Parker likes to eat boogers.
There. Just in case there was any doubt, now you know my children aren’t perfect, and neither is my parenting. Oh, you already knew? Good. I hate falling off pedestals. It hurts.
I know a lot of kids eat boogers, but I assumed they knew better by the time they could talk. I thought it was one of those guilty pleasures they indulge when they think no one is looking because they haven’t managed to break the habit yet. I understand, because I was actually old enough to remember breaking the habit. Ugh. I remember thinking to myself, “I am waaay too old to be doing this. What if someone sees me?!”
Not Parker. We had to convince him that this was a bad habit. He looked dubious the first few times, but he’s finally starting to believe us.
Now I try to rehearse with him regularly:
Mom: Do you eat boogers?
Parker: NO! Boogers are disgusting!
Mom: Parker likes boogers, right?
Parker: NO! Boogers are disgusting!
Sometimes he forgets his line, and either looks confused or shrugs an affirmation. Then we step up the rehearsals.
This morning, I heard PerryBoy having a conversation with him. ”Parker,” he said in his most condescending voice, “Your nose is like a wall protecting a city, and your body is the city. When you eat boogers you are helping the bad guys get into the city.”
Score one for PerryBoy. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t eat boogers anymore.
Oh, wait. He does.
I was just looking through old digital photos, trying to find some pics of Calvin for a post about him, and I came across these. I just had to share.
Doesn’t Jerry Lee Lewis look fabulous in blue?
I don’t know much about this guy except that I’ve been laughing about the poor fellow’s name since I was a little kid.
I always did like Bing Crosby.
Bill Cosby looks a little like Mr. Rogers, don’t you think?
I don’t know about you, but I say Johnny Matthis has never looked better.
And isn’t Julie Andrews just adorable? I could just squeeze her!
See? This is what it’s like in my house. Crazy people live here.
I’ve posted quite a bit about sleeping babies in the past, but this short essay sums up everything I ever learned. I didn’t write it myself, but I could have. Maybe I did write it myself, in the course of all my posts. I can’t remember because I’m a little short on sleep.
Do you ever feel this way? I do every time I sit down at the computer. Or on the couch. Or in the bathroom. The guilt: it never ends.
This morning I mentioned to one of my children that I was mildly near-sighted, though not enough to need glasses. She asked why I didn’t get them anyway. I replied that I neither wanted them nor needed them, so what would be the point?
Perry Boy overheard the conversation and took my side.
Perry: I agree Mom. I don’t think you would look good glasses. Dad looks good with his, and Tyler looks good with his, but you wouldn’t.
Me: Thank you for agreeing with me. But what about when I get older, and I do need glasses? Will you think I’m ugly then?
Perry: [stops to consider for a moment] No, I’ll get used to you with glasses, and then I’ll think you look good.
Me: Oh, good.
Perry: [adds in an undertone] Maybe. I don’t really know about that part, though.
Calvin is not the easiest baby. I’ve been running very short on sleep, which is part of the reason I’m not blogging regularly right now. Proof?
Last week I was standing in front of the mirror and Perry Boy caught a glimpse of my reflection. He jumped and did a double-take. ”Whoa! You look creepy when your eyes are tired!”
There has been a bucket of candy in the pantry for the last month, and Parker is having a lot of trouble resisting the temptation. We leave the light off to discourage him, but it doesn’t work. The little boy who wakes terrified of the dark in his room every night loves to be in the pitch black pantry. Every time somebody opens the pantry door, he comes scurrying out like a little mouse. ”I not eat candy! I not eat candy!”
After the first 96 candy raids and 95 swats, I realized there was a problem with this plan. He had obviously decided that a piece of candy was worth a swat, so I started making him spit it in the trash when he was caught in the act. This morning he came to me on his own, grinning as the chocolate drool ran down his chin: “I not eat candy, Mom. I spit it in the trash.”
Perry Boy loves to look at Calvin & Hobbes books during naptime. I haven’t decided yet if it’s a great idea, but it does create some teachable moments. Last week he asked me, “Mom? Can I please-just-one-time-quick take a bath in toilet?”
How have your kids made you laugh recently?
Last week, I filled the gas tank at gas station next to a busy highway with my skirt tucked up in the back. 12yo Natalie tried to make me feel better: “It’s all right, Mom. You’ll probably never see those 6,000 people again.”
If you’ve had an embarrassing moment lately, I would love to hear about it.
I started this thread over on Facebook and it was so much fun I’d like to hear your contributions too!
Here are my own:
Family, friends, and total strangers compulsively pat your belly.
An 8yo 45 lb redhead says, “Awww, you’re so CUTE!”
Here are just a few of my favorites so far:
You kick toys into piles instead of bending over to pick them up as you walk by.
You pee when you sneeze
You have a special shelf to rest your drink/plate on…
While washing your hands after using the restroom you realize you have to go again
Your grandmother can get up out of that chair faster than you can….and without help.
You become a master at using your toes for everything.
You see your doctor more often than your feet.
You have to use the handicapped stall in WalMart because in the regular stalls, even if you straddle the toilet, your belly still sticks out too far to be able to close the stall door.
Just thinking about eating gives you heartburn.
It takes every muscle just to roll over in bed.
What would you add to the list?
For last Sunday’s responsive scripture reading, our congregation read Colossians 3:18-25 aloud in the worship service. As we read, it went something like this:
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Perry pokes me in the ribs with his elbow and pretends to give me a significant look.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
I jab Perry with my elbow, giving him the raised eyebrow.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
I whisper, “We don’t have enough elbows!” We both glare at the backs of our children’s heads in the row ahead of us.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Offspring turn around and smirk at Perry.
22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
Those kids…I don’t know where they get it…
You know how little kids will often jump to conclusions that are entirely wrong but perfectly logical?
We currently have the van plus 3 smaller cars: the Mustang (angels sing each time I say the word, even if it’s 2/3 owned by Deanna and Kaitlyn), the Kia, and a Trunk. We bought the Trunk to replace the Kia because we expect it to be more reliable and gas efficient, but we had to park it until we could do some needed repairs. In the meantime Perry drove the Kia to work most days, treating himself to the Mustang occasionally.
Every morning, little Bethany heard him refer to one of the cars: “Go get in the Kia,” or “Let’s take the Mustang today,” or “Put my bag in the trunk.”
She’s a sharp cookie. She knew which one was the Kia and which one was the Mustang. Therefore she deduced that the little green car on the far side of the driveway must be The Trunk.
Oh – and one more thing about the Mustang. You should see Parker grin and do a fist pump every time he says the word, “Mustang!” Leg room may be a little tight in the back seat, but he doesn’t mind. His legs are only 13″ long.