parenting

4 Moms talk style (parenting style, that is)

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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September 15, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms talk style (parenting style, that is) Are you scared? I am. Parenting styles vary immensely and can be a hot button topic, so there’s room to offend everyone in one fell swoop.

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I’m just kidding, though. If you’ve been reading Life in a Shoe for more than 10 minutes, you know we’re not afraid to offend. We do try to avoid needless offense and let the Gospel offend, but even there we sometimes fail. Maybe I should just ask forgiveness in advance, though I’m not at all sure forgiveness works that way. Maybe you should just close one eye and hum while reading, so that you miss the bits you didn’t want to catch in the first place.

Enough small talk.

I only generally recommend 2 books when it comes to parenting style. I’m sure there are other worthy books, but these are the 2 that instantly spring to mind. The Bible comes first, of course. If you didn’t see that coming, Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

The other is Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Ted Tripp. I have to confess that it’s been several years since I cracked the book, but I still give it to new moms at nearly every baby shower I attend. The basic idea is in the title: we must shepherd the hearts of our children. We do discipline, but we strive to identify and correct heart conditions rather than just dealing out swats for outward misbehavior. We don’t want to raise children who just know how to comply with rules when necessary; we want to raise Christians who seek to obey and serve God with their whole hearts.

And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men, ~Isaiah 29:13

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. ~I Corinthians 10:31

In this sense, our parenting style has not changed much as we moved from 20yo parents of an only child to 38yo parents of 10. I hope our execution has improved; I hope we have become better at discerning our children’s motives and emotions, and better at leading them (and occasionally kicking them) in the right direction. But our goals have not substantially changed.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. ~Proverbs 13:24

But methods – aha! Therein lies the rub. Some parents feel very strongly about exactly how one shepherds the child and the heart. I like to think that my style is the Biblical style, but even that leaves much room for methods and actual practice, and I know that my own methods and practice are far from perfect since they are being executed by a very imperfect person.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. ~Romans 12:3

I can tell you that our parenting style has changed a bit over the years. Our first child had our full attention. She got away with very little, and was corrected immediately and sometimes sharply. As the years passed, we quickly added children. They were still under near constant supervision from me while they were young, but the mechanics were a little different. They did get away with things right under my nose because there were 4 of them and I only had 2 eyes. The girls have some great stories from these years, stories that are still surfacing. They should write a book someday, together. I’ll buy it to see what other stories they neglected to tell me.

Now that the very young are outnumbered by the more mature members of the family, there are eyes everywhere. Once again, the little ones don’t get away with much. Since older sibs now help with supervision, discipline is different too, but it’s rarely needed because so many infractions are headed off at the pass.

We have also learned that corrections need not be sharp. Children can learn to obey a soft, kind word as well as a sharp one, and will usually obey with a sweeter heart. I wish we had known this from the start. The echoes of our own sharp voices and words will doubtless inhabit our home for years to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. ~Proverbs 31:26

Did you think I was going to tell you exactly how to do it? I’ve posted about disciplining children in the past, but here’s all you get today:

Pray for guidance and discernment.
Read your Bible. Proverbs is a great place to start. Proverbs for Parenting is a very helpful resource, but don’t stop there.
Talk to your husband.
Read your Bible some more.
Get counsel from godly friends who are close to you – people who know you and your children.
Read Shepherding a Child’s Heart.
Start over again at #1.

Not confident that spanking is the best way? Here’s an alternate method of discipline that seems to get good results.

The other moms are talking about it too:

Smockity Frocks, who has learned to relax over the years.
Raising Olives, who acknowledges that while the principles stayed the same, she too has relaxed in some ways over the years.
Common Room, who goes on a delightfully characteristic stroll through the forest of parenting with lots of useful notes along the way.

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

September 22 – Q&A
September 29 – {surprise}
October 6 – Keeping up with housework in the midst of homeschooling

Recent topics:

August 18 – Large Family Logistics linky, part 2b
August 25 – Large Family Logistics linky (appendices)
September 1 - 4 Moms practice patience in the midst of chaos
September 8 - 4 Moms make lunch for the menfolk {linky}

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

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4 Moms practice patience in the midst of chaos

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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September 1, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms practice patience in the midst of chaos

I’m learning patience today, and it’s not at the hands of my children. I just lost my half-completed post and had to start over. See? God knew my post needed to go in another direction, and He knew I needed more patience. Sometimes He gives us another child, and sometimes He uses other means.

Incidentally, I looked up some Bible verses about patience in preparation for this post and I think I learned something. When somebody in the grocery stores tells you, “Better you than me, because I just don’t have the patience for so many kids,” she probably isn’t talking about being content to wait upon the will of God as He works out His eternal plan for you and the rest of creation. She’s talking about the ability to not explode when the 3yo sends a bowl of cereal flying through the air into the 6yo’s hair because she was horsing around with the 5yo whom you already told to sit down 173 times.

While the Biblical sort of patience certainly helps, I think what we really mean by “patient” is “slow to anger.” We have the following verses posted on our walls:

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry,
for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. Ecc. 7:9

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but the slow to anger calms a dispute. Pr. 15:18

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Pr. 16:32

Of course well-behaved children are a good start. No child is perfect, and even the well-behaved ones will exhibit immaturity and poor judgment at times, but the simple truth is that it’s easier to be a joyful mother to obedient children than to disobedient ones.

A wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. Pr. 10:1

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice;
he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
Let your father and mother be glad;
let her who bore you rejoice. Pr. 23:24-25

But when life with children isn’t all sunshine and lollipops, so how do you slow down the anger/irritation reflex when things get loud, chaotic, messy, argumentative, smelly, or otherwise unpleasant? Remember this paragraph from my recent post Life with Littles?

God doesn’t give us the grace, or the energy, or the patience we need for the whole upcoming year all in one dose. He measures it out for us day by day, like the manna He gave the Israelites in the wilderness. Planning ahead is good in general, but when the Israelites tried against God’s command to gather enough manna for the following day they found it rotted. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Do your best today. God’s way keeps you coming back to Him. If you start feeling like you can do this all on your own, things are about to go downhill.

We do it one day, one hour, one moment at a time, with lots of prayer. Does it help to get angry when food goes flying? Probably not. Just choke it back this once, and force a smile. Ask God to restrain your anger and unkind words. Help them clean up their messes, and deal with disobedience as necessary.

The next time childishness happens, choke back the irritation once more. Just this once.

And again…and again. If something really epic happens and you feel the urge to get angry, distract yourself: start composing the blog post in your head. Well, it works for me…

With practice, you’ll probably find that irritation is not your automatic reaction, and the smiles come without forcing. This is motherhood, and it’s very much the same whether you have 1 child or 11. You are being sanctified every day, and God is using your children to do His work in you.

The other moms are talking about it too:

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms:

September 8 – Lunches for hubby

Recent topics:

August 4 - Large Family Logistics linky, part 1
August 11 – Large Family Logistics linky, part 2
August 18 – Large Family Logistics linky, part 2b
August 25 – Large Family Logistics linky (appendices)

About 4 Moms, including a complete list of all past topics

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For tired young mothers of many

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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June 28, 2011 By kimc

Back when we had a lot of Littles and no Bigs, daily life looked very different. Sometimes it felt a little dark and hopeless. How could I do everything that I need to do? How could I be a good wife, a good mother, a good Christian, while battling morning sickness and creeping chaos of a house with so many little ones?

I struggled to do all the things that I thought I needed to do, often failing. On a good day, I got everyone’s hair done before the mats moved in. Laundry was always a struggle, but somehow I kept up. Children and bedding got washed as needed because I refused to add another thing to The Schedule.

I often stayed up too late, either because the kids needed me or because I was savoring those few quiet hours of the day in which they didn’t need me. Many nights, I was wakened once by a nursing baby, again by a crying 2yo and/or a wet 3yo and/or a sleepwalking 4yo and/or a 5yo who just threw up on the 3yo’s hair. If the days seemed too short, the nights stretched on forever. Neither afforded much time for sleep or rest.

At that time in our life, we had no family within 1,000 miles. The church Perry had attended since he was 15 had dissolved in a mess ugly beyond belief. He was unhappy at his primary job, and working 2 more jobs on the side. We had personal problems and marriage problems. In spite of a few local friends, we felt very alone in our world.

That was the bad side. Sometimes, that’s what I remember about those early days. When people told me to enjoy them because they would pass too quickly, I just hoped they were right.

But I also remember walking to the library on a crisp day with a double stroller packed full of shining faces. I remember the friendly librarians who smiled when we walked in and knew us all by name. We spent a lot of time there!

I remember our friends at the cheese factory who always greeted us with bright smiles, free tours, and sample bags for each child packed full of all the best kinds of cheese in the world. Every visit turned into a picnic.

I remember building the Great Wall of China in the living room with wooden blocks, and a 4 foot Eiffel Tower made entirely of marshmallows.

I remember using Five in a Row for school. We read endless picture books, and every single one was a favorite.

I remember snow forts and hide-and-seek and a giant wooden playset given to us for free by an acquaintance I barely knew. Her husband worked at a local lumber store and was able to borrow a big flatbed truck to deliver it for us, fully assembled and ready for use.

I remember grocery trips that began and ended with laughter, packed full of smiles and compliments from every passer-by.

I remember the hot air balloon festival at the county fairgrounds, just a few blocks away.

I remember long family bike rides all over our little town with 2 little ones in a bike trailer behind each of us, and a fifth child on a baby seat, 8yo Deanna trailing behind on a bike of her own. She seemed so big to us back then, and now she’s nearly 18.

I remember trips to the zoo, to used book stores, to Chuck E. Cheese, to our friends in the country with the huge country house, to Texas and Tennessee and Oregon. We may not have gone to Disneyland every year, but we made memories – good memories!

Why do I sometimes think of those days as dark and full of chaos? They were also some of our happiest, most carefree times.

I think attitude plays a huge part in what we remember, how we remember it, and which memories we call to mind.

You can’t change your attitude in the past, but you can pray for a good attitude today and in the future. You can choose which memories to review and relive, and which to let go. You can look back with a good attitude and call to mind the good times, forgetting the bad ones – or seeing how God used those bad times to bless you in ways you didn’t understand at the time.

Now I’m the mom with older children, speaking to the tired young mother. Now I’m telling you to enjoy those days, because they will pass quickly. It’s true. I nodded and smiled when they said it to me, but I didn’t really believe their words.

Now I see the end of my baby days coming soon, the end of a season approaching. Yesterday, I was you. Today, I am my mom. Tomorrow, I’ll be my grandmother. They were right. It does happen quickly. I’m sorry I ever doubted them.

Yes, your days are long and busy, and you never seem to get enough sleep. You don’t think you spend enough one-on-one time with your children, and you feel guilty or stressed or worried. I’m not discounting that. This a busy season in life, and a hard one.

But still enjoy it. Remind yourself to remember the good times, and let the bad times fade out of time and mind. Ask God to help you do better tomorrow, and let the day’s failures disappear when you crawl into bed.

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4 Moms Naptime linky

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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June 9, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms Naptime linky

It’s Thursday yet again, and this time the 4 Moms are talking about naps this week. I wish I could say we were taking naps instead of just talking about them, because like most moms I feel like I operate on a perpetual sleep deficit.

I’ve spent a very large proportion of the nighttime hours of the last 18 years doing night feedings, soothing nightmares and night terrors, changing wet sheets, bathing sick children along with the sibling who woke up with vomit in her hair, checking the breathing of a baby who is sleeping too well…and loving every minute of it. Well, more or less, in a theoretical kind of way.

I certainly haven’t pulled all those night shifts alone, and this is where my hunney would probably appreciate it if I mention that he often sends me to bed early while he battens the hatches, and I have to give him credit for helping me to get as much sleep as I do. No, he’s not for sale.

Oh, but I was supposed to talk about naptime, wasn’t? For the kids, you mean? Very well, then.

Once upon a time, when all the Coghlan children were very young and small, we all had naps or quiet time every single day without fail. Maybe you’re wondering about the difference between a nap and quiet time? If you were young enough or tired enough to fall asleep, it was a nap. If you managed to stay awake the whole time, it was quiet time.

If the kids are doing quiet time while Mom takes a nap, you might have a problem. You might also decide that the nap was worth the mess you found when you woke up, provided the toddler didn’t wander down the street wearing nothing but a diaper. I’m not saying this ever happened to me, but I’m also not saying that something similar never happened.

I am saying that training is important. The little ones can and should be taught to stay in bed until nap time is officially over. This will take an investment of time on your part, but it is sooo worth it. Stake out the door for a few days or weeks, and you will have years of afternoon peace for your own nap/quiet time.

For one particularly stubborn child, I used a scarecrow. My husband once bought a tiger mask that covered not just his face, but his entire head. When he wore it and went about the house on all fours, even I felt a lump of fear in my stomach. It was realistic and terrifying, and even after the novelty wore off, our strong-willed toddler was still afraid to open the toybox if she thought the tiger might be lurking in the depths.

Heh, heh. Call me a bad mom.

At nap time, I tucked her in and gave her a kiss. I reminded her to obey and stay in bed, knowing full well she would try to creep out as soon as she thought I was down the stairs. I closed the door behind me and perched the tiger head on a chair just outside the door, right at eye level for a 3yo.

That may have been the last time she got up during nap time. Ah, memories.

It’s been years since we did a daily household-wide quiet time. The definitions of nap time and quiet time still stand, but those of us who don’t regularly melt into a quivering heap of tears at the end of the day usually do without either these days. I don’t necessarily recommend this. I think quiet time can be especially beneficial for a large and busy household, and we’re always talking about going back to the good old days.

Naptime reading

Our kids love when I read aloud to them – doesn’t every child? I have found that naptime is a perfect time for read-alouds. It entertains their brains while their little bodies are winding down. Since they all sleep in the same room, I can read to all of them at once after they’re tucked in.

I often read something short and sweet for the very little ones (Goodnight Moon and Sandra Boynton’s Going to Bed Book are favorites), but I find that they also enjoy the chapter books I read for the slightly older children.

We recently read through several of the Boxcar Children series, and in the past have also read Little House books, the Chronicles of Narnia, and some others that slip my mind at the moment. Chapter books give them a reason to look forward to naptime, a chance to wind down during naptime, and something to discuss after naptime.

The linky: your favorite naptime book(s)

We promised a linky today, and here it is. Share your favorite naptime reads and link up here. When you join the linky at one of the 4 Mom’s, your link will show up on all 4!

Please remember the linky rules:

You must link to a specific relevant post on your blog.
Your post must include a link to at least one of the 4 Moms.
The post you link to must be completely family friendly.

If your link is deleted, you probably didn’t follow one of the rules above. Please feel free to add your link again once you have fixed the problem. If you don’t know why your link was deleted, please ask.

No blog, or no time to post? Share your favorite naptime story in the comments!

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For best results, use HTML mode to edit this section of the post.

The other moms are talking about it too:

Upcoming topics for June:

June 16 - Homeschooling the challenging child
June 23 – Q&A
June 30 -

Recent topics:

June 2 – 4 Moms talk about church

May 26 – 4 Moms Q&A: toothbrushes, internet filters, taming the stuff monster

May 19 - 4 Moms try to lose the baby weight

May 12 – 4 Moms practice hospitality, and YOU are invited!

May 5 - 4 Moms talk about you-know-what

April 28 - 4 Moms Q&A: sleep, exercise, and making do with one bathroom

April 21 – Large families & church, part 2: keeping them quiet

April 14 – Eating inexpensively on the road

April 7 - 4 Moms teach history

March 24 – Large families & church, part 1: getting there on time

March 17 – Bread baking linky

March 10 – Spring cleaning

March 3 - Books for early readers

February 24 - 4 Moms Q&A: my first audio blog on potty training and more

February 17 – Individual time with children: scary stuff here. Just kidding. Let go of the guilt.

February 10 - Cooking with little ones without losing your sanity

February 3 -Teaching reading, because it’s so much easier than teaching them to use the toilet. Do not request a 4 Moms post about potty training, do you hear me?

January 27 – Q&A: Must-have baby equipment and other nitty gritty stuff

January 20 – Top 10 Books for Preschoolers

January 13 – Soups and Stews

January 6 – Teaching Bible

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, mom needs sleep, parenting 10 Comments

All About Parker

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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June 7, 2011 By kimc

Since today is Parker’s birthday (and since Suki asked), today’s post is all about Parker. This is my substitute for a baby book and will serve as my memory in years to come, but we hope you’ll enjoy it too.

Today is National Chocolate Ice Cream, and it’s also Parker’s first birthday. Please don’t think I’m a bad mom because I put the ice cream first. After all, it’s chocolate. Wait, I meant to say that I was going from least important to most. That’s what I meant.

We can’t believe it’s only been a year since we met Parker. He’s such a personable little guy, he makes everyone feel like his best friend. I mean that quite literally. I can’t count the number of people who have told me, “I think I’m his favorite person!”

His charm

He’s quite popular everywhere we go, and it’s not just because he’s a baby. He’s also a shameless flirt. I often catch him scanning the crowds, trying to catch someone’s eye. It’s always a girl or woman, and when she looks his way he flashes his brightest, sweetest smile.

My sister told me his smile looks like when Squints smiles at Wendy Peffercorn in the movie Sandlot, and I can’t deny it. In the store, in the parking lot, in the fast food restaurant (who? me?)…every time I take him out I hear the ladies around us giggle and whisper. ”Look – he smiled at me! He likes me! Did you see him? He’s so cute!” It’s like being Justin Bieber’s mom.

At large gatherings of people we know, he’s passed around so much I have to hunt him down for feedings. ”Ladies,” he tells them in a svelte voice. “There’s plenty of me to go around.” At a recent wedding I asked Mother Hen’s hubby if he knew where Parker was and he replied, “Oh, he’s off body-surfing the crowd somewhere.” That’s my little rock star baby.

Personality

He is a very pleasant guy, always ready with a smile, but it’s unbelievably hard to make him laugh out loud. The only reliable way to get even a chuckle is to eat his ribs. A backup method that sometimes gets good results is to help him punch and kick his brother.

Nothing pleases him more than to understand and be understood, and he loves to be in the middle of everything. As a tenth child, he can sleep through anything but silence, and he gets nervous and clingy when not surrounded by a crowd of loving family and friends.

At first glance many people think that Perry Boy takes after his dad, but in reality he looks like his dad now. He looks nothing like his dad did as a little boy. Instead, Parker is the spitting image of his dad at this age. From what I’ve heard, the personalities of our two boys work the same way. Parker is friendly but quiet and laid back like his dad was as a little guy. Perry is gregarious, fun and just a little bit crazy like his dad is now.

Transportation

As of his first birthday, Parker is not crawling and it seems safe to assume he won’t until he’s old enough to do it in play. His primary mode of transportation is the butt-scoot just like his older brother did. It’s just as fast as crawling and even more efficient since it can leave one hand free if he wants to carry something with him. It’s not completely hands-free like Bethany’s mode of transportation was, but it works for him.

He cruises around the furniture with ease, and loves to cling to our legs and tug at our skirts. Elastic waistbands, beware!

He can stand unsupported for a few seconds at a time, and his sisters are convinced that he could walk if he just tried hard enough. He objects vociferously when they try to force him to take steps on his own, but I’m sure he’ll be walking very soon.

Communication

I seem to remember that a baby has an average of 20 words on his/her first birthday. Some of our children have hit the average, while others were far more verbal. Deanna regularly used over 150 words by her first birthday. She was my first, so I have the actual list.

Parker is bright and observant, but I don’t think his list of words is up to 20 yet. His people skills outweigh his verbal skills, which is fine. We enjoy his charm. He tries to say many of his siblings’ names, but here are the words he uses unprompted:

mama or mom (he uses both)
dada or dad
boo (when he wants to nurse)
dog
this
that
hi
bye
outside
guys (our term for siblings, as in “Where are your guys?” I think it’s a north-western thing left over from my first 13 years in Oregon.)
thirsty (he learned to say this very soon after he learned the sign)

I love to teach my babies sign language, and Parker has quickly picked up a few of the most useful signs when I remember to introduce them and uses them with enthusiasm.

If we count sign language he’s much closer to 20 words, and he’s very good now at making his wishes known, something he thoroughly appreciates.

no
please
hungry
thirsty
more
yes
poop (our made-up sign resembles the letter P and he added some appropriate sound effects)
thank you (just beginning to get this one)

Stats

weight: 21 lbs.
height: 28.5″
teeth: 7 (4 on top, 3 on bottom)
shoe size: 3
clothing size: 6-9 mos

Obedience

I loved and used blanket training for some of my older children back when I didn’t have so many helpers. Now Parker has eyes on him everywhere he goes, nearly every minute of the day so he has learned his boundaries differently.

He knows that there’s one cabinet he is allowed to play in – the one that holds all the plastic bowls, containers, lids, etc. – and he knows not to eat the dog food or play in the dog water. Well, at least in theory.

He understands and obeys when we tell him no, and he even tells himself no (in sign language) if we catch him where he shouldn’t be, doing what he shouldn’t do. Then he smiles disarmingly (“See?” his eyes say. ”We agree!”) and scoots away. Oh, he’s a charmer, he is. This houseful of women is in trouble.

Sleep

Parker has just begun reliably sleeping through the night. This is utterly unheard of in our household. Rachael occasionally woke up during the night after the age of 6 months, but all the others have slept 7-9 solid hours starting somewhere between 6 weeks and 4 months.

I think at least two factors have contributed to this:

I’m getting soft in my old age. One of my basic principles for teaching a baby to sleep through the night is to let them work up to a real cry before I get them out of bed. This doesn’t mean I let them cry it out, but it does mean I don’t pick up a baby who is just fussing and might easily fall back to sleep. In Parker’s case, he fussed and fussed and fussed…never a real cry, but just enough to keep me awake for a long, long time. I don’t know if I would do it differently now, but after a while I just started getting him up as soon as the fussing began.
He’s always been a scrawny guy. Several of my babies have been very wiry and were very good sleepers, but when a baby is on the small side we all want to play it safe. If he woke up during the night and said he was hungry, I didn’t make him work to convince me. I took him at his word much more readily than I would a chunkier baby.

Now he’s eating a lot more solid food, and while he still looks more like a spider monkey than a chunky monkey, he has begun sleeping for longer stretches.

Nicknames

His name is Parker Cromwell, named after my dad Stephen Parker Brown who passed away just over 2 months ago at the age of 58. We’re big on nicknames and I can’t begin to list all of his.

His most commonly used nicknames include Pickle (from Bethany’s pronunciation of Parker), Buddy, and Doodle, which he has nearly outgrown. I’ve also called him Milkman, Monkey Boy, Booby Boy, and Poop Monster when it suits the occasion.

Favorites

He loves to play the keyboard, ride his brother’s pedal car, play in the plastics cupboard, watch movies with his guys, share earbuds with his sisters, read books with or without a narrator.

Our huge 11yo cat, who should be old and cranky by now, is strangely tolerant of his attentions.

He loves to be outside and is fascinated by wind, trees, the moon and all the other wonders of creation. And he loves me. I think I’m his favorite person!

: baby boy clinging to legs

Filed Under: babies, birthdays/holidays 23 Comments

Heard it in real life

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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April 28, 2011 By kimc

You know those amazing stories about women giving birth when they didn’t even know they were pregnant?

Kim Brenneman of Large Family Logistics almost had an experience like that. If my recollection is correct, she made it to 25 weeks without knowing, then had a preemie just 2 weeks later. You can read about it in the preface of her book, Large Family Logistics.

But almost only counts in horseshoes, as they say, and Kim did have just a bit of notice. Anyway, I know somebody in real life who has experienced this. She and her husband are very good friends of my brother and his wife, and we all spent an evening together last weekend. I heard the whole story from the husband, then couldn’t resist going straight to the wife to get her version. Of course they matched perfectly except for the varying levels of panic, hilarity and hysteria expressed or implied.

In a nutshell, here’s what happened: Jake came home from work one evening to find Diane suffering from back/stomach pains. They assumed she was sick, and went to bed hoping she would be better in the morning.

During the night, Jake awoke to the sound of Diane crying out in pain. He insisted on taking her straight to the emergency room, but hurt his back carrying her across the parking lot. She felt better for a moment and finished the trek herself, then the pain hit her again.

Inside an examining room, Diane told the nurse, “I’ve never hurt so much except when my daughter was born, but I’m not even pregnant now!” The nurse put 2 and 2 together and did a quick check, finding that Diane was 9 centimeters dilated!

They called for a doctor who arrived with just 12 minutes to spare. Jake and Diane left the hospital with a healthy 5 lb, 4 oz. boy who they estimated was 7 weeks early.

Really. You’ve seen stories like this in the news, and now I’ve met at least one woman who lived it.

Diane said her first pregnancy was very typical, which made it all the more shocking that she never suspected she was pregnant the second time.

She had regular cycles throughout the pregnancy. She was at the doctor several times in the preceding months for other reasons.

She was overweight, but not dramatically. She had been dieting, so she actually lost weight during the course of the pregnancy.

Jake confirmed that neither of them ever suspected pregnancy at any point before the nurse said the word dilated and centimeters.

Now she is expecting a third child and having a completely normal pregnancy. With 7 weeks to her duedate, you could never miss the fact that she is expecting.

What do you think? Incredible? Or have you heard or even experienced something like this yourself?

Filed Under: madness, pregnancy/labor 28 Comments

Potty training

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April 20, 2011 By kimc

Potty training days are finally here, and I couldn’t be happier!

I usually dread this stage, but it’s going swimmingly with Bethany. That’s good. I often tell people that the reason I don’t try to rush it or push my kids to train early is because if you wait until they’re really and truly ready, it goes so much more quickly and easily.

Bethany will be 3 in June, making her one of our latest to train. That means she should be the easiest, right?

Right. One pee accident since training began. Read it and weep. No, you can’t have her. Anyway, we’re still working on #2.

She’s always been incredibly, hilariously precocious. Even her accident demonstrated it: she caught herself just as she began and raced for the bathroom. After finishing her business properly, she returned with a scrap of toilet paper to wipe the floor. Of course I had already done it, but I appreciated the thought. Some much older people in my house could take lessons from her.

But she’s not perfect. Her manners could use some polishing. I used the toilet while she was in the bathroom with me yesterday – I commonly do this with potty training toddlers to demonstrate the desired behavior – and her eyes widened with incredulity and admiration as I sat down.

“Mom, your butt is BIG!”

Yes, she said it in all caps and all honesty. I’m pretty sure she wants her butt to be just as big as mine she grows up. The sentiment was nice, but the manners need work.

Filed Under: potty training 15 Comments

4 Moms tackle the scary topic of individual time with children

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February 17, 2011 By kimc

4moms35kids 4 Moms tackle the scary topic of individual time with children

enter our current giveaway: Spiral Slicer

Welcome back to the weekly 4 Moms post, in which 4 moms with a collective total of 35 children share our knowledge, experience and and helpful tips in maintaining health, order and sanity.

This week we’re talking about spending one-on-one time with children when you have a whole brood of them. Are the 4 moms all on the same page? Checking with each other ahead of time would be like comparing answers on homework. We’d be homeschool moms caught cheating. Oh, the scandal!

Click over to find out how our answers compare. If you’re an early riser, you might know before we do.

Connie at Smockity Frocks

Headmistress at The Common Room

Kimberly at Raising Olive

I didn’t consult with the other moms ahead of time, but I did ask my lifeline: hubby. He knew me well enough to know that I often feel guilty about this area. He also knew me well enough to assuage my ovarian guilt. He reassured me that although I don’t always plan for one-on-one time with my children, it happens in the course of our day.

Individual time, aka quality time, comes when I give a reading lesson to the preschooler, when I read a picture book to the toddler, when somebody helps me make my bed, when we cook together, when I help somebody with her hair or get my own hair styled.

Individual time might be when I help an older child with math, when we sit together in my room to read our Bibles, when 2 of us squeeze together in front of the monitor for a secret youtube viewing with the volume down low, or I take somebody on an errand.

It might be a quiet cup of coffee or cocoa with an early riser, a bedtime hug that stretches into a 5 minute review of the day’s highlights, or a middle of the night snuggle before somebody gets sent back to their own bed.

It can even be a short, sweet chat with the toddler while I change her diaper or wash her face.

Individual time, aka quality time, does not have to be over ice cream at the local fast food restaurant, though that certainly qualifies. Much like Bible time, school time, and other important parts of our life, we think individual time can be planned, but often works best when tightly woven into the fabric of our daily lives.

Upcoming topics for 4 Moms 35 Kids:

February 24 – Q&A - Got a question? Leave it in the comments on my last Q&A post. Or you can email me, but I promise you right now I will lose your email and forget to answer your question for 15 months. By then, you probably will have found your own answer.

Recent topics:

February 3 -Teaching reading, because it’s so much easier than teaching them to use the toilet. Do not request a 4 Moms post about potty training, do you hear me?

February 10 – Cooking with little ones without losing your sanity

January 27 – Q&A: Must-have baby equipment and other nitty gritty stuff

January 20 – Top 10 Books for Preschoolers

January 13 – Soups and Stews

January 6 – Teaching Bible

pf button 4 Moms tackle the scary topic of individual time with children

Filed Under: 4 moms 35 kids, parenting 7 Comments

My crazy boy

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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February 16, 2011 By kimc

PerryBoy makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me crazy like him. I like to emphasize the laughter, because those are the parts we want to remember.

On Monday we started using our new copy of Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I had that book ages ago and decided it wasn’t for me, but after the other 3 moms recommended it in our recent posts about teaching little ones to read, I decided to give it another try. Maybe it will work better for me in this season of life. I’m a very different person than I was 10 years ago, and my circumstances are very different as well.

We sat down on my bed together and did the first lesson. It was sweet time together and it went very well. When it came time to practice writing “mmmm” – the book stresses that we ought to use the letter’s sound rather than its name – Perry gave it his best shot, but he wasn’t happy with the results. He sighed heavily, laid down his pencil, and frowned at the paper.

“Mine just looks like an M!”

Yesterday I spent the day grocery shopping, and I took Kaitlyn and Parker with me. Kaitlyn stayed in town with my sister, keeping her company while her husband worked late. Today, she’s helping my sister run errands with her 3 little ones.

When I came home last night without Kaitlyn, PerryBoy immediately asked about her. Feigning forgetfulness (it wasn’t hard, believe me) I confessed that I had left her somewhere and couldn’t remember where. I was waiting for her to call so I would know where to pick her up.

He was unfazed. He shook his head and walked away, muttering as he went. ”You’re so weird.”

Filed Under: Boys 6 Comments

Oh, that Boy. He’s gonna get it.

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January 26, 2011 By kimc

I made a new rule a few weeks ago: if anyone leaves the door open when they go outside, it gets locked behind them. I instituted the rule during a cold spell, when the kids were often making a quick run to take out the trash and planning to run right back in. Coats are often left behind on these trips, and because they’re in such a hurry they also don’t make sure the door closes all the way behind them.

Understandably, they want back in fast. They don’t like finding the door locked. They don’t like being forced to knock and wait – oh the humiliation – until somebody hears and unlocks the door. Also, when you live in the country and doors rarely get locked, there’s something infuriating about finding the door locked. Because of this, the rule was surprisingly effective. It was so effective that we forgot about within a couple of days simply because nobody was leaving the door open any more.

This morning was cold. I went outside in short sleeves and socks to see Perry off to work and everything was sparkling with frost. I was cold because I had stood out there for several minutes helping him load odds and ends into his car, but then I had to run out once more to take his forgotten keys.

Can you see where this is going? Congratulations, because I didn’t see it.

As I ran into the house for the keys and out again, I left the door slightly ajar. When I turned back to the house, the door was shut and locked. Locked.

I knocked – oh the humiliation – and after a long 10 seconds, The Boy opened the door, smiling innocently as if he were pleased to see me. I scolded him, “You don’t lock the door when I’m outside!”

He looked a little surprised and truly puzzled. ”But Mom, you left the door open. You said we’re supposed to lock the door when somebody goes out and leaves it open.”

One of these days, Boy. One of these days.

pf button Oh, that Boy. Hes gonna get it.

Filed Under: Boys, madness, methods 21 Comments

He’s the man

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December 28, 2010 By kimc

Meg: Hey Perry, can I call you noodle?
Perry: No! Thats not my name.
Meg: Can I call you spaggetti?
Perry: No! I only want you to call me my name!
Meg: Can I call you Super-awesome-wolf-guy-who-can-kill-anything-he-wants-by-looking-at-it?
Perry: Yeah, I guess.

oh, and you might want to see this:

Filed Under: Boys 4 Comments

Breakfast

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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November 29, 2010 By kimc

Visits with Grandma and the grand-aunts involve a lot of sugar. We just got home from a 4 day trip to see them, and here is what I heard from Perry Boy early this morning:

Boy: Mom, can I have another sucker?

Me: Not until after breakfast.

Boy: I already had breakfast!

Me: What did you have?

Boy: Cocoa and a sucker.

Filed Under: Boys, food 3 Comments

Appleseed Maternity

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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November 23, 2010 By kimc

This is not what I planned to blog about today, but the email request for a site review caught my eye. I’m a big believer in just making due when it comes to maternity clothes, but if I were the sort to buy new clothes, I have to admit that I would be sorely tempted by what I saw at Appleseed Maternity.

The prices were initially shocking to my thrift-store senses, but I’ve been inside brick and mortar maternity shops, so I knew what to expect. Based on what I’ve seen, these prices were no worse, and probably better. Dresses – nice, formal dresses – were generally $128. The tops were beautiful and graceful, and while I did see the expected amount of cleavage there were also plenty of modest choices. If I were pregnant I might be tempted to pay full price just to have something I really loved for those last awkward weeks.

They also have the Bella Band at the standard price, which I’ve been longing to try for years now. I hear that it’s good all the way from early to late pregnancy, and after you have the baby it provides belly coverage when you hike up your shirt to nurse. If you’ve tried the Bella Band, I would love to hear what you thought. Please mention whether you bought the original or a cheaper version, because I’ve wondered if there is a difference.

Oh, and they also have my favorite-ever-don’t-know-how-I-lived-without-it baby carrier, the Ergo, at a very competitive price. You won’t find one used, because nobody ever gets rid of them. If you’ve ever considered buying an Ergo but hesitated at the price, just let me whisper two words of advice in your ear: BUY IT!

disclosure: I received compensation for this post. Because I am a stubborn and opinionated person, I did not let the compensation influence my opinion. You really didn’t think I would, did you?

Filed Under: pregnancy/labor, reviews 26 Comments

10 ways interval training is like labor

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October 24, 2010 By kimc

I’ve already told you that several members of our family recently took up jogging; I posted about it here and here. The way that the Couch to 5K program is set up is called interval training. Interval training is a structured series of workouts that alternates lighter exercise with more strenuous sessions in gradually increasing increments. It is designed to be quite challenging and provides relatively fast improvement.

It’s also very hard. For the first 6 weeks of the program – the time during which we alternated walks and jogs because we weren’t yet able to jog for extended periods – I couldn’t help but feel that there was a strong parallel between interval training and labor pains.

Here are some of the ways that came to mind while I was working out:

Every time we’re ready to go for a run, I can’t wait to start. Once we start, I find myself wondering: “WHAT WAS I THINKING? THIS ISN’T FUN!”
It’s all about the breathing.
The breathing often sounds the same, too.
The intervals are like contractions, and you find yourself counting down with dread to the next intense interval.
Psychological signposts are strikingly similar – Stage 1: Hooray! We’ve started! Stage 2: Wait…this is hard. Not fun anymore. Stage 3: I CAN’T DO IT!”
The coaching sounds the same: “You can do this…just a little longer…You’re doing great!”
It generally gets easier with practice, but…
…sometimes it’s much harder than you expect.
Sometimes you know why it’s harder, and other times there seems to be no rhyme or reason.
It feels so good when it’s over.

Is this analogy just not working for you? I also think there is a striking similarity between childbirth and death. Which analogy makes more sense to you?

pf button 10 ways interval training is like labor

Filed Under: mom is neurotic, pregnancy/labor 7 Comments

Post-partum hair – or the lack thereof

Current giveaway: Grandpa Jake's Campfire Cooker

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October 22, 2010 By kimc

I’m now 6 weeks into the hair-loss stage of the post-partum hormone rollercoaster. I know it can’t last much longer. How do I know? Because I’ll be out of hair soon.

Next comes the uber-cool spiky hairdo. Please tell me this happens to you too.

I’m long overdo for a haircut. Should I get it now in anticipation of things to come, or wait until the spikes start appearing like daffodil shoots in the spring? What will my stylist say?