methods

Coming from a large family

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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October 14, 2005 By kimc

In response to some critical comments regarding large families on Crystal’s blog, I want to share what I know and believe on the subject.
First of all, I think we each need to consider our goal in child rearing, and our standard for arriving at that goal. If we’re just trying to raise productive and well-adjusted citizens, then it’s all subjective to where and when we live, and the best way to get there is just a matter of opinion.
In that case, I could say I’m right and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong, just because I think so.
But this is not the case. We believe that there is no neutrality and the Bible is the only standard for right and wrong. The Bible tells us that children are a blessing (Ps. 127), and they ought to be raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). All of our methods, principles, and results need to be examined in light of this goal and standard.
Ultimately, does having one’s own bedroom and the undivided attention of both parents help one to serve God and fellow man better? Probably not.
Does helping with housework and changing diapers teach and prepare a young person to serve? Absolutely – if it’s part of godly training and upbringing.
As the oldest of 14 children, I’ve always been grateful for the “mothering” experience I gained by helping out. I never suffered from the uncertainty that plagues so many new mothers these days.
I never resented “sharing” Mom with so many others – on the contrary, I loved being able to help and being appreciated, both by my parents and by the younger children who looked up to me. My younger siblings have received far more attention from their 4, 8, or 12 older siblings than an only child could ever receive from his/her parents. It may sound trite, but there truly is more love to go ’round in a large family.
Likewise, our children enjoy being part of a large family. They agree that more toys and a bigger bed instead of 6 sisters would be a very poor trade. They suspect that a house with only 3 or 4 inhabitants would be a little too quiet and rather lonely. They think they stand a much better chance of overpowering Dad in an evening tussle if they outnumber him mightily.
They love having so many aunts and uncles (several are the ages of my children) and they are excited about the prospect of having many dozens of cousins someday.
My mom is young, fit and beautiful in her 50′s – and she thinks it has much to do with many years of progesterone and chasing toddlers. She is the delighted grandma of 14 little ones, with 7 children of her own still at home to keep her and Dad company.

I think being part of a large family helps children prepare for life as a Christian adult.
I’m going to go out on a limb by saying this, but I think that modern small families in which one or two children have their parents’ undivided attention have contributed to a basic self-centeredness and irresponsibility that is at the root of many problems in modern society. Don’t get me wrong. Not every child of a small family suffers from this “syndrome,” but I do think there is a connection in society at large.
What are some of the symptoms?

children who don’t know how to share or get along with others
children who think they *need* every new toy that their peers have
teens who think their parents owe them a car when they turn 16
18 year olds who think their parents owe them a fully-paid college education
new wives who know nothing of keeping house, because their mother had no need for their help
new mothers who know nothing of childrearing because, again, their mother had no need for their help – or there were no younger siblings to help care for
28 year olds who are unwilling or unable to leave home and support themselves

The list could go on and on. The point is that the home is the training ground for one’s character (Pr. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it) – and in a large family, lessons about sharing and serving others (Ph. 2:3-4) will come very naturally.
I have noticed that people who come from large families tend toward one extreme or the other: either they loved it and want the same experience for their own children, or they hated it and want a very small family or none at all.
I firmly believe that these two views have everything to do with their own parents’ views of children and parenting: either children are a blessing, and we thank God for every single one, or children are a burden and we love you but we only ended up with so many because [fill in the blank: we didn't realize how difficult/expensive it would be, we didn't believe in birth control, we had unplanned pregnancies, we tried for one more and had triplets...].
I think this is most emphatically NOT proof that we ought to have smaller families; rather, it is proof that we ought to make sure we demonstrate to our children the truth of Psalm 127. They need to know that children are truly a blessing, not to be thought of like caviar (an expensive indulgence that some people dislike for good reason, and others enjoy only in small quantities).

I’m not saying that large families are perfect. There are large families that make people think, “That’s why I only had 1!” But the problem is not the number of their children. The size of the family only magnifies things, for better or worse. The problem is their failure to raise them, in any number, to God’s glory.

Filed Under: methods 29 Comments

Sound Off!

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

October 9, 2005 By kimc

Just for the sake of saying something, I thought I’d share another of our methods:
When I take the children on errands, we frequently check to make sure we have everyone. Here’s what we do:
I announce, “Sound off!” and they call out their rank, one by one, from oldest to youngest. Whoever is holding the baby answers for her:
“One!”
“Two!”
“Three!”
“Four!”
“Five!”
“…pssst…Becca!…”
“……….six?”
“…oh…I have Rachael…Seven!”
All told, it takes about 6 seconds – and a month of training. But it works for us.
And it makes us all smile.

Filed Under: methods 7 Comments

More Methods, or You Might Be a Large Family If…

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

September 19, 2005 By kimc

I suspect that the Curious Onlooker might think we did things…differently. Obviously, the mechanics of the larger-than-average family will be a little foreign to the 2.7 person household. I suspect some of our methods and habits will be considered downright bizarre, comical, and maybe worse, but I’m equally suspicious that I don’t know precisely which methods and habits those are. Here’s my impromptu attempt at shocking and amusing the Curious Onlooker. Nothing in here seems shocking or bizarre to me, but maybe it will spark discussion and further revelations. Questions will be gladly answered.

Milk is essential in our house. We finally learned this. Now we buy 3-4 gallons of milk each time we shop, and put all but one straight in the freezer. At night, I check the level of milk in the fridge. If we have less than a day’s worth, I get a gallon out of the freezer. Defrosting is a snap: drop it in a stock pot and fill with cold water. Leave it in the sink overnight, and next morning we have ice cold, fully defrosted milk.

When I make lasagne or a casserole, I use my 18 qt electric roaster, and plug it in outside. Hot dinner, cool house, perfect size for a large family. The roaster is also perfect for cooking the necessary two whole chickens, 10 qts of stew and dumplings (the dumplings take up a lot of room), 10 lbs. of chicken legs/thighs, a 5 lb. meatloaf…
That little 5 qt crock pot – the wedding gift I laughed about because it was so huge when we got married – just doesn’t cut it anymore.

For the last several years, we have stretched our sleeping quarters by sliding a twin sized mattress under the ever-present bunkbeds. We slide it out at night, giving the girls 3 twin beds in the floor space of 1.

We use the why-didn’t-I-think-of-it-first charge system when we go out, and even at home: each of the older children is responsible for helping and overseeing a particular younger child. We are currently expanding those duties to make fuller use of our older girls’ abilities. I may post on this system later as it evolves (gasp! bad word!) into a higher and more complex form.

We teach our children to help with all the household chores from a very early age. For example, the 7yo currently washes and dries all the laundry. By 4 or 5, they are helping regularly with dishes – dishes for 9, that is. By 8 or 10, they can do them singlehandedly, by hand. No wimpy automatic dishwashers in this house. Not yet.

In our house, many items that would typically belong to an individual are held in common: dolls, clothes, shoes, coats, hairbrushes. We have not officially gone so far as communally held toothbrushes, although I suspect the children are faking when they say they know which one is theirs.

Contrariwise, many items that might typically be held in common find an assigned user in our little world: color coded cups, personal plates and bowls, and privatized bath towels come to mind.

We call ahead when we visit the local McDonald’s.

If we are not careful, laundry can quickly overcome us. At our best and most efficient, we can get by on 2-3 loads/day, 5-6 days/week. Sometimes we generate significantly more. Therefore, we have a few curious policies in place:

Each of us has his/her own bath towel, which is unique and jealously guarded. We each use our towel until we think it needs laundering, then we peer through the washer window anxiously waiting for it to be done. There is no mercy for the one who forgets or loses her towel: she puts dry clothes on her wet body and finds it. Likewise, mercy is rare for the brash and reckless towel-napper who would dare (ick!) to use the wrong towel.
Alleged dirty laundry in suspicious quantities is subject to a sniff-check and visual examination. Certain articles of clothing are exempt. ‘Nuff said.
The bed pee-er, who shall remain nameless, has learned to use the washer and dryer at an astonishingly young age. This prevents placing a greater laundry burden upon the general household.

My parents, with their more formidable clan of 14 children, developed a few more unusual practices of their own:

Their salt and pepper shakers were pint jars with holes punched in the lids.
They always cooked 2 turkeys (and maybe a ham) for holiday dinners.
The kitchen trash can was 32 gallons – and frequently needed to be emptied more than once/day
The 15 passenger van just did it for them – only because I, the oldest, was already married and Grandma didn’t like to leave the house.
They had 2 sets of bunkbeds in every room.
They considered washers and dryers to be consumable commodities, to be replaced annually.
They needed 2 refrigerators.
Mom shopped at wholesale clubs not because everything was cheaper, but because everything came in the right size.

Our children love the novelty of being part of a large family. Rather than getting lost in a crowd, they think it’s a privilege to belong to a family that is so special and different that total strangers just have to stare, comment and question.

Maybe that is bizarre too?