Do you ever feel this way?  I do every time I sit down at the computer.  Or on the couch.  Or in the bathroom.  The guilt: it never ends.

This morning I mentioned to one of my children that I was mildly near-sighted, though not enough to need glasses.  She asked why I didn’t get them anyway.  I replied that I neither wanted them nor needed them, so what would be the point?

Perry Boy overheard the conversation and took my side.

Perry: I agree Mom.  I don’t think you would look good glasses.  Dad looks good with his, and Tyler looks good with his, but you wouldn’t.

Me: Thank you for agreeing with me.  But what about when I get older, and I do need glasses?  Will you think I’m ugly then?

Perry: [stops to consider for a moment]  No, I’ll get used to you with glasses, and then I’ll think you look good.

Me: Oh, good.

Perry: [adds in an undertone]  Maybe.  I don’t really know about that part, though.

Calvin is not the easiest baby.  I’ve been running very short on sleep, which is part of the reason I’m not blogging regularly right now.  Proof?

Last week I was standing in front of the mirror and Perry Boy caught a glimpse of my reflection.  He jumped and did a double-take.  ”Whoa!  You look creepy when your eyes are tired!”

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There has been a bucket of candy in the pantry for the last month, and Parker is having a lot of trouble resisting the temptation.  We leave the light off to discourage him, but it doesn’t work.  The little boy who wakes terrified of the dark in his room every night loves to be in the pitch black pantry.  Every time somebody opens the pantry door, he comes scurrying out like a little mouse.  ”I not eat candy!  I not eat candy!”

After the first 96 candy raids and 95 swats, I realized there was a problem with this plan.  He had obviously decided that a piece of candy was worth a swat, so I started making him spit it in the trash when he was caught in the act.  This morning he came to me on his own, grinning as the chocolate drool ran down his chin: “I not eat candy, Mom.  I spit it in the trash.”

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Perry Boy loves to look at Calvin & Hobbes books during naptime.  I haven’t decided yet if it’s a great idea, but it does create some teachable moments.  Last week he asked me, “Mom? Can I please-just-one-time-quick take a bath in toilet?”

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How have your kids made you laugh recently?

For last Sunday’s responsive scripture reading, our congregation read Colossians 3:18-25 aloud in the worship service.  As we read, it went something like this:

¹⁸  Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Perry pokes me in the ribs with his elbow and pretends to give me a significant look.

¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

I jab Perry with my elbow, giving him the raised eyebrow.

²⁰ Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

I whisper, “We don’t have enough elbows!”  We both glare at the backs of our children’s heads in the row ahead of us.

²¹ Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Offspring turn around and smirk at Perry.

²² Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. ²³  Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴ knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. ²⁵ For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Those kids…I don’t know where they get it…

You know how little kids will often jump to conclusions that are entirely wrong but perfectly logical?

We currently have the van plus 3 smaller cars: the Mustang (angels sing each time I say the word, even if it’s 2/3 owned by Deanna and Kaitlyn), the Kia, and a Trunk.  We bought the Trunk to replace the Kia because we expect it to be more reliable and gas efficient, but we had to park it until we could do some needed repairs.  In the meantime Perry drove the Kia to work most days, treating himself to the Mustang occasionally.

Every morning, little Bethany heard him refer to one of the cars: “Go get in the Kia,” or “Let’s take the Mustang today,” or “Put my bag in the trunk.”

She’s a sharp cookie.  She knew which one was the Kia and which one was the Mustang.  Therefore she deduced that the little green car on the far side of the driveway must be The Trunk.

Oh – and one more thing about the Mustang.  You should see Parker grin and do a fist pump every time he says the word, “Mustang!”  Leg room may be a little tight in the back seat, but he doesn’t mind.  His legs are only 13″ long.

 

 

This morning I was trying a new style on my hair and turned to my daughters for an opinion.  ”Does this look like something out of the 80′s?”

The reply wasn’t exactly what I was looking for.  ”Mom, you are something out of the 80′s!”

Actually I was born in the 70′s, but I was a teen in the 80′s.  Apparently there are lingering effects.

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Last week, PerryBoy was trying to take a picture of me with his Secret Mission Video Watch. It was early, and I wasn’t looking my best.  He snapped a photo and when he looked at his device, the disappointment was obvious in his face.  I nodded sympathetically.  ”Ugly, huh?”

“Well…” He hesitated, searching for a diplomatic answer.  He’s a smart boy.  ”Can you make a beautiful face?”

I smiled my best early morning smile as he snapped a second photo.

Again, his disappointment was obvious.  I inquired lightheartedly, “Still ugly?”  I have no illusions about being photogenic.

He avoided answering, directing my attention instead to a recent family photo on the wall nearby.  ”Can you try to make a face like that?”

I tried again, giving it my all.  He snapped and glanced down.  Then he indicated a family photo from 15 years ago.

“How about that one, Mom?  Can you make a face like that one?”

After the 4th try, he edged awkwardly away without waiting for me to ask how the photo had turned out.  I told you he was a smart boy.

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Bethany has always been good with colors.  She also has an eye for detail.

When I woke up today she was studying her own eyes in the mirror, and announced that her eyes had green, black and white in them.  Of course, she was referring to her pupils and whites as well as the iris.

When I asked her what color my eyes were, and she studied them for a moment.  ”Green, black and red!”

I guess I need to get more sleep.

When Deanna and Megan caught their 5yo brother roaring with laughter in the dining room as he struggled to pull up his pants, I had to explain on his behalf.  With tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks, I couldn’t have played innocent if I tried.

He had come to me for help.  ”Mom, do you know where any of my belts are?”

I waffled.  ”Why do you need one?”

He cocked an eyebrow at my ignorance and inexperience, and gave the obvious answer: “Because my pants keep falling down!”

I was skeptical, so I squatted down for a closer look.  ”Really?”  Lightening fast, I reached out and yanked his pants down around his knees, leaving him in his whitey-tighties.   “You’re right!  They do!”

Someday I’ll grow up.

In the meantime, I’ll have to watch my back.  A few minutes later, I felt his presence behind me.  When I spun around, there was a glint in his eye.  ”Mom, does your skirt ever fall down?”

 

PerryBoy came to me early one morning for a snack.  I wasn’t ready to get up yet so I lay in bed and told him to make himself a “banana dog.”

“Just get a hot dog bun, put some peanut butter on it, and use a banana in the middle instead of a hot dog.  It’s just like a peanut butter banana sandwich!”

He started to complain that it was too hard, then he had an idea.  ”I’m going to get some paper and write the recipe!”  As a homeschool mom, I loved the idea.   He has just begun learning to read.  He knows some of the letters and their sounds, and can sound out the very simplest 3 letter words if he focuses.  This was right at his level, and it was his idea.  Perfect.

I talked him through the ingredients and helped him sound out the words hot dog bun. I explained that people often write PB instead of peanut butter.  I told him how to spell banana and we laughed over the repetition of the letters.

He headed for the kitchen with a recipe in his hand and a spring in his step, then stopped.  He turned back to me with a look of consternation.

“But I can’t read!”

Bethany is finally showing some interest in potty training.  In spite of the fact that she has only ever gone in the potty twice, she seems to have a good idea of how the whole potty thing works in our house: whenever she hears the bathroom close, she makes a beeline for the bathroom herself.  Then she stands outside the door, pounding frantically and begging: “Puh-weeeese hurry!  I have to go potty really bad!”

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Last night Bethany stood in front of the mirror arguing with her reflection.  She knows it’s not real; she was just being silly, playing with an imaginary friend.  “You’re not Bethany!  I’m Bethany!”

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One of the older girls recently spotted Perry Boy with a pen in one hand and a book in the other.  “Get that pen from him before he colors in that book!” she exclaimed. 

Perry glared at her, affronted.  “Am I the kind of boy that colors in books?  No.”

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Perry Boy paid me a high compliment last week. As he was getting ready to brush his teeth, he asked where the toothpaste was.  I told him it was right there on the sink, next to him.  Just to tease me, the little goofball made a big show of not seeing it, looking up at the ceiling and walls instead of the countertop six inches from his nose. 

“Where?  Where??  I don’t see it!” he insisted with mischievous glee.

I was only slightly amused.  “It’s in your nose,” I said wryly.  “Put your finger in there.  You’ll find it.”

He shot me a sideways grin and chuckled.  “Mom, you’re huh-lair-ious!  Some moms are funny and some aren’t.  You’re the kind that is!”

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Did your children make you smile lately?

And why isn’t she famous?  This Fish In My Hair lady is fun-neee! She homeschools, and her blog is clean, and she makes twice-weekly trips to Stuffmart for milk, socks and underwear.  I’ve been reading her blog for all of an hour and I feel like I know her already.  She lives in Texas, so maybe I do know her.

I’m half-tempted to send her an underwear story, because I have a few good stories in that department and it seems to be her specialty.  She has a whole category dedicated to underwear.

A few of my favorites so far:

• That Y Chromosome
• Be Careful For What Thou Wisheth (a true story)
• Toothpaste: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
• So near, and yet so far.
• So true.

Have fun, and if you find something even funnier over there come back to share the link!

ht to my friend Mother Hen, who sends me all the best links and influences me to spend way too much time laughing at my computer.

Just a few recent quotes I shared on Facebook.  My kids make me smile.  I can’t imagine life without them.

Natalie: Mom, she’s been in the bathroom for AN HOUR!

Older daughter who would prefer to remain anonymous, emerging from the bathroom:  I wasn’t in there an hour.  She always exaggerates!

Mom:  You just exaggerated, too.

Anon: But not nearly as much as Natalie.  Everyone exaggerates, Mom!

Mom, stifling laughter: You just exaggerated again.

Anon is not amused.

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27mo Bethany: Mom, can I hold Parker?
Mom: No, honey.  I’m nursing him right now.
Bethany: Can I nurse Parker on my boobies? I have milk!

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Perry Boy: I like Parker when he doesn’t cry, but I don’t like him when he does. I still love him when he cries, though. I just don’t *like* him.

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Perry Boy: Look! Parker has Mr. Potato Head ears!

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Natalie:  Mom, I can tell when you’re driving instead of Dad because you’re a very calm driver. I mean, the engine sounds so *calm* when you drive.

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Perry Boy: “Why are minutes so LONG?”

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Perry Boy: “Dad bought this for me. It’s a booger that you eat, not in your nose.” He’s talking about a ham-booger.

What have your little ones said recently?