A few days ago I told Rachael to take a bath.  She wandered off.

I told her again, but the bath still didn’t happen.

Finally, hubby cornered her on the deck.  He had that look in his eye.

“What did your mother tell you to do?”

Rachael thought fast.  “She said to take a bath, but I didn’t hear her!”

So far, so good, right?  No, but it doesn’t stop here.  It gets better.  Or worse, depending on where you’re standing.

Dad: “You didn’t hear?  Then how did you know?”

Rachael faltered briefly, then recovered.  “You just told me!”

She’s cute, but not that cute.  I don’t know if he managed to keep a straight face, but he sure tried hard.

update: Mandy Mom’s comment added the perfect moral to this little tale:  “I wonder how many times I sound like that to God!“

She has good reason to fear.

We’ve been there, done that.  Ours wasn’t even a boy.

Hubby has taken time off this week and Monday will be Memorial Day so he’ll be with us for 5 days in a row.  To celebrate that fact, we’ve decided to [finally, after 4 years] stain the deck.

Yesterday the girls and I cleared it of chairs, tables, dump trucks, shoes, broken BBQ, legos, ponytail holders…you get the idea.  We cleared the deck.  Then we started the cleaning-brightening-scrubbing process.

Early this morning, hubby and I were back at the job.  We’re now, finally, just now nearly done replacing bad spots and ready to clean it all over again with more and stronger solutions of helpful melt-the-fingernails-off-your-hands chemicals.  And so I have the context for the link I am about to share with you.

I was looking for more instructions and stumbled across an Epinion review of the product instead. It was written by somebody named Nagel in a third person narrative style, and included complete instructions, a description of the packaging, the user’s own experience, and much more.

…He tried to focus on the text pasted on the container’s back. The letters were smallish and not easy for him to read. “Why do I bother?” he thought.
Directions to him were guides and suggestions subject to interpretation, seldom gospel to be followed literally.
Alone in the aisle at Home Depot he held the container close to his face and began to read as best he could in the subdued light. The large print highlights on the front label initially attracted him to the Behr. “No Sanding Needed. 15 Minute Quick-Fix Deck Finish Remover. Removes: Weathered Stains and Sealers, Loose Wood Fibers, Oil and Water-Based Finishes….

It wasn’t what I sat down to read, but I simply couldn’t stop.  I was mesmerized.  I called the children to me and they read over my shoulder.  We all laughed ourselves sick.  After that, I discovered the author had written 726 other reviews!  We read about his experiences with chocolate cookies, and laxatives, and then it was time to stop.  But I’m going back for more, and you should too.  Warning: you might want to preview the first paragraph of his review of the deck cleaner above before calling all your children to read over your shoulder.  The product is a stripper, if that gives you any clues.

And while we’re sharing funny reviews, I have to admit that the Headmistress’s amusement at this one motivated me to share those of Nagel.

I’ve seen a quote that sums it up very nicely:

Dog: “You feed me, you care for me, you love me.  You must be God!”

Cat: “You feed me, you care for me, you love me.  I must be God!”

But this link does it even better: Dog Diary vs. Cat Diary

Nonetheless, we love our fat old cat, and he loves us.

ht to Amy’s Humble Musings.  Amy always finds the best links!