Read at your own risk, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Still with me? OK.
Rachael is still having intermittant diarrhea, bad news for a newly potty trained toddler. I’ve resisted the urge to toss her underpants every time she has an accident, so we have been rinsing them in the toilet when it happens.
The oldest 2 girls sometimes do the duty for me, and they hate it. I tell them not to be so squeamish; just roll up your sleeves, grit your teeth and do it. This is training for motherhood, and as a mother you will spend plenty of time with poop on your hands. Just remember to wash your hands.
I had to laugh and poke fun when I saw the 13yo using a toilet brush to swirl the soiled underpants. The bristles firmly gripped the cloth when she flushed and refilled. As if she were using a spoon to wring out her teabag, she used the brush to wring the offending garment against the bowl of the toilet, then deftly lifted it out, having touched nothing more defiling than the handle of the toilet brush.
I laughed, but I didn’t forget.
Today, Rachael is having accidents. After cleaning her up I furtively glanced around, and closed the bathroom door. I grabbed the toilet brush and finished the job. And it worked for me.
I wonder if Shannon would want to know?
Did you want to know? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Rachael was leaving a wet circle in the front of her dress every time she grabbed herself and ran for the bathroom.
After 2 weeks of whining at her about it gently correcting her and wondering how long this would go on, I accidentally changed my wording a little.
What I was saying: Oh no! You got pee on your dress! Don’t do that!
What I said Tuesday morning: Don’t put your dress on your ___ when you need to go potty. That gets pee on it!
She looked at me, pulled her dress out away from her body and said, “Do this, Mommy? OK.”
There hasn’t been a wet circle on her dress since then. It was that easy.
Isn’t it funny how we sometimes underestimate our children?

Jennifer’s Q:

Kim, Can you help me? I mother of 7 must know a bit about potty training. I have my first DD who is almost 3 (in about 5 weeks). She knows how to use the potty, wipe, flush and clean up after herself. However, no incentive will get her to go on her own. She doesnt even mind sitting in poop. Which is odd because I have always been quick to change her. I have tried chocolate, using a doll that wets, a wrapped present as an incentive to stay dry and on and on. My mother says that she just doesnt seem to care, she can do it, but feels no reason to. I am at my whits end with training right now. I have also tried taking away a priviledge or two, but that hasnt worked either. Do you have any ideas? Jennifer

My A:
Nearly 3yo is a little late, but not too unusual. Your daughter just may not have the maturity for potty training yet. We did have 1 child who didn’t see the need for toilets until long after she understood the use for toilets. Like your daughter, ours was content to run around in soiled pants until somebody else noticed.
When we were sure that she understood the requirements, we made it a discipline issue for her. Accidents were acceptable but had to be reported and cleaned up immediately – if not, she got swatted. Firmly.
Once she realized that her play time came to an abrupt break whether or not she actually used the toilet for her business, our daughter was much more motivated to use the toilet. She found that using the toilet was faster than using her pants, finding Mom to file an accident report, and cleaning up the aftermath to the best of her 3.5yo abilities.
When one of my younger siblings wasn’t reliably toilet trained at a reasonable age, he found that he missed out on some fun outings. Not as punishment, mind you. Simple, natural consequences. If you can’t be counted upon to use the bathroom, how can you go with your other sisters and brothers on a weekend camping trip, or to Bigname Theme Park? He missed one really exciting outing, and suddenly became more motivated to use the toilet.

That’s my answer. What’s yours?

From Debby:

Does anyone have any good tips on bedwetting? My 6 year old just started doing
it after being dry all summer. My 8 year old never wet so I’m at a loss for what
to do.

And from Anonymous:

I am potty training my 4 year old and 2 year old sons right now, and have been in this process for 1 1/2 years. We tried the slow and go approach, where if the child wasn’t responding we would wait a month or two and try again. Did that for about a year, which got the 2 year old starting to potty. The 4 year old son is adamantly against pottying. And I am sure that if we left him to his own ideas, he would be the very first kid to enter kindergarten not potty trained…

I posted a bit about our own bedwetter. She was also very late in daytime potty training. In a nutshell, here’s our approach to wetting:

1. Rule out physical causes. Allergies and bladder infections can make a child prone to wetting. Some children just don’t seem to have the bladder capacity or control one would expect at a given age. They do mature at different rates.
2. If you are convinced that the child has enough control and maturity and is wetting on purpose, you may need to make it an obedience issue. We did this with a daughter who was content to run around wet. Accidents were acceptable if they were reported and dealt with immediately; running around in peed pants brought disciplinary action.
3. For nighttime wetting, limit but don’t eliminate liquids after dinner.
4. Make sure the child is getting plenty of sleep. I found that ours was more likely to wet (day or night) when we skipped our regular afternoon quiet time or rose very early that morning. I think she sleeps more heavily when she’s overly tired at night. Staying up too late makes her more likely to wet. She recognizes this and often puts herself to bed.
5. Enlist the child – our daughter took great joy in marking every day of the calendar that she stayed dry. It helped her to keep the goal in the front of her mind and improved her stats significantly.
6. If you are not convinced that the wetting is happening on purpose (i.e. child just doesn’t want to get up to use the bathroom), then be patient and understanding. Keep in mind, this problem is already unpleasant for the child.
7. Teach the child to take care of cleanup. This was instrumental in helping me maintain a patient attitude, and also teaches the child to take responsibility.

Would anyone like to add to this?