’s duedate, but our highly optimistic closing date was moved a week later, forcing back the date of our move later along with it.  Since we needed a few days to retexture the ceilings in the living areas and paint the interior, there was now no way we could move before the duedate.

But because my brother and sister-in-law had already given notice to their landlord and planned to move into our home soon after we moved out, we also couldn’t wait too long past the duedate.  I knew ahead of time that a crunch like this was a distinct possibility and had loudly proclaimed that I didn’t care where I gave birth so long as I wasn’t pushing while my bedroom was on the moving van.  I was completely flexible about the whole process and just curious to see how God would time it all.

The first few days went beautifully.  We closed on our house on Friday and camped out in it for fun on Friday and Saturday night while the painting and texturing projects were begun.  After church, we went home Sunday night to regroup.  On Monday and Tuesday, Perry and the older girls finished (with lots of help from wonderful friends!) and cleaned up the new house, while I stayed home and packed endless boxes with the help of the younger and middle children.

And then I had what I can only explain as a hormonal episode.  One day I was fine and relaxed.  The next, I was filled with sudden urgency to be in the new house.  What were we thinking?  We couldn’t plan to move the weekend after my duedate!  I nearly always give birth the weekend after my duedate!  I may as well plan to be pushing while my bedroom was on the moving van!

Perry had mentioned that we could rent the moving van a couple of days early and just load as we packed, to keep piles of boxes from accumulating around us while we worked.  I went a step further and convinced him that we were very nearly done packing.  Couldn’t we just load up the truck tonight?

When he pressed for a reason why I suddenly thought it was necessary to move right now, I hesitated, unsure of my own motivation.  Then I explained that I felt as though my body was ready for labor and just waiting for everything to be done.  I felt like I was already in labor, though nothing was happening yet.  I felt on hold.  He thought that imminent labor might be a good reason to postpone the move until after I had the baby, but I was convinced that my body could outwait us.  We could lose a week or more with me slipping into more and more of a hormonal frenzy while everyone’s schedule went to pieces.  I wanted to be done.  I needed to be done.  I wanted to settle into the new house asap, where I could fully relax and be ready for labor.

He had his doubts but quickly relented on the condition that I could find some help to load the truck.  Maybe it’s because we have lots of pretty daughters, or maybe we just have particularly good friends, but I was able to find a good crew of volunteers on short notice, and we were off!

I gave the girls instructions to keep working and took off for town.  On my way I called to reserve a moving van – not a problem in the middle of the week.  Another advantage to getting this done before the weekend!  I just knew all would go well and our move would be done even before we had planned to start.  I was so glad Perry had agreed to let us do this now, so we could be well settled before I went into labor.

Since we were expecting help to arrive soon, I was in a hurry to get home with the moving van.  I wasn’t sure how to read the markings on the gas gauge, but the paperwork had shown 1/4 tank of gas, so I knew it would be enough to get to the house.  I very nearly stopped at the last gas station just so we wouldn’t have to add gas when we turned in the truck, but I didn’t know which side the tank was on and all the pumps were backed up with waiting vehicles.  There was no time or need to do it now.  I was only 10 minutes from home, and our help was probably already there waiting for the truck.

On a steep hill three miles from home, the van lurched and I felt and heard a sickening thud in the rear as the engine lost power.  I gave it more gas and the engine revved but the van gradually lost momentum and slowed to a stop halfway up the hill.  I shut off the engine and called Perry.  ”I think the transmission just went out.  It sounds like it’s stuck in low gear, and I’m not getting anywhere.”  He told me to call U-Haul and demand a replacement while I tried to continue the drive home.

I let the engine rest a moment, rolled the truck backward down the hill, and tried again.  With a running start, I made it up the hill and drove the rest of the way without incident – until the last long hill before my driveway.  Halfway up the hill, it happened again.  This time there was no thud, just the same loss of power.  This time I suddenly knew exactly what the problem was.  I called Perry again.

“I’m an idiot.  It’s not the transmission,” I told him.  ”That bang I heard was the appliance dolly falling over as I went up the first hill.  I know what’s wrong, and it’s my fault.”  I had seen the gas gauge in our other vehicles vary wildly on these steep hills over the years.  On a slope, the gas sloshes toward the downhill end of the tank.  If the level was low to begin with and the fuel pump happens to be in the front of the tank, as you head up a hill  it will have nothing to pump.  You’re not exactly out of gas, but you might as well be.

Perry was kind and encouraging.  ”You’re not an idiot.  Don’t worry about it.  Call Kaitlyn to come pick you up and I’ll bring home some gas in an hour.”  But I was frustrated and still wanted to get things moving.  I was only 500 feet below my driveway so I walked home and learned that our help was running later than planned.  They hadn’t even arrived yet.  Irony, anyone?  I had the kids put 2 empty gas cans in our own van and drove to the gas station, passing our help on the way.  The gas station was now deserted.  More irony.  I brought back 10 gallons and poured them into the tank of the moving van, praying silently the whole time.  It started right up and finished the hill without a hiccup.

I backed the truck up to the house so loading could begin and slowly walked back out to the road to pick up my own van, humbled by my mistake but happy that things could finally progress.  We hadn’t lost too much time, and I knew it wouldn’t take long to load a moving van.

It soon became apparent that I had pulled the trigger too soon.  We were woefully unprepared.  The stacks of full boxes quickly disappeared into the depths of the moving van along with some of our larger furniture items, leaving behind more unpacked possessions that I had ever dreamed would fit into our little house.  The piles of empty boxes disappeared with alarming speed, along with the packing tape.  The hours ticked by as our friends worked on uncomplainingly, packing boxes rather than loading the truck.  I was mortified, and to make it worse I wasn’t even allowed to do penance by working alongside my victims.  I helped as much as I was allowed, but was under constant surveillance and after a couple of hours I wasn’t allowed to work at all.  Of all nights, tonight I must not go into labor.  I had created this mess, and that would be the only way to make it worse at this point.  God graciously withheld that bit of irony from the evening.

At 10 PM, tired, frustrated, and still surrounded by endless piles of stuff, we decided to call it a night. The truck was full and we had everything we needed and much, much more. We would have to finish on another day, with another truck. We thanked our help profusely and sent them home, then made the drive to our own new home.

Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

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We were torn between two very different choices that appealed to us for very different reasons, but as we thought about it and discussed the options, the answer became clear.  One of our earliest goals (besides a desire for more space and more bathrooms) was to be near work, church and friends, and one house was much closer to all of those.  It was also in an area that we had initially targeted, but had nearly given up finding a big enough home in our price range.  It helped that most of the children agreed and the house just made a better first impression, inside and out.  Access to a community pool may also have been among the influencing factors.  :)

We quickly decided to make an offer on the first house we had seen that day.  It had 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, abundant closet space, a huge wooden playset and a fenced backyard, 2 sheds, and a second story deck off one of the bedrooms!  It had the carpet the kids coveted in the bedrooms, and the hard floors sanity demanded in the living areas.  The stated square footage was about 2,400 but we later learned that the number didn’t include the sun room, bringing the total to about 2,600.  There was also a converted garage that could serve as a media or guest room or even an apartment, since one of the bathrooms was back there.  It wasn’t exactly on a cul-de-sac, but it was on a very quiet edge of a very quiet neighborhood.

The more we thought about it, the more it grew on us.  It just seemed like the right decision, the house we had prayed for.  This wasn’t love at first sight, but we were quickly falling for this house.
wpid IMAG0191 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

Like most of the houses we had been looking at the asking price was just a little higher than we wanted to pay, but our realtor told us the owner had just closed on a new house and was now very motivated to close a deal.  We put together an offer the next day, and held our breath as we waited for the reply.  Perry instructed our realtor to request the doghouse in our offer.  If you remember we don’t currently have a dog, you’re probably wondering why we needed a doghouse and why we wanted that one so much.  So am I.  I’m pretty sure it was a joke, but Perry insists he was serious.  He never quite keeps a straight face when he says it, and I never quite believe him.

We waited late into the night, breathless with anticipation.  Didn’t the owner know we couldn’t sleep until he answered?  Wasn’t he anxious to make a deal, too?  Didn’t anyone tell him he had an offer on the table?!

Apparently not.  Judging from the correspondence, it seems his own realtor wasn’t able to get hold of him until the following afternoon.  At that point, he responded very quickly.  He didn’t accept our offer, but he did make a counter offer and agreed to leave us the doghouse.  We were in business!

After that, the offers flew.  We made another offer and received another from him, and finally came to an agreement.  He came down nearly halfway to our initial offer when it was all said and done, and we were happy to accept.  He later told us that the seller of his new home had come down substantially and his children encouraged him to pass along some of the savings to us.

The hard part was done, though I was careful not to consider it a done deal.  The house passed the inspection a few days later with no more than a few minor hiccups, easily cured or overlooked.  The appraisal came back with a comfortable margin.  Now it was just a matter of red tape, waiting, and praying all would go well – and it did.  Four weeks later, we closed on our new home and received the keys.
wpid IMG 20121019 124454 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

We haven’t entirely forgotten the ones that got away, but now we can see how much better this house will be for our family.  As a friend pointed out, God used those homes to prepare us for this one.  The rural feel of the first helped some of our reluctant children adjust to the idea of city living.   The second allowed us understand that while we could own a much larger house, choosing the best house wasn’t all about size.  The third was much closer to work and church than the other two, and reminded us of our desire and motivation to be as close to that area as we could.
wpid IMG 20121012 132844 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

And the fourth, it turns out, was exactly the right house for us.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

wpid IMG 20121019 130808 Househunting: we make a deal (part 5)

(now we’re waiting on the baby!)

Househunting: a difficult choice (part 4)

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Part 1

So E** Drive was out of the picture now, too.  At least that decision was easily made.

At this point we had only been hunting for a few weeks, though it seemed much longer.  We decided to calm down, back off and focus on Deanna’s swiftly approaching wedding and the baby’s impending arrival.  But wedding plans went swimmingly, with very little stress, and the baby was still comfortably in the future.  In our free moments, we both still peeked at listings, sent each other promising links and casually drove by the homes we had seen online. After a while, we had another good list of prospective homes and contacted our realtor to schedule a handful of showings.

We took several children with us to get additional opinions, since the last home on our list was a second showing for us.  We had seen it a couple of weeks earlier and were undecided.  It had some outstanding features, but some problems that gave us pause.

The first home on our list was just 6 miles from work and church, in a very nice neighborhood.  Nobody’s jaw dropped when we walked in, but there were smiles all around.  This was a nice home.  It was not huge, but big enough.  It seemed well maintained, though it had a few rough edges here and there.  It had nearly all the features were looking for – plus a few we hadn’t thought of.  The price seemed very good for the area, and while it didn’t have vaulted ceilings or a big feel to it, it seemed very sufficient for our needs and our hospitality goals.  This one had scored very well on the spreadsheet, and didn’t disappoint in real life.  It was a comfortable home, one that we could easily see as our family’s home.  The yard was a little smaller than most we had looked at, but it was shady and flat, with a huge wooden playset that no seller in his right mind would move.

We weren’t exactly excited, but we felt it definitely had promise.  It was the first house we both liked right away since we loved and lost the one on A. Lane.  It was the first one we didn’t automatically mark off the list after seeing the inside.

tuscan 300x212 Househunting: a difficult choice (part 4)The next home was gorgeous.  It had cedar beams and slate tile everywhere.  The kitchen with its almost-Tuscan flavor could have come straight from a magazine.  The den was cozy and fashionably decorated in a rustic lodge style. The entire upstairs was one huge, open, airy room with an amazing bathroom off to the side.  This house had taste and style.  It also had a higher price tag  than any we had looked at yet, and it didn’t have the square footage or multiple living areas that we were hoping to find.  Reluctantly, we moved on.

We saw another home that was just too small, and then moved on to the second showing of the one on PG Street.  The first time I saw this house, I was unsure about the neighborhood – it seemed safe enough, but not as solid and quiet as many we had looked at.  The yard was small and cramped, almost entirely taken up with multiple layers of decks and patios.  Good for entertaining, but not so good for children to run and play. The inside smelled funny because the house had stood empty for a long time, and it had more than its share of wood panelling, old linoleum, and a combination of worn beige and deep blue carpet.

big blue 300x199 Househunting: a difficult choice (part 4)But this time, I could see why Perry wanted to view the house once more.  It was over 3,000 square feet, and it felt the way I expected a house that size to feel.  Besides the formal dining room, living room, and sunken den, this house had a simply enormous additional room.  It was huge, with a vaulted ceiling to make it feel even bigger.  The floorplan was very open, allowing potential guests to move freely from one room to the next. Without the badly dated flooring, paneling and light fixtures, I could begin to see the potential here.  It would take a lot of work to make it appealing, but this house could easily host a hundred guests.  This house could host an indoor dance if we wanted.  The more we thought about it the more we liked it, but it raised some big questions:

  • Did we want a project of this magnitude?
  • Were we truly comfortable with the neighborhood?  Was “safe enough” really safe enough if we had better choices?
  • Where would our guests park?  It wasn’t really suitable for large scale hospitality if there was nowhere for guests to park.
  • Were we in danger of buying the biggest/most expensive house in the neighborhood? (bad for resale!)
  • Would a house with wide open space on the inside make up for a yard where the kids really couldn’t play outside?

The kids who were with us were very unsure about this house.  They really liked the first one we had seen that day, and loved the look of the second though they realized it was too small.  This one?  They just weren’t feeling the love.  I reminded them that I hadn’t liked it so much the first time and encouraged them to see beyond the carpet and the musty odor, but they were dubious. Perry and I thought both the first and last had a lot of promise, but in very different ways.

We were torn – and cautious about waiting too long to decide.  Now we had a new sort of problem: choosing between two very different, very good options.  I jokingly told him we should sleep on it, and see which one was under contract in the morning.

Househunting: Perry considers changing his name (part 3)

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Part 1

Part 2

We held out hope that this was just a test of patience.  We kept looking at other houses, all the while hoping and even expecting that the house we really wanted would eventually come back on the market if only we were patient and our attitude was good enough.

We looked at so many houses they all started to blend together in my mind.  I could no longer keep them straight or remember which ones had potential and which ones had already been ruled out.  I couldn’t sort the favorites in my head, or remember which living room went with the big backyard and covered deck.

I suspected Perry and a few other people would laugh at me, but I knew what I had to do.  I created a spreadsheet.  Each house was ranked and scored according to 10 different factors, with a total score on the far right.  Now I might not remember the features of each individual house, but I could see at a glance which ones presented the strongest possibilities for us.

I’m sure everyone’s criteria would be different, but ours were: house size in square feet (1 point for every 100 sq. ft. beginning at 2,000), lot size (1 point for every 2,000 sq. ft.), price (based on where it fell relative to our target price range),  proximity to work/church and other places we frequent (1-10), neighborhood safety  (1-10), curb/photo appeal  (1-10), open floorplan  (1-10), cul-de-sac (an extra 5 points), fix factor (how much paint/work did it need, if any? 1-10), and storage (5 points for a garage, 3 for lots of built-ins, 2 for each shed).  We also learned along the way that we were very partial to vaulted ceilings and hard floors in living/wet areas.  A neighborhood with a community pool was a definite plus.

Yes, I could have made it simpler, but I like math and I had fun with this.  I also found it very useful in sorting the possibilities.  It saved us a lot of time in driving by homes for sale if we could look at the overall score and decide that while a home might have one or two very appealing factors it just wasn’t what we were looking for.

Perry admitted that it was somewhat helpful, but that didn’t stop him from laughing at my expense.  ”Well, now I know what it takes to get you to listen.  I’m going to change my name to Spreadsheet,” he told me.  ”I think it will change our marriage.”

We continued to check home listings.  We were both quietly checking daily for our first love, but we went on with the search.  Maybe God was only testing us.  Maybe it would come back once we turned our attention away from it.
wow1 300x144 Househunting: Perry considers changing his name (part 3)Eventually we narrowed the search to one enormous house.  Again, it wasn’t perfect, but it had the “wow!” factor, if you know what I mean.  It was just a couple of blocks from the first home we had fallen in love with, and it well was over 4,000 square feet!  This time the price was definitely higher than we had hoped for, but it was still technically within our range and the owners were very eager to sell. We knew they would negotiate.  I had some reservations about the utilities for a house this size, the kitchen was very small, and the roof would need to be replaced soon, but it had plenty of amazing features to offset the downsides.  Perry was in love.  The kids had seen it and were in love.  I was outnumbered and within a few days my resolve had weakened; I was willing to be carried along.  If God wanted me in a 4,000 square foot house, who was I to argue?

We decided to make an offer the following day after another round of showings.

Like a bad dream repeating itself, the realtor met us at our first stop with the same news as before: the house we now wanted, which had been on the market for  18 months, was under contract.

I went back to my spreadsheet and added the very first home we had looked at, the one that I thought felt small and choppy.  It scored surprisingly well, and I told Perry I was ready to reconsider it.  Part of my initial reaction against it was just that I had nothing to compare it to, and didn’t want to be hasty.  Another part was that 2,400 square feet just wasn’t as big as I thought.  Our vaulted ceiling and open floor plan really does make our small home feel spacious in a way that I never appreciated until I looked closely at other homes.  The house on E** Drive wasn’t so bad, and the price and location were right.  I was wrong to rule it out so quickly.

We asked for another showing and learned that E** Drive was under contract.

Househunting: disappointment (part 2)

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start here with Part 1

Perry had been casually looking at homes for sale over the past several years, but once we decided to seriously consider the idea we very quickly started searching for possibilities on the internet.  I knew a larger house would be nice and we really wanted 4 bedrooms, but I really didn’t want a huge house.  Just a little more living area so we could entertain large groups indoors when necessary, another bathroom, and another bedroom, right?  I told Perry that I thought 2,000-2,400 square feet would be ideal.  It would be double the size we had now, and I just couldn’t imagine we needed more than that. Anyway, who wants to pay to heat, cool, and maintain a monster of a house?  Perry thought more would be nice, but was willing to look at houses in that range too.

Together we prayed that God would guide us and make His will clear to us, either opening doors wide in front of us or slamming them shut.

We very quickly scheduled 2 showings.  We were unsure about the first.  With 2,400 square feet, it sounded big and the photos looked spacious, but in real life it didn’t look and feel nearly as big as I expected.  The price was right and it was in a very good neighborhood, very close to work and church.  But the layout seemed tight and choppy, and 3 of the 4 bedrooms were tiny.  There was one huge bedroom – the converted garage – but the rest of the house just didn’t feel like a big family home.  Perry thought we should consider it, but I just couldn’t make myself like it.  We moved on to the second showing.
the one1 Househunting: disappointment (part 2)This one was not so pretty and polished.  It was a grand sort of house on a half acre lot, but it smelled a bit musty.  The carpets were old.  The countertops were dated.  The kitchen had just one small wall oven and no good place to install a full sized range.  But as we wandered around, each sure that the other would hate the place, we both fell in love with the split level layout and the multiple living areas, the rural feel of the neighborhood, the 4 bathrooms and the 2,700 square feet.  We realized it would have its challenges, but we were ready to take them on.  It immediately felt perfect to both of us.

We were sold.  We wanted that house.  It was just a hair higher than our target price range, but not much of a stretch – and there seemed a good chance that the seller might negotiate a little.

That afternoon we talked to a lender and learned that to qualify for a loan we needed to wait at least 3 years from the date of our short sale.  We weren’t sure, but thought it had been about 3 years.  A little checking revealed that we were just 5 days shy.  The lender told us in no uncertain terms that we should wait to make an offer until we were outside that 3 year window.  The house had been on the market for 5 months so we weren’t terribly concerned about the brief wait.  Actually, the timing seemed perfect: it would be wise to wait just a bit anyway before jumping into a decision like this.  Was God opening a door?

While we waited, we did some calculations and decided that although we could make both payments if necessary, we really hoped to rent our current home.  There are some very sticky issues with the property line and the neighbor’s title that would make it difficult to sell, but we’re not too far from paying it off.  We knew it was a longshot, but we wondered if my brother and his wife might be interested in renting it.  He was living 90 minutes away from us, very close to his employer, but he had expressed interest in the past in living in our neck of the woods, near our other brother and the old family homestead.  Was there any chance he would want to live 90 minutes from work?  Probably not, but we decided to ask him.  I laughingly told Perry we were setting out a fleece to see if God really wanted us to have The House.  We didn’t need my brother to rent our house, but it would certainly put our minds at ease.

To our complete and utter surprise, they didn’t just want to consider renting a home 90 minutes from work; they were delighted at the prospect of living out here and wanted to buy it.  He told us he had been wracking his brain for a way to move to the area, and this was his idea of perfect.  We agreed to give him a heckuva deal and he agreed to work out the problems himself in return.  It seemed clear that God was opening a door before us!

Over the next 5 days, we did due diligence: we researched crime rates for the neighborhood (lower than the average for San Antonio) and checked for registered sex offenders in the neighborhood; knocked on the neighbors’ doors to assess neighborhood friendliness; scheduled a second showing to take a closer look and took some of the kids to get their opinion (they absolutely loved it); called the local utility companies to find out what we could expect to pay for water, trash and electricity/natural gas; continued to peruse other listings and drove by dozens of prospective homes with and without our children to see if anything else grabbed us; and even scheduled more showings for those that couldn’t be ruled out by driving by.

Day 5 arrived, and we were still sure we wanted The House.  Nonetheless, I spent Day 6 doing more drive-bys.  Day 7 was going to be the big day: we scheduled the last round of showings for the homes that still looked like good possibilities, and agreed that we would make an offer on The House when we were done that afternoon.

The realtor greeted us at our first stop with sobering news.  The House – the home we had already mentally moved into – had gone under contract just one day ago.  My heart hit the floor.  Thoroughly deflated, we looked at the houses we had scheduled, but the rest of the day was equally disappointing.  Every house felt small and crowded, or the neighborhoods were just wrong.  None seemed right for us and our extended family and our Tuesday potluck crowd.

 

Househunting: the decision (part 1)

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I’ve mentioned several times recently that we were looking at houses, seriously considering a move into town.  This wasn’t an abrupt decision; it’s one we’ve toyed with for a long time.  Due to increased traffic, Perry’s 52 mile daily commute (that’s 52 miles each way) has crept from 50 minutes to 75 minutes or more.  Over the course of the last nine years, that’s a lot of lost time.

So this time when Perry asked what I thought about moving to town, I tried to restrain my knee jerk reaction.  I like living in the country, and adjusting to having nearby neighbors will take time, but country living comes at a high cost.  Instead of cringing at the loss of privacy and the house we built together and the amazing view and the deer in the front yard, I told him that I would be happy where God put us.  If he thought he’d be happier in town, I knew I could be happy there too.

You know what?  Once I had resolved to have a good attitude, my entire outlook changed.  The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea.

Perry wasn’t the only one losing hours in his day.  As the kids get older, we find ourselves with more and more activities in town.  And as our family grows and appetites increase, it’s becoming necessary to go to town just for groceries more and more often.

Country living is a grand thing, but the cost in gas, time and auto maintenance had become pretty grand, too, and over time we began to question whether it was the best stewardship of the resources God has given us.

Living so far out also puts a big damper on fellowship.  It’s hard to get people to make the drive, and I have to admit to a twinge of guilt every time I ask them.  In the same spirit, I can’t help but see dollar signs whenever we receive an invitation.  It’s terrible, but it’s true.  You want us to come for dinner?  That’s very generous of you to feed 12 guests, but it’s also going to cost us $30-40 in gas.  I hate thinking that way, but somebody has to fill the gas tank.

And inextricably tied into the fellowship issue is our church.  Our church is in town, along with nearly all of our church friends and church activities.  It’s hard to be deeply involved in a church that is an hour away, or with a church family that is an hour away.  We wanted – needed – to be geographically closer.

And so we started looking at houses.  It wasn’t the first time we’ve taken a look at what was available in the San Antonio area, but it may have been the first time we were serious about it.

Providential sausage

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Today I was picking a up a few items at the grocery store and noticed that the national brand sausage we normally buy was – gasp – $3.50/lb.  I was horrified.  Sausage is one of the few meats we still buy because it’s necessary for pizza, which is necessary for Friday nights.   We can give up red meat and cut back on chicken, but the sausage is non-negotiable.

So in the face of $3.50 sausage, I searched my brain and remembered that I had seen pork loin in another store’s sale flyer for $1.99/lb.  We bought a ton of pork loin last year for $.99/lb and used it to make our own sausage.  I thought $1.99 was a good buy until I saw the price of sausage.  Then I realized it was a great buy, so I decided to make an extra stop and stock up.

Alas, when I reached HEB, the pork loin was nowhere to be seen.  It turned out I had seen last week’s flyer.  The sale had come and gone.  We bought our first watermelon of the season and wandered the store, enjoying the air conditioning and free samples but disappointed at missing the deal.

Then my eye lit upon an unadvertised special: the same national brand of sausage I usually buy for $3, which had recently risen to $3.50, was on sale 5 lbs/$5!  Not only was this about 70% off the regular price, it was half the price of the pork loin we had missed.  An added bonus: unlike the pork loin, it was already ground and seasoned.  This is noteworthy because while homemade sausage from pork loin is lean and delicious, it’s also a lot of work.  Don’t tell my kids, but I make it a practice to avoid unnecessary work whenever possible.  I find there is generally enough necessary work to go around.

If you’re wondering whether there is a point to all this, here it is.  

My first impulse was to complain that we had made an extra stop for no reason.  Then I realized that we did find a good deal on a watermelon, and enjoyed some delicious free samples.  The store was on my way home, so I had lost nothing but time.   Good enough.  I quit complaining.

Then I found the sausage, and realized that God had used an outdated sale flyer and my own faulty memory to lead us to a blessing.  Of course He could have done it without my help, but sometimes it’s amusing to see the tools He uses.  If I had simply happened into the store, I might not have thought at all about how I came to be there.

For tired young mothers of many

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Back when we had a lot of Littles and no Bigs, daily life looked very different.  Sometimes it felt a little dark and hopeless.  How could I do everything that I need to do?  How could I be a good wife, a good mother, a good Christian, while battling morning sickness and creeping chaos of a house with so many little ones?

I struggled to do all the things that I thought I needed to do, often failing.  On a good day, I got everyone’s hair done before the mats moved in.  Laundry was always a struggle, but somehow I kept up.  Children and bedding got washed as needed because I refused to add another thing to The Schedule.

I often stayed up too late, either because the kids needed me or because I was savoring those few quiet hours of the day in which they didn’t need me.  Many nights, I was wakened once by a nursing baby, again by a crying 2yo and/or a wet 3yo and/or a sleepwalking 4yo and/or a 5yo who just threw up on the 3yo’s hair.  If the days seemed too short, the nights stretched on forever.  Neither afforded much time for sleep or rest.

At that time in our life, we had no family within 1,000 miles.  The church Perry had attended since he was 15 had dissolved in a mess ugly beyond belief.  He was unhappy at his primary job, and working 2 more jobs on the side.  We had personal problems and marriage problems.  In spite of a few local friends, we felt very alone in our world.

That was the bad side.  Sometimes, that’s what I remember about those early days.  When people told me to enjoy them because they would pass too quickly, I just hoped they were right.

But I also remember walking to the library on a crisp day with a double stroller packed full of shining faces.  I remember the friendly librarians who smiled when we walked in and knew us all by name.  We spent a lot of time there!

I remember our friends at the cheese factory who always greeted us with bright smiles, free tours, and sample bags for each child packed full of all the best kinds of cheese in the world.  Every visit turned into a picnic.

I remember building the Great Wall of China in the living room with wooden blocks, and a 4 foot Eiffel Tower made entirely of marshmallows.

I remember using Five in a Row For tired young mothers of many for school.  We read endless picture books, and every single one was a favorite.

I remember snow forts and hide-and-seek and a giant wooden playset given to us for free by an acquaintance I barely knew.  Her husband worked at a local lumber store and was able to borrow a big flatbed truck to deliver it for us, fully assembled and ready for use.

I remember grocery trips that began and ended with laughter, packed full of smiles and compliments from every passer-by.

I remember the hot air balloon festival at the county fairgrounds, just a few blocks away.

I remember long family bike rides all over our little town with 2 little ones in a bike trailer behind each of us, and a fifth child on a baby seat, 8yo Deanna trailing behind on a bike of her own.  She seemed so big to us back then, and now she’s nearly 18.

I remember trips to the zoo, to used book stores, to Chuck E. Cheese, to our friends in the country with the huge country house, to Texas and Tennessee and Oregon.  We may not have gone to Disneyland every year, but we made memories – good memories!

Why do I sometimes think of those days as dark and full of chaos?  They were also some of our happiest, most carefree times.

I think attitude plays a huge part in what we remember, how we remember it, and which memories we call to mind.

You can’t change your attitude in the past, but you can pray for a good attitude today and in the future.  You can choose which memories to review and relive, and which to let go.  You can look back with a good attitude and call to mind the good times, forgetting the bad ones – or seeing how God used those bad times to bless you in ways you didn’t understand at the time.

Now I’m the mom with older children, speaking to the tired young mother.  Now I’m telling you to enjoy those days, because they will pass quickly.  It’s true.  I nodded and smiled when they said it to me, but I didn’t really believe their words.

Now I see the end of my baby days coming soon, the end of a season approaching.  Yesterday, I was you.  Today, I am my mom.  Tomorrow, I’ll be my grandmother.  They were right.  It does happen quickly.  I’m sorry I ever doubted them.

Yes, your days are long and busy, and you never seem to get enough sleep.  You don’t think you spend enough one-on-one time with your children, and you feel guilty or stressed or worried.  I’m not discounting that.  This a busy season in life, and a hard one.

But still enjoy it.  Remind yourself to remember the good times, and let the bad times fade out of time and mind.  Ask God to help you do better tomorrow, and let the day’s failures disappear when you crawl into bed.

Tuesday Poetry: Something of my own.

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Posted by: Deanna

Great. Late again. But hey, I’m getting closer right?

Today I’m showing y’all poem that I wrote about my notebook. Sometimes it almost seems as if my notebook is a person, and a friend more than anything else. It’s like I read about teddy bears once; they don’t talk much, but they’re great listeners. My notebooks are like people that know everything I think, and keep every secret I tell them, unconditionally. So sometimes I feel bad for not writing, because it feels like I’m neglecting someone real that has stood by me with great loyalty.

My Notebook

Sometimes dear friend
you may feel abandoned.
you may think that I’ve forgotten
your unwavering loyalty.

I wish it were not so.
you hold my secrets
you know me as no one else ever will.
but some times there aren’t any secrets to confide.

I may for a while record poem after poem
and then for interminable stretches
write nothing at all.

I cannot force the muse.
I only write when my heart is overflowing.
so dear friend and companion,
do not feel neglected when I cease to write for a while.

Because you know that at the first sign of trouble,
I will come running back to the solace of your pages.
With a whole new host of feelings to inscribe.

Tuesday poetry (and sometimes prose): C.S. Lewis quote

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Posted by : Deanna

Grrrrr…..This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I could claim that I was busy all last week, (which is true by the way.) but I really was just being a flake. I’m sorry.

Alrighty then. This is an excerpt from C.S Lewis’ book Mere Christianity. I have yet to read the whole thing, but I love what I have read. He has such a way of putting things that just really makes me think.

…Even the best Christian that ever lived is not acting on his own steam- he is only nourishing or protecting a life he could never have acquired by his own efforts. And that has practical consequences. As long as the natural life is in your body, it will do a lot towards repairing that body. Cut it, and up to a point it will heal, as a dead body would not. A live body is not one that never gets hurt, but one that can to some extent repair itself. In the same way, a Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, but a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin over again after each stumble- because the Christ-life is inside him, repairing him all the time, enabling him to repeat (in some degree) the kind of voluntary death which Christ himself carried out.
That is why the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or -if they think there is not- at least they hope to deserve approval from good men. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because he loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it.

I love reading deep thoughtful stuff that he writes. I recently read “A Grief Observed”, and it really was some food for thought. I haven’t quite processed it all, and most likely I’ll read it again today or tomorrow. It was very thought provoking to read through someone else’s deep sorrow like that. I wish I could have read it when my little sister Sarah was stillborn. I think it would have helped.  Maybe next week I’ll post an excerpt from that.

An open letter to working moms

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Dear Working Mom,

I see you nearly every time I’m out with my children.  Sometimes you are very young, sometimes you look older.  You might look happy one day and tired or stressed the next.  You are different every time I meet you, but you say the same thing to me nearly every time:  “You’re so lucky.  I wish I could stay home with my children but I just can’t afford it.”

Usually I smile and agree that I am blessed, but quite honestly  I’d like to challenge you.  You say you can’t afford to stay home.  Maybe you can if you’re willing to make some changes.

  • Will you trade in your 2 year old car for a 13 year old mini van?  The side door might not work very well.  Yes, it will break down occasionally on your way to the kids’ dental checkups, but that’s ok.  Your dentist will understand.  Do plan to change a flat every now and then, since you might be driving on older tires.
  • Will you buy your clothes at thrift stores from now on?  I know your clothes aren’t terribly expensive now, but even inexpensive clothes add up when you buy them new.  No, you won’t always be able to wear exactly what you want, but you might find that it’s not such a big deal if you’re spending most of your time at home.  Your kids won’t make fun of your fashion sense.  Well, not unless they’re teens.  Then I can’t vouch for them.
  • You might have to reconsider cable TV.  Anyway, the last thing you need is to watch the average 5 hours/day of TV.  Too much of it is about working moms driving late model cars and wearing all those clothes you won’t be buying.
  • Something as simple as grabbing pizza on Friday night might become a financial decision, carefully weighed out.
  • Your children should expect some changes too.  Ballet lessons, karate lessons, and sports might go on the chopping block.  They might be among the sad minority that does not possess a laptop or cell phone.  They might never visit Disneyland.  Summer camp might even be crossed off the calendar.  Don’t let the guilt get to you.  Just like adults, children are not entitled to all the best in life.   Children need to understand that these things are extras.  They are wants, not needs.  The sooner your children know this, the happier they will be.
  • Would you be willing to sell your house?  If you’re serious about wanting to stay home with your children, this might be what it takes.  Are you willing to live in a smaller, older home, in a lower priced neighborhood?

To sum it up, are you willing to give up a middle class lifestyle?  I know you’re not rich now, but you could get by on less if you really had to.   Is staying home with your children worth that much to you?

I realize that not every situation is the same.  You might be a single mom, struggling just to keep the electric on.  Some churches would help you, but you might not be in that sort of church.

You might be willing to make all the lifestyle changes that would enable you to stay home but your husband insists that you work.

Maybe your husband is disabled, and truly can’t support the family.

Maybe you have other truly extenuating circumstances.

Or maybe you didn’t really mean that you’d love to do it.  Maybe you just meant it might be kinda nice, if you didn’t have to give up any of your current creature comforts.

But maybe, just maybe you really never thought of it this way and now you realize that you can afford to stay home.  Will you do it?

On Farewells

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Posted By: Deanna

It seems like there has been a lot of leaving in my life lately, both new friends and old moving on in their own lives, and it has been a humbling experience for me to realize how important I’m not. Anyway, I have been trying to write a farewell poem for a long time, and I think I finally have.

Why must you leave me my friend?

I know separation does not mean the end,

and maybe when the west wind tall grasses bend,

you will remember me.

Don’t mind my sad tears, dear companion.

It’s not that I think you intend to forget…

and maybe when Zephyr sings through the canyon,

will you remember me?

I do not love a painful leavetaking,

and I promise you won’t see how my heart is breaking.

But by the west wind I’ll send a message so true,

listen, he’ll whisper…”I remember you.”

Happy birthday, Sarah.

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Happy birthday, Sarah.  It’s been 6 years since you were born into glory.

Your birthdays aren’t sad days for me, but they are thoughtful days.  My quiet thoughts have been drifting toward you for the past weeks leading up to today.

You were the only child we named before birth, because you were the only one whose gender we knew ahead of time.  We decided to name you Sarah – princess - because it was a favorite name of all your sisters.  When they played dress-up and pretended to be princesses, one of them was always named Sarah.

I wonder what you would look like if you were here with us today.

I wish I had taken some photos of you when you were born.

I’m glad my mom asked to hold you when I was unsure at first whether I should hold you.

I wish I had let the ultrasound technician try a little longer before I said that was good enough, because the one photo I have of you at 20 weeks gestation really doesn’t show much.

Mostly I just look forward to meeting you again someday.

Happy birthday, sweet princess.

Kim, mother of 10 children with names, and 2 more without.

Poems

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I like poetry. I like reading it and I like writing it. Recently I have posted a few of my poems to facebook, and I have been greatly encouraged by the applause I have received from my friends, so I decided to share it with y’all.

Summer Breezes

summer breezes slip softly through the tall grasses,
I breathe in the heated air,
Almost feeling secrets whispered
as the velvet zephyr passes.
my soul resonates with the music ruffling my hair
I could almost dance,
but instead I write.

——

Sands of Time

I walk along the sands of time,
feel the music floating past.
stars above me
moon behind me
fire inside me.
I wish that I could change the past,
erase the footprints in the sand.
forever gone
forever made
the die is cast
and all things fade.

—–

Moonbeams

Silver-blue and exquisite
they pour from a summer sky
drowning the night with a heady perfume
daring me to fly
soaking the world in their milky light
the moonbeams slip softly down
I can almost taste them,
but instead I write.

-Deanna

This takes my breath away…

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…and not in a good way.

This is the best explanation of why the bailouts are doing damage to our money supply that I have seen.

“Be assured that it gives much more pain to the mind to be in debt, than to do without any article whatever which we may seem to want.”Thomas Jefferson, Letter to his daughter Martha (14 June 1787)

 

If green were outlawed…

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Posted by: Deanna

If green were outlawed, obviously St Patrick’s day would be ruined, and some people would be rather heartbroken. But what if they went so far as to outlaw all green, even grass, trees, or vegetables? It would ruin the landscapes, and of course they would have to do away with flowers too, because flowers have green stems and leaves, right?

So imagine, no flowers, no grass, no salad, nothing but a ragged tyranny of barren trees, bushes, and stubble. There would be no hedges, no shrubs. Brides would have to have bouquets of sticks, or none at all.

I wonder if there would be an oxygen shortage? If there were, I have no doubt that certain people would use that as an excuse to promote abortion even more than they already do, because obviously it’s blatantly irresponsible to have kids when there’s an air shortage! Never mind that the problem could be fixed in a few months or less.

But even if there weren’t any problems with the air (My Mom thinks that the plant life in the ocean would probably keep us going) what an ugly world it would be! With all the gardens gone, all the trees stripped, all the grass either dyed, or sheared. In trying to improve on God’s design we would be perverting it.

Although even if this happened, I’m inclined to believe that every spring the baby leaflets and the tiny blades of grass that sprout regardless of the merciless poisons and mowers would laugh in the face of the arrogant fools that dared to try to correct God.

This post is part of this week’s Homeschool Kids Write project. Go see more!

beyond modesty there is…

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…courtesy.

I found an article on the American Thinker that is well worth a read.  The authors explore a personal theory of mine, tolkien1 beyond modesty there is...namely the reduction of formality, style and modesty in our society is inversely proportionate to the amount of selfishness that surrounds us.

For example, adult men wearing baseball caps backwards and indoors, failure to comb their hair properly, and wearing dress shirts outside of their trousers. Adult women showing inappropriate bare skin, undergarments, tattoos in an office setting or in public. And we will  politely dance around those with enormous (as the British would say) “sit-upons” crammed into tight jeans. In the United States, there is a general lack of respect and civility for other people. We convey that by how we dress.

We are a selfish people therefore we refuse to dress for others.

Take a moment to read “Why is Dressing Down the New Dressing Up?”

HT: The Aesthetic Traditionalist – for link and image

This is why I blog

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I was looking for a recipe on my blog this morning and stumbled across an old post.  While I was reading it, I realized something.  I blog because if I didn’t, we would never remember stuff like this and this.  One of the benefits of having a short memory is that I get to laugh anew at all the old stuff because I have almost no recollection of it happening.  It’s like reading stories from somebody else’s life.

you know you are loved when….

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you open your lunch to find…

a homemade personal size pizza and a the last of someone’s personal stash of skittles.

thanks gals you made me smile today.

Just a quick observation…

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Posted by: Deanna

I have been reading through the Bible lately and last week I started on my fifth time through.

Today I was reading Genesis 37 and the wording describing Jacob’s favoritism for Joseph caught my eye. It  says that “Jacob loved Joseph more because he was the son of his old age.” It had never really occurred to me that Joseph was the spoiled little brother.

I like to sometimes try to imagine how it was to really be in the situations that they were. For example, I try to imagine what it was like for Joseph’s brothers to really know it was true when they said “Awww, Dad just likes him best because he’s youngest.” And I wonder, what would Joseph think if he knew that three thousand years later, people would still think of him as “The baby of the family”?

Now here’s something worth getting worked up over…

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I hope I didn’t step on too many toes by refusing to get worked up over Subway’s faux pas, but here’s something that I do think we all should get more outspoken about: the pornographic ads and commercials that surround us nearly everywhere we go.

I don’t think I’ve done my duty in this area, but I really appreciated Kelly’s heartfelt response to what she saw in a restaurant recently. The manager’s reaction, while far from ideal, struck me as very encouraging. Now I’m feeling inspired and motivated to speak up more. This is an area where we need to stop being so shy and let business owners and managers know how offended we are!

I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. Psalm 101:3

What do you do about the semi-pornographic magazines you see in line at the grocery store? About the R-rated music lyrics that you hear in restaurants? About the X-rated vending machines in gas station bathrooms? About the cardboard Budweiser girl right next to checkout at your local corner store?

So far I’ve done nothing but grumble. Maybe I’ll start by asking Kelly – the sweet, friendly manager of the local corner store – if the Budweiser girl can stay in the back next to the beer case, where most of her admirers will gather. And I can certainly refuse to patronize local gas stations that have those vending machines.

On the road it may be more difficult to make a lasting difference, but in our local community we are without excuse. When the tank of my 15 passenger van costs over $100 to fill and hubby is driving 500 miles back and forth to work each week, our family has some power to wield. Maybe we should be more mindful to wield it to God’s glory.

Wedding dresses

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 Wedding dressesmom wedding2 Wedding dresses

Look, the picture on the right is Mom on her wedding day.

The one on the left is me fifteen years later wearing the same dress.

Lord willing, in a couple of years I’ll be wearing my own wedding dress and fifteen years after that, hopefully I’ll have at least eight kids.

Maybe I’ll even be looking back on today and smiling as my daughter excitedly tries on my old wedding dress, and maybe it will have been my mother’s before me…Who knows?

There’s a lot of potential in an old white dress isn’t there?

11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday

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173940 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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Long ago (like 4 or 5 years) in a land far away (called Ohio)
174121 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
Photo SharingVideo SharingShare PhotosFree Video HostingJmx0PTExOTM5NTc2MzE1MzEmcHQ9MTE5Mzk1NzYzMzc1MCZwPTEyNTIxJmQ9Jm49 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
There lived a little girl with pigtails
173654 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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And a beautiful smile….
173858 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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She had four sisters (at the time)
173815 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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and loved to dress up for Easter
173827 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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in dresses her mama made…
173740 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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she especially loved the zoo
173704 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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but not necessarily naps…..
173453 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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she liked to count really BIG numbers
173924 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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and her kisses brightened mama and daddy’s days…
173355 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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We are very thankful that God has given us 11 years to share with her.
091035 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthday
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Jmx0PTExOTM5NTgxNzAwNDImcHQ9MTE5Mzk1ODE3MTgzOSZwPTEyNTIxJmQ9Jm49 11 pictures (and one to grow on) of Lydia on her 11th birthdayHAPPY BIRTHDAY LYDIA!!!
We Love you

Dad
Mom
Deanna
Kaitlyn
Megan
Natalie
Becca
Rachel
Perry IV

The roles of women in the home

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From Doug’s blog:

John Calvin on The Heaven-Blessed Priority of Homemaking
?And if men say, ?what is this? A woman playeth the housewife, she spinneth on her distaff, and this is all that women can do.? As in deed there are a number of fools that when they speak of women?s distaffs, of seeing to their children, will make a scorn of it, and despise it. But what then? What saith the heavenly Judge? That he is well pleased with it, and accepteth of it, and putteth it in his reckoning. So then let women learn to rejoice when they do their duty, and though the world despise it, let this comfort sweeten all respect they might have that way, and say, ?God seeth me here, and his Angels, who are sufficient witnesses of my doings, although the world do not allow of them.??[i]

[i] John Calvin, in A Sermon of Master John Caluine, vpon the first Epistle of Paul, toTimothie, published for the benefite and edifying of the Churche of God, ?The 19. A Sermon on 1 Timothy 2:13-15? (London: G. Bishop and T. Woodcoke, 1579).


Apparently the idea that housekeeping is too demeaning for an intelligent woman is not a new one. Certain men have thought so for at least 4 centuries.
But I suspect that this is a relatively new thought pattern among women.
I have been saddened to see many Christian women lately object to the idea that the Biblical pattern is for young women to stay in their father’s house and under his authority until they are married. Under their parents’ supervision they can continue their education, polishing and honing the many skills of the Proverbs 31 woman, preparing to become highly accomplished wives and mothers when they are married.
Likewise, some Christian sisters even take exception to the clear Biblical pattern that a wife’s calling centers around the home.
This is not to say that every young woman will eventually be married, but marriage is the norm. And what if a woman is called to singleness? Did she waste all those years learning “womanly arts,” serving family and friends? Was there no gain for Christ’s kingdom in all the time she spent helping new mothers, cleaning the homes of the widows and elderly, serving the sick and needy, helping with the family business, planning and preparing meals for her parents and siblings, helping with her siblings’ education, furthering her own education in a myriad of ways?

“Do you mean to say that a woman isn’t allowed to have a calling or a career?” they ask, with offended feminine dignity.

Why does this sadden me? Because like many feminist thought patterns, it is demeaning to women. Motherhood and wifehood fit firmly within the definition of both terms (calling and career) and many say that these are high callings. But some women seem to hold the traditional Biblical role of women in such low esteem that they don’t even count these roles as callings or careers.

This is the “respect” that feminism creates for the women of the world.

More on the subject from writers I respect:

Censorship, Stewardship and the 9th commandment

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posted by Pc3


We are quite vocal and unapologetic in our support of Vision Forum in our family. Kim has, at my direction, over the course of the last year posted on issues relevant to the patriarchy versus feminism debate and even links to relevant documents as Vision Forum and others have made them available.

After Kim’s recent post on patriarchy, and again on Doug Phillips article on gossip we attracted a little attention from patriarchy’s detractors that led to my having her turn on comment moderation. Over the last month or so Kim and I have had many discussions about our editorial policy, censoring comments and how to apply a biblical ethic to blog writing and to comment moderation. Yesterday I came across this short but brilliant explanation by Tim Bayly that puts the matter ever so much better than I could.

Here are some relevant quotes from the comment (I encourage everyone to read the article and the comments when you have time )

“… I’ve explained it often enough, but once more for the record: when men attack the word of God on this blog, directly contradicting the Holy Spirit , my choices are limited….
I can remove their attack and lies from our blog. …And that is not censorship, but faithful guarding of the good deposit which has been passed on to us.
This blog is not now, nor has it ever been, a forum for the free exchange of ideas. It’s an extension of the ministry of two pastors who are brothers and who have vowed to honor the Word of God. We have no obligation to provide a forum for heretics and rebels against God who seek to devour souls by feeding those souls lies. In fact, we have an obligation given us by the Holy Spirit to silence such men.
On the other hand, egalitarian feminists (Perry’s note: I would add to this list slanderers, and those who believe excommunicants over God’s people and elders) directly oppose God our Father, and His Word. Constantly, they twist Scripture making it say the very opposite of its plain meaning; and constantly they lead God’s little ones astray. Many think they should be allowed to do so because not allowing it will produce the fruit of women like you accusing them of censorship. Or because not allowing it will cause them to appear to be lacking in the collegiality deportment…Other times, we’ve removed comments–almost always for lying and almost never for disagreement with us. Sure, people may see removal for lying as removal for disagreement, but honest souls will know the truth.”

You see, if you own a blog or a website you will not only stand before God for the things you write, but you are also accountable for what you allow others to write and publish on your site. The Baylys understand this very well and as our family has come to understand it I have tightened our editorial control over our site. This is why, in part, we will be moving our blog to wordpress soon. -keep an eye out for the announcement- WordPress give us the ability to not only approve or reject comments like blogger but also to edit the content of them as we see fit. This way we might be able to interact with critics of our views, Vision Forum, Doug Phillips, the Botkin family or Patriarchy in context without letting them devour souls by feeding their lies to God’s children.

(parenthetical note: I owe the Baylys a giant hat tip for helping me to clarify my thinking and the terminology surrounding the blog trolls who are slandering my friends and the teachers of biblical family roles.)

This brings me to my final point, which is the reason we link to and promote those pieces of information, articles, and evidences as they become available. We have a duty to protect the good name of our neighbors. That extends a fair bit beyond not allowing slander but lay burdens upon us to promote and protect the good name of our neighbors insofar as we have the power to.

Question 144 of the Westminster Larger Catechism is helpful here:

Question 144: What are the duties required in the ninth commandment?

Answer: The duties required in the ninth commandment are, the preserving and promoting of truth between man and man, and the good name of our neighbor, as well as our own; appearing and standing for the truth; and from the heart, sincerely, freely, clearly, and fully, speaking the truth, and only the truth, in matters of judgment and justice, and in all other things: Whatsoever; a charitable esteem of our neighbors; loving, desiring, and rejoicing in their good name; sorrowing for, and covering of their infirmities; freely acknowledging of their gifts and graces, defending their innocency; a ready receiving of a good report, and unwillingness to admit of an evil report, concerning them; discouraging talebearers, flatterers, and slanderers; love and care of our own good name, and defending it when need requires; keeping of lawful promises; studying and practicing of: Whatsoever things are true, honest, lovely, and of good report.

In light of the above we actively promote and spread the antidote to the lies, slander, and mischaracterization whenever we can. One of the apparent strategies of the blog trolls in question has been to create a series of links and websites that will rise in the search engine rankings so that whenever an innocent gets wind of the rumors and googles Vision Forum or someone attached to them they are fairly certain to see the lies. This is why they put up several sites each, this is why they link proficiently to one another, and this is why they delight in using the names of people or repetitiously in their writing. The ONLY way I know to combat these vicious attempts to destroy innocent names is to link to the truth.

It’s really that simple. Just link to God-honoring commentary, letters and proofs that help to protect the good name of the people I love and repect. The 9th commandment requires it of me and it requires it of you.

In closing I will leave you with a number of links I think are relevent to current issues surrounding accusations against Doug Phillips, Brian Abshire, Patriarchy and the Biblical family.

I hope you will take time to read them and link to them to help in “the preserving and promoting of truth between man and man” and “ standing for the truth; and from the heart, sincerely, freely, clearly, and fully” while “discouraging talebearers” and defending the innocent.

Perry C

Links:

Vision Forum Responds to Don Veinot

Part one

Part two (NEW)

Brian Abshire’s gracious response to Don Veinot

Round 1

Round 2

Vision Forum Responds to the Epsteins and their coloaboraters

Doug Phillips teaches on high tech dishonor

Vision Forum article on Tale Bearing by Alexander Strauch

Vision Forum Ministries article on De-feminizing your family

Doug Phillips and Voddie Baucham cook up some “sacred cows”

Doug Phillips and Geoff Botkin teach us about using the “C” word

Doug Phillips writes about tearing down strawmen

More links and commentary:

10 Life Lessons from The Princess Bride

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There is a short list of films that have become a part of our family culture, and The Princess Bride is on that list. We all quote from it and we each understand what the other means by such quotes.
Mr. Besilly has a charming list of 10 Life Lessons from The Princess Bride. I can’t improve upon his list so I asked his permission to share it here as it appears on his own blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~princess bride 2 10 Life Lessons from The Princess Bride
1.
It’s possible, with the right strategy, to best a giant.
2. Outsmarting the one who thinks he is smartest of all is not inconceivable. Pride creates vulnerability.
3. Don’t believe everything you hear. It appears people can actually survive the fire-swamp.
4. The obvious bad guy isn’t always the bad guy, but a reputation can be bigger than reality.
5.
Reciting your name and life’s purpose with passion to everyone you meet can gain you the resources you need to reach your goal. Plus win you a few lifelong friends along the way.
6.
Good fighting is as much about style as it is about skill. Add style to your skills because style is more fun to watch.
7.
The six fingered man was wicked then and he’s wicked now. Pay attention to track records they tell a true story.the princess bride764981 10 Life Lessons from The Princess Bride
8.
There is such a thing as true love if you are willing to fight to the death for it.
9.
Having a great gift for rhyme can bring levity during a difficult time… I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? A sense of humor is priceless.
10.
Fairy tales are a great reminder that happy endings are possible if you believe in them. We sacrifice for those things we believe in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In his essay, “On Faerie Stories,” Tolkien is said to compare fairy tales to the story of the Gospel.
I tend to agree: the damsel in distress, endangered and oppressed, is rescued by her Knight in Shining Armor. The ending is always happy but never comes quickly or easily. First comes seeming failure and hopelessness, followed in the end by victory over the enemy and euphoric joy in their reunion. Tolkien even coined a word for the turning point, in which apparent defeat becomes glorious victory: eucatastrophe
Is it just me, or does this storyline sound strikingly familiar to you too?

BTW, I’ve looked for Tolkien’s essay but haven’t seen it. Anybody got a peanut?

It’s coming ….. are you ready?

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I’m thankful for men like Colin Gunn who are willing to fight the culture war.

I can’t wait to see the movie…..the official site for The Monsterous Regiment movie is here.

Ephesians 6:12

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

My career

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Thank you Granny for sharing this article on overpopulation and the Biblical mandate to be fruitful and multiply.
I especially appreciated this bit:

Besides, kids are great. A challenge, yes, but a blessing (see, for instance, Psalm 127:3-5). It’s interesting to read the late-in-life reflections of those who have chosen career over family. They often draw their satisfaction from the impact they had on a few key lives. An architecture professor savors the work of one of his star pupils, a lawyer remembers an innocent prisoner he helped free, a stock broker recalls the kid who went to an expensive school because the father’s investment portfolio was fruitful.

But what about cutting to the chase and impacting key lives directly from their moment of conception? Now, that’s a career move.

Hubby and I are among those who “occupy ground to the right” of Granny and the author of the article; nevertheless, we share much of the sentiment expressed.

Brotherly love

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A couple of years back, my 7yo brother William found our 5yo brother Patrick Henry hiding behind the house. The cuffs of his pants were gone and a slow flame was smoldering up the legs of his brand-new train-conductor style overalls.
Patrick Henry was scared of the creeping flame, but he was even more afraid of the consequences of playing near fire in the first place. He was determined to hide out and burn quietly.
When he was found, Patrick Henry immediately started pleading: “Don’t tell Mom!” If he were a few years older and more articulate, his plea might have included something about love covering a multitude of sins.
William was insistent. “Patrick Henry! We have to tell Mom.”
William wasn’t moved by his brother’s plea for privacy in his sin. He ran straight for Mom. This is brotherly love.
My brother was miraculously unharmed, in spite of the fact that the bottoms of his shoes were melted and the lower 6″ of his pants was almost entirely gone.
The point?
Yes, love covers a multitude of sins, but not by helping our brother to continue to hide in his sin. James exhorts us to turn our sinning brother from the error of his way. This is how we cover a multitude of sins.

Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him
back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will
save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins. James 5:19-20

Big answers to little prayers

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camera Big answers to little prayers
Once again, God has reminded me that He cares about the small things too – even the very hairs of our heads.
We were getting ready to go over the hill to visit my parents’ house again today. My grandparents are still in town, and today my 2 sisters from 80 miles away came with their children to visit everyone. Exciting!
I really, really wanted to take my camera. I really, really want up-to-date photos of my little nieces and nephew who live 80 miles away. I really, really could not find the camera.
We looked and looked until it was time to leave. We delayed and 7 of us looked some more. Finally, we went down the steps to the van. I remembered one more item I needed to bring, and went back into the house alone. As I walked into the kitchen, I prayed aloud – something I almost never do. I said, “Lord, it’s such a little thing, but You know how important it is to me. Please help me find that camera.”
Then I turned and walked directly to the computer desk, lifted a burp rag, and saw the camera.
Isn’t He good to us?