Isn’t it amazing how differently men and women see things?  Hubby and I ran into the grocery store a couple of last-minute items on Thursday night, and came out with 2 very different views of the experience.
Of course mine is the correct view, but just for fun we agreed to each write up our own account without peeking at the other’s until we were done.

Her account

Thursday had not gone as expected. I planned to shop on my way into town that afternoon, but as our family left Vision Forum at 9 PM I had to tell hubby that I didn’t have the sausage for Friday Night Pizza on the following day. Since I would probably not be going on my usual Friday grocery trip, did he think it would be a good idea to run in the store tonight on the way home?
He thought it was a good idea, and as we pulled into the parking lot I mentioned that I had better get flour too. Homemade pizza crust for 11 takes a lot of flour, and I wasn’t sure just how much we had at home. After all, what’s the point of stopping for sausage if we still can’t make pizza?
We left the kids in the van and went inside, just the two of us. It was like a mini-date. I love these impromptu stops. As we entered the store I reached for a shopping cart, but when hubby looked surprised and asked just how much I was getting, I shrugged and took the hand-held grocery basket instead. I wasn’t looking forward to carrying 3 or 4 lbs. of frozen sausage and a bag of flour, but I knew he would help.
We ambled together all the way to the back of the store and paused to look at the specials in the meat department. We both agreed that less than $2/lb is a good buy for boneless skinless chicken, so I grabbed 3 packages while we were standing there.
Then we split up: he headed for cough drops at the far end of the store, while I turned up the freezer aisle to get the sausage. It was on sale, and the regular price had been raised (again!) so I bought 9 lbs, enough for 2 weeks instead of 1 plus a bit extra for hubby’s breakfast. I headed for the checkout with my small basket nearly full and growing heavy.
As I came up to the front of the store, I saw my honey heading my way. Oops – flour! I was right in front of the baking goods aisle, so I met his eyes and went for the flour. I got two bags, since pizza would use nearly an entire bag. While I was there I added a box of salt to the basket. It was getting heavy, but I remembered that we had less than a teaspoon of salt in the house. Pizza crust w/o salt tastes like cardboard, and nobody wants to eat cardboard on Pizza Night.
On my way back up the same aisle, I caught sight of the cocoa powder. I rarely shop at that particular store, but their brand of cocoa at that store is rich and very inexpensive. As I passed, I tossed 2 cans into my overflowing basket, hoping hubby would come help me carry it.
No such luck.  I struggled to the front of the store, burdened by 40 lbs of groceries. Why did I let him talk me out of a regular shopping cart? And where was he? He was heading my way as I went down the baked goods aisle, and now he was nowhere in sight.
I spotted him coming from the opposite directions with a couple of bottles in his arms (cough drops, huh?) and we met at the checkout, where I finally set the basket down and rested my aching arms.
And what did he have to say for himself?  Did he apologize for leaving me to haul the groceries alone?  No.  He feigned shock at the amount of food it takes to feed 11 people, claimed I never mentioned the need for flour, and refused to recognize the logic in buying salt and cocoa when I could have just spent $12 in gas to come back again tomorrow.  I noticed he didn’t complain about the 15 lbs. of chicken though.  Not a word about that little unplanned purchase.

And men say women are illogical.

His account

Sausage.

Sausage is how it started.

Ladies, let me ask you a question. If a woman says she is going into a store for a specific thing, why is it she can’t just go into the  store for that one thing, obtain the thing in question, and remove herself with said thing in tow?

Or put rather simply: If my wife says “I need sausage,” why do we end up with sausage, flour, chicken, cocoa, and salt etc, etc, etc?

I digress. A bit of history is in order, I think.

Last week during the ride home, with the entire family in tow, the wife asks me to stop for sausage.

Just sausage.

This on the heels of a discussion in which we decided that 10:30 in the PM was not the time to dash in to Walmart for the main grocery jaunt. No we decided (quite wisely I might add) it’s just too late to put the fam through such an ordeal, let’s get the little dolls home to bed.  Which brings us back to the question.

Sausage. Seeing that I am an obliging sort and the sausage is for the weekly ritual, after all – friday night pizza- and the grocery in question is on the way home, I was happy to make a brief detour.

Now on the way through the door I notice my better half reaching for a basket.  “What do you need a basket for?” says I.  “After all we are only getting sausage.” At this point she showed a bit of uncertainty under my bewildered look. “Well I guess I could use the smaller basket” as she put the large rolling beast back into the queue and reached for one of the “carry on your arm” types.

“And flour,” answers she “I told you I needed flour.”

Well I certainly didn’t hear her say she needed flour but if it’s flour is needed then flour must be obtained.

So off we go into the bowels of the store in search of said sausage and flour ( and my cough drops…the reason I was along for this late night foray into the bowels of the grocer).

In the interest of full disclosure I will admit to encouraging the purchase of a bottle …er item or two near the front of the store, near the north end of the main aisle, but they were in passing and I was more than happy to carry them so as not to take up much needed sausage room in the red plastic basket on my better-half’s arm. Then off to the sausage.

We acquired the much needed sausage, remarking as we did on the 30% increase on the cost. At this point I was off to the hinter-side of the grocer’s to find much needed menthol relief, she took her red plastic  conveyance of sausage toward the baked goods aisle we both agreed to rendezvous at the cashiers in a few short minutes.

Or so I thought

Having acquired the cough drops, I rounded the corner of the front main aisle and was pleased to find my timing impeccable, for my beloved was right at that moment coming up to the front and heading toward the cashier. With a bit of luck she would reserve our place in line, I would join her , and we would be firmly ensconced in the van heading towards a full night’s sleep in a few short minutes.  I looked to my side as I passed the haagen daaz pints and when I once again faced forward she was gone.

Not in the line.

Not at my side.

Completely disappeared.

I marched up and down the front aisle checking each and every row of foodstuff hoping to catch a glance of the better half with sausage and flour in tow but no such luck.  So I settled into a waiting position, at the north end of the aisle,  hunkered down with the watchful gaze of a safari hunter looking for game.  Sure enough in a little while she came into view but was staggering under the weight of the haul, a hand on each side of the basket that was designed to carry on one’s arm, feet firmly shoulder width apart to provide a sufficient wheel base for the load in tow and I noticed there was far more in her possession than sausage and flour.

“I remembered a few other things I needed,” my love explained as we unloaded.

As  I stood there in line with her I realized we are dealing with a basic difference between the sexes. My own theory is along these lines:

Men see the acquisition of sausage, flour, cough drops etc. as a surgical strike, a mission, a mount to be summited. Get in, get out in the most direct line in the least amount of time, with as few casualties as possible.

Women see said acquisition as an exercise in relationships. The sight of sausage reminds them of the fact that flour is low and will be out once pizza is made, and speaking of cooking I was going to make brownies so I need cocoa, and the last time the kids made brownies they told me we are nearly out of salt…..long days, tired kids, grocery trips on the ‘morrow  and bedtimes be hanged.

The next day when I related this to a friend who was standing near his wife, they both started laughing… leaving me to believe I am not the only man who has ever asked the question.

Why can’t we just get the sausage?